Tag: marie antoinette

Barack Obama: Yup, I’m On Crack

In shocking, off-script comments, Barack Obama yesterday all but admitted that rumors of his cocaine habit are 100% true. At a White House event celebrating "gay" Pride Month Monday, the President, whose college grades we've still never seen, made...

Ousted Yahoo Exec Dries Tears With $58 Million Severance

We mock tech people a lot here at Happy Wonk Lifestyle Village, but while we're mocking them for employing a staff of tech dudebros, tech people at the top of the pyramid are becoming offensive levels of rich, like...

Now Wingnuts Furious State Dinner Served Food

Those damned Obamas with their dogs eating imaginary steak off bone china (get it???) and their fancy-schmancy designer frocks! Something must be done to bring their wild living down to earth, because they got all fancied up for a...

Wild-Eyed Socialists At Daily Caller Want To Guillotine Michelle Obama’s Dogs For Crimes Against Proletariat

The Daily Caller's resident Speaker of Truth to Black Power and professional troll Neil Munro just wants you to know how outrageous it is that the Obamas have dogs and nice things: Poverty and unemployment are at near-record levels, the...

Obamas Have 9 Kinds Of Pie For Thanksgiving, Wingnuts Outraged

We guess Barack Obama must have mentioned God in his Thanksgiving proclamation this year, since we haven't seen a million angry blog posts bitching about it. (And there it is -- "we rise or fall as one Nation, under...

Newsmax Shocker: Stupid Dumb Jerk Joe Biden Slept In Hotel, Is Your New Marie Antoinette

Go to the kitchen and fix some macaroni and cut-up hot dog's, Michelle Obama, there is a new Marie Antoinette in town running up shocking tabs on the taxpayers' dime -- one hundred million dimes? One thousand dimes? Somewhere...

This $100,000 Chicken Coop Will Win You A ‘First Place’ Against ‘The Wall’ When ‘The Revolution’ ‘Comes’

It's that time of year again! Time for the Neiman Marcus Fantasy Christmas Book of Charming Gifts for the guy at Papa Johns! Can you stand the excitement? Neither can we! But while there are plenty of stupid ways...

Michelle Obama Jumps Rope To Amusement of Obese Kelly Ripa Fans

Why hello, FLOTUS fans. Have you been wondering what your First Lady Michelle Antoinette Obama has been up to the past few weeks? Anything particularly scandalous aside from hanging out on Pinterest looking at pictures of smoothies and going...

Perfect And Off-Limits Ann Romney Will Now See You Next Tuesday

Did you get that? We hope you got that. It is pretty subtle, we know, as we at Wonket are the souls of subtlety and modesty and also not being vulgar. What we were trying to intimate in our...

Zillionaire Mitt Romney Tells Obama To Stop Acting So Rich All the Time

Ol' moneybags Mitt Romney is estimated to be worth over $250 million, a rather grotesque embarrassment of riches and presumably the reason why Mittens refuses to release his tax returns, in hope of avoiding a couple of news...