Tag Archives: luke russert

  well why does he?

Why Does Jeb Bush Hate The Troops?

Jeb frowns at the troops.
Sorry to interrupt your day with yet another reminder, but reminder: Jeb Bush is not going to be president. Monday: MEGYN KELLY: Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion [of Iraq]? Read more on Why Does Jeb Bush Hate The Troops?…
  don't hurt yourself reaching for that outrage

Sexist Liberals Afraid Pig Farmer Joni Ernst Will Castrate Obama In SOTU Response

biased pic i'm sure
Bobby Jindal. Bob McDonnell. Paul Ryan. My Man Mitch. Thirsty Guy. CMR. Delivering the GOP’s State of the Union rebuttal can launch a starry-eyed Republican to anywhere on a scale of Hapless Presidential Ticket to federal prison. So who, pray tell, will be this year’s sacrificial pap purveyor who argues against middle-class tax cuts on behalf of the GOP? (Please say Joni Ernst. Please say Joni Ernst. Please say — ) Read more on Sexist Liberals Afraid Pig Farmer Joni Ernst Will Castrate Obama In SOTU Response…
  We Don't Interrupt This Program...

Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!

Now it's a few hundred, and still nothin' on.
Update/new development: Yr. Wonkette is psychic once again! (see end of post) Barry Bamz is going to single-handedly overthrow the rule of law tonight, but the teevee networks have decided not to carry the speech, because come on, it’s only a presidential speech, and those are lame. Or maybe they’re too partisan, according to some guy who writes a really overheated column at Politico: Read more on Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!…
  louie louie

Louie Gohmert Takes His Crucifixion Porn Fetish To The Floor Of The House

fap fap fap
Up top is Texas toadstool Louie Gohmert on the House floor a little while ago, giving one of those speeches that reminds us all he is democracy’s greatest orator since Cicero. What important topic could the toadstool be expounding on, with visual aids that appear to be blown-up stills from the final scene of Spartacus? Let’s listen in. Read more on Louie Gohmert Takes His Crucifixion Porn Fetish To The Floor Of The House…
  Unskew Kentucky!

Hey, Look At This Extra Money Democrats Found Laying Around For Alison Lundergan Grimes

Yee haw we think maybe?
So there is an election? In, like, two weeks? And it’s sort of important — because ALL elections are important, duh — but there is a very good chance that this election will give Republicans control of the Senate so they can finally finally impeach President Obama, repeal the Affordable Care Act, and require every schoolchild who is not being homeschooled by soon-to-be-retired Rep. Michele Bachmann to sing “Jesus Loves Me” every morning before reading the Bible for biology class. Read more on Hey, Look At This Extra Money Democrats Found Laying Around For Alison Lundergan Grimes…
  OMG! FFS! STFU!

Shut the F**k Up, Luke Russert (And Chuck Todd Too)

So according to the World Of Cable Chatter, Alison Lundergan Grimes has completely destroyed her chances of being elected to the U.S. Senate because she didn’t answer the Louisville Courier-Journal editorial board’s question about whether she voted for Barry Bamz in 208 and 2012. Grimes has been so eager to distance herself from the president that she went on for entirely too long about how the election isn’t about Obama and proclaimed herself a big fan of Hillary Clinton instead. As WaPo notes, she could just as well have said: Read more on Shut the F**k Up, Luke Russert (And Chuck Todd Too)…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Using Nerd Words Like ‘Wonkette’

Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...
We have been down to sump out the comments queue, and man, what a mess. We have quite the assortment, and let’s get right to it with this brief note from “Vfunct,” who was not impressed with our headline about the poor schlub who got fired after he told the story of the Great Palin Bumfight of 2014. That wasn’t really all that hard to follow, we thought: “Palins Scalp Witness To Their Epic Snowbilly Battle As First Sort Of Reported By Your Wonkette.” You guys got that, right? Well, Vfunct was Most Displeased: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Using Nerd Words Like ‘Wonkette’…
  first day of school

Chuck Todd Meets The Press, Needs To Improve Listening Skills

Chuck Todd is so excited, you guys! It’s his first week as the new host of Meet the Press. That other guy with two first names failed his way into a $4 million buyout and NBC, looking to bring back the powerhouse once steered by Tim Russert, took the opportunity to slip Tim’s son Luke and Morning Misery Joe Scarborough in along with Chuck to lend the proper gravitas. We couldn’t wait to see Chuck’s debut Sunday morning, by which we mean we slept in and caught the late rerun. Read more on Chuck Todd Meets The Press, Needs To Improve Listening Skills…
  reports of luke russert's credibility have been greatly exaggerated

