Tag Archives: maine

  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
 

Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!

Screw you, huddled masses
Wednesday was supposed to be the day President Obama officially rolled out the Kenyan welcome mat for all them illegals who’ve already snuck across our border to infect us with diseases and their strange foreign languages. But oh no, you can un-unfurl that Hispanic flag over the White House, Mr. Thinks He’s So President, because United States District Judge Andrew S. Hanen has put a stop to that nonsense, at least for now. Read more on Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!…
  Illusion Of Protection Racket

Gov. Paul LePage To Nurse: Sure Would Be A Shame If An Angry Mob Attacked You

Nurse Kaci Hickox took a bike ride Thursday, and it was huge news because she was defying Maine’s arbitrary, unscientific semi-quarantine against her. There’s no official order, but the state has said she should not leave her home until Nov. 10, and there’s been a state police car parked outside her home, just to keep an eye on her. Read more on Gov. Paul LePage To Nurse: Sure Would Be A Shame If An Angry Mob Attacked You…
  Nuke The Healthcare Workers From Orbit. It's The Only Way To Be Sure

Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her

Thank goodness you can't get Ebola from spittle
With no teachers immediately available to yell at, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has taken up yelling at nurses, we guess. In the latest twist on Chris Christie’s War On Health Care Workers Who Volunteer To Fight Deadly Diseases, the New Jersey Department of Health announced this morning that Kaci Hickox, a still-healthy nurse who returned to the U.S. and was clapped in irons for her own good Friday night, would be allowed to return home to Maine: Read more on Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her…
  Land Of The Freaked And Home Of The Terrified

What Stupid Pointless Ebola Freakouts Are We Having Today?

Keep Calm and Freak Right The Fuck Out
Now that the first group of people to be exposed to Thomas Eric Duncan — including his fiancée and other members of his family in Dallas — have made it through their 21-day quarantine period without developing the disease themselves, you might think that maybe people might be calming down just a little bit, maybe. But then, maybe you are not a panic-mongering moron, so you may not be typical, you un-American weirdo. Maybe you’re not rushing out to buy flimsy “protective” gear or Vitamin C (or “colloidal silver” to turn your skin blue), but plenty of people are — or at the very least, scammers hope so. And it’s never a bad time to have a good old-fashioned panic over every last rumor and sneeze, like the nice people in Mississippi who pulled their children out of the local middle school when they learned that the principal had recently visited Zambia, which doesn’t even have any Ebola diagnoses, but is very definitely in Africa. Or the timid souls of Strong, Maine, who insisted on turning their town’s name into a possible Twilight Zone locale when they convinced the school board to place an elementary-school teacher on a 21-day leave because he’d been to an educational conference in Dallas. Those monsters should be coming down Maple Street any minute now. Read more on What Stupid Pointless Ebola Freakouts Are We Having Today?…
  don't call it a comeback

Scott Walker Will Fight For Wisconsin’s Right To Collect Poor People’s Pee

Scott Walker, locked in a tight race for his second term as governor of Wisconsin, wants his constituents to know he’s committed to their conservative Midwestern values. It’s all right there in his campaign’s new manifesto, “Continuing Wisconsin’s Comeback”: If you give him four more years, he promises to cut property taxes, celebrate deer hunting heritage, supervise manly red-hot iron pours, and relentlessly pursue the urine of the state’s unemployed. Read more on Scott Walker Will Fight For Wisconsin’s Right To Collect Poor People’s Pee…
  none dare call it derp

Maine Governor Paul LePage Stone Cold Pallin’ Around With Terrorists

Did you read TalkingPointsMemo’s barnburner of a story about Maine Governor Paul LePage, and how he is so stupid that he kept meeting with a group of Sovereign Citizens — eight times in eight months, Blanche, for one to three hours each? And that the Sovereign Citizens loved talking about their buddy who was in prison for conspiring to execute judges, as any good Sovereign Citizen would do? Because Sovereign Citizens have a startling tendency to try to murder policemen, and judges, and other treasonous “elected” “officials” (as if there is any such thing)? And that LePage asked the state Attorney General to meet with them too, and probably arrest the state’s top Democrats for treason? (What was the treason, you ask? Not meeting with the Sovereign Citizens! But probably worse is how they just refuse to stop using paper money.) Then the state lawyers intervened and made him up a real purty Powerpoint probably, explaining that, no, the Sovereign Citizens could not actually arrest the state’s top Democrats for treason? Because “not meeting with Sovereign Citizens what want you to meet with them” and “using paper money” are not actually hangable offenses (yet)? And then Maine Governor Paul LePage stopped meeting with the Sovereign Citizens, and spouting their UN and anti-windmill insanity, and otherwise being the Sovereign Citizens’ little governor bitch? BUT HE ACTUALLY HAD TO HAVE IT EXPLAINED TO HIM FIRST? It was a fun story. You could read it! And probably should if we went to the trouble of linking it for you twice. Jesus Christ, Maine Governor Paul LePage is a stupid sack of shit. Read more on Maine Governor Paul LePage Stone Cold Pallin’ Around With Terrorists…
  is that a tattoo on your gut or are you unhappy to see me?

