Rod Blagojevich, you are a hero — you are still giving to us, in the form of comic material, months after you’ve been removed from the Illinois governor’s office. (Not that you ever actually went to the Illinois governor’s office, but you know what we mean, you fuckin’ guy.) And today, a new scheme, or at least new details on an old scheme: the bankrupt media operation Tribune Co. was riding Blago hard to get Illinois to buy Wrigley Field from Tribune. And when current Tribune owner-weirdo Sam Zell and Blago discussed the scam, they referred to it as “Project Elwood.” MORE »

Nothing says “Christmas” like pardoning a bunch of terrible criminals — it’s like the original, fun, pre-Jesus Christmas, which the Romans called Saturnalia, in honor of beleaguered General Motors’ “different kind of car company,” Saturn. Back then, the Midwinter Holiday included such goofs as “letting slaves get it on with your wives” and “fucking said slaves in their butts, before beheading them,” and also, “emperors giving presents (severed heads) to other slaves.” It was likely very awesome. Anyway, let’s meet George W. Bush Junior’s latest bunch of dope fiends made free by Imperial Decree. MORE »

GOP bigshot who put up a million dollars’ worth of Bush 2000 campaign billboards tied to both private jets loaded with tons of cocaine caught by Mexico’s drug cops. [Mad Cow Productions]

Testimony at an ex-FBI agent’s trial in Brooklyn yesterday revealed that in 1986, the heads of the New York’s five Mafia families debated whacking Rudy Giuliani, then a federal prosecutor. Instead they killed Sonny Corleone, which sucks in retrospect — we could’ve had motherfucking Jimmy Caan running for president, too. MORE »

Rudy Giuliani’s best friend, future Secretary of Defense Bernard Kerik, has led a colorful life of being a convicted criminal, New York mobster and sex creep. Bernie also almost got the best mafia job of all, thanks to Rudy: handing out gazillions of federal dollars to “the family” as Bush’s director of the cash-cow Homeland Security Department. And now, once again, Kerik’s going to be indicted — this time by the Feds. MORE »

His cousins, uncle and even his own father were all mafioso, which maybe explains why the self-hating Giuliani dedicated so much of his professional life to crushing the Family Business by prosecuting such beloved mob figures as “Fat Tony” Salerno. At the same time, his perverse obsession with dressing up as fictional characters (usually women) means he also loves acting like characters from fictional mob movies such as “The Godfather.” But enough about Rudy’s 1,700 mental problems; let’s review his own family’s life of crime: MORE »

Here is something we’ve figured out about Ron Paul: We don’t care about him one way or the other, he’s got a dumb & humorless campaign staff, and his supporters are a bunch of dingbats who project whatever oddball stuff they believe on the guy. But you know what? We still endorse Ron Paul for president, because the Bushes have tried and failed to stop him in the past. MORE »

Some intelligence experts suggested on Tuesday that the release of the documents was intended to distract from the current controversies.

Wow, you think? Sure, the CIA is involved in a few “controversies,” but certainly noting serious such as: MORE »

* Two AU students killed in a hit and run. [Read Express]
* Free dog: “A young black lab followed some joggers from Rock Creek Park and entered my back yard on Shepherd Street today (Friday at noon).” [Petworth News]
* Steer clear of tomorrow’s protest route: “The march will begin at 12:30PM. Participants will cross Memorial Bridge into Arlington and walk to the Pentagon North parking lot for a rally.” [MetrobloggingDC]
* Disney announces black princess: “Will Disney just try to paint a black face on a princess and call her the first of her kind and yet, not give the story any ‘cultural’ distinction?” [Sugar N Spice]
* DC has an AOL Irish Mafia. [Adam's R&R]