Luke Russert Kills U.S. Congressman

Luke Russert jumped the gun a short while ago, incorrectly announcing on Twitter that Rep. Bill Young had died. In reality, Rep. Young is hospitalized at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. The Tampa Bay Times reports a family spokesperson announced U.S. Rep. C. W. Bill Young’s condition turned for the worse over night and he is gravely ill. His doctors say his prognosis is guarded. Read more on Luke Russert Kills U.S. Congressman…
  oh for fuck's sake

The New Republic: Why Can’t All These Journokids Be More Like That Nice Luke Russert?

The New Republic just can’t understand why you all gotta hate on Luke Russert like that. Such a very nice young man! Luke-hating is a bit of a Washington bloodsport. A young congressional staffer, upon hearing that I was writing a story about Luke, gleefully began forwarding me a series of emails from her coworkers poking fun at Russert’s most bro-ish tweets. (“God speed Lilly Pulitzer. How many relationships started bc a guy noticed a Lilly dress? Guessing thousands!,” he tweeted upon the occasion of the preppy icon’s death.) A thirty-something Capitol Hill reporter cloaked his distaste in the guise of concern for wasted potential. “Luke is quickly mastering the art of purveying conventional wisdom, and it’s a shame.” Fellow reporters related the meanest anecdotes they could think of—“but not for attribution, OK?” Kindly attribute the following to Your Wonket: Read more on The New Republic: Why Can’t All These Journokids Be More Like That Nice Luke Russert?…
  the anals of journamalism

Luke Russert Is Boston Bombing’s Edward R. Murrow

Doughy-cheeked nepotism hire (and Wonket coffee-mug model) Luke Russert is a big-time journamalist who knows how to cut through the chaff and get to the live beating heart of a news story. So as the crazy events played out overnight in Boston, with the Boston PD and federal agents engaged in a running gun battle with possible suspects in the marathon bombing and other reporters raced to the scene to send out updates while dodging gunfire, Luke was right there with them several hundred miles away, risking his mom’s wrath by staying up well past his bedtime to suss out the important facts in this big event. It is hard to believe such a larger-than-life media personality only costs NBC a six-figure salary and all the juice boxes he wants. Let us journey down the river of darkness that is this horrible week in New England, our hearts strengthened only by the fortitude of our guide: Read more on Luke Russert Is Boston Bombing’s Edward R. Murrow…
  shut the fuck cup

Grab Your Wallet, You Are Not Leaving Without Your ‘Shut The F*ck Up Luke Russert’ Coffee Cup

Sorry, Old Handsome Joe, but there is a new kid in town, and he is in desperate need of a cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP. $16.99 plus like a million dollars in shipping and handling (that does not actually cover the whole cost of the shipping and handling, people who are mad at how much we charge for shipping and handling). Thank you for shopping at Wonket Bazaar. We love you. Read more on Grab Your Wallet, You Are Not Leaving Without Your ‘Shut The F*ck Up Luke Russert’ Coffee Cup…
  How It Is Done

Bright Young Thing Luke Russert Asks Nancy Pelosi Why An Old Lady Like Her Won’t Step Aside For Someone Young and Cute

So here is your video of Luke Russert being an ass to Nancy Pelosi at her press conference announcing she intends to continue as House Minority Leader. Because, surely there are some 24-year-olds who would be really good at Dem Leadering. Doesn’t that old lady know that Gen Y always thinks they get to be the boss? Oh, and speaking of boss, that is how Nancy handles the twerp: Like a BOSS. Read more on Bright Young Thing Luke Russert Asks Nancy Pelosi Why An Old Lady Like Her Won’t Step Aside For Someone Young and Cute…
  hacks

Awesome Pundits Just Cannot Stop Saying Idiotic Things About Elizabeth Warren

In the annals of political lying, quoting someone out of context is almost not even surprising any more, as anyone familiar with the “you didn’t build that” nonsense knows (and yes, same goes for “I like to fire people”). The original comment, disconnected from its context, gets lost in volleys of misleading quotes. But it takes a special kind of chootzpah to lie about someone even as you include, right next to your lies, a copy of the very thing you are lying about. Consider this ad for Elizabeth Warren’s Senate campaign, above. Pretty insane stuff, isn’t it? So of course, it’s perfectly reasonable that red-‘bating doofus Ira Stoll, proprietor of the failed-newspaper-that’s-now-a-website The New York Sun would describe Warren’s position thusly: “Elizabeth Warren Praising Communist China as a Model for America” Read more on Awesome Pundits Just Cannot Stop Saying Idiotic Things About Elizabeth Warren…
  get robin givhan on this stat!

