EAT LIKE THE FANCY OBAMAS EAT: Finally, a Google Map showing every known food establishment where the National Elitist and sometimes his fancy family dine in and around D.C. Clip and save! (And, uh, tape to your iPhone or whatever?) [Brightest Young Things]

Don’t worry, we’re not asking anyone to reevaluate the presence of alcohol in their life, nor are we insinuating that there are better means to post-work happiness than drinking. Happy hours are essential to the DC way of life and we would never pass judgment on such a meaningful occasion. You have our word. Some grocery stores and shops, however, are noticing the pleasure DCers derive from happy hours, and are using the term to signify evening discounts on their products. Has our beloved activity been co-opted? MORE »

It’s Thursday, and you know what that means: time to read a magazine, you and me! Let’s see, let’s see, how about Foreign Affairs? That’s appropriately capital-i Important and relatively low-profile. Like their pioneers-of-capitalism friends over at the American Prospect, Foreign Affairs charges you if you want to read the “premium” articles. But we’re not going to be reading anything “premium” today, as that would be disrespectful and insensitive to Our Times. Still, to read the pieces, you’re going to have to register, which only costs 2 seconds of time and zero recession dollars. And then voila, you are a registered user of Foreign Affairs—a real intellylechual like Nate Silver or whatever. MORE »

Oh heavens, Madame Peggy Noonan, princess of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, has journeyed outside her loft again: “A moment last Monday, just after noon, in Manhattan. It’s slightly overcast, not cold, a good day for walking. I’m in the 90s on Fifth heading south, enjoying the broad avenue, the trees, the wide cobblestone walkway that rings Central Park. Suddenly I realize: Something’s odd here.” MORE »

Ha ha, remember after the 2004 elections people emailed each other maps showing the sane parts of America getting absorbed into Canada and the rest turning into a squalid nation of Cheetos-addicted wingnuts called Jesusland? A Russian “expert” has now reached a similar conclusion about America — that we are doomed to decline and a dissolution of the union in the near future. Like, by spring. (Oh, and Russia gets Alaska back! Bonus.) MORE »

Ewww, observe this gross map! This eye-searing cross between a ribeye steak and a six-week fetus is supposed to illustrate something important about voting patterns by representing the size of a state according to population rather than acreage. This frees sad coastal Democrats from the “tyranny of geography” and puts uppity Wyoming Republicans in their place (i.e. nowhere). MORE »

One of your favorite pretend secret boyfriends, NBC News “Math Fraud” Chuck Todd, thinks that — get this — the DEMOCRAT, the nominee of the party that always loses presidential elections due to horrible gayness, will win the current presidential election. Oh, “okay.” He lists Florida, Indiana, Montana, Missouri, Nevada, North Carolina, North Dakota and Ohio as the only toss-up states, and Obama can lose them all and still come out with 286 electoral votes. Do you think that Chuck Todd knows that Barack Obama is Indonesian? [First Read]

My stars, what a fun Wonkette Weekend we are having! We decided to start posting everyday through the election after you people kept e-mailing us about how we are lazy. Well fine, you’ve got your weekend “phunnies,” lunatics, and it comes at the expense of Jesus sending us to Hell for working on a Sunday, so, um, yeah, there’s that, right? Not that any of you Muslims would understand. HA, we joke, we love posting (??) so much that we will now take a thorough look at the state of the Electoral Map for the first time in a while, for those of you who get off on incomprehensible math-porn. MORE »

Good sweet Jesus God: “Al Franken draws a perfect map of the United States from memory while taking questions at a fundraiser.” Kos is more right than he thinks when he calls it “perfect,” in fact. Kentucky looks like a turd and liberal New England looks like it’s trying to escape from the rest of the country and sail back to Europe. [Daily Kos]

The “A” location on this space satellite Google Maps image is 2101 L Street NW, the ONLY Starbucks that will be closed in Washington D.C. out of 600-ish closed ones nationwide. This is problematic for two reasons: (1) there is nary another bean shop anywhere near this rich, young-professionalized and textbook yuppie part of Northwest D.C. and (2) this was the Starbucks for HOSPITAL and WOUND CARE patients, as you can see. People get shot all the time with legal guns in this city and now they will have no Starbucks coffee! [Washington Post]

Here is a map someone at Daily Kos made, and it’s not even terrifying. OK, it is obviously terrifying in several ways. It is color-coded by votes in each county — blue for Barry, red for Hillary, green for that white guy who was running like 90 years ago. Florida, appropriately, looks like a barfy member. [Daily Kos]