Tag Archives: love

  reverse cowgirl for jesus

Pastor Challenging Lindsey Graham Is A Dumb Piece Of Crap And Here’s Why

Ladies, it’s all your fault. Hopefully you realize this by now, because all the evidence is clear, and there is literally nothing that cannot be blamed on you. Like how you will divorce your husband just because he is having penile-vaginal relations with another woman, when it’s obviously your fault he was cheating in the first place! Det Bowers, a pastor challenging Lindsey Graham in the South Carolina GOP Senate primary, once blamed women for causing most divorces — even when husbands are unfaithful to their wives. You’ll never guess the reason. (Hint: It is blatant woman-hating sexism shrouded in a thin veneer of self-righteous religious bullshit.) Read more on Pastor Challenging Lindsey Graham Is A Dumb Piece Of Crap And Here’s Why…
  love in the time of calibers

My Gun-y Valentine, Sweet Semiautomatic Valentine

You know what says love? A gun says love. Just ask anyone who’s in love with guns, like maybe Kathy Kieffer at TownHall: Forget roses. This Valentine’s Day, give her a gift that shows you love her whole body and soul. Give her a gun. Your Valentine—whether she’s your wife, girlfriend, daughter or sister—deserves something very special. What could be more sentimental than a tool she can use to defend herself? When you give her a gun, you will be showing her that she is extremely precious and valuable to you. Man, we are ever glad we hadn’t already gone out and gotten our Significant Other those Rainbow Dash earrings we were looking at. Read more on My Gun-y Valentine, Sweet Semiautomatic Valentine…
  in my arms she was always lolita

Court To Cook County Attorney: No More Creeping On Teenagers, Please

It just isn’t a good time to be a public figure in the Chicago area if you’re into the teen girl thing. First everyone threw up in their mouths a little when Mel Reynolds announced he would run for Illinois’ 2nd Congressional District. Now, teen-romance man/Cook County* Attorney Tim Scannell has himself a Harassment Restraining Order for using too many cliches in his tortured love poems to minors. Read more on Court To Cook County Attorney: No More Creeping On Teenagers, Please…
  a nation mourns

John Edwards And Rielle Hunter Broke Up Last Week, Or Possibly In 2008

You guys, extra-sad news! John Edwards and Rielle Hunter, who as far as we knew six days ago were America’s number one committed couple, are now totally broken up. Well, they’re still a family, because when you knock up your crazy new age-y campaign videographer and/or are knocked up by a married sleazeball presidential candidate, and then have a baby, you are basically linked for life, but “as of the end of last week, John Edwards and I are no longer a couple,” Rielle told important journalistic teevee show Good Morning America. So if you step outside and find that it’s raining even though the forecast called for clear skies, that’s probably angels crying! (Or maybe just water dripping from an air conditioning unit in a fifth-floor window.) But are John Edwards and Rielle Hunter still in love, despite breaking up? It’s impossible for us to say for certain, but yes, almost certainly yes. Read more on John Edwards And Rielle Hunter Broke Up Last Week, Or Possibly In 2008…
  you sexy thing

Important Vanity Fair Barack Obama Nerd Love Update: Young Obama Wore Brut

It is going to take weeks to unpack all of this New Yorker-length Vanity Fair article “Portrait Of Obama As A Pretentious Young Man,” but we at Your Wonkette know your carnal and emotional needs, and that is to have regular updates on this, the greatest magazine journalism of its generation. Up now! Read more on Important Vanity Fair Barack Obama Nerd Love Update: Young Obama Wore Brut…
  koran etiquette 101

Wingnut Insists Burning Korans On 9/11 Honors Allah And All His Friends

Now that Terry Jones is apparently Florida’s #1 Muslin-loving chickenshit, the question still remains: Is there a more respectful way to showcase one’s deep-seated hatred of the Muslim faith, or is burnin’ some Queerans at your trailer park swamp church on 9/11 really the proper way to go, as far as “etiquette” is concerned? Americans — filthy slobs that they are, and always will be — never went to cotillion, where you learn things like the correct way to “dispose” of an unwanted Koran, how to push in a Koran’s chair, or how to dance the macarena with it. Luckily for us, some wingnut with a blogspot Geocities page took a Multicultural Diversity Sensitivity course at Glenn Beck University, so he knows there is only one (1) thing you can actually “do” with a Koran, without being massively disrespectful to Muslim people. (Hint: It involves lighting all the Korans on fire, forever.) Read more on Wingnut Insists Burning Korans On 9/11 Honors Allah And All His Friends…
  true love waits

