Tag Archives: louisiana

  Letters from a jilted lover

Bobby Jindal Is Being Bullied By The Gaywads, And He’s Not Gonna Take It Anymore!

Dang, still looks nothing like him.
Bobby Jindal, wingnut governor of Louisiana, is whining in a very public way. Why? Gays. Where? The New York Times. Jindal has penned an op-ed to let everybody know that, unlike those Republican pussies in Arkansas and Indiana, who caved to the unholy alliance of Big Business and Big Sodomy and signed watered-down Religious Freedom Restoration Acts (RFRA’s, as the kids call them on Snapchat) that don’t explicitly allow people with Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs to discriminate against gays and lesbians any old damn way they choose, he will be “holding firm against gay marriage.” In fact, that is the headline of his piece! Show us on the doll where the gays are bullying you, Governor Jindal: Read more on Bobby Jindal Is Being Bullied By The Gaywads, And He’s Not Gonna Take It Anymore!…
  Yes please

Bobby Jindal Is BFFs With Some Duck Dynasty Guy, Let’s All Vote For Him Now

So much in common! They both have unnaturally painted faces, for starters
So much sexciting news in the wacky world of Republican presidential primaries! Ted Cruz is in, Rand Paul is in, and now Bobby Jindal … well, he’s still making up his mind about whether he’d like to one day be the question to a Jeopardy! also-ran answer, but at least he’s got a great idea for a running mate: that dude from Duck Dynasty. No, not daddy Phil Robertson, who only resists the temptation to cut off your penis because the Bible tells him so. One of the prodigal sons (there are so many, they are practically the Duggars). The Louisiana governor is talking about his bestie, Willie Robertson, “icon” and “hero of many”: Read more on Bobby Jindal Is BFFs With Some Duck Dynasty Guy, Let’s All Vote For Him Now…
  No tux is complete without a boutonnierre and a penis

Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student

Bad-ass Janelle Monae rocking a tux, GONNA BAN HER FROM PROM TOO?
Priorities! Carroll High School in Monroe, Louisiana, has them! Claudetteia Love is 17, she is a top honors student headed to college on a full scholarship, and she would like to go the prom with her friends. She would also like to wear a tuxedo, because that’s what she’s most comfortable in. All of this is great, except for the fact that she is a damn lesbian, and they just don’t take kindly to that sort of thing in MON-roe (spelled phonetically for non-Southern readers, for future reference): Read more on Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student…
  Revenge Of The Sea Level

FEMA To States: You Want Cash? Say Climate Change Is Real. SAY IT!

No Disaster Preparedness Funds for you!
In an elegant reply to politicians who aren’t scientists but don’t mind ignoring experts who are, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has come up with a simple solution: States whose governors decide there’s no need to plan for the consequences of a changing climate will no longer qualify for federal grants for emergency preparedness. For climate deniers like Louisiana’s Bobby Jindal, Florida’s Rick Scott, or Texas’s Greg Abbott, it’s a pretty clear opportunity for them to put their coastlines and their populations where their mouths are. Governors who refuse to consider climate in their states’ hazard mitigation plans could lose hundreds of millions of dollars in FEMA money. Read more on FEMA To States: You Want Cash? Say Climate Change Is Real. SAY IT!…
 

Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!

Screw you, huddled masses
Wednesday was supposed to be the day President Obama officially rolled out the Kenyan welcome mat for all them illegals who’ve already snuck across our border to infect us with diseases and their strange foreign languages. But oh no, you can un-unfurl that Hispanic flag over the White House, Mr. Thinks He’s So President, because United States District Judge Andrew S. Hanen has put a stop to that nonsense, at least for now. Read more on Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!…
  What First Amendment?

Let’s Just Count All The States That Aren’t Trying To Make The Bible Their Official State Book

Time for another history lesson
Congratulations, Tennessee, you’re now on the distinguished list of states who need a quick refresher in How Does The First Amendment Work, No Really, How? You can thank your new state Rep. Jerry Sexton (R-No Surprise) for proposing legislation to make the Holy Bible “the official state book.” Gosh, why might that be a problem? Read more on Let’s Just Count All The States That Aren’t Trying To Make The Bible Their Official State Book…
  That's not racial transendence

