Tag Archives: maps

  like such as

U.S. American Mitt Romney Does Not Have Maps

The Twitter is all mad at US American Mitt Romney this morning for something about … geography? Like such as not knowing that Syria is not Iran’s “route to the sea” or something? And that in fact there is a whole other country between the two? Here, let some nerd explain it for you: Rebecca S. So apparently Iran is not landlocked I guess? Josh F. ha and also there is a country between iran and syria Rebecca S. people seem upset by Romney’s geographical non-geniusness, maybe because he does NOT HAVE MAPS!!!! what country might that be, friend? Josh F. it’s on the tip of my tongue some place that was important in the 90s or 00s or something, drawing a blank on it now Rebecca S. hmmm I feel like you might be mocking me. well I am an American, I do not have to know where those countries are that we are #warring Josh F. IRAQ REBECCA IT IS IRAQ Whatever, NERD. Has it occurred to you that there might be a simple answer why Mitt Romney does not know stuff about things? (Besides Obvious Answer Number One: He watches Fox News.) Read more on U.S. American Mitt Romney Does Not Have Maps…
  mapocalypse now

Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky

Here is a map from an “election forecasting model” that the Fox News sent out to America, and your Editrix found it on the Twitter and shared it in the Secret Wonkette Chat Room, for panic-laughs. But seriously, Fox News, try to be a bit more realistic! All of us who have been frantically refreshing Nate Silver’s Math and Numbers Emporium for succor know that there’s no way that Obama loses Pennsylvania and Minnesota but wins Nevada. Ain’t gonna happen! But we have a more likely map to flip out about, after the jump! Read more on Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky…
  is that so

Here Is Glenn Beck’s Very Unique 2012 Electoral Map

Well, over on whatever website or smelly airwave Glenn Beck currently resides, Beck and his friends/unpaid interns have decided to make some predictions about the 2012 presidential election upon which the fate of the universe rides. Here is Glenn’s measured and educated guess! Wow, good. Read more on Here Is Glenn Beck’s Very Unique 2012 Electoral Map…
  voting is overrated

Ohio Voters Will Now Have to Read Maps

If you live in Ohio and have a poor sense of direction, you should not bother voting now. Ohio has decided that directing confused people to the correct polls is a terrible hassle, and could result in more votes that need to be counted, which is a chore! Apparently it “is the duty of the individual casting the ballot to ensure that the individual is casting that ballot in the correct precinct.” What happened to all the friendly Midwesterners? They have all turned into angry poll workers, because this is the law. Read more on Ohio Voters Will Now Have to Read Maps…
  fun with maps

Not Having a Passport Gives You Diabetes

Hey, look what happens when you put together a map of the density of diabetics in the U.S. with one of passport ownership! (You get fired from NPR, is what happens.) Isn’t it funny how every map of the U.S. like these are basically the same? Somebody find us a map of dentists per capita so we can throw that up there too. Read more on Not Having a Passport Gives You Diabetes…
  workplace voyeur videos

David Plouffe Going To Tell It To You Straight: You Make Democrats Lose

Listen up, liberal assholes. You’re not excited to vote in the midterms this year? Go fuck yourself. Look at this video that David Plouffe e-mailed out: he has a bunch of maps behind him. You want to doubt him? Look at these fucking maps. He knows what he’s talking about. Do you know how hard he worked on those maps? Your friend Barack Obama is going to lose his majorities unless you give him some money and then get off the Internet and go yell at some people to vote. Read more on David Plouffe Going To Tell It To You Straight: You Make Democrats Lose…
  important moments in cnn programming

John King Named ‘John King, USA’ After Himself Due To Modesty

If you’ve been waking up in the middle of the night with a quiet sense of dread and the distinct sensation that something terrible is about to happen, don’t worry! It’s just your subconscious wondering if anybody ever decided what to call that new John King show on CNN. Read more on John King Named ‘John King, USA’ After Himself Due To Modesty…
  or just microwave some pork-a-loons

EAT LIKE THE FANCY OBAMAS EAT: Finally, a Google Map showing every known food establishment where the National Elitist and sometimes his fancy family dine in and around D.C. Clip and save! (And, uh, tape to your iPhone or whatever?) [Brightest Young Things] Read more on …
 

Happy Hours: Not Just For Booze?