John Boehner Caught In Bald-Faced Lie About Very Important Issue: Socks

It’s a good thing there aren’t lots and lots of important things going on, in this, our world, or this very compelling piece of news might have escaped the cycle! John Boehner made sport of poor Luke Russert, world’s greatest reporter besides Matthew Boyle, for not wearing socks! And then Luke Russert (who has an encyclopedic recall of John Boehner’s sartorial choices and local news appearances — kid is nothing if not in total mastery of what really matters), was all “You didn’t wear socks once on Washington state television!” Gotcha Boehner! OR DID HE? (Yes. He did.) Read more on John Boehner Caught In Bald-Faced Lie About Very Important Issue: Socks…
  nobody will fight *this* draft

Charlie Rangel Writes New Law To Get Rid of Luke Russert and Other Youth

Wait, is Luke Russert still hanging around the Capitol dressed in his suit? Isn’t “bring your kids to work day” over? Well, Charlie Rangel is sick and tired of being harassed by our nation’s unemployed youth. That’s why Congressman Rangel wrote this great new law to scoop up all the shiftless young Americans and put ’em to work, in the New National Service. And Wonkette supports this new legislation 129%, because it’s time to do something with the vast unwashed U.S. population of jobless, hopeless “kids” (everyone between grade school and Medicare). Why not make them pick up all the goddamned trash they’ve left everywhere, or maybe work taking care of each other’s bastard, obese children? Or putting band-aids over each other’s neck tattoos so they can take turns applying for that one graveyard shift opening at the Taco Bell? Read more on Charlie Rangel Writes New Law To Get Rid of Luke Russert and Other Youth…
  what did we learn today?

Top Pundit Declares Obama Therapy Session A Victory, For America

While you people were quick to declare today’s Baltimore Blabfest (our alliterative powers suck right now, please help?) to be the greatest moment in Obama history and a righteous victory for truth and Hope etc., we refused to make any verdicts before reading what flush-faced Buffalo dauphin Luke Russert had to say, on Twitter. Read more on Top Pundit Declares Obama Therapy Session A Victory, For America…
  great-grandson of big fuckin' russ

HAHAHHA LUKE RUSSERT FOR ABC’S SUNDAY MORNING SHOW! Look everyone, unsubstantiated rumors from some ABC News employee about replacing George Stephanopoulos on This Week: “A prominent ABC political pundit said grabbing [Luke] Russert would be a major play to shake up the Sunday shows. Speaking on background, the pundit told Whispers: ‘It’s a great time to buck the tide and throw caution to the wind.'” Why is it a good time to do that? Anyway hopefully they do this, because it would be hilarious, all the funny clips we could play the next day… [US News] Read more on …
  metro section

If DC Does End Up Getting That House Seat, Roland Burris Does Have Another Open Spot On The Ole Mausoleum, Now That You Mention It

Well, that’s that: The only places you can now smoke in Virgina are on private property, in the outdoors, and in sin. [DC Examiner] Read more on If DC Does End Up Getting That House Seat, Roland Burris Does Have Another Open Spot On The Ole Mausoleum, Now That You Mention It… Read more on If DC Does End Up Getting That House Seat, Roland Burris Does Have Another Open Spot On The Ole Mausoleum, Now That You Mention It…
  bummers

Luke Russert’s Fancy Brown Party Is OFF

We were perusing this Washingtonian list of fancy inauguration parties, which somehow includes Wonkette’s, and were disheartened to see that Luke Russert’s country club “jacket required” soiree is no longer an option. “Old Man Brown” (Obama) has other commitments? [Washingtonian] Read more on Luke Russert’s Fancy Brown Party Is OFF…
  virginia is a microcosm

Luke Russert Apologizes For Saying Smart People Vote For Obama

Ha ha ha Luke Russert, NBC’s Official Young Persons Correspondent, apparently made a terrible slip this morning and said “the smartest kids in the state go [to UVA], so it’s leaning a little bit towards Obama,” which was a terrible insult to all the remedial readers at the University of Virginia who will also vote for Obama. Naturally, an apology was in order. Read more on Luke Russert Apologizes For Saying Smart People Vote For Obama…