Tag Archives: marco rubio

  We like this Obama

President Obama Politely Suggests Republicans Are Bunch Of A-Holes

Just pointing out the obvious
Now that President Barry H. O’Bamz is this close to being SO outta here and SO done with all of our bullcrap, he really does not give a good goddamn. And he will say anything he wants to say. He will say the N-word, even though you pasty white mofos on Fox don’t get to, unfair! — and then he’ll say the P-word, the Q-word, the silent H-word, and all the other words, too. Read more on President Obama Politely Suggests Republicans Are Bunch Of A-Holes…
  Classier than Ann Romney's horse probably

Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch

Answers is tough and is not my favorite.
La di da and fiddle dee dee, who knew Miss Marco Rubio was such a delicate little flower? But he is, it turns out, because while sitting on the Stupid Sofa of Stupid on “Fox & Friends,” the soon-to-be-unemployed senator from Florida pearl-clutched so hard about just how Not Classy the president is. Why? you may ask, as if it’s not obvious. Well! Did you know the president went on “The Daily Show” — which, Rubio will have you know, is a “comedy show” — where he made light of “something as serious as Iran”? It is true! Here is the president, casually and unseriously talking about Iran, how dare he, so uncouth! Read more on Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch…
  Cooking The Books

Mean New York Times Won’t Let Ted Cruz Cheat His Way Onto Bestseller List

To Grift, or not to Grift...
Oh, see how the liberal New York Times is mistreating and suppressing Ted Cruz! Outrageous! Horrors! His publisher sold a bejillion copies of his new book-shaped object, A Time For Truth: Reigniting the Promise of America, but is the Times giving it the place it deserves on the Bestseller list? Obviously it is not, because the New York Times just hates books by conservatives, like Chris Kyle’s American Sniper (still on the combined book/ebook list after 72 weeks) or David Brooks’s The Road To Character, or Ann Coulter’s Adios, America!, (currently #6 and #11 on Hardcover nonfiction). Read more on Mean New York Times Won’t Let Ted Cruz Cheat His Way Onto Bestseller List…
  So. Many. Idiots.

How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage

The spanking, it stung, YAY!
The Republican candidates for 2016 have spoken, and they are not one bit happy with all this gaiety today. Their reactions ranged from sadly resigned to reality, to promises to fight the decision forever — they will fight the gays in the fields and in the streets, fight them in the hills, but not fight them on the beaches because they might see a guy in a speedo and that would simply be too much — to saying nothing at all because they’re too busy crying, apparently. Read more on How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage…
  Give them another five years

Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One

It's like health care only different
The highest court of unelected activist judges in the whole Us of America declared, for the second time, that Obamacare haters need to hush now and take a nap because that shit is kosher, yo. Which does not mean the Republican Party or any of its “presidential” “candidates” are going to do that. The Affordable Care Act may be the super-duper twice-certified constitutional law of the land, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be repealed and replaced with something even MORE better, dunno what yet, that’s not what matters right now! Read more on Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One…
  Wonkette dance party

Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others

Republican creative type.
Republican candidates have this problem every single time they try to do campaigns. They think, “Hey, I have always loved that song by [insert artist here], I’ll use that!” And then they get a cease-and-desist letter, or a lawsuit, from the artist, saying “I hate you so much, you are not worthy of my song, you dirty disgusting wingnut.” It happened last week, when dumb Donald Trump thought it would be a good idea to use Neil Young’s “Rockin’ In The Free World” during his campaign announcement. No dice, Donald. But there is hope on the horizon! Read more on Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others…
  Profiles In Cowardice

GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney

Time to put that sucker out
You wouldn’t think calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol would be a difficult thing to do, especially for those who believe they are bold and brave enough to be this nation’s next president. We’re not in the habit of honoring our enemies by flying their flags or building memorials to their fallen, after all, so it stands to reason that state-sanctioned deference to the traitors who declared war on the United States would be easily recognized as, well, un-American. Read more on GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney…
  Detainees: They Can't Be Beat

Senate Votes To End Torture, Not That We Ever Did That

An elegant enhanced interrogation method from a more civilized age
As we know, the United States of America does not torture people. George Bush said we didn’t, and then Barack Obama officially ended it with an executive order, mostly, and then last fall the Senate released its report on all the torture that didn’t happen, and on Tuesday, the U.S. Senate voted to outlaw torture, which America has never done, but now we’ll really not do it ever again. Unless we decide we need to, maybe. But we almost certainly won’t, because we never have. Even though it works, and we like it! Read more on Senate Votes To End Torture, Not That We Ever Did That…
  sluts sluts sluts

