Tag Archives: louisiana

  What If He Defunded Planned Parenthood And ACORN At the Same Time?

Bobby Jindal Sticks It To Planned Parenthood By Screwing The Poors

And just wait til you see the lovely menstrual huts that'll bve replacing Planned Parenthood. Right out of Leviticus!
Poor Bobby Jindal. Not going to be president. Not going to make the first debate. Not even likely to stay in the primaries past South Carolina, assuming he gets that far. But maybe, if he can make some grand gestures, he’ll capture the imagination of the teabagger wing and be the GOP’s wonder boy again, like he was before he made an ass of himself with that State of the Union response where people thought he was aspiring to become an actual pine 2X4. Maybe something dramatic, like taking bold action against Planned Parenthood to punish them for running a used fetus-parts brokerage? That might do it. And so on Monday the governor of Louisiana took decisive action, canceling the state’s Medicaid contract with Planned Parenthood, so that the organization that does so much harm to Louisiana’s precious little babbies will be stopped from its infernal deeds. A brave stand, and just the thing to recapture Wingnut America’s heart. Read more on Bobby Jindal Sticks It To Planned Parenthood By Screwing The Poors…
  But what about all the good guys with guns? Oh the mass shooter killed them too?

Amy Schumer Says Mass Shootings Somehow Involve Guns, Guess She Hates America

Not here to make jokes.
Last week, Sarah Clements, a gun control activist and daughter of a Sandy Hook survivor, wrote an open letter to Amy Schumer, asking her to step up and speak out to try to do SOMETHING about our uniquely American problem with mass shootings, after one of the Lone Wolves from the Lone Wolf Club murdered two innocent women and injured nine others at a screening of Schumer’s “Trainwreck” in Lafayette, Louisiana. Schumer saw the letter and responded on Twitter: Read more on Amy Schumer Says Mass Shootings Somehow Involve Guns, Guess She Hates America…
  I Don't Like Gundays

Rick Perry Gives Guns In Movie Theaters Two Thumbs Up

In the not-too-distant future
Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry knows there’s no problem that can’t be solved by the addition of more guns, which is why he claimed Sunday that last week’s shooting in a movie theater in Lafayette, Louisiana, probably could have been prevented if only a whole bunch of people in the audience had been armed. Because in the confusion and panic of a dark movie theater, five or six extra people with guns would certainly have been a big improvement. Read more on Rick Perry Gives Guns In Movie Theaters Two Thumbs Up…
  Mad at our nation's stupidest governor

Bobby Jindal Will Talk Gun Violence, Soon As He’s Done Giving The NRA This Rimjob

Bless his dumbass heart. Or fuck him in the ear. Whatever.
Bobby Jindal, craven asshole: Despite the fact that John Russell Houser had a long history of mental illness and arrests but was able to legally purchase a .40 caliber semi-automatic handgun at a pawn shop, Governor Bobby Jindal repeatedly told reporters he would not talk about gun control. Read more on Bobby Jindal Will Talk Gun Violence, Soon As He’s Done Giving The NRA This Rimjob…
  Also bad at doctoring

Rand Paul Canceling Government Again, Because Planned Parenthood (And Because He’s A Dick)

He went to some kind of medical school?
Hiya, Rand Paul, how are you being terrible today? Doing a “filibuster“? Yelling at all the girl journalists, for not journalisming at you like you like? Telling jokes about your college Aqua Buddha hijinks when you “kidnapped” a lady, HAHAHAHA? (Probably not that, actually.) Read more on Rand Paul Canceling Government Again, Because Planned Parenthood (And Because He’s A Dick)…
  The Big Diseasy

New Orleans Crotch Cricket Rate Off The Charts, So Let’s Not Teach Sex Ed

Why not bring back the classics?
How’s this for a surprise? Louisiana, where abstinence-only sex ed is mandatory and schools are actually forbidden by law from teaching about contraception and STDs, has the cities with the highest and second-highest STD infection rates in this great nation of ours. Cosmopolitan New Orleans is actually #2 in that competition, with the top prize going to Baton Rouge, which is of course French for “Pustulent Crimson Infected Stick.” But Think Progress brings us an inspiring profile of a man who’s trying to change that: State Rep. Wesley Bishop, who has the daffy idea that maybe if New Orleans schools adopted comprehensive sex education, the city might actually scream a bit less frequently when it pees. Read more on New Orleans Crotch Cricket Rate Off The Charts, So Let’s Not Teach Sex Ed…
  You know who else made videos?

