Tag Archives: maine

  But who would ever be that dumb?

Look, It’s Another Republican Calling Bullsh*t On Dumb Obamacare Lawsuit

Yes America is that dumb
No one could have imagined that any state would be stupid enough or evil enough — or both! — to turn down free money to subsidize healthcare for people who need it. Literally, no one. Not even congressional Republicans who worked on the Affordable Care Act, while kicking and screaming the whole time about how it was going to murder all our freedoms and jobs and blah blah blah, whatever, turns out they were all WRONG. Because who would say, “No, I don’t want your icky free federal dollars so the people of my state won’t die”? And yet, here we are, on the verge of a decision by the Supreme Court about whether the law, which includes the words “established by the state,” allows tax subsidies for states that refuse to establish healthcare exchanges, or whether everyone in U.S. America should be able to get healthcare somehow, even if Congress was all clumsy and stupid and sucks at writing laws with words in them. Read more on Look, It’s Another Republican Calling Bullsh*t On Dumb Obamacare Lawsuit…
  conquered by the gay agenda

George W. Bush Wanted To Gay Marry Some Ladies, Because He Is A Filthy Liberal Now

He would have done the wedding but he was washing his hair.
Oh no, even former President George W. Bush has been conquered by the Gay Mafia! Way back in 2013, we reported that other former President George H.W. Bush had been an official witness for the lesbian nuptials of Bonnie Clement and Helen Thorgalsen, in Kennebunkport, Maine. At the time, we were like “Nice Time!” and also “Wow, those establishment Republicans really do not care about this issue, when they’re not having to pander to Stupids for votes.” Well NOW we find out that even George Bush The Younger was supportive of these lesbian brides, so much that he actually wanted to perform the wedding: Read more on George W. Bush Wanted To Gay Marry Some Ladies, Because He Is A Filthy Liberal Now…
  oh look it's another fuck the poors story

Maine Gov. Paul LePage Will Starve Your Kids, Because You’re Probably A Gross Junkie Anyway

Not sorry your kids are hungry.
So, we know that Maine Gov. Paul LePage is an asshole, and that he likes to do everything he can to fuck the poors. Now, he has come up with a new trick, in the form of Maine LD 1407 , which proscribes a whole new set of hoops to jump through if you want to keep getting welfare or food stamps through the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF program). Here, have some drug tests! Hope you don’t fail them, otherwise we just might take away your benefits, even if you have kids and stuff! Oh, and if you’ve been convicted of a drug crime, fuck you too: Read more on Maine Gov. Paul LePage Will Starve Your Kids, Because You’re Probably A Gross Junkie Anyway…
  Knock It Off With All The Local Control Will You?

Missouri GOP Knows Cities Can’t Be Trusted To Make Their Own Minimum Wage Laws

You weirdos just knock it off with your local control, OK?
Republicans in the Missouri State Senate are the latest to jump on the trendy new thing where Small Government Conservatives blather on endlessly about the sanctity of states’ rights and local control, and then turn around and pass state laws to prevent towns and cities from passing laws that might differ from Republican policies. If they have their way, local governments will be prohibited from setting their own minimum wage, as well as from restricting use of plastic bags, and maybe other stuff as well. Because freedom and local control are beautiful, except when they aren’t. Read more on Missouri GOP Knows Cities Can’t Be Trusted To Make Their Own Minimum Wage Laws…
  but if you outlaw baloney only outlaws will have baloney

Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices

Gee willikers golly Jeebus on a cracker, the states of this union are stepping up their game in the eternal contest to see who can fuck the poors with the least amount of lube. If you know Maine’s governor, Paul LePage, you won’t be surprised to hear that his entry into the Fuck The Poors contest is a doozy! Yes, it’s time for another list of Prohibited Poor People Food Theater, everyone follow along closely, because it is stupid and confusing, and it shows the lengths Republicans will go to, in order to curb-stomp poor people. Read more on Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices…
  that’s not very nice