Don’t worry, we’re not asking anyone to reevaluate the presence of alcohol in their life, nor are we insinuating that there are better means to post-work happiness than drinking. Happy hours are essential to the DC way of life and we would never pass judgment on such a meaningful occasion. You have our word. Some grocery stores and shops, however, are noticing the pleasure DCers derive from happy hours, and are using the term to signify evening discounts on their products. Has our beloved activity been co-opted? Read more on Happy Hours: Not Just For Booze?…
  thursdays are for magazines

An Affair To Remember

It’s Thursday, and you know what that means: time to read a magazine, you and me! Let’s see, let’s see, how about Foreign Affairs? That’s appropriately capital-i Important and relatively low-profile. Like their pioneers-of-capitalism friends over at the American Prospect, Foreign Affairs charges you if you want to read the “premium” articles. But we’re not going to be reading anything “premium” today, as that would be disrespectful and insensitive to Our Times. Still, to read the pieces, you’re going to have to register, which only costs 2 seconds of time and zero recession dollars. And then voila, you are a registered user of Foreign Affairs—a real intellylechual like Nate Silver or whatever. Read more on An Affair To Remember…
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Wanders Upper East Side, Discovers Economic Depression

Oh heavens, Madame Peggy Noonan, princess of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, has journeyed outside her loft again: “A moment last Monday, just after noon, in Manhattan. It’s slightly overcast, not cold, a good day for walking. I’m in the 90s on Fifth heading south, enjoying the broad avenue, the trees, the wide cobblestone walkway that rings Central Park. Suddenly I realize: Something’s odd here.” Read more on Peggy Noonan Wanders Upper East Side, Discovers Economic Depression…
  failed states

Russian Expert: America To Separate Into Breakaway Republics

Ha ha, remember after the 2004 elections people emailed each other maps showing the sane parts of America getting absorbed into Canada and the rest turning into a squalid nation of Cheetos-addicted wingnuts called Jesusland? A Russian “expert” has now reached a similar conclusion about America — that we are doomed to decline and a dissolution of the union in the near future. Like, by spring. (Oh, and Russia gets Alaska back! Bonus.) Read more on Russian Expert: America To Separate Into Breakaway Republics…
  nation of toxic boils

New Map Proves America Is Spongy Tumor

Ewww, observe this gross map! This eye-searing cross between a ribeye steak and a six-week fetus is supposed to illustrate something important about voting patterns by representing the size of a state according to population rather than acreage. This frees sad coastal Democrats from the “tyranny of geography” and puts uppity Wyoming Republicans in their place (i.e. nowhere). Read more on New Map Proves America Is Spongy Tumor…
  math numbers

Goateed Prophet Chuck Todd Thinks This ‘Obama’ Will Win

One of your favorite pretend secret boyfriends, NBC News “Math Fraud” Chuck Todd, thinks that — get this — the DEMOCRAT, the nominee of the party that always loses presidential elections due to horrible gayness, will win the current presidential election. Oh, “okay.” He lists Florida, Indiana, Montana, Missouri, Nevada, North Carolina, North Dakota and Ohio as the only toss-up states, and Obama can lose them all and still come out with 286 electoral votes. Do you think that Chuck Todd knows that Barack Obama is Indonesian? [First Read] Read more on Goateed Prophet Chuck Todd Thinks This ‘Obama’ Will Win…
  math numbers

Here’s Your ‘Sunday Electoral Map Analysis,’ Lozers!

My stars, what a fun Wonkette Weekend we are having! We decided to start posting everyday through the election after you people kept e-mailing us about how we are lazy. Well fine, you’ve got your weekend “phunnies,” lunatics, and it comes at the expense of Jesus sending us to Hell for working on a Sunday, so, um, yeah, there’s that, right? Not that any of you Muslims would understand. HA, we joke, we love posting (??) so much that we will now take a thorough look at the state of the Electoral Map for the first time in a while, for those of you who get off on incomprehensible math-porn. Read more on Here’s Your ‘Sunday Electoral Map Analysis,’ Lozers!…