Bobby Jindal Can’t See Race, Not Even In The Mirror

Dang, still looks nothing like him.
So last week or so, there was a thing Wonkette was going to type about, concerning a certain “official portrait” of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, shown above, that, um, did not look like him, not even a little bit. I mean, judge for yourself, but that is not what Bobby Jindal’s face looks like, not even close, and SOME PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET pointed out that, PERHAPS, Bobby Jindal’s skin is quite a bit darker than that, because they are not racially transcendent. One headline asked, “Was Brown Paint Busy When They Created This Bobby Jindal Portrait?” But then everyone was made aware that it was NOT an “official portrait” at all, but just some thing one of his constituents made for him after school one day, so we didn’t write a thing about it. Read more on Bobby Jindal Can’t See Race, Not Even In The Mirror…
  Cold Dead Hands

Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever

As gun ownership becomes more about making a half-baked political statement predicated on paranoid delusions and industry propaganda, and less about practical matters like hunting and home defense, it stands to reason that gun owners themselves would display an ever-diminishing quotient of common sense. This is just a theory, but damned if the facts on the ground don’t support it. WITNESS: Read more on Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Steve Scalise Talked To Neo-Nazis. Let’s Not Forget What Neo-Nazis Are (Video)

Why would anyone have a problem with Klansmen, after all?
Rachel Maddow enjoyed her holiday break, thank you very much, but we get the feeling that a good part of why she enjoyed it was anticipation of telling the whole sordid Steve Scalise Talked to Nazis story when she got back. And she is in fine form! Read more on Morning Maddow: Steve Scalise Talked To Neo-Nazis. Let’s Not Forget What Neo-Nazis Are (Video)…
  Whip S-M-R-T

Maybe Steve Scalise Had Excellent Reasons For Talking To A Hate Group, You Never Know

Bobby Jindal offers his exorcism skills
We’re still passing the popcorn around while we watch House Majority Whip Steve Scalise’s political career implode over the news that he spoke to a white supremacist group run by David Duke in 2002. We’re still at that early stage of the Scandal Process where it looks like he’s doomed, but damage control may still be possible, so let’s see who’s spinning what. Can this turd be polished? Read more on Maybe Steve Scalise Had Excellent Reasons For Talking To A Hate Group, You Never Know…
  when we say euro we don't mean the currency

House Majority Whip Once Spoke At White Supremacist Convention, Is That A Big Deal?

We hope Rep. Steve Scalise (R-Land of Bobby Jindal) enjoyed his six months as House Majority Whip, because we have a feeling his glorious reign is coming to an end. Call it unfair if you must — and if you’re super blogger Chuck C. Johnson, apparently you must — but when you get busted for having once been the featured speaker at a convention of white supremacists and neo-Nazis, resigning your post as the third-highest-ranking Republican in the House of Representatives feels like the natural next step. Read more on House Majority Whip Once Spoke At White Supremacist Convention, Is That A Big Deal?…
  How High's The water Mama?

Louisiana Accidentally Elects Republican Who Thinks Science Is Real

He looks serious.
Here is a surprise! It turns out that Garret Graves, the Republican who won Saturday’s election to fill the seat of Louisiana Congressman-and-now-Senator-elect Bill Cassidy, actually believes that science is real! He doesn’t deny global warming, and even helped develop plans for how Louisiana should deal with the effects of rising sea levels when he served as Gov. Bobby Jindal’s “coastal czar” — though maybe since czars are evil and bad, maybe he was more of a majordomo. He actually said that rising sea levels would be bad for Louisiana one time. Read more on Louisiana Accidentally Elects Republican Who Thinks Science Is Real…
  Dupe Dupe Dupe Dupe Of Oil Oil Oil

Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline

Now how can we show our love for the tar sands?
This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Clean Gas and Clean Coal and Clean Oil Spills and Clean Tar Sands and Word Salad. In a vote that either killed the economy forever or rescued the environment forever, the U.S. Senate last night fell one vote short of passing a bill calling for immediate approval of the Keystone XL Pipeline. The bill was supposed to magically make Louisiana Republicans like Sen. Mary Landrieu, although it’s not clear how. But Landrieu was not quite able to round up enough Democrats to support the bill, and now she is reduced to hoping that saying nice things about National Adoption Day will get her reelected. Read more on Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline…
  Here have some news n stuff

Who Wants Open Interwebs? Oh, Just Everyone

This joke never gets old
Via Blurrent You’d think, from the reaction of certain especially loud dudes on the right, that President Obama’s support of net neutrality was like proposing Obamacare for the internet. Or even the Holocaust. But despite what a few blowhards on the, AHEM, internet say, even conservatives think net neutrality is a great idea, actually: Read more on Who Wants Open Interwebs? Oh, Just Everyone…
  The Morons Are Due On Maple Street