Oh Hey There’s A Shark In The Middle Of The Road, Guess The State: Your Florida Roundup

Actually set in Florida, true story
Let us take a break from the perpetual celebration of the arrival of Editrix Jr., our future overlord, peace be upon her, to remind ourselves that all is not so precious and beautiful in the world, and places like Florida still exist. To wit: Where the fuck else would you find a headline like this? Read more on Oh Hey There’s A Shark In The Middle Of The Road, Guess The State: Your Florida Roundup…
  Meanwhile Hillary's measuring the drapes

Mitt Romney’s Summer Camp Teaches Republicans How To Lose Like Mitt Romney

We're laughing at you, not with you
Doesn’t this sound like a marvelous time? Sunning and funning and fancy horseback riding at a luxurious five-star lodge in Deer Valley, Utah, and learning how to not become president, from America’s foremost expert himself, Mitt Romney! Read more on Mitt Romney’s Summer Camp Teaches Republicans How To Lose Like Mitt Romney…
  derp

Marco Rubio Still Running For President, Still Real Dumb

Are you not sexcited?
Remember that dude, Marco Rubio, from Florida? Probably not. He announced the end of his political career in April, when he said he’s already sick of being a senator, after four whole years, and will “run for president” instead, to deal with the number one threat to America, which is Cuba. Ah, but that was so many presidential announcements ago, and Rubio is boring and dumb, no one likes him — especially not after he was the only other GOP backstabber who joined fellow Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Traitor) to murder a bipartisan bill on Iran that Republicans really wanted. Read more on Marco Rubio Still Running For President, Still Real Dumb…
  leave the former presidents aloooooooooone!

Mean Sen. Joni Ernst Takes Castratin’ Knife To Former Presidents’ Allowance Moneys

Oh, they look happy NOW.
Hey there, former presidents of the US and A — that would be Clinton, Carter and those two Bush brats — thanks for serving your country and all by BEING PRESIDENT OF IT, but Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Pig Spaying), and her Republican friends Marco Rubio and Mark Kirk, want to take away all the fun moneys you get for being Former Presidents. This is very mean, and you should all, in a bipartisan way, get together to tell them exactly where they ought to get fucked with whatever pig genitals Ernst removed most recently: Read more on Mean Sen. Joni Ernst Takes Castratin’ Knife To Former Presidents’ Allowance Moneys…
  you don't say

BREAKING: Bush And Cheney MAY HAVE Said Some Lies In Lead-Up To Iraq War

We are so good at lies!
Everybody with two brain cells to rub together at least SUSPECTS that there was some fishy business in the run-up to the war on Iraq, what with the fact Saddam had not attacked us, no WMDs were ever found, etc. And Iraq is back in the news right now, mostly because Jeb Bush, brother of brush-clearing, flightsuit-wearing George W. Bush, has been stepping all over his own dick for a week, trying to explain how the Iraq war wasn’t a mistake, except that it was, NO YOU SHUT UP, etc. Marco Rubio got in on the action too, dancing a jaunty jig on his own dick, because Questions Is Tough. Read more on BREAKING: Bush And Cheney MAY HAVE Said Some Lies In Lead-Up To Iraq War…
  knowing things is hard

Marco Rubio Gets His Chance To Flub Iraq Question, Nails It

Answers is tough and is not my favorite.
Marco Rubio is very confused by Chris Wallace’s Iraq questions, which are the same questions Jeb Bush continually fucked up last week, so, as a Serious Heavyweight Presidential Contender, he should have been prepared. However, whereas Jeb Bush’s face would gloss over in confusion every time he tried to answer Iraq questions, Marco Rubio took the entirely different brilliant tack of insisting that the questions were hard, refusing to understand them, and being downright testy about it. Read more on Marco Rubio Gets His Chance To Flub Iraq Question, Nails It…
  Still not president

Sen. Tom Cotton Turding Up Fellow Republicans’ Iran Punchbowl

He still thinks he's president
Tom Cotton, the freshman tea party senator from Arkansas who’s already made quite a name for himself (and that name is “Traitor”), is making friends and influencing people ALL over the place. Just when Senate Republicans and Democrats were about to enjoy one of those rare moments of agreeing on something — in this case, legislation saying that Congress has a REAL BIG DICK, so it gets to have a say-so in any agreement on Iran’s nuclear program — Sen. Cotton had to fuck everything up, with the help of Sen. Marco Rubio, who doesn’t even give a damn anymore because he’s quitting the Senate anyway to go not be president: Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Turding Up Fellow Republicans’ Iran Punchbowl…