Tag Archives: marijuana

  All That Giggling Helps Burn Calories Too

Does Weed Make You Skinny? Let’s Ask Science!

Have you ever REALLY LOOKED at your hand? Fascinating.
Have you ever REALLY LOOKED at your hand? Fascinating. A new Canadian study seems to suggest that smoking marijuana like some kind of jazz criminal may prevent obesity and diabetes, at least among the Inuit population that was the subject of the study. Researchers at the Journal of Obesity found that marijuana use was “statistically associated with lower body mass index” and with “lower fasting insulin” levels compared to those who abstained from marijuana use. We love weed science! This is where we’d add a disclaimer that this is only one study that needs to be replicated before everyone takes it as gospel, but we also know that most of you damn hippies are already halfway out the door to your nearest dispensary. Don’t forget your Bob Marley t-shirt and Rasta beanie! Read more on Does Weed Make You Skinny? Let’s Ask Science!…
  Pried From His Warm Tingling Hands

Shoplifter Hates Obama, Loves His New G-Spot Delight Vibrator

The new face of crime in America
The new face of crime in America An Illinois man — yes, we know, the headline suggests Florida — was arrested last month after an employee at a marital aids emporium called police to report him for shoplifting a vibrator, which he (the suspect) had stuffed into his (the suspect’s) pants. For good measure, the man then walked around the shop for a while with the vibrator in his pants, as one does. Officers arrested Christopher Hucko, 44, at the Orland Park Lover’s Lane when they spotted him departing from the business “with a large bulge in his pants,” as police delicately put it. He was apparently not happy to see them. It’s the greatest sex toy crime since a 2011 incident in which a militia loon planning an attack on a Tennessee courthouse was also found to have a remote-controlled pink dildo and a DVD of “Tranny Hunter” in his possession. Read more on Shoplifter Hates Obama, Loves His New G-Spot Delight Vibrator…
  Roadside Texan Vagina Checkpoints

Nice Texas Cops Just Wanted To Reach Into Black Lady’s Vagina In Public, That’s All

Angry Lego cop is angry. Here’s another one for the annals of cops maybe-just-maybe behaving poorly in the line of duty, not that they ever do that. Charnesia Corley was on the way to get medicine for her mom, when she got pulled over for running a stop sign by police in Harris County, Texas. One of the cops claimed to smell weed in the car, so he went ahead and cuffed her and put her in the back of the squad car so they could do a vehicle search. And did they find any weed? Nope! So here’s a ticket for running that stop sign, now you get back home to your sick mama, right? NOPE AGAIN! Because then the cop said he smelled weed inside HIS car, where Corley had been sitting, which means there’s probably a bunch of weed in Corley’s vagina, so BEND OVER LADY, let’s do this RIGHT HERE: Read more on Nice Texas Cops Just Wanted To Reach Into Black Lady’s Vagina In Public, That’s All…
  Whatever keeps Hannity's viewers good and racist

Texas Says Sandra Bland Was Potted Up On Weed, Because That’s What Makes You Die

Yeah, marijuana use is clearly the important part of this story.
We’re still not sure how Sandra Bland died. The dashcam video told us fuck all, although whatever happened off camera sure did sound violent! The state of Texas is saying that, based on preliminary autopsy results, she hanged herself in her jail cell, but the family doesn’t accept that narrative and wants an independent autopsy done. The state says jail workers failed to check on Bland once every hour, as per policy, and that Waller County was unable to prove that its employees had the correct training to identify and handle inmates who may be mentally ill or suicidal. Moreover, there are inconsistencies with mental health documents, allegedly filled out at the jail by Bland, with one saying she had suffered suicidal thoughts, and another saying the exact opposite. How strange! Read more on Texas Says Sandra Bland Was Potted Up On Weed, Because That’s What Makes You Die…
  Grandma Kaili's Korner

Kids These Days Good At Math, Bad At F*cking

What squares!
Hello, American teenage teens, quick question for you: Why are you so goddamned boring? Do you not know how to be teenagers and do stupid rebellious teenage things, and get yourselves into trouble and be reckless and irresponsible and stupid, so you will learn all the important lessons about how to not do that when you are growed up? Obviously, yes: Read more on Kids These Days Good At Math, Bad At F*cking…
  Cantaloupe calves

Rep. Steve King Is Most Mexicanest Person Alive, Says Rep. Steve King

Olé!
What comes to mind when you think of Iowa Rep. Steve King? Racist? Wingnut? Asshole? Dumb as a knapsack full of syphilitic fucks? Well you are wrong, because the only thing that should come into your mind when you hear the name “Steve King” is “Most Likely To Be So Mexican,” because that’s what’s true: Read more on Rep. Steve King Is Most Mexicanest Person Alive, Says Rep. Steve King…
  we’re number one we’re number one!

Our Terribleness Is ‘Staggeringly Impressive’: Your Florida Roundup

Everybody ride that dinosaur
Thrillist, which is a website you would read if you didn’t spend every waking moment not already set aside for 8-balls and hookers staring lovingly Yr Wonket, puts together these dumb lists every now and again, as websites do. (Thanks for that, Buzzfeed.) And to celebrate Murca’s birthday, Thrillist decided to rank all 50 states based on, well, “everything.” Read more on Our Terribleness Is ‘Staggeringly Impressive’: Your Florida Roundup…
  Got some big math test to study for or something?