House GOP Knew About Planned Parenthood’s Fetus Parts Yard Sale Last Month, Didn’t Care

Not until you make them
By now, we all know about the gotcha video exposing Planned Parenthood for harvesting unborned baby parts — and their souls!!! — to sell on the black market, for money and for kicks. We also know the video is a family-sized crockpot of slow-roasted bullshit. (Yes, that is a thing we know. As we and everyone else have explained.) Read more on House GOP Knew About Planned Parenthood’s Fetus Parts Yard Sale Last Month, Didn’t Care…
  Suuuuuuuure

Why Is Planned Parenthood Selling Your Babby For Scrap? (Oh Right, It’s Not)

Here is some bullshit. You may have heard about or even watched the horrific and shocking five-alarm Drudge siren alert video released Tuesday, proving, according to its title, that “Planned Parenthood Uses Partial-Birth Abortions to Sell Baby Parts.” The video was released by the Center for Medical Progress. Never heard of it? That’s because it didn’t really exist before Tuesday. Read more on Why Is Planned Parenthood Selling Your Babby For Scrap? (Oh Right, It’s Not)…
  Sloppy 50ths

Bobby Jindal Will Protect Straight Marriage The Bestest, He Can Be President Now? (Updated)

Bless his dumbass heart. Or fuck him in the ear. Whatever.
Gov. Bobby Jindal, you petulant little shit. You see, the Supreme Court spoke last week on the subject of marriage equality, and pretty much all the other states are in compliance, or on their way to getting around to doing that. Oh, there are some whiny-ass court clerks and probate judges with martyr complexes, stomping up and down about how they’re going to have to resign their jobs, due to EW GAY, because their dumb fucked-up version of Christianity compels them to put their families at financial risk over them goldurn homosexuals gettin’ hitched up proper. Read more on Bobby Jindal Will Protect Straight Marriage The Bestest, He Can Be President Now? (Updated)…
  Go In Dumb Come Out Dumb Too

Giant Pussies At LSU Fire Professor For Saying Bad, Bad Words

Really. What the actual fuck?
For your “You have got to be fucking kidding me” files, we present the story of Louisiana State University associate professor Teresa Buchanan, who was fired effective June 19 for having “sexually harassed” her students — if, that is, you buy the idea that occasionally saying “Fuck no” (and other variations on the Fuck-word) and having told a slightly off-color joke during class constitutes “sexual harassment.” No, we are not fucking kidding. In addition to those two offenses, Buchanan also, as the local paper put it, used “a slang term for vagina that implies cowardice,” which was a nice way to pussy out on saying what she actually said. Teresa Buchanan was a tenured professor with 20 years experience teaching early childhood education and training elementary school teachers at LSU. And yes, you bet your sweet ass she’s planning to sue. Read more on Giant Pussies At LSU Fire Professor For Saying Bad, Bad Words…
  Uncle Dumbass from Slidell

Confederate Loser Buys Delicious ISIS Cake From Walmart Bakery, Doesn’t Eat It

ISIS cake spokesmodel
Gather ’round, little children, for we have a heartwarming story about Walmart, ISIS, cake, and this one Louisiana dumbass named Chuck Netzhammer, who is very sad about how America is stomping all over his beloved traitor Confederate flag. So, because he thinks he is S-M-R-T, he went to the Walmart and said probably something along the lines of “please make me a cake with my favorite flag in the world on it, the one that represents the seditious loser nation that lost the Civil War, for if I do not get this cake, I fear I will never achieve erection again.” Walmart was like “nah, bro.” Netzhammer then had A Idea, so he changed tactics and requested the flag of ANOTHER loser “nation,” the Islamic State, also known as ISIS, or if you are a loser president like Obama, “ISIL.” Read more on Confederate Loser Buys Delicious ISIS Cake From Walmart Bakery, Doesn’t Eat It…
  Not The Least Bit Similar

