Tag Archives: maine

  Resign Already

Screw You Guys, Gov. Paul LePage Gonna Go Be A Senator Now

Stupider things have happened
Stupider things have happened. Like his reelection. Maine Gov. Paul LePage has apparently not been paying attention to all the mail requesting that he resign, but he does at least have some thoughts about leaving office eventually. Like maybe he’ll run for the U.S. Senate in 2018 against mustache model and independent Sen. Angus King, a thought that LePage had floated before, only to proclaim that he was joking. But maybe this time he’s serious. Or MAYBE HE’S “JOKING” AGAIN, you simply cannot tell with Paul LePage, who is a Jedi with an unknowable mind. Or undetectable, maybe that’s it. In any case, it’s good to see he’s given some thought to what he’ll do after he’s impeached. Read more on Screw You Guys, Gov. Paul LePage Gonna Go Be A Senator Now…
  WONKET ACTION ALERT

Jerkface Gov. Paul LePage Will Resign If Enough People Dump Pigs’ Blood On Him At Prom

Stupider things have happened
AND NOW YOU ARE GOING TO FIRE HIM. Maine Wonkers, AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, we have a job for you! Your asshole governor, Paul LePage, you know who we’re talking about? Yeah him. So remember how he chicken-scrawled out a mean, poorly worded note to a constituent who wanted him to resign, essentially saying “I KNOW I ARE BUT WHAT IS YOU?” and then stuck the piece of official Maine Governor stationery down his pants and rubbed it around in the toilet paper-infected zone that probably spreads from his balls to his whatevers? Real dick move if you ask us, and VERY unbecoming of a man who wants to call himself the governor of the great state of Maine, which we hear is nice this time of year! Read more on Jerkface Gov. Paul LePage Will Resign If Enough People Dump Pigs’ Blood On Him At Prom…
  Also Can't Call 'Shotgun' For Next Road Trip

Maine Supreme Court To Gov. Paul LePage: No, You Didn’t Veto Anything, Doofus

Oh, but the horrors poor Bill suffered in LePage's pocket...
As you may be aware, Maine Gov. Paul LePage is not the sharpest knife on the tree when it comes to governoring, as we learned in July when he botched the “pocket veto” of a whole bunch of bills that he didn’t like — and then did it again a few days later. LePage insisted that he had actually done everything just right, and took the matter to the Maine Supreme Court, which ruled Thursday that he really had screwed up, and the bills he thought he’d killed forever are in fact now officially laws. We bet there will be a really nice children’s song about this someday. And that if Paul LePage writes it, it won’t make any sense. Read more on Maine Supreme Court To Gov. Paul LePage: No, You Didn’t Veto Anything, Doofus…
  Words is hard

Maine Gov. Paul LePage Is A Idiot What Don’t Write Good

I know you is but what are I?
The Republican governor of Maine is a real genius, and by genius, we are being sarcastic as hell, because the dude is a total moron. But he’s not just a moron; Gov. Paul LePage is also a terrible person, with a sac of gonorrheal discharge where his heart should be. He is always seeking new and creative ways to fuck the poors — whether it’s trying to prevent cities from increasing their minimum wages, drug-testing recipients of government assistance, or just yelling at them to “get off the couch and get yourself a job!” Read more on Maine Gov. Paul LePage Is A Idiot What Don’t Write Good…
  He Called No Tagbacks!

Gov. Paul LePage Accidentally Turning Maine Into Feminist Paradise, Haha, Whoops

It's more a label of the contents than an actual cancellation
Wacky ol’ rubber bag of infected pus and Maine Gov. Paul LePage is one comical fella. Last week, we told you how he thought he had “pocket vetoed” 19 bills by doing nothing about them, but had actually screwed the procedural pooch because the Maine Legislature had not actually adjourned, and so the bills became law. The fun continues, because as of Sunday, Democratic lawmakers say that an additional 51 bills have become law because LePage refused to do anything about them on time. Among the bills was an expansion of Medicaid funding for reproductive health that will benefit some 13,000 women in the Pine Tree State. But not so fast, says LePage — he’s gonna take the whole thing to the state supreme court, and he’ll win, because Democrats are dumm and he is smrt. Read more on Gov. Paul LePage Accidentally Turning Maine Into Feminist Paradise, Haha, Whoops…
  dispatches from the wasteland

