marco rubio

The Gaylord National Resort is more than just a hotel with a name that makes pubescent boys snicker. It’s also a glassed-in mini-city with living trees and actual birds and tiny houses that hold patriotic gear stores and, for the second year, it is the Land of CPAC. Come along and let us visit this […]

‘Sup, Laura Ingraham? How’ve you been? Keeping busy? Cool, cool. You’ve been doing what? Being deeply confused and kind of full of racist bullshit about immigrants and Puerto Rico? Well, that’s a thing to pass the time, we guess. What idiot wind blew out of your mouth lately? The context of Ingraham’s statement was a […]

Last year, Barack Obama began his unending quest to ram Florida’s tender throat with an openly gay black judge, but Marco Rubio intervened and saved all of Florida, hallelujah Jesus be praised, because if one of the Senators from the nominee’s state doesn’t like him, that’s a nomination killer. Rubio blocked state court judge William […]

Voters in Florida’s 18th Congressional District face a difficult decision in August — should they try to find a viable Republican candidate to face Patrick Murphy, who defeated Allen West in 2012, or should they try this guy: Ilya Katz, a self-described “political refugee of the Soviet Union” who claims to have spent “ten years […]

You don’t even need to open this week’s Sunday New York Times to know that it is going to be wall-to-wall Chris Christie. First there was the news that he may have blocked Hurricane Sandy aid to Hoboken because the mayor there didn’t love Chris Christie’s real estate development as much as she should have, […]

It would be so exciting to live in a country where “Obamacare Medical Codes Confirm: Execution by Beheading To Be Implemented in America”, but PolitiFact says no, we cannot live there because there is a fire on its pants. Why is PolitiFact so mean to our childlike sense of wonder and our precious need to […]

On a scale of one to Dana Rohrabacher, Kaili thinks the answer is “Boehner.” Snipy would like to point out his Lizard People Eyes and slow blinking. We personally like the slurring of “Christians” and also the cheezy boybander smile at the end. Happy Christmas, Marco Rubio, your family seems nice. Bottoms up!

Monstrous America-hating monster Barack Obama touched a communist today at the memorial service for Nelson Mandela, leading to fairly predictable speculation that the handshake with Cuban President Raul Castro was either evidence of warming relations between the two countries, or proof that Obama shares Mandela’s love for communism, terrorism, and hating Israel. Plus, maybe Obama […]

Faced with a massive wave of Tea Partiers fleeing from his 2016 presidential hopes because of his support for comprehensive immigration reform, Florida Senator Marco Rubio is doing what he can to build a higher wall against further progress on fixing America’s broken immigration system. It is not known whether his new opposition to immigration […]

Buenos dias, Wonketeers. After weeks of pointless grandstanding by modern-day Dr. Suess El Senor Canadiano Ted Cruz, aren’t we all ready for Congress to, you know, do something positive rather than just tank fourth quarter economic output? Hey, how about that comprehensive immigration reform that the Senate was all positive about. Could be a good […]

Ok, Glorious Readers, you totally owe us like a gazzilion dollars in donations of monies and/or booze. Because we spent all yesterday afternoon and part of the evening listening to the nasaly, whiny, pompous ass monkey from Texi-Canada, Ted Cruz, mount a fake filibuster about Obamacare. IT. WAS. TEH. WORST. There were several times when […]

Oh, conservatives. Your perpetual ragesad about Obamacare could power a small country. We lose track of what you are mad at today. What are you mad at today? Oh hey, Marco Rubio. Didn’t see you there. Were you off getting a drink of water? Anyway. What’s got your tear ducts flowing? Oh. You’re sad that […]

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Oh RNC, never ever change. In response to CNN and NBC’s unspeakable decision to run some sort of movie type things about Hillary Clinton, RNC Chair Reince Preibus has announced that he is considering taking his GOP debate ball and going home, home to where the folks really speak his language. Because when has CNN […]

There are two surefire ways to tell if you have a really stupid idea. The first is to ask whether or not you are a Republican. If yes, the idea is likely stupid. If that doesn’t convince you, then look around and see if other conservative asshats are calling you a moron. If both things […]