Guy With Dumb Gun Tattoo Accessorizes With Actual Dumb Gun

So, back in March, the nice shirtless gentleman you see here, one Michael Smith, 41, of Norridgewock, Maine, made the “weird news” features when a tree-removal crew called police because they were frightened of the strange man yelling at them with a “gun” tucked into his waistband — and as you can see, the gun turned out to be a semi-realistic tattoo. Once the misunderstanding was cleared up (and the photos taken of course), there were laughs all around and no charges were filed. And so of course it only stands to reason that a couple months later, Mr. Smith would get arrested with an actual gun tucked into his waistband. He seems nice. Read more on Guy With Dumb Gun Tattoo Accessorizes With Actual Dumb Gun…
  Are there no workhouses?

Maine Gov. Paul LePage Has Cool New Medicaid Plan Where Poors Can Just Die

Yesterday, we brought you the story of a real death panel, the Florida Legislature, whose continued refusal to expand Medicaid is literally — the literal kind of literally — killing people. Or not, say the teabaggers, because after all the poors can always go to the ER, and then we can bitch about all those lazy poors clogging the ER. What we’re getting at here is that Maine Gov. Paul LePage (R-I Got Mine) vetoed a bill to expand Medicaid in that state Wednesday, explaining that there’s just no way that Maine can afford the expansion, which will be paid for 100% by the Federal Government for the first three years, and 90% until 2022. It’s his third veto of Medicaid expansion, and will leave over 24,000 Maine residents (out of 1.3 million Mainers total) in the coverage gap between existing Medicaid eligibility and the income level for subsidized plans on the ACA exchange. We sure hope those folks appreciate what a great chance this is for them to declare themselves free of the oppression of healthcare! Read more on Maine Gov. Paul LePage Has Cool New Medicaid Plan Where Poors Can Just Die…
  yes you may have some more

Nice Time: Maine Lege Overrides Governor’s Veto, Will Feed Hungry Kids In Summer

Here’s a Nice Time change from our usual school lunch story — instead of a tale of heartless dickery leading to poor kids’ food being thrown away, this time around we have a tale where the good guys win and hungry kids get fed! Could this become a trend? Yes, we do need to pause for just a minute to note that it should not even be news that hungry kids will now be fed. In any case, paper hats and hairnets off to the Maine Legislature for voting to override Gov. Paul LePage’s veto of a bill expanding a summer school lunch program. See, state legislatures? That’s what you do when your governor is a jerk who says that children should not eat food. Why can’t more of you be like the good boys and girls in Maine? Read more on Nice Time: Maine Lege Overrides Governor’s Veto, Will Feed Hungry Kids In Summer…
  sorry seems to be the hardest word

Gay-Hating Rape-Loving Maine Legislator ‘Regrets’ He Was Caught Saying All Those Terrible Things

Way up in Maine, where everyone is probably literally dead from cold and snow, an intrepid rabble-rousing blogger dug up a bunch of awful that had spewed from the mouth of newbie Republican state legislator Lawrence Lockman. Apparently Lockman has been a perennial culture scold, losing candidate, and general nutbar up in Maine for years, but only recently got himself elected. Too bad he came with a ridiculous amount of word baggage. Lockman falsely suggested HIV and AIDS could be spread by bed sheets and mosquitos, and he also said the progressive movement helped spread the virus by claiming “the practice of sodomy is a legitimate alternative lifestyle, rather than a perverted and depraved crime against humanity.” The post also quoted a 1995 press statement by Lockman, then part of the Pro Life Education Association, comparing abortion to rape. “If a woman has (the right to an abortion), why shouldn’t a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman?” Lockman said. “At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.” Read more on Gay-Hating Rape-Loving Maine Legislator ‘Regrets’ He Was Caught Saying All Those Terrible Things…
  bloomers to be next hot fashion trend