Lady Beaters, Fetus Shooters And Bar Fights: Your Florida Roundup (Is Extra Violent This Week)

Good morning/afternoon/whenever the Wonkette overlords click PUBLISH! This week’s Roundup is brought to you from our couch, because it is way too fuckin’ hot to go outside. (Bring on the Little Ice Age already.) Read more on Lady Beaters, Fetus Shooters And Bar Fights: Your Florida Roundup (Is Extra Violent This Week)…
  Can't Wait For The Robert Caro Biography

Maine Gov. Paul LePage Doesn’t Know How To Veto Stuff Good, Just Enacted Welfare For Refugees

Stupider things have happened
Just in case you were wondering, vitriol-fueled weaselborg Maine Governor Paul LePage is never going to join LBJ or even Harry Reid in the ranks of politicians of whom people say “Love him or hate him, he sure knows how to work parliamentary procedure!” This is largely thanks to his complete failure to “pocket veto” a bunch of bills he didn’t like, including one measure, LD 369, that would provide financial assistance to refugees and asylum seekers. LePage hates the bill, calling it “illegal alien welfare.” So he refused to sign it and another 18 bills. Just one problem with that: under Maine law, LePage did it completely wrong, as Think Progress explains (if you listen carefully, you can hear writer Tara Culp-Ressler giggling right through the text): Read more on Maine Gov. Paul LePage Doesn’t Know How To Veto Stuff Good, Just Enacted Welfare For Refugees…
  Ugly Bag Of Mostly Spite

Maine Gov. Paul LePage Facing Impeachment For Alleged Blackmail, Being A-Hole

No, honey, the rats are just playing a little rough.
We’re all quite aware that Maine Gov. Paul LePage is a loathsome, petty asshole who wants to punish the poor and get his own way on everything. But we didn’t quite realize the Nixonian levels of pure spite the man is capable of until we learned that LePage threatened funding for a school for at-risk kids unless it dropped its job offer to a political opponent, Democratic House Speaker Mark Eves. And thanks to that very personal blackmail attempt against kids who don’t know a House Speaker from a subwoofer, LePage now faces possible impeachment. Read more on Maine Gov. Paul LePage Facing Impeachment For Alleged Blackmail, Being A-Hole…
  But who would ever be that dumb?

Look, It’s Another Republican Calling Bullsh*t On Dumb Obamacare Lawsuit

Yes America is that dumb
No one could have imagined that any state would be stupid enough or evil enough — or both! — to turn down free money to subsidize healthcare for people who need it. Literally, no one. Not even congressional Republicans who worked on the Affordable Care Act, while kicking and screaming the whole time about how it was going to murder all our freedoms and jobs and blah blah blah, whatever, turns out they were all WRONG. Because who would say, “No, I don’t want your icky free federal dollars so the people of my state won’t die”? And yet, here we are, on the verge of a decision by the Supreme Court about whether the law, which includes the words “established by the state,” allows tax subsidies for states that refuse to establish healthcare exchanges, or whether everyone in U.S. America should be able to get healthcare somehow, even if Congress was all clumsy and stupid and sucks at writing laws with words in them. Read more on Look, It’s Another Republican Calling Bullsh*t On Dumb Obamacare Lawsuit…
  conquered by the gay agenda

George W. Bush Wanted To Gay Marry Some Ladies, Because He Is A Filthy Liberal Now

He would have done the wedding but he was washing his hair.
Oh no, even former President George W. Bush has been conquered by the Gay Mafia! Way back in 2013, we reported that other former President George H.W. Bush had been an official witness for the lesbian nuptials of Bonnie Clement and Helen Thorgalsen, in Kennebunkport, Maine. At the time, we were like “Nice Time!” and also “Wow, those establishment Republicans really do not care about this issue, when they’re not having to pander to Stupids for votes.” Well NOW we find out that even George Bush The Younger was supportive of these lesbian brides, so much that he actually wanted to perform the wedding: Read more on George W. Bush Wanted To Gay Marry Some Ladies, Because He Is A Filthy Liberal Now…
  oh look it's another fuck the poors story

Maine Gov. Paul LePage Will Starve Your Kids, Because You’re Probably A Gross Junkie Anyway

