Tag: luke russert

Sarah Palin And Steve King Huffing Corn Syrup Fumes At Each Other Again

In all the excitement of the Iowa Caucuses, you might have missed one little squirmish leading up to the big night: a microfeud between rightwing idiot Sarah Palin and idiot rightwinger Steve King over Palin's historic histrionic endorsement of...

RINO Kevin McCarthy Drops Out Of Speaker’s Race To Spend More Time Not Being Speaker

So ... remember how we told you that Conventional Wisdom had already elected House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy to fill John Boehner's falling-down-drunk speaker shoes, once he gets the hell out of dodge at the end of this month?...
you're gonna make me lonesome when you go

Please Train Your Replacement On Your Way Out! This Week In Corporate Layoffs

Pursuant to his well-conceived campaign strategy of lobbing baseless hyperbolic gibberish bombs, Donald Trump just surprised the nation by letting us know the unemployment rate is, in fact, not 5.1 percent and actually might be 42 percent. Sure, why the hell...
Sad Jebbers is sadness.

Why Does Jeb Bush Hate The Troops?

Sorry to interrupt your day with yet another reminder, but reminder: Jeb Bush is not going to be president. Monday: MEGYN KELLY: Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion ? JEB BUSH: I would’ve, and so would’ve Hillary...
biased pic i'm sure

Sexist Liberals Afraid Pig Farmer Joni Ernst Will Castrate Obama In SOTU Response

Bobby Jindal. Bob McDonnell. Paul Ryan. My Man Mitch. Thirsty Guy. CMR. Delivering the GOP's State of the Union rebuttal can launch a starry-eyed Republican to anywhere on a scale of Hapless Presidential Ticket to federal prison. So who, pray tell, will...
Now it's a few hundred, and still nothin' on.

Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!

Update/new development: Yr. Wonkette is psychic once again! (see end of post) Barry Bamz is going to single-handedly overthrow the rule of law tonight, but the teevee networks have decided not to carry the speech, because come on,...
fap fap fap

Louie Gohmert Takes His Crucifixion Porn Fetish To The Floor Of The House

Up top is Texas toadstool Louie Gohmert on the House floor a little while ago, giving one of those speeches that reminds us all he is democracy’s greatest orator since Cicero. What important topic could the toadstool be expounding...
Yee haw we think maybe?

Hey, Look At This Extra Money Democrats Found Laying Around For Alison Lundergan Grimes

So there is an election? In, like, two weeks? And it's sort of important -- because ALL elections are important, duh -- but there is a very good chance that this election will give Republicans control of the Senate...

Shut the F**k Up, Luke Russert (And Chuck Todd Too)

So according to the World Of Cable Chatter, Alison Lundergan Grimes has completely destroyed her chances of being elected to the U.S. Senate because she didn't answer the Louisville Courier-Journal editorial board's question about whether she voted for Barry Bamz...
Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Using Nerd Words Like ‘Wonkette’

We have been down to sump out the comments queue, and man, what a mess. We have quite the assortment, and let's get right to it with this brief note from "Vfunct," who was not impressed with our headline...

Chuck Todd Meets The Press, Needs To Improve Listening Skills

Chuck Todd is so excited, you guys! It's his first week as the new host of Meet the Press. That other guy with two first names failed his way into a $4 million buyout and NBC, looking to bring...

Luke Russert Kills U.S. Congressman

Luke Russert jumped the gun a short while ago, incorrectly announcing on Twitter that Rep. Bill Young had died. In reality, Rep. Young is hospitalized at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. The Tampa Bay Times reports a...

The New Republic: Why Can’t All These Journokids Be More Like That Nice Luke Russert?

The New Republic just can't understand why you all gotta hate on Luke Russert like that. Such a very nice young man! Luke-hating is a bit of a Washington bloodsport. A young congressional staffer, upon hearing that I was...

Luke Russert Is Boston Bombing’s Edward R. Murrow

Doughy-cheeked nepotism hire (and Wonket coffee-mug model) Luke Russert is a big-time journamalist who knows how to cut through the chaff and get to the live beating heart of a news story. So as the crazy events played out...

Grab Your Wallet, You Are Not Leaving Without Your ‘Shut The F*ck Up Luke Russert’ Coffee Cup

Sorry, Old Handsome Joe, but there is a new kid in town, and he is in desperate need of a cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP. $16.99 plus like a million dollars in shipping and handling (that does not...

Pols Having Secret Spawn All Over The Place!

As you probably know, the world of political journalism in the internet age is basically a never-ending exercise in detailing which brand of Fleshlight congressmen are buying at any given time. So it was not surprising exactly that some tweets...