Michael Kinsley, the dignified journalist and dinner companion to David Denby, starts his review of the new Newsweek reboot with this: “Having recently been dumped by Time, I naturally had great hopes for this week’s much-anticipated makeover of Newsweek.” And 2,000 annoying words later — including a long bit about masturbating to a large photograph of the homophobic idiot Miss California — he closes with this: “Don’t forget to cancel your subscription to Time while you’re at it.” MORE »

CAN OBAMA SAVE STRUGGLING MAGAZINE INDUSTRY BY GOING SHIRTLESS? Today, like every day, is “sex day” here at Wonkette. Our local porn rag, The Washingtonian, features a topless photograph of President Obama and his precious boobles in its May issue. Now click that YouTube link in the post below and you will have everything (minus a cold glass of Franzia white zin) for a very hot date with yourself, loser. [Washingtonian magazine]

It’s Thursday, and you know what that means: time to read a magazine, you and me! Let’s see, let’s see, how about Foreign Affairs? That’s appropriately capital-i Important and relatively low-profile. Like their pioneers-of-capitalism friends over at the American Prospect, Foreign Affairs charges you if you want to read the “premium” articles. But we’re not going to be reading anything “premium” today, as that would be disrespectful and insensitive to Our Times. Still, to read the pieces, you’re going to have to register, which only costs 2 seconds of time and zero recession dollars. And then voila, you are a registered user of Foreign Affairs—a real intellylechual like Nate Silver or whatever. MORE »

• EVERYONE CHUG THIS CUP OF SADNESS: Here’s a great and brilliant article from the new Atlantic about how the United States is a banana republic after years of terrible policies and stuff. It is probably too long for “blog readers” so just read a paragraph or two every night before sleep and someday you’ll finish! Also, Newsweek has a cover story about how Paul Krugman hates Obama but remains LOYAL for he is the king, after all. It includes a very funny picture of Krugman complaining about the rain. [Atlantic, Newsweek]

Mother Jones! So zeitgeisty now, what with the two ASME nods. Way 2 go! The most recent issue is all about food, which means it’s actually mostly about environmentalism. Let’s see here, Mother Jones takes a few things—farms, college cafeterias, Obama’s cabinet—and asks how these things can be “improved”, which in politically informed foodie-speak means roughly “more ecologically and economically sound” as opposed to “tastier.” Here are some brief sketches of a few of these recipes (!!) for improvement.  MORE »

Let’s look at Commentary magazine, the famous neocon rag now edited by John Podhoretz, who can be easily analogized to Bill Kristol, I guess, for having a much more intelligent and talented father and then sort of soiling the family legacy in the name of pride and stupidity. Or hey, for a more zeitgeist-y example Ms. Meghan McCain is also a good comparison. So, John “Blogette” Podhoretz is the Meghan McCain in this situation and Commentary is his monthly Twitter. What has Meghan Podhoretz been tweeting about as of late? Foreign policy, the economy, and, what’s this, long-time New Yorker intern David Denby, whose first foray into cultural relevance has been an unmitigated disaster. MORE »

Let’s turn an eye toward the New Yorker, a popular New York-based magazine that sometimes has a passable amount to do with DC and politics, making it a-okay for this, “the DC gossip.” Plus, as you may have heard, certain New Yorker staff writers have been turning a bemonocoled eye towards your Wonkette, and you know, an eye for an eye, etc. So, let’s go through all the relevant stuff in here, yes? MORE »

Let’s see what the boys at the Atlantic have cooked up for us this month, in the magazine’s March issue. There’s war, and the economy, and Christianity—timeless subjects, all! There’s also Christopher Hitchens, trying to one-up Adam Gopnik the only way he knows how: by writing disparaging remarks in Sharpie on his face. MORE »

It was only a matter of time before the The New Republic stopped being an inevitability in this little feature. Well, the time has come—just one week in! Let’s take a look what worthwhile things are afoot in these storied pages this week, for our new feature, Thursdays Are For Magazines. MORE »

Hey welcome to this thing that’s going to start happening on Thursdays! It’s a special Friday edition of “Thursdays Are For Magazines,” in which Wonkette will be reading a different political or DC magazine each week and reviewing its contents, in fun capsule-list form. MORE »

It’s Wednesday, everyone, and that’s the day of the week that the New York Times releases its Sunday Magazine to the Internet and Richard Cohen’s hated BlackBerrys! Obama must be so happy. Especially this week, because he’s mentioned in it! This issue’s cover story profiles legendary Hawk and Dove drunk Robert Gibbs, Obama’s former campaign communications “czar” and press secretary-elect. The Times‘ excellent Mark Leibovitch wrote the piece, so it’s quite readable and you may want to go through the whole thing yourself. But since you all are lazy unemployed slobs, we’ve extracted some of the more delightful bits below. Teaser: Obama is a hologram? MORE »