Kids These Days So Lame They Don’t Even Get Potted Up On Legal Weed

DO NOT DO THAT, KIDS, IT IS A JOKE.
We’ve been hearing the arguments for years from the Reefer Madness crowd: If you legalize drugs, then EVERYBODY will get potted up on weed, because removing the “forbidden fruit” aspect from things always makes them more appealing. Well it turns out that, according to a new study, legalizing medical marijuana does not lead to an increase in stoner teenagers, despite what you were warned. In fact, overall rates of teens doing the pot has DROPPED slightly in states that have legalized medical pot: Read more on Kids These Days So Lame They Don’t Even Get Potted Up On Legal Weed…
  it won’t hurt a bit we swear

Step Right Up And Get Your Vaginal Probe: Your Florida Roundup

So you guys already know how dumb Florida is. But can you imagine how dumb Florida’s community colleges are? No you cannot. Here, have a gander: Two Florida college students say they were forced to submit to vaginal probes as part of a medical training program and were threatened with blacklisting if they declined. Read more on Step Right Up And Get Your Vaginal Probe: Your Florida Roundup…
  America is cancelled

Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack

Definitely not an NWA fan.
Bill O’Reilly is very upset. A new Pew poll has shown that the super-majority of Americans who identify as Christian is not quite as super as it used to be. Just eight years ago, 78.4 percent of the population was Christian, and now that number is only 70.6 percent, sadface. So who is to blame? Is it the Jooz and the Muslims? MAYBE! Their numbers have grown by a whopping 0.2 percent and 0.5 percent, respectively. They are attacking Americans with their matzoh balls and their Sharia law! But no, the real culprit is the “unaffiliated” lot, who are now a full 22.8 percent of the population. Bill O’Reilly knows what it causing this, and it is rap music: Read more on Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack…
  gotta keep them children motivated somehow!

Florida Parents: You Keep A ‘B’ Average, We’ll Keep Giving You Weed And Cocaine. Deal?

Funny, they look ... just like Florida parents.
Parenting is the toughest! You have to keep the kids fed, but you also want them to grow up and be productive citizens, and you don’t get a handbook at the hospital on how to make that happen. So sometimes you just gotta work with what the good Lord gave ya, and for Florida couple Joey and Chadd Mudd, the good Lord gave them drugs, so many drugs. So they figured, this house ain’t gonna clean itself (because they’re probably always high), and it’s not like they’ve got time to help the kids, ages 13 and 15, with their homework (because they’re probably … you get it), so they came up with a system. Reward the little children for good grades and getting all their chores done, with weed and blow! Read more on Florida Parents: You Keep A ‘B’ Average, We’ll Keep Giving You Weed And Cocaine. Deal?…
  Live free and lose your kids

Cool, Kansas Is Ripping Kids Away From Medical Marijuana Advocates Now

Suppose you are a medical marijuana advocate, having successfully used cannabis oil to treat your own Crohn’s Disease. And suppose you lived for a time in Colorado, where medical marijuana is legal, but then, because fate apparently hates you, you were sentenced to move to the ugly state next door, Kansas, where marijuana in all its forms is illegal. And suppose you have an 11-year-old son who was forced to endure a fact-free anti-drug session at school, where he decided to point out that, hey, some of reefer madness talking points are not true. Would you think the state would take your child from you that day? Because that’s what happened to Shona Banda of Wichita: Read more on Cool, Kansas Is Ripping Kids Away From Medical Marijuana Advocates Now…
  Here have some news n stuff

President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’

Happy birthday, you young thing!
If the President Barry H. Bamz (D-Choom Gang) thinks medical marijuana might be good for you, who are we to argue? CNN’s chief medical correspondent Sanjay Gupta, a vocal supporter of the legalization of medical marijuana, asks Obama in the documentary [“WEED 3”]if he supports the goals of a historic Senate bill introduced in March that seeks to make several major changes in federal law, including drastically reducing the federal government’s ability to crack down on state-legal medical marijuana programs, encouraging more research into the plant and reclassifying marijuana as a less dangerous drug. Read more on President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’…
  The Green Dream Mountain State

Vermont Heroes Taking Your Booze Hostage For Legal Weed

We trade weed for beer! It's like Settlers of Cattan, but more fun!
Some Vermont legislators have a pretty compelling argument: If the state won’t legalize marijuana, then how about we prohibit all recreational drugs? State Reps. Jean O’Sullivan, a Democrat, and Christopher Pearson, a Progressive (really!), have filed a bill to prohibit alcohol consumption, with penalties that match those currently in place for marijuana possession and sale. The bill’s language is quite serious about this: Read more on Vermont Heroes Taking Your Booze Hostage For Legal Weed…
  One Toke Over The Party Line

Suddenly Everyone* Wants To Legalize Weed (*Not Everyone)

The latest Stoned Pony
To bring to life the old cliché that libertarians are just Republicans who want to get high, a couple of conservatives have unexpectedly supported various changes to marijuana laws this week. What’s more, there’s even a bill in the U.S. Senate to end the federal ban on medical weed and reclassify marijuana’s legal status from a Schedule 1 to a Schedule 2 drug, thus “allowing doctors to recommend its use in some cases to veterans, expanding access to researchers and making it easier for banks to provide services to the industry.” Read more on Suddenly Everyone* Wants To Legalize Weed (*Not Everyone)…
  you keep a-knockin’ but you can’t come in

Colorado Is Straight-Up Stoned All the Time, And Everything Is Awesome

So the weed has been legal in Colorado for, like, a year now, which affords us the opportunity to analyze how much of it Coloradans — or at least, those who can access legal weed, since only 67 of the state’s 321 jurisdictions permit it, but OK, all the important ones do — are smoking and eating and otherwise using to enter Maureen Dowd-style cannabis-induced psychoses in their hotel rooms. Read more on Colorado Is Straight-Up Stoned All the Time, And Everything Is Awesome…