‘Women’s Christian Temperance Union’ Still Thing That Exists, Now Opposes Reefer Madness

Nostalgic for the days of Carrie Nation? Want to protect hearth and home from the Sorrows of Drink, or weed, or the Pokémans addiction? Then you may want to get yourself signed up for the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, which is still somehow a going concern 80 years after the end of Prohibition. And since Prohibition was such a huge success, now the organization’s 4,000 to 5,000 members are gearing up to fight the demon weed Marijuana, according to this AP story. Seems that the Maine chapter of the WCTU has resurrected itself in response to Portland’s recent referendum legalizing pot use — a law which is expected to have no real effect, since police say they’ll continue to enforce state laws against the stuff. Read more on ‘Women’s Christian Temperance Union’ Still Thing That Exists, Now Opposes Reefer Madness…
  how to make friends and influence people

Maine Governor Paul LePage Sure Wishes Entire State Wasn’t Filled With Lazy Unemployed Human Garbage

Hey Maine Governor Paul LePage! How is your state doin’? You wanna brag on it some? Oh, you want to say that Mainers are a bunch of goddamn hobos, layin’ around waiting for their welfare checks so they can buy some lobstah? That sounds like an excellent way to stop having to do the boring dumb job of being governor, like how when a man who does not want to be asked to empty the dishwasher gets instant dropsy every time he picks up a glass! Informed that the event was wrapping up, LePage said he had two more points to make. The first was just one word: “energy.” The second was, he said, in reference to “workforce development.” “About 47% of able-bodied people in the state of Maine don’t work,” said LePage. On the recording you can hear a member of the audience ask “what?” LePage repeats himself: “About 47%. It’s really bad.” That does sound bad, Mr. Governor LePage! But how can it possibly be true? Isn’t your state full of white people? Everybody knows white people do not steal welfare benefits. They “find” them! Read more on Maine Governor Paul LePage Sure Wishes Entire State Wasn’t Filled With Lazy Unemployed Human Garbage…
  not quite ready for same-socks unions however

Nice Time! George HW And Barbara Bush Attend Same-Sex Wedding In Maine

Here’s some genuine Nice Time for your Thursday — George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush served as witnesses at the wedding of Bonnie Clement and Helen Thorgalsen on Saturday. The couple co-own a general store in Kennebunk, Maine. Thorgalsen posted the photo above on Facebook with the note “Getting our marriage license witnessed!” Sorry to see that Mr. Bush had to use a wheelchair, but those are some spiffy, festive star-spangled socks. Read more on Nice Time! George HW And Barbara Bush Attend Same-Sex Wedding In Maine…
  we were told there'd be no math

Flawless Victory! Maine Gov. Paul LePage Spends $700,000, Catches 45 Cases Of Welfare Fraud. Maybe.

Maine Gov. Paul LePage promised to ferret out welfare fraud, and he was as good as his word, hiring eight new fraud inspectors to crack down on the cheating poors. And now, the Portland Press Herald reveals the fantastic achievements of that stepped-up scrutiny: Despite spending $700,000 a year on eight additional fraud inspectors who fielded about 1,100 leads, the governor reported that only 45 cases of alleged fraud were referred to law enforcement. Never let it be said that LePage isn’t an excellent custodian of Taxpayer Dollars. Just like a good custodian, he mopped those suckers up and wrung ‘em out right down a drain. Read more on Flawless Victory! Maine Gov. Paul LePage Spends $700,000, Catches 45 Cases Of Welfare Fraud. Maybe….
  all the derp that's fit to herp

A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Labor Day Loonworld Roundup

Welcome to a special Labor Day edition of picked-up pieces, a baggy collection of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that we couldn’t quite manage a full post on. Or just didn’t wanna. At the top of the list, Tucker Carlson snoozing on the set of Fox & Friends, because there’s really not much more to say about it, other than “Hey, look at this professional teevee idjit sleeping on a couch!” Carlson’s thoughts on the matter were limited to “Is this honestly live?” and “I was having these happy thoughts and I dozed off … Is this honestly on TV?” There’s probably a metaphor here, we think.  Stay in school, kids. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Labor Day Loonworld Roundup…
  men are from mars this guy is from stupid

Maine GOP Legislator: It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s Brain Thing And You Wouldn’t Understand

Manly sort of readers: do you ever think about just how hard it is to communicate with ladies? You with your big, enormous, throbbing, rational brain putting up with these ladies and their feelings and their incessant need to get free stuff because of those feelings? Maine GOP Leader Ken Fredette thinks about this a lot. Why? Because Obamacare, duh: Read more on Maine GOP Legislator: It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s Brain Thing And You Wouldn’t Understand…
  blowhard in the wind

