Tag Archives: lunatics

  Always knew these guys caused cancer

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo

Your cancer is in another castle!
Greetings, pals! I see you’ve returned for another edition of the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly round-up of the worst — just the absolute worst — in poppycock to promulgate throughout this vast interweb of ours. Let’s waste no time by diving headlong into the world of cancer quackery. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo…
  to protect and lurve

Cussy PA Police Chief Calls For Armed March On Tyrants, ‘Cleansing’ Country Of Libtards, In Unsuccessful Bid To Write For Wonkette

It is too bad Wonket does not allow comments, because if it did, surely Gilberton, Pennsylvania, Police Chief Mark Kessler would make the cut! He could come and tell us how we worthly wonket scum take it up the ass and need to be “cleansed” from the country (as Dems, liberals, and “liberal news agency’s”) because Hitler, and how we are him. We feel like maybe Mark Kessler, the police chief of Gilberton, Pennsylvania, is unclear on the nation-cleansing concept? Anyway, here is a thing that Gilberton, Pennsylvania, Police Chief Mark Kessler wrote! “I’m calling on all true Americans, all militia members, all true oath keepers to assemble, be ready to march on a tyrannical county government right here in Schuylkill county Pennsylvania, democrats are the true enemy of our country, our freedoms, our constitution, along with liberal news agency’s , liberal news reporters, much like hitlers nazis , time we clean these antiamerican thugs from office,” he wrote. Also, and we are not kidding, he is a member of the local schoolboard. Who else does Mark Kessler, Gilberton, Pennsylvania, police chief, think it would be hilarious to murder with his gun today, but only because of his freedom of speech? Read more on Cussy PA Police Chief Calls For Armed March On Tyrants, ‘Cleansing’ Country Of Libtards, In Unsuccessful Bid To Write For Wonkette…
  The Rythm's Gonna Zygote Ya

Congratulations, Iowa Womyn! You May Already Be A Murderer!

You were once just two little cells, floating around in goo inside some disgusting lady who probably just had sex. But even back then you were still a complete human being, according to state representative Tom Shaw, one of nine Iowa Republicans who introduced a law that would make the destruction of a zygote subject to a murder charge. Shaw’s bill includes no exception for women who’d like to have the zygote forcibly implanted into them by a rapist removed. Those women, along with any others who exercise their Constitutional right to end a pregnancy, could be tossed into prison, along with the doctor who performs it. Read more on Congratulations, Iowa Womyn! You May Already Be A Murderer!…
  fat diabetic snake eating its own tail

Wingnuts Furious About … Fox News Going Liberal

What are America’s old white racist exurban cretins on Medicare and Social Security upset about today? Oh, the usual: Obama, liberals, gays, sex, black people, youth, hippies, the poor, the rich, Mexicans, “the hip hop,” Iran, exercise, unemployment, unemployment benefits, vegetables, a talented black woman with addiction problems such as Whitney Houston, organic farms, birth control, people having sexual intercourse in general, solar energy, Mormons, national parks, public transportation, Europe, NPR, Media Matters, the New York Times, CNN, MSNBC and Fox News. WAIT WHAT IN THE ??? Yes, Fox News. The wingnuts have spastically lurched from one invented outrage to the next with such shallow furor that they finally wound up enraged about the very teevee channel that tells them what to freak out about. Read more on Wingnuts Furious About … Fox News Going Liberal…
  dwarf dictators

Power-Crazed Twerp Bloomberg: ‘I Have My Own Army’

Sociopathic kleptocrat billionaire Micheal Bloomberg came back from his castle on Bermuda to announce that buying three terms as New York’s mayor is the bestest present he could buy someone as awesome as himself, because he has “the seventh biggest army in the world” in the form of the NYPD, his own personal military force. You know who else had their own huge army, before their heads rolled into a handcrafted French basket? Read more on Power-Crazed Twerp Bloomberg: ‘I Have My Own Army’…
  black iron prison

Comatose Dick Cheney Had Lengthy Dream That He Was Caligula

Sometimes there is a Cracker Jack™-style surprise waiting at the very bottom of another inane New York Times feature about the lifestyles and murderous rampages of America’s political leaders. And your beloved former Wonkette editor Jim Newell found just such a weird treat at the end of this bloodthirsty insanity about Dick Cheney bragging how he also wanted to bomb the hell out of Syria’s brown people back in 2007: Cheney was unconscious for weeks and weeks after one of his pig-heart transplants, and during this episode of Half Death he had a long alternate-reality dream that he was some kind of Roman despot stomping back and forth through an Italian villa. His evil goal? To find the stash of coffee and newspapers that Time Demons had deposited somewhere in Ancient Rome. Read more on Comatose Dick Cheney Had Lengthy Dream That He Was Caligula…
  welcome back crazy!

Beloved Nevada Dingbat Sharron Angle Running For Congress!!!