Bobby Jindal Didn’t Mind Stomping On Freedom When Judge Blocked Interracial Marriage

He seems nice
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal is taking a cue from Texas and has announced that court clerks and other public employees who don’t want to issue gay marriage licenses won’t have to, just as long as an invisible friend in the sky told them they mustn’t. It’s quite the popular view today, although as RightWingWatch points out, Jindal wasn’t nearly so accommodating of freedom of conscience in 2009, when a Louisiana justice of the peace refused to grant a marriage license to an interracial couple. In fact, Jindal was downright hostile to the poor judge’s sincerely held beliefs. Oh, but that was a long time ago, and totally different, because that judge never invoked Jebus (as far as we can tell) so just shut up. Totally different. Read more on Bobby Jindal Didn’t Mind Stomping On Freedom When Judge Blocked Interracial Marriage…
  Just close your eyes and think of Jesus

Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging

The threat is real.
Alabama has officially joined the bandwagon of Sore Losers who refuse to believe the War on Marriage Equality is over, and the bigots did not win. The state’s Supreme Court issued an order Monday, declaring that even though the United States Supreme Court already ruled on Obergefell v. Hodges, Alabama has not decided yet whether that ruling applies (spoiler: it does), so the case is NOT closed: Read more on Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten.

She is such an impressive baby!
Hello, Wonkers, what a week we had! The Confederate flag died a timely death, Obamacare was saved AGAIN, and we now have the mandatory gay marriage the country has been craving for so long. Have you found your gay husband or wife yet? If not, you should find one in the comments, which are not allowed! Also, important update on Wonkette babby! As you can see above, she is now teaching math at the local university, isn’t that exciting? Read more on Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  lol

Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
BREAKING NEWS! Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has basically ruined Louisiana, declared his candidacy for president of US America Wednesday afternoon, far too close to the city of New Orleans for anyone who actually loves that city. He had started off the week getting punched right in his junk by IBM, which had been nice enough to choose Baton Rouge for its new National Service Center. The company’s mood soured when Jindal decided he had to prove he was the gay-hatin’-est homophobe in all the land, by issuing an executive order giving Louisiana business owners the right to discriminate against gay people. That might work on the set of “Duck Dynasty,” but not in the grown-up world of big business. So IBM decided to cancel the big ribbon-cutting photo-op, the one Jindal could have used to show just how GOOD he’s been for Louisiana business. Read more on Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For…
  Aren't you jealous of IBM?

IBM Punches Gov. Bobby Jindal In Scrotum Sac Over Gay-Hating Executive Order

Which one is the face he makes when he gets punched in the dick? ALL OF THEM KATIE.
You are probably so excited about this post, because the mere idea of ANY person, place or thing punching Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal in the nuts — metaphorically, of course — brings unfettered joy into the hearts of all patriotic Americans. Last month, Jindal was reeling from the fact that the Louisiana legislature wasn’t willing to heap embarrassment upon the state, by passing a fake “religious freedom” law, similar to the Fuck The Gays laws that passed, and were subsequently gutted by big business and butthurt Republicans, in Arkansas and Indiana. But because Jindal is probably the stupidest governor in US America (and also thinks he has a shot in hell of winning the GOP presidential nomination LOL), he decided to go ahead and issue an executive order, saying that Louisiana is TOO the Fuck The Gays state, and not just in the fun sexy way that happens in New Orleans. Read more on IBM Punches Gov. Bobby Jindal In Scrotum Sac Over Gay-Hating Executive Order…