• Obama, to prove he does not hate New Orleans and has zero plans to willfully destroy it—as per the tradition of his predecessor—will visit this afternoon. [Los Angeles Times]
• Over 30 people were killed in a series of coordinated terrorist goings-on in Islamabad. [New York Times]
• The Arctic’s ice will be completely gone in 20 years. Add “carbon emissions” to “rock salt” on the national What Melts Snow list. [Times Online]
• Obama wants to give $250 to every senior and disabled person this winter, since there will not be the traditional increase on Social Security benefit checks. [Washington Post]
• Probationary Kennedy Maria Shriver has apologized for talking on her cell phone while driving, for such is illegal in California. This is like literally the third time this has happened. [CNN]
• Uhh… the Germans are constructing a new Berlin Wall, out of Styrofoam… because they want to knock it down again. Ha ha.  It seems this is how most things start, in Germany. [WSJ]

So we did a midsummer slow news day’s Wonk’d yesterday and what do you know, another billion Wonk’d sightings arrived in out Tips Box this morning. It’s like you people can be easily manipulated by suggestion. “Here are some Wonkette readers sending us Wonk’d items … this means you must do the same, reader.” And it works! (Next time we’ll subliminally make you do something vulgar in the Reflecting Pool.) Anyway, enjoy these eyewitness reports of Maria Shriver, Ralph Nader, Rahm Emanuel and Others doing whatever it is they do, in Washington! MORE »

You know that whole “He’s in heaven now” thing people say after somebody dies? It’s not true. Nobody’s in heaven. That’s the shocking conclusion of Bishop N.T. Wright, one of those people who actually believes in the Bible and Christianity. And you know who really pisses him off? Maria Shriver, the trophy Kennedy wife of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Shriver wrote some dumb childrens’ book claiming that “good people” go to Heaven after they die. It’s a lie! They’re all still dead. Unless they’re Jesus, apparently. MORE »

ARNOLD ENDORSES McCAIN WHILE ARNOLD’S KENNEDY WIFE ENDORSES OBAMA: The rich really are different — they’re all insane! Schwarzenegger endorsed John McCain last week, after Rudy Giuliani dropped out in disgrace, and after Schwarzenegger weakly claimed he wouldn’t endorse anyone. But at a “surprise appearance” (with Oprah) in Los Angeles on Sunday, Arnold’s trophy-Kennedy wife Maria Shriver said she’s endorsing Barack Obama. WTF? Aren’t the various first couples supposed to at least pretend they’re on the same team? [New York Sun/Baltimore Sun]

Eunice Kennedy Shriver, Ah-nuld’s mother-in law, founder of the Special Olympics and Ted Kennedy’s sister, was hospitalized 2 days after this photo was taken and remains in fair condition at Mass General in Boston. Although neither the family or the hospital is releasing her official prognosis or the reason for her unfortunate hospitalization, Maria Shriver’s spokesman said, “She’s a remarkably resilient person. In each case, she’s drawn strength from the good wishes and prayers of people all over the world. I would hope and expect it would be true in this case again.” Maria and Arnold visited over the weekend and new reports indicate she stayed in Boston upon Arnold’s return to be with her mother. [Contra Costa Times, Boston Herald]

Last week, we admitted that we were desperate for sightings. You responded with desperate sightings: Andrew Sullivan, Matt Cooper, Ted Koppel… they’re all here, Washington’s most recognizable non-famous people. We applaud, we thank, we’ll buy the next round. Please keep sending your sightings of D.C. “celebrities” to . All Gang of 500 members eligible. Sightings after the jump.

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