I know you is but what are I?
So, we know that Maine Gov. Paul LePage is an asshole, and that he likes to do everything he can to fuck the poors. Now, he has come up with a new trick, in the form of Maine LD 1407 , which proscribes a whole new set of hoops to jump through if you want to keep getting welfare or food stamps through the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF program). Here, have some drug tests! Hope you don’t fail them, otherwise we just might take away your benefits, even if you have kids and stuff! Oh, and if you’ve been convicted of a drug crime, fuck you too: Read more on Maine Gov. Paul LePage Will Starve Your Kids, Because You’re Probably A Gross Junkie Anyway…
  Knock It Off With All The Local Control Will You?

Missouri GOP Knows Cities Can’t Be Trusted To Make Their Own Minimum Wage Laws

You weirdos just knock it off with your local control, OK?
Republicans in the Missouri State Senate are the latest to jump on the trendy new thing where Small Government Conservatives blather on endlessly about the sanctity of states’ rights and local control, and then turn around and pass state laws to prevent towns and cities from passing laws that might differ from Republican policies. If they have their way, local governments will be prohibited from setting their own minimum wage, as well as from restricting use of plastic bags, and maybe other stuff as well. Because freedom and local control are beautiful, except when they aren’t. Read more on Missouri GOP Knows Cities Can’t Be Trusted To Make Their Own Minimum Wage Laws…
  but if you outlaw baloney only outlaws will have baloney

Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices

Gee willikers golly Jeebus on a cracker, the states of this union are stepping up their game in the eternal contest to see who can fuck the poors with the least amount of lube. If you know Maine’s governor, Paul LePage, you won’t be surprised to hear that his entry into the Fuck The Poors contest is a doozy! Yes, it’s time for another list of Prohibited Poor People Food Theater, everyone follow along closely, because it is stupid and confusing, and it shows the lengths Republicans will go to, in order to curb-stomp poor people. Read more on Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices…
  that’s not very nice

Maine Republicans Want To Cure Infertility, Unless You Had A Disease In Your Filthy Vagina

Everyone woman should have babies except not
Some fellas in the Maine legislature think it would be nice if health insurance covered infertility treatment for ladies what want to have babies but cannot. So the state’s Republican Senate Majority Leader Garrett Mason has introduced S.P. 334, An Act To Provide Access to Infertility Treatment so infertility treatment will be more affordable. That’s sweet of him! Testifying before the Committee on Insurance and Financial Services earlier this month, Sen. Mason explained why he has introduced this bill: Read more on Maine Republicans Want To Cure Infertility, Unless You Had A Disease In Your Filthy Vagina…
  Work Is The Curse Of The Drinking Class

Gov. Paul LePage Will Protect Maine From Threat Of Decent Wages

Guess what body part I'm being? Oh, you guessed!
Maine Gov. Paul LePage is working really hard to earn the title of Most Loathsome Governor in America, which is a difficult task in a nation containing Rick Scott, Bobby Jindal, Chris Christie, Sam Brownback, and so many other worthy candidates. We’re thinking his latest dick move, pushing a bill that would prevent Maine cities from setting a minimum wage higher than the state’s minimum wage of $7.50 an hour, just might be the thing to make him stand out from the rest of the crowd of assholes, making him the dickhead of all dickheads, or cazzo di tutti cazzi. Read more on Gov. Paul LePage Will Protect Maine From Threat Of Decent Wages…
  If you're using vaseline to fuck the poors you're doing it wrong

In Maine, A Chafed A**Hole Gets Vaseline

At this point the governor does not know she has greasy Vaseline lube in her purse.
Maine governor Paul LePage is a real shitbag. In 2013, he said a mean about Democratic state senator Troy Jackson, specifically that Jackson does rude things to Mainers in their butts, or more precisely that he “claims to be for the people but he’s the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline.” Ya burnt! Also, that is the wrong way to do it, if you are using Vaseline, you are doing it wrong. So that is the context for why a former Democratic Maine rep lady named Jeanne Twomey decided that LePage was being a dick during a town hall meeting, and proceeded to fling a bottle of Vaseline at his head (and miss, because Democrats can’t throw, science fact): Read more on In Maine, A Chafed A**Hole Gets Vaseline…