One year ago yesterday minus a day, John McCain delivered the speech of the century to a small smattering of embittered retirees haunting an abandoned Bingo hall in Louisiana. Meanwhile, a young upstart Muslin named Hussein “Barack” Obama cast a sorcerer’s spell over a large crowd of innocents in St. Paul and told them that yes, he would be their nominee for Preznet if they insisted. Do you remember, America? Do you remember the terrible death-rictus stretched across John McCain’s crumbling skull as he uttered the immortal words, “That’s nnnnot ch-ch-cha-chaaange you can bb-huh-lieve in”? Let’s celebrate this milestone anniversary and laugh again. MORE »

Two recent incidents show that our nation’s proud elected officials all turn into COCKS OF RAGE at the sight of airport personnel. First David Vitter tries to hijack a plane to New Orleans, and then this Representative Pete DeFazio character, a common Democrat from Oregon, gets all shirty when a TSA screener in Portland wants to give him an Advanced Security Inspection with rubber gloves. MORE »

This ad and another one like it have apparently been plastering the conservative Internets today in the Louisiana Governor’s latest “viral marketing” move for his nascent 2012 presidential campaign. Jindal will be delivering the response to Barack Obama’s make-believe State of the Union address tonight, so this is basically his big national debutante ball, and he will have to put out for someone. This is good news… for John McCain. [Town Hall]

• THE ELECTION STARTS NOW: The GOP has confirmed that Lousiana child-governor Bobby Jindal will deliver the party’s response to Barack Obama’s fake “State of the Union” speech on February 24. Other finalists the GOP considered include Michael Steele, a vagina, and the Chinese guy who does John Boehner’s laundry. [AP]

Are you ready for the 2010 midterm election? No? Well too bad, because the campaign began on Nov. 5 of last year, and by the end of this summer you’ll probably hear about nothing else, so let’s start the Wonkette coverage with a nice story about this porn-star/stripper lady in Louisiana, and how she will maybe run against national embarrassment David Vitter, the hooker-lovin’ diaperman of the Senate. MORE »

He might be a young, callow religious nutball with an unhealthy testicle fixation, but Bobby Jindal is not dumb! This spring when everybody was cold speculatin’ about whether he’d be selected for Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Bobby Jindal was busy slowly backing away from the tragic band of idiots known as the McCain campaign. MORE »

You know what Louisiana Republicans love? Constructing elaborate state-funded schemes for tinkering with the loins of undesirables. First comes Governor Bobby Jindal’s amazing proposal to castrate sex offenders, and now some kook in Metairie wants to pay poor women $1000 to have their tubes tied so that they will quit squirting out orphans to suckle at the government teat. Wait, what? A Republican in favor of state-funded birth control? Well, why the hell not? MORE »

A famous national Democratic leader, “State Sen. Derrick Shepherd, D-Marrero,” in Louisiana, has been arrested for … well, we can’t really figure out what for, exactly, but it involves lap dancers, in his house, plus maybe his mom and sister? Punching an ex-girlfriend in the stomach, after breaking into her house? Oh, and he is also already being prosecuted “mail fraud, conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud, and conspiracy to commit money laundering,” which is apparently unrelated to this current arrest. MORE »

Little weirdo and amateur devil exorcist Bobby Jindal will NOT be John McCain’s losing vice-presidential candidate, the scrawny character announced today after the terrible HURRICANE destroyed the last hopes of McCain’s campaign. “I’m not going to be the vice presidential nominee or vice president,” Jindal said at a news conference to announce the cancellation of other news conferences. “I’m going to help Senator McCain get elected, as governor of Louisiana. Let me be clear: I have said in every private and public conversation, I’ve got the job that I want.” Back to you, Mitt. [CNN Political Ticker]

Ha, so get this. John McCain and pals very recently came up with the MEDIA PLOY OF THE CENTURY: they were going to Take The Media Back from Barack Obama during his big speech in Berlin tomorrow, which at least 400 million people will attend (hurrah), by speaking from an oil rig off the coast of Louisiana. Surely all reporters and cameramen would’ve rushed to cover this instead, because what’s a better venue for a media grab than some tiny offshore piece of metal that’s only reachable by helicopter? But now, after publicizing this brilliant coup, McCain has had to cancel it because of, whatitscalled, THE MONSTROUS HURRICANE THAT IS DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN THE GULF. MORE »

Rather than risk the wrath of the all-powerful Fourniers, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal vetoed a bill to double the salaries of state legislators. As a result, the state will have literally hundreds more dollars to spend on ball-withering chemicals and maps of the planet Earth showing Adam and Eve riding dinosaurs in Spain. [Times-Picayune]