Maine Republicans Want To Cure Infertility, Unless You Had A Disease In Your Filthy Vagina

Everyone woman should have babies except not
Some fellas in the Maine legislature think it would be nice if health insurance covered infertility treatment for ladies what want to have babies but cannot. So the state’s Republican Senate Majority Leader Garrett Mason has introduced S.P. 334, An Act To Provide Access to Infertility Treatment so infertility treatment will be more affordable. That’s sweet of him! Testifying before the Committee on Insurance and Financial Services earlier this month, Sen. Mason explained why he has introduced this bill: Read more on Maine Republicans Want To Cure Infertility, Unless You Had A Disease In Your Filthy Vagina…
  Work Is The Curse Of The Drinking Class

Gov. Paul LePage Will Protect Maine From Threat Of Decent Wages

Guess what body part I'm being? Oh, you guessed!
Maine Gov. Paul LePage is working really hard to earn the title of Most Loathsome Governor in America, which is a difficult task in a nation containing Rick Scott, Bobby Jindal, Chris Christie, Sam Brownback, and so many other worthy candidates. We’re thinking his latest dick move, pushing a bill that would prevent Maine cities from setting a minimum wage higher than the state’s minimum wage of $7.50 an hour, just might be the thing to make him stand out from the rest of the crowd of assholes, making him the dickhead of all dickheads, or cazzo di tutti cazzi. Read more on Gov. Paul LePage Will Protect Maine From Threat Of Decent Wages…
  If you're using vaseline to fuck the poors you're doing it wrong

In Maine, A Chafed A**Hole Gets Vaseline

At this point the governor does not know she has greasy Vaseline lube in her purse.
Maine governor Paul LePage is a real shitbag. In 2013, he said a mean about Democratic state senator Troy Jackson, specifically that Jackson does rude things to Mainers in their butts, or more precisely that he “claims to be for the people but he’s the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline.” Ya burnt! Also, that is the wrong way to do it, if you are using Vaseline, you are doing it wrong. So that is the context for why a former Democratic Maine rep lady named Jeanne Twomey decided that LePage was being a dick during a town hall meeting, and proceeded to fling a bottle of Vaseline at his head (and miss, because Democrats can’t throw, science fact): Read more on In Maine, A Chafed A**Hole Gets Vaseline…
  WSPR

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Aaron Schock will no longer be in Congress but is yes longer be in trouble with the Feds, Barack Obama thinks everyone should be required to vote for some reason, and Maine Gov. Paul LePage is pretty sure that Stephen King, who lives in Maine, doesn’t live in Maine. Missed last week’s Report? That’s because we didn’t do one and instead adopted a cat. Here’s the one we did the week before, though. Read more on The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool…
  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
 

Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!

Screw you, huddled masses
Wednesday was supposed to be the day President Obama officially rolled out the Kenyan welcome mat for all them illegals who’ve already snuck across our border to infect us with diseases and their strange foreign languages. But oh no, you can un-unfurl that Hispanic flag over the White House, Mr. Thinks He’s So President, because United States District Judge Andrew S. Hanen has put a stop to that nonsense, at least for now. Read more on Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!…
  Illusion Of Protection Racket

Gov. Paul LePage To Nurse: Sure Would Be A Shame If An Angry Mob Attacked You

Nurse Kaci Hickox took a bike ride Thursday, and it was huge news because she was defying Maine’s arbitrary, unscientific semi-quarantine against her. There’s no official order, but the state has said she should not leave her home until Nov. 10, and there’s been a state police car parked outside her home, just to keep an eye on her. Read more on Gov. Paul LePage To Nurse: Sure Would Be A Shame If An Angry Mob Attacked You…
  Nuke The Healthcare Workers From Orbit. It's The Only Way To Be Sure

Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her

Thank goodness you can't get Ebola from spittle
With no teachers immediately available to yell at, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has taken up yelling at nurses, we guess. In the latest twist on Chris Christie’s War On Health Care Workers Who Volunteer To Fight Deadly Diseases, the New Jersey Department of Health announced this morning that Kaci Hickox, a still-healthy nurse who returned to the U.S. and was clapped in irons for her own good Friday night, would be allowed to return home to Maine: Read more on Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her…
  Land Of The Freaked And Home Of The Terrified

What Stupid Pointless Ebola Freakouts Are We Having Today?

