• May 27, 2012

maps

Hello, humans. My name is Jim. I used to edit this stupid website for two or three years back when it was stupider, in The Roaring Twenties.

If you live in Ohio and have a poor sense of direction, you should not bother voting now. Ohio has decided that directing confused people to the correct polls is a terrible hassle, and could result in more votes that need to be counted, which is a chore! Apparently it “is the duty of the [...]

Hey, look what happens when you put together a map of the density of diabetics in the U.S. with one of passport ownership! (You get fired from NPR, is what happens.) Isn’t it funny how every map of the U.S. like these are basically the same? Somebody find us a map of dentists per capita [...]

Listen up, liberal assholes. You’re not excited to vote in the midterms this year? Go fuck yourself. Look at this video that David Plouffe e-mailed out: he has a bunch of maps behind him. You want to doubt him? Look at these fucking maps. He knows what he’s talking about. Do you know how hard [...]

If you’ve been waking up in the middle of the night with a quiet sense of dread and the distinct sensation that something terrible is about to happen, don’t worry! It’s just your subconscious wondering if anybody ever decided what to call that new John King show on CNN.

by Ken Layne  4:43 pm July 1, 2009

EAT LIKE THE FANCY OBAMAS EAT: Finally, a Google Map showing every known food establishment where the National Elitist and sometimes his fancy family dine in and around D.C. Clip and save! (And, uh, tape to your iPhone or whatever?) [Brightest Young Things]

Don’t worry, we’re not asking anyone to reevaluate the presence of alcohol in their life, nor are we insinuating that there are better means to post-work happiness than drinking. Happy hours are essential to the DC way of life and we would never pass judgment on such a meaningful occasion. You have our word. Some [...]

It’s Thursday, and you know what that means: time to read a magazine, you and me! Let’s see, let’s see, how about Foreign Affairs? That’s appropriately capital-i Important and relatively low-profile. Like their pioneers-of-capitalism friends over at the American Prospect, Foreign Affairs charges you if you want to read the “premium” articles. But we’re not [...]

Oh heavens, Madame Peggy Noonan, princess of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, has journeyed outside her loft again: “A moment last Monday, just after noon, in Manhattan. It’s slightly overcast, not cold, a good day for walking. I’m in the 90s on Fifth heading south, enjoying the broad avenue, the trees, the wide cobblestone [...]

Ha ha, remember after the 2004 elections people emailed each other maps showing the sane parts of America getting absorbed into Canada and the rest turning into a squalid nation of Cheetos-addicted wingnuts called Jesusland? A Russian “expert” has now reached a similar conclusion about America — that we are doomed to decline and a [...]

Ewww, observe this gross map! This eye-searing cross between a ribeye steak and a six-week fetus is supposed to illustrate something important about voting patterns by representing the size of a state according to population rather than acreage. This frees sad coastal Democrats from the “tyranny of geography” and puts uppity Wyoming Republicans in their [...]

One of your favorite pretend secret boyfriends, NBC News “Math Fraud” Chuck Todd, thinks that — get this — the DEMOCRAT, the nominee of the party that always loses presidential elections due to horrible gayness, will win the current presidential election. Oh, “okay.” He lists Florida, Indiana, Montana, Missouri, Nevada, North Carolina, North Dakota and [...]

My stars, what a fun Wonkette Weekend we are having! We decided to start posting everyday through the election after you people kept e-mailing us about how we are lazy. Well fine, you’ve got your weekend “phunnies,” lunatics, and it comes at the expense of Jesus sending us to Hell for working on a Sunday, [...]

Al Franken Is Insane

by Jim Newell  5:49 pm August 5, 2008

Good sweet Jesus God: “Al Franken draws a perfect map of the United States from memory while taking questions at a fundraiser.” Kos is more right than he thinks when he calls it “perfect,” in fact. Kentucky looks like a turd and liberal New England looks like it’s trying to escape from the rest of [...]

The “A” location on this space satellite Google Maps image is 2101 L Street NW, the ONLY Starbucks that will be closed in Washington D.C. out of 600-ish closed ones nationwide. This is problematic for two reasons: (1) there is nary another bean shop anywhere near this rich, young-professionalized and textbook yuppie part of Northwest [...]