It’s official: Poo poo platter BILL O’REILLY wants to finger-bang the snot out of Minnesota Medusa MICHELE BACHMANN. Say no, Michele! You have a husband, a family — What would your son GRENDEL think? Baby Jesus himself would probably have a hernia. But Bill has a certain charm to him and he’s so soft and warm, like a shard. Temptation! … MORE »

• “To be clear, I root for America, therefore I root against Barack Obama.” Finally! The RedState dogma explained in one convenient sentence. [RedState]
• Everything that Glenn Beck says hates him. [Think Progress]
• Karl Rove acknowledges that he has reoccurring wet dreams about Marco Rubio, and that if he could, he would dip Marco in chocolate and then gobble him up. [TPM]
• Here is a truly shocking video of Andrew Sullivan sipping Merlot and smelling tulips whilst lounging in his finest Brooks Brothers cashmere sport coat and blabbering on about how much he loves the Queen. And he accuses Barack Obama of being a Tory? Good heavens. [The Daily Dish]
• It is true that Michelle Malkin is a bit of a “surfboard.” But now we have even more proof that Michelle is actually just Matt Taibbi in drag. [Michelle Malkin]

• “Imagine a United States Senate with Michael Williams, Pat Toomey, and Marco Rubio. Now imagine Pat Toomey massaging your naked body with Skippy peanut butter, as Marco’s moist testicles rest on your face … We can make all that a reality.” [RedState]
• The Associated Press has bought the rights to “Thomas Jefferson.” © Associated Press. [Hit & Run]
• Are you a senator? A House member? Maybe a governor? Well come on down to Nevada’s exclusive BunnyRanch Harem and enjoy the free petting zoo! [TPM]
• Fire-safe cigarettes? Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em! [Andrew Sullivan]
• After arguing bitterly with Jefferson Davis about how many slaves you can fit in the hull of a schooner, Creigh Deeds seceded from the Confederate States of America. And that is how 10 acres in rural Virginia became known as Deeds Country. [NRO: The Campaign Spot]

Beloved wingnut blog RedState has taken an important stand against the Senate campaign of orange-skinned gay RINO and Florida Governor Charlie Crist. “If the NRSC thinks this is smart, we must not waste our time or energy with them,” RedState’s Erick Erickson wrote today. “Join me in pledging no money, no help, no aid, and no support for the NRSC’s efforts in the 2010 election cycle.” Yes! MORE »

Oh dear, poor Chuckles. His Senate challenger, Wingnut #A, has already thrown together his first secretly-has-gay-overtones attack ad against the orange governor, who is shown “embracing” Barack Obama, intimately, maybe with his mouth. Or are we reading into this too much? Obviously! But still, OY. Being secretly gay will not make this a fun year-long primary season for Charlie Crist. [The Plum Line]