Maine Governor: University Wind Turbine Uses ‘Little Electric Motor’ Or Maybe Witchcraft

Seems like C_R_Eature missed a Top Science Discovery in his roundup of the week’s science news: Maine Gov. Paul LePage, who has had just about enough of this “clean energy” nonsense, accused the University of Maine of using vile subterfuge and “a little electric motor” to fool decent god-fearing folk into thinking that electricity can be generated by wind power. He then reportedly lunged at press photographers, screaming at them to stop stealing pieces of his soul. Read more on Maine Governor: University Wind Turbine Uses ‘Little Electric Motor’ Or Maybe Witchcraft…
  but other than the gas chamber how did you like treblinka?

Assassination Joke Sheriff Very Sorry All You ‘Nazis’ Can’t Keep Your Hurtful Criticism To Yourself

Hey, remember like four hours ago, when we cadged a post from ThinkProgress about that nice young sheriff with the slick comedy stylings about murdering the president? Well ThinkProgress has an update, which they’ve stoled from the “Plymouth Patch,” so we guess we do now too! Sup, ThinkProg? Oh, that sheriff is mad at all the liberals, who are being Nazis, by criticizing him? Cool sheriff. Very good handle on history and what things are equivalent to what other things! “The irony of it is, it’s perfectly OK for them [liberals] to make those jokes about President Bush or someone from the other side of the aisle. I can imagine what some of this place comes from not 2013 United States, it’s more like Nazi Germany in 1938.” You’d think public officials at this point would pause for a moment and say “does what i’m about to say contain the word rape or the word Nazi or the word Hitler? If so, perhaps I should rethink it.” Hahaha, we kid, that would never happen. But let us hear it all from the horse’s ass! Read more on Assassination Joke Sheriff Very Sorry All You ‘Nazis’ Can’t Keep Your Hurtful Criticism To Yourself…
  i'm not racist you're the one who's racist

Maine GOP Chair: I See Black People

DId you know only about 1 percent of Mainers are of the African American variety of American? Did you know that adds up (every little bit counts!) to about 15,000 or so black Mainers? Well Maine GOP chair Charlie Webster apparently did not know that, because, as he told NBC, a whole bunch of black people showed up to vote on Election Day — dozens and dozens of them! — but Charlie Webster and his friends don’t know anyone who’s black! He’s not saying they vote frauded Maine … he is just sayin’. Read more on Maine GOP Chair: I See Black People…
  but not second life because that would be lame

Stunning Maine GOP Discovery: Dem Challenger Is Socialist Video Game Psycho

Citizens of Maine State Senate District 25, some grave news today: your Democratic candidate for office… has been on the computer. Possibly every day. Possibly… having a good time. She plays World of Warcraft, you see. She plays it so good. And you know what THAT means: serious, disturbing sociopathic tendencies, obviously. From the Maine GOP, which appears to be totally serious: Colleen Lachowicz, the Democratic candidate for State Senate District 25 (Waterville), has been living a time-consuming double life as a member of the World of Warcraft community. World of Warcraft is an online gaming network where people play a fantasy role-playing game in an imaginary world called “Azeroth.” OH LORD, she plays a video game? Be still my heart! And to think, we almost elected her to office in the 41st most populous state in These Uniteds. Surely no Maine Republican would stoop so low as to have hobbies. Oh, wait, the INCUMBENT REPUBLICAN has hobbies? Read more on Stunning Maine GOP Discovery: Dem Challenger Is Socialist Video Game Psycho…
 

Maine Gov. In Trouble Because Apparently Health Care Reform Isn’t As Bad As The Holocaust Or Something

Did you know that the Gestapo, in addition to hauling away political dissidents and Jews and Gypsies to die in camps, also were a law enforcement agency, that enforced the law, of Nazi Germany? That’s all Maine Governor Paul LePage is saying, man. Don’t get all worked up. He’s just saying that, much like the Gestapo enforced the the laws in Nazi Germany that you weren’t allowed to be Jewish, on penalty of death, so too the IRS will be enforcing the laws of America that you aren’t allowed to not have health insurance on penalty of, like, a fine or something. That’s all he meant when said that the IRS was just like the Gestapo. GOD. So whiny, all of you. Read more on Maine Gov. In Trouble Because Apparently Health Care Reform Isn’t As Bad As The Holocaust Or Something…