BREAKING: LEVI AND BRISTOL TO PUT THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN OF HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE “Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston say they’re engaged and hope to get married within six weeks in Alaska … Palin and Johnston tell the magazine they reconnected while working out a custody plan and became engaged two weeks ago.” Ha ha, there is literally nothing hotter than talking to your dimwit ex about who is required to care for your mistake-baby at what times; it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that, when the math and calendaring overwhelmed their feeble brains, they just fell to fuckin’. I bet grandma is psyched! “Representatives for Palin did not immediately return messages from The Associated Press seeking comment.” [AP] Read more on …
 

The White Death Will Not Stop Love (Or Casual Sex)

Neither snow nor sleet, nor more snow and sleet, can stop what is coming this Sunday: Valentine’s Day. BLAH BLAH BLAH, you either love Valentine’s Day because you’re happy and in love, or its mere presence makes you want to slit your wrists. (Or you don’t care.) Well, whether you’re single, in a relationship or cheating on your partner, there are plenty of things to do in DC to celebrate this (happy? sad? pointless?) day. Read more on The White Death Will Not Stop Love (Or Casual Sex)…
  the idea of order at key west

Charlie Crist Fired His Communications Director In Elaborate Plot To Seduce THE POLITICO’s Ben Smith

Hated Florida governor Charlie Crist fired his longtime communications director this week. This is the only “political move” you can do, in politics. Ben Smith says that Crist, who amuses himself by doing public impressions of a married straight person, is now just giving out his cell number to reporters, although this bit of information is conspicuously absent in the Sun Sentinel article Smith links to. Ergo! Charlie Crist gave Ben Smith his number for either phone sex or human body sex. Someone tell Ben Smith to wait at least 96 hours before calling if he’s at all serious about love. [Ben Smith] Read more on Charlie Crist Fired His Communications Director In Elaborate Plot To Seduce THE POLITICO’s Ben Smith…
  this week in democrat romances

Secret Weiner-Abedin Engagement Finally Revealed!

Anthony Weiner, the Democrat who infuriated many libtards by refusing to run for New York mayor and saying mean things about Jon Stewart once, can infuriate them all over again by officially taking one of the cutest, most shiny-haired Clinton staffers off the market. He proposed to Hillary Clinton’s best girlfriend Huma Abedin in late May and we just found out about it, because of … secrecy? Anthony Weiner is Dick Cheney in a pantsuit. [AP] Read more on Secret Weiner-Abedin Engagement Finally Revealed!…
  but it would've been a bestseller!

Mark Sanford’s Love Novel KILLED By Mean Old Conservative Publishers

Once upon a time, this nobody governor in, uhh, one of the southern states, but not a famous one like Florida, got a book deal. He was supposed to write about how to be conservative or something, A Southern Gentleman’s Guide To Being Conservative, but then this nobody governor turned into Mark Sanford, the Sparkin’ Thing, with his soulmate The Argentine Firecracker, and his nice wife The Kindly Wife Who Kept It Together, and basically we were in teevee miniseries territory, so of course Sanford’s publisher has killed his book. What? Read more on Mark Sanford’s Love Novel KILLED By Mean Old Conservative Publishers…
  it's father's day and everybody's wounded

True Love Will Prevail If Mark Sanford Follows His Hard-On

Republican star Mark Sanford pretty much came clean during his press conference! That is a rare thing with these people, and as a result, liberals everywhere are oohing and aahing, “Oh it’s true love he wasn’t even fucking street urchin boys as far as we know, he should just ditch his awful wife and children,” etc. Read more on True Love Will Prevail If Mark Sanford Follows His Hard-On…
  protocol