Keep Calm and Freak Right The Fuck Out
Now that the first group of people to be exposed to Thomas Eric Duncan — including his fiancée and other members of his family in Dallas — have made it through their 21-day quarantine period without developing the disease themselves, you might think that maybe people might be calming down just a little bit, maybe. But then, maybe you are not a panic-mongering moron, so you may not be typical, you un-American weirdo. Maybe you’re not rushing out to buy flimsy “protective” gear or Vitamin C (or “colloidal silver” to turn your skin blue), but plenty of people are — or at the very least, scammers hope so. And it’s never a bad time to have a good old-fashioned panic over every last rumor and sneeze, like the nice people in Mississippi who pulled their children out of the local middle school when they learned that the principal had recently visited Zambia, which doesn’t even have any Ebola diagnoses, but is very definitely in Africa. Or the timid souls of Strong, Maine, who insisted on turning their town’s name into a possible Twilight Zone locale when they convinced the school board to place an elementary-school teacher on a 21-day leave because he’d been to an educational conference in Dallas. Those monsters should be coming down Maple Street any minute now. Read more on What Stupid Pointless Ebola Freakouts Are We Having Today?…
  don't call it a comeback

Scott Walker Will Fight For Wisconsin’s Right To Collect Poor People’s Pee

Scott Walker, locked in a tight race for his second term as governor of Wisconsin, wants his constituents to know he’s committed to their conservative Midwestern values. It’s all right there in his campaign’s new manifesto, “Continuing Wisconsin’s Comeback”: If you give him four more years, he promises to cut property taxes, celebrate deer hunting heritage, supervise manly red-hot iron pours, and relentlessly pursue the urine of the state’s unemployed. Read more on Scott Walker Will Fight For Wisconsin’s Right To Collect Poor People’s Pee…
  is that a tattoo on your gut or are you unhappy to see me?

Guy With Dumb Gun Tattoo Accessorizes With Actual Dumb Gun

So, back in March, the nice shirtless gentleman you see here, one Michael Smith, 41, of Norridgewock, Maine, made the “weird news” features when a tree-removal crew called police because they were frightened of the strange man yelling at them with a “gun” tucked into his waistband — and as you can see, the gun turned out to be a semi-realistic tattoo. Once the misunderstanding was cleared up (and the photos taken of course), there were laughs all around and no charges were filed. And so of course it only stands to reason that a couple months later, Mr. Smith would get arrested with an actual gun tucked into his waistband. He seems nice. Read more on Guy With Dumb Gun Tattoo Accessorizes With Actual Dumb Gun…
  Are there no workhouses?

Maine Gov. Paul LePage Has Cool New Medicaid Plan Where Poors Can Just Die

Yesterday, we brought you the story of a real death panel, the Florida Legislature, whose continued refusal to expand Medicaid is literally — the literal kind of literally — killing people. Or not, say the teabaggers, because after all the poors can always go to the ER, and then we can bitch about all those lazy poors clogging the ER. What we’re getting at here is that Maine Gov. Paul LePage (R-I Got Mine) vetoed a bill to expand Medicaid in that state Wednesday, explaining that there’s just no way that Maine can afford the expansion, which will be paid for 100% by the Federal Government for the first three years, and 90% until 2022. It’s his third veto of Medicaid expansion, and will leave over 24,000 Maine residents (out of 1.3 million Mainers total) in the coverage gap between existing Medicaid eligibility and the income level for subsidized plans on the ACA exchange. We sure hope those folks appreciate what a great chance this is for them to declare themselves free of the oppression of healthcare! Read more on Maine Gov. Paul LePage Has Cool New Medicaid Plan Where Poors Can Just Die…
  yes you may have some more