It’s not all bad news (or good news) today! Crazy second-amendment-remedy granny Sharron Angle has a new YouTube posted on the YouTube! And that is simply … weird? Comforting? Baffling? Let’s go with “comforting,” because when radiation rains down upon the American West this weekend, and kills everyone, we can at least know that some things stayed the same right up until the very end. Plus, Sharron Angle is probably evidence of nuclear fallout not totally killing you. She’s alive, right? Damaged and crazy, but still technically alive. Until the Japanese Fallout arrives, anyway …. Read more on Beloved Nevada Dingbat Sharron Angle Running For Congress!!!…
  republicans in the news

Joe Miller’s Alaska Militia Friend Jailed For Trying To Murder Judges

Scruffy-cheeked Ivy League teabagger Joe Miller lost his crazed bid to become a senator last year, but the sore loser still thinks he’s got a place in politics. But will his ambitions survive his friendship with a 26-year-old white trash militia kid arrested for trying to kill a bunch of judges and cops? Who knows, this is Alaska! Anyway, this child militiaman — apparently the leader of the “Alaska Peacemakers Militia” — allegedly came up with a super-great way to deal with the f’in cops always breathin’ down his neck. It involved a whole lot of shooting and kidnapping and murder and then burning down a house full of other cops, or something. Alaska, everybody! Read more on Joe Miller’s Alaska Militia Friend Jailed For Trying To Murder Judges…
  socal nazis in the news

Orange County Nazis Threaten To Kill Jerry Brown

Southern California Nazis or whatever have painted graffiti in the Orange County town of Santa Ana informing new (again) Governor Jerry Brown that they will kill him next month. One message says “We’re gonna kill Gov. Brown 2/14/11” and the other says “26 more days 4 Brown” and has a swastika instead of, we guess, a period. Santa Ana police Corporal Anthony Bertagna, who is apparently mentally challenged, told local media he did not know if the messages were related in any way. (The two threats were both found yesterday in the same Orange County town, when February 14 was 26 days away, so who knows, right? One is probably referring to sending Meg Whitman a Valentine’s Day snake or something, and the other probably doesn’t even exist in our universe.) Read more on Orange County Nazis Threaten To Kill Jerry Brown…
  america at war with itself

America Acts Shocked As Nut Murders 6, Injures 12 Including U.S. Rep

Almost everything of morbid interest about today’s mass shooting in Tuscon can be found in our previous post. The latest version of the news is this: Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, a popular Democrat representing Arizona’s liberal refuge of Tuscon, was shot through the head by a suspect identified as 22-year-old Jared Loughner. Giffords is now out of neurosurgery, under anesthesia and was reportedly responsive to doctors’ voices during the surgery. The dead include a federal judge, John Roll, and an unidentified small child. President Obama came out with a written statement and then a televised statement, the news channels have dragged in the weekday staff, and the insane mass shooting follows many, many threats and even nuts with guns showing up at the congresswoman’s earlier neighborhood meetings. (Updates are at the bottom of this post.) Read more on America Acts Shocked As Nut Murders 6, Injures 12 Including U.S. Rep…
  it's morning in america

Drunken Muslim-Hating Wingnut Creep-Child Stabs Cabbie

Wingnut anti-Muslim hysteria finally turned violent in New York this week, when a psychopathic rat-eyed 21-year-old blob obsessed with American soldiers and burning with insane hatred for American Muslims repeatedly stabbed a Manhattan taxi driver in the throat with one of those stupid “Leatherman” pocket knives. “I saw so much anger on his face, so much hate,” 43-year-old cabbie Ahmed Sharif said. “I begged him, ‘Please don’t kill me.’ I was thinking about my four kids.” Read more on Drunken Muslim-Hating Wingnut Creep-Child Stabs Cabbie… Read more on Drunken Muslim-Hating Wingnut Creep-Child Stabs Cabbie…
  black equals devil-evil-doom-bad

Harry Reid Taunts Black-Hating Sharron Angle With New Campaign Fashions

Nevada scribe Sharron Angle believes that the color black is satanic! Or at least she used to, before her campaign advisers started telling her to appear more “tolerant.” Senator Harry Reid also is satanic, which is why he’s making t-shirts with this design, which mocks Angle for once campaigning against black high-school football jerseys full of Devil Power. Read more on Harry Reid Taunts Black-Hating Sharron Angle With New Campaign Fashions…
  The O.G. Burn Yer Queeran Fest

Defiant Homo-Hating Church Still Gonna Burn Korans No Matter What

The socialists who run the city government of Gainesville, Florida, have denied a permit to the Dove World Outreach Center for its planned International Burn A Koran Day party on September 11, saying that the city’s burning ordinance prohibits open book-burning. But USA Today reports that Dove World’s online community manager or whatever sent out an email saying “WE WILL STILL BURN KORANS” anyhow, ’cuz the only law that matter’s is Jesus’s law. So put that in your Fidel Castro caps, suckaz. Read more on Defiant Homo-Hating Church Still Gonna Burn Korans No Matter What…
  'i have a gun' speeches

Gun Nuts Helping Glenn Beck With His Dumb Rally

Hey you guys, are you going to Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally at the Lincoln Memorial on “8.28.10”? We should all carpool with Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin in their cars/snow machines and sing “Cat Scratch Fever” on the way, it will be so cool. But if their rides are full, then maybe our National Rifle Association friends can take us to the rally, which is being promoted with Abe Lincoln posters. Did you know that Abraham Lincoln was shot once? Read more on Gun Nuts Helping Glenn Beck With His Dumb Rally…