Wingnuts Angry That Obama Didn’t Suck Off Saudi King, Like Bush Always Did

Oh noes the wingnuts are very, very upset! Why? This street negro, Barack Obama, allegedly kowtowed to the Saudi King while meeting said Saudi King at the G-20. (The White House says, “Uhh, Obama is a lot taller than that old dwarf, so he bent down to look at him.”) It is shameful for an American president to politely bow one’s head while being presented to a Saudi Prince/King. You are supposed to smooch him up and hold his hand and walk him around your ranch and then give him a loving blowjob, like George W. Bush Junior always did! Let’s remember the good times, together. Read more on Wingnuts Angry That Obama Didn’t Suck Off Saudi King, Like Bush Always Did…
  valentine's day

VD Posts Are a Nice Way To Break the Ice

Well, hopefully YOU have a date for Valentine’s Day, you little minx you. Your Intern the Third will be sequestered, in mourning, at one of the these fine drinking establishments. Read more on VD Posts Are a Nice Way To Break the Ice…
  cartoon violence

Love Is In The Air

By the Comics CurmudgeonAhh, what’s that smell? Now that the election is over and there’s a brief respite from the never-ending stream of bullshit, we can catch a whiff of sweet romance! They don’t call the period after a new president’s election a “honeymoon” for nothing. Let’s enjoy this brief window of love-addled happiness before the hellscape re-engulfs us with these fine romantic cartoons. Read more on Love Is In The Air…
  matchmakers

Hot Internet Web Site For Obamatards Looking For Love

It’s no Hillary Clinton Supporters for John McCain, but this site is still what one Project Runway contestant might call a HOT TRANNY MESS. From the misspelled headline to the two alluring singles named “test” and “test2,” it has more than a whiff of the amateur…what is this, an FBI honeypot? Is Dick Cheney collecting email addresses off this thing? [Supports Obama and Single] Read more on Hot Internet Web Site For Obamatards Looking For Love…
  ha ha ha ha ha ha

John McCain Complains About Media Love For Another Candidate With Gay Song Contest

Sweet criminy, did Juan McCain send out a hot e-mail this morning or what: “It’s pretty obvious that the media has a bizarre fascination with Barack Obama. Some may even say it’s a love affair. We want you to be the judge. We’ve compiled two videos of the more outrageous moments of this not so secret love affair.” Indeed, it’s very similar to the “secret love affairs” that John McCain had during his first marriage, and more recently too, and also with the media. Read more on John McCain Complains About Media Love For Another Candidate With Gay Song Contest…
 

7 Ways To Win Barack Obama’s Heart!

Setting aside his inconvenient wife, it’s clear that Barack Obama is America’s coolest bachelor president since James Buchanan. So what’s the best way for his billions of global admirers to charm their way into his fantastically pleated pants? Read more on 7 Ways To Win Barack Obama’s Heart!…
 

Are Hillary And Barack Having Corrupt Lobbyist Sex Too?

Hillary and Barack, according to CNN’s John King, almost made sparkly interracial love before the debate: I was backstage just before the debate, and it became very clear to me that she was not going to come out with a flame-thrower, as many thought she might have to do given her position in the race right now. At first they stood several feet, probably 15 feet away from each other, not acknowledging each other. And then she walked up to him and said, “Hey, Barack.” And he turned to her very warmly, put his arm around her and said, “Hey, Hillary, how are you?” Aww. Then Hillary gently whispered sweet nothings in his ear, except these sweet nothings were actually a constant stream of the n-word. He giggled. [via TPM] Read more on Are Hillary And Barack Having Corrupt Lobbyist Sex Too?…
 

Connie Mack and Mary Bono are getting married! We… almost care?? They’re kinda hot for congress people! And once you’ve written that sentence you know your life cannot get any more depressing. [Scripps] Read more on …
 

BREAKING: PAUL WOLFOWITZ NOT SINGLE

A rogue Facebook mini-feed alert briefly shocked the world with the news that World Bank prez and wrong-about-everything-ever neo-con hero Paul Wolfowitz had split from his long-time ladyfriend. We reported the rumor the day it broke, because it is our job — and our pleasure — to keep you up to date on the gory details of the love lives of all the architects of the Iraq War (Richard Armitage is the father of Scary Spice’s child btw). And now, we apologize for the error. Though, you know, we blame the examiner. Read more on BREAKING: PAUL WOLFOWITZ NOT SINGLE…