Wonkette

SOUTHERN GOTHIC: “Rielle Hunter childhood horse assassination hands election to Obama.” [Gawker]

Jay McInerney used to love dating crazy broads and doing a lot of blow, back in the 80s, when it was considered un-American not to walk around with a cocaine mustache and a persistent case of chlamydia. During these halcyon days, he dated the craziest broad of them all: Lisa Druck, who went on to change her name to “Rielle Hunter” and attain universal revile for her terrible use of fonts in John Edwards’ painfully embarrassing presidential campaign “Webisodes.” Now Jay McInerney’s publisher is reprinting a book he wrote in 1988 called Story of My Life, which is told from the point of view of a Hunter-like character, so now you too can read second-person descriptions of what it is like to have furtive futuristic time-machine sex with John Edwards in his Dirt Palace. Hint: the name he calls out in the throes of passion is his own. [Baltimore Sun]

• JOHN EDWARDS SAYS HE SEXED THAT GAL BUT IS NOT HER BABY DADDY: The former presidential candidate said yes, he had an affair with Rielle Hunter but no, he didn’t father her child or pay her hush money. Hmm. [ABC News]

So the whole time this Edwards Love Child scandal has been breaking and breaking, everybody has been asking the same question: where are the photos of John Edwards cowering in a Beverly Hills hotel bathroom and acting seedy all over the place? Well, the National Enquirer has finally delivered the goods, in the form of SPY PHOTOS revealing an Edwards-type figure hoisting aloft a remarkably human-looking child. MORE »

Aging pretty-boy multi-millionaire John Edwards was a senator for a few years after a lucrative career as a personal-injury lawyer. For some reason, this made him John Kerry’s pretend vice president, which led to a sweeping Edwards’ fail in this year’s Democratic primary. And now he’s shutting down the scholarship program he started for poor kids at a North Carolina high school. MORE »

Here’s some weird news about the already-weird John Edwards baby-mama alleged scandal: The “love child” in question has no daddy listed on the birth certificate! And we can’t even dismiss this latest tiny bit of scandal as “tabloid trash” because it comes from Edwards’ hometown mainstream media, McClatchy Newspapers’ News & Observer. MORE »

SEX CREEPS: “One day, between now and January, this alleged scandal will have to be addressed — and if John Edwards did nothing more than pay a friendly late night Beverly Hills hotel visit to his former videographer who was impregnated by his married loyalist friend, so be it. He can explain himself and go back to helping the Two Americas or whatever.” [AOL Political Machine]

DRUNK, ILLEGITIMATE BABY-MAKING CONGRESSMAN IS PITIFUL: According to the New York Daily News, still-active Rep. Vito Fossella of New York, who likes to get drunk and make babies with women who aren’t his wife, is “hiding out in a tiny apartment above a garage at his sister’s Staten Island house.” [NYDN]

Crazy week for Teddy Kennedy, right? First he bags $8.5 million for his autobiography, which fetched more than Hillary Clinton’s Living History ($8 million) but fell short of deals for Tony Blair ($10 million) and Bill Clinton ($12 million). Then the woman who allegedly had Kennedy’s love child sued the National Enquirer over last year’s cover story which claimed Uncle Teddy got her preggers, paid her a measly $15,000 to shut the fuck up, and had her apartment “ransacked and evidence of their relationship removed.” She also says she fears for her life and warns that she could end up like Mary Jo Kopechne. You know, dead. But apparently she’s under psychiatric care, so, you know… Court docs, and original story after the jump!

MORE »

• Rush & Molloy: Sen. Ted Kennedy’s (D-Mass.) alleged “secret love child” jokes about having “the classic Kennedy drinking problem”. . . Al Gore and Ralph Nader expected to attend Beastie Boys event at Sundance. . . Rudy Giuliani lunches with Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-Texas) and Al D’Amato. [NYDN]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: George Clooney’s father urges Jack Abramoff’s father to chill out: “I’ve found it very hard not to bite my tongue, but I do. You can’t really respond for your kid.” [NYDN]