Nice Time: Maine Lege Overrides Governor’s Veto, Will Feed Hungry Kids In Summer

Here’s a Nice Time change from our usual school lunch story — instead of a tale of heartless dickery leading to poor kids’ food being thrown away, this time around we have a tale where the good guys win and hungry kids get fed! Could this become a trend? Yes, we do need to pause for just a minute to note that it should not even be news that hungry kids will now be fed. In any case, paper hats and hairnets off to the Maine Legislature for voting to override Gov. Paul LePage’s veto of a bill expanding a summer school lunch program. See, state legislatures? That’s what you do when your governor is a jerk who says that children should not eat food. Why can’t more of you be like the good boys and girls in Maine? Read more on Nice Time: Maine Lege Overrides Governor’s Veto, Will Feed Hungry Kids In Summer…
  sorry seems to be the hardest word

Gay-Hating Rape-Loving Maine Legislator ‘Regrets’ He Was Caught Saying All Those Terrible Things

Way up in Maine, where everyone is probably literally dead from cold and snow, an intrepid rabble-rousing blogger dug up a bunch of awful that had spewed from the mouth of newbie Republican state legislator Lawrence Lockman. Apparently Lockman has been a perennial culture scold, losing candidate, and general nutbar up in Maine for years, but only recently got himself elected. Too bad he came with a ridiculous amount of word baggage. Lockman falsely suggested HIV and AIDS could be spread by bed sheets and mosquitos, and he also said the progressive movement helped spread the virus by claiming “the practice of sodomy is a legitimate alternative lifestyle, rather than a perverted and depraved crime against humanity.” The post also quoted a 1995 press statement by Lockman, then part of the Pro Life Education Association, comparing abortion to rape. “If a woman has (the right to an abortion), why shouldn’t a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman?” Lockman said. “At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.” Read more on Gay-Hating Rape-Loving Maine Legislator ‘Regrets’ He Was Caught Saying All Those Terrible Things…
  bloomers to be next hot fashion trend

‘Women’s Christian Temperance Union’ Still Thing That Exists, Now Opposes Reefer Madness

Nostalgic for the days of Carrie Nation? Want to protect hearth and home from the Sorrows of Drink, or weed, or the Pokémans addiction? Then you may want to get yourself signed up for the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, which is still somehow a going concern 80 years after the end of Prohibition. And since Prohibition was such a huge success, now the organization’s 4,000 to 5,000 members are gearing up to fight the demon weed Marijuana, according to this AP story. Seems that the Maine chapter of the WCTU has resurrected itself in response to Portland’s recent referendum legalizing pot use — a law which is expected to have no real effect, since police say they’ll continue to enforce state laws against the stuff. Read more on ‘Women’s Christian Temperance Union’ Still Thing That Exists, Now Opposes Reefer Madness…
  how to make friends and influence people

Maine Governor Paul LePage Sure Wishes Entire State Wasn’t Filled With Lazy Unemployed Human Garbage

Hey Maine Governor Paul LePage! How is your state doin’? You wanna brag on it some? Oh, you want to say that Mainers are a bunch of goddamn hobos, layin’ around waiting for their welfare checks so they can buy some lobstah? That sounds like an excellent way to stop having to do the boring dumb job of being governor, like how when a man who does not want to be asked to empty the dishwasher gets instant dropsy every time he picks up a glass! Informed that the event was wrapping up, LePage said he had two more points to make. The first was just one word: “energy.” The second was, he said, in reference to “workforce development.” “About 47% of able-bodied people in the state of Maine don’t work,” said LePage. On the recording you can hear a member of the audience ask “what?” LePage repeats himself: “About 47%. It’s really bad.” That does sound bad, Mr. Governor LePage! But how can it possibly be true? Isn’t your state full of white people? Everybody knows white people do not steal welfare benefits. They “find” them! Read more on Maine Governor Paul LePage Sure Wishes Entire State Wasn’t Filled With Lazy Unemployed Human Garbage…