Tag: maps

Breitbart Watch: If You Exclude Every Vote For Clinton, Trump Won With 100% Of The Popular Vote!

Also if you exclude 49 states, all of America is Oklahoma.

Jeb No Do Geography So Good. Yup, He’s A Bush All Right!

Well, fuck us running with scissors, look at this latest evidence of just how pathetic everything about Jeb Bush truly is. Deep in the 112-page internal campaign memo we told you about, in which the Jeb boasts of his hard-to-snatch endorsement...

U.S. American Mitt Romney Does Not Have Maps

The Twitter is all mad at US American Mitt Romney this morning for something about ... geography? Like such as not knowing that Syria is not Iran's "route to the sea" or something? And that in fact there is...

Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky

Here is a map from an "election forecasting model" that the Fox News sent out to America, and your Editrix found it on the Twitter and shared it in the Secret Wonkette Chat Room, for panic-laughs. But seriously, Fox...

Here Is Glenn Beck’s Very Unique 2012 Electoral Map

Well, over on whatever website or smelly airwave Glenn Beck currently resides, Beck and his friends/unpaid interns have decided to make some predictions about the 2012 presidential election upon which the fate of the universe rides. Here is Glenn's...

Jim Newell Is Back, Writes ‘Failed Blogger Returns To Wonkette’ Headline

Hello, humans. My name is Jim. I used to edit this stupid website for two or three years back when it was stupider, in The Roaring Twenties. The publisher has let me come back and type idiot nonsense about...

Ohio Voters Will Now Have to Read Maps

If you live in Ohio and have a poor sense of direction, you should not bother voting now. Ohio has decided that directing confused people to the correct polls is a terrible hassle, and could result in more votes...

Not Having a Passport Gives You Diabetes

Hey, look what happens when you put together a map of the density of diabetics in the U.S. with one of passport ownership! (You get fired from NPR, is what happens.) Isn't it funny how every map of the...

David Plouffe Going To Tell It To You Straight: You Make Democrats Lose

Listen up, liberal assholes. You're not excited to vote in the midterms this year? Go fuck yourself. Look at this video that David Plouffe e-mailed out: he has a bunch of maps behind him. You want to doubt him?...

John King Named ‘John King, USA’ After Himself Due To Modesty

If you've been waking up in the middle of the night with a quiet sense of dread and the distinct sensation that something terrible is about to happen, don't worry! It's just your subconscious wondering if anybody ever decided...

EAT LIKE THE FANCY OBAMAS EAT: Finally, a Google Map showing every known food establishment where the National Elitist and sometimes his fancy family dine in and around D.C. Clip and save! (And, uh, tape to your iPhone or...

Happy Hours: Not Just For Booze?

Don’t worry, we’re not asking anyone to reevaluate the presence of alcohol in their life, nor are we insinuating that there are better means to post-work happiness than drinking. Happy hours are essential to the DC way of...

An Affair To Remember

It's Thursday, and you know what that means: time to read a magazine, you and me! Let's see, let's see, how about Foreign Affairs? That's appropriately capital-i Important and relatively low-profile. Like their pioneers-of-capitalism friends over at the American...

Peggy Noonan Wanders Upper East Side, Discovers Economic Depression

Oh heavens, Madame Peggy Noonan, princess of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, has journeyed outside her loft again: "A moment last Monday, just after noon, in Manhattan. It's slightly overcast, not cold, a good day for walking. I'm...

Russian Expert: America To Separate Into Breakaway Republics

Ha ha, remember after the 2004 elections people emailed each other maps showing the sane parts of America getting absorbed into Canada and the rest turning into a squalid nation of Cheetos-addicted wingnuts called Jesusland? A Russian "expert" has...

New Map Proves America Is Spongy Tumor

Ewww, observe this gross map! This eye-searing cross between a ribeye steak and a six-week fetus is supposed to illustrate something important about voting patterns by representing the size of a state according to population rather than acreage. This...