Outbreak Of Stupid In America Goes Full Sh*tstorm

President In Name Only
Here’s where we are in America 2014: Scared shitless of a disease that isn’t actually harming us, but that is killing thousands in Africa. The best way to make America safe is to bring Ebola under control in Africa, but now that we’re determined to ignore people who understand the disease — or paint them as part of a conspiracy — we may actually be entering some weird Twilight Zone scenario where our panic to “protect” ourselves actually makes matters far worse. Read more on Outbreak Of Stupid In America Goes Full Sh*tstorm…
  It Could Happen

How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not

The first time I set eyes on Nate Silver, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone him.
It looks like Republicans are probably going to control the Senate next year despite how people don’t like them, according to Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight blog and other respected nerds. In 2012, Silver famously predicted the winner of every Senate race, which was an impressive achievement for him but so boring for us. It was like finding your Christmas/”holiday” presents early. You’ll go through the motions of unwrapping your Regrets Her Abortion Barbie and Nature Despoiled II: The Warmening For Sega SexBox, but there’s no climax. The moment is flaccid; that is to say, unsuited to penetrating intercourse, never mind entertainment. Read more on How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reaches Out To ‘Bitter Clingers And Wingers’

It’s October, and in just a couple weeks, a depressingly small percentage of Americans will vote for a new Congress. Sarah Palin’s out on the campaign trail, makin’ darned sure that the whitest and rightest midterm voters pull the lever for the Republican Party’s vision of a plutocratic, latter-day know-nothing non-government. Sure, she might be stumping for two candidates who are in serious trouble, but that’s why she quit governoring Alaska, so she could serve as the cavalry in pivotal moments like this one. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reaches Out To ‘Bitter Clingers And Wingers’…
  What do you think this is -- America?

Oh Great, Now Everyone In America Wants To Get Gay-Married

Have fun biting your nails
This is exactly what the protectors of traditional American marriage warned us about. (Not traditional Biblical marriage, where old-timey dads in olden times sold their daughters to their rapists, because come on, that’s ridiculous.) You let one lady have some “rights” just because the Constitution says she should have them, and before you know it, all these other Americans start demanding rights too, and the Supreme Court is all, “Sure, why not, leave us alone,” and then all of a sudden, EVERYBODY wants the same rights: Read more on Oh Great, Now Everyone In America Wants To Get Gay-Married…
  he's got a friend in jesus

Kissing Congressman’s Wife Totally Cool With Him Boning That Lady

Wives! They are always like “no you may not put your Marriage Stick in the whore’s Penis Home and rub it up and down a lot,” and other unfair things! But Vance McAllister, the Christly congressman who was putting his dick on that lady until he got BUSTED on VIDEO, knows how to pick them, because his wife is all like “it is cool honey no probs oh hey where is all the Valium is it here are you the Valium?” and he is like, “SCORE.” Read more on Kissing Congressman’s Wife Totally Cool With Him Boning That Lady…
  well that's just like your opinion man

Creationist Bobby Jindal Doesn’t Understand Why Obama Hates Science So Much

Stand back! I'm going to try science! Or muffins!
In a bravura performance of the “I Know You Are but What Am I” suite today, Louisiana Gov. Bobby “Volcano Monitoring Is Dumb” Jindal attacked the Obama administration for being a big bunch of “science deniers” who don’t have the good sense to drill for oil everywhere and get all the oil and coal and burn it up quick quick for prosperity, and so we’re all going to die in the cold and the wolves will get us. We’re summarizing a little, there. Read more on Creationist Bobby Jindal Doesn’t Understand Why Obama Hates Science So Much…
  Literally Unbelievable

Louisiana Tea Party Pretty Sure Common Core Makes Kids Gay, Since Fake News Site Said So

There's nothing about Common Core hre, but we like the picture
The Tea Party of Louisiana does not like Common Core, not one darn bit! And on Monday, it issued a deeply disappointed and angry denunciation of Sen. David Vitter for supporting the standards, since the tea partiers had “always thought of Senator Vitter as a friend of Liberty,” but his support for Common Core gives them a sad. All pretty standard Tea Party stuff, until you get to their list of links at the end, so you could educate yourself on just how terrible this Common Core stuff is. The first item on the list is now gone from the Tea Party website, but happily, RightWingWatch grabbed a screenshot: Read more on Louisiana Tea Party Pretty Sure Common Core Makes Kids Gay, Since Fake News Site Said So…