Tag Archives: louis gohmert

  Nearer My Derp To Thee

Nice Knowing Y’all, Louie Gohmert Says God’s Gonna Smite Us Now

Works way better than tinfoil
Well, America, it’s been a nice run, but it’s all done now, you realize, because the Supreme Court did Gay 9/11 all over us today. And who knows that better than Texas Congress-ballbearing Louie Gohmert, who had dire warnings for the once-great United States of America. Get ready, America: It’s Smitin’ Time. Read more on Nice Knowing Y’all, Louie Gohmert Says God’s Gonna Smite Us Now…
  like tears in rain

Louie Gohmert Teases 2016 Run Then Quickly Pulls Out, Leaving Us Lonely And Unsatisfied

Just plain sad
For a brief moment yesterday, yr Wonkette knew in our blackened heart a moment of the purest, most unfettered joy such as we had never felt before. Purer than when we got that Atari 2600 we wanted for Hanukkah or the first time we touched some boobies. For just a moment we were free of the careworn chains we drag through our earthly life. We were a being of pure energy, soaring through the clouds above the mountains and deserts and oceans of Creation, reveling in the sheer amazing gift of a ravishing sunset, a majestic forest, our one true love’s smile. Read more on Louie Gohmert Teases 2016 Run Then Quickly Pulls Out, Leaving Us Lonely And Unsatisfied…
  louie louie

Louie Gohmert Takes His Crucifixion Porn Fetish To The Floor Of The House

fap fap fap
Up top is Texas toadstool Louie Gohmert on the House floor a little while ago, giving one of those speeches that reminds us all he is democracy’s greatest orator since Cicero. What important topic could the toadstool be expounding on, with visual aids that appear to be blown-up stills from the final scene of Spartacus? Let’s listen in. Read more on Louie Gohmert Takes His Crucifixion Porn Fetish To The Floor Of The House…
  clipbait

Rachel Maddow Brings You Louie Gohmert’s Asparagus, John McCain’s Peener Joke, And Anarchy in the Ukraine

So this was kind of surreal: Rachel Maddow tossed together three mostly-unrelated clips with the excuse of illustrating “three stages of political conflict that fall short of an actual war.” As analysis, it’s a bit superficial, at best, but as a framing device for three disparate instances of weirdass political conflict, it gets the job done, aight. Oh, but those clips — there’s some prime assholery on display here, starting with Louie Gohmert’s huffing last year about how Eric Holder had “cast aspersions on my asparagus” — yes, that is what the man said, and god only knows why. Then today, Holder brought up the asparagus all over again, so to speak. And it was beautiful. Read more on Rachel Maddow Brings You Louie Gohmert’s Asparagus, John McCain’s Peener Joke, And Anarchy in the Ukraine…
  and his little dog too

House Nutball Caucus Files Articles Of Impeachment On Eric Holder, Elliot Richardson Still Dead

This has been a fun couple of days, what with watching the Cephalopod caucus in Congress run shrieking from the Affordable Care Act and dulling the pain by driving nails through our testicles and all. So you’ll forgive us if we missed the news that a few of the walking yeast infections on the Republican side of the House have filed articles of impeachment against Attorney General Eric Holder for the high crime of being a black man in charge of upholding laws instead of breaking them the way God and Rush Limbaugh intended. Ha ha, we’re kidding! Of course Eric Holder has done all sorts of crimes. Otherwise would such intellectual luminaries as Michele Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Ted “YOLO” Yoho, and this friggin’ guy have gone to all the trouble? Let’s take a quick look at the four (four! Nixon only got three! Holder is worse than Nixon, INPEACH!) articles of impeachment and join these upstanding lawmakers as they beat AG New Black Panther Dolemite with their Nightsticks of Justice. Read more on House Nutball Caucus Files Articles Of Impeachment On Eric Holder, Elliot Richardson Still Dead…
 

Louis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings

In the always-crowded race to become the first public figure to say something incredibly douchey immediately after a tragedy, it would appear that bragging rights go to Rep. Louis Gohmert, (R-TX), who, asked about the shootings in an interview on right-wing radio, took the opportunity to blame the shootings on America’s failure to be Jesusy enough: “You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of a derelict takes place,” Gohmert said…. “People say … where was God in all of this?” Gohmert said. “We’ve threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God’s name, they’re going to be jailed … I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.” Read more on Louis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings…
  gay

Louis Gohmert Travels Alllll Around The World To Hug Muslims, He Does

Now we wouldn’t want to let Michele Bachmann’s various House conspirators get off the hook for this “Muslim terrorists infiltrating the government because they are Muslim” summer-of-a-reelection-year stunt, would we? Here’s the dumbest person in the Western Hemisphere, Rep. Louis Gohmert, berating Jan “BIG SIS” Napolitano today about why she let a Muslim terrorist in her employ download secret terrorism documents from The System and then give them to his terrorist friends. Yes, indeed, why would Secretary Napolitano do that? Gohmert assures her that he’s not just scanning the database of government employees for Arabic names and then accusing each of them of offering material support for terrorists because… you know… look at ’em… No, Louis Gohmert loves Muslims so much that he travels around the world to hug them. Sorry, there’s no way this guy has a passport. Read more on Louis Gohmert Travels Alllll Around The World To Hug Muslims, He Does…
  important plans

Louis Gohmert Will Take Away Your Vote, To Save Democracy!

Insane — INSANE — Texas Rep. Louis Gohmert has a winning electoral strategy for Republicans concerned about their FREEDOMS: “Ever since the safeguard of State legislatures electing U.S. Senators was removed by the 17th Amendment in 1913, there has been no check or balance on the Federal power grab for the last 97 years. Article V requires a minimum of 34 states to request a Convention which in this case, would be an Amendment Convention for only ONE amendment.” Repeal this undemocratic retard-enabler now! (The best part of this clip is the lil’ shimmy he does at :08, to pump some mojo into his argument.) [Washington Independent via Gawker] Read more on Louis Gohmert Will Take Away Your Vote, To Save Democracy!…
 

House Floor Smackdown + Facebook Pics = Quintessential Wonkette Post

From Nancy Pelosi’s YouTube account (!), this video of Louis Gohmert (R-TX) getting his ass handed to him by Jack Murtha (D-PA) is funny enough. But when we put the story through our patented Wonkette-fodder filter, out came slightly salacious Facebook pictures of Gohmert’s daughter. It’s been a great week, hasn’t it? After the jump, we thank god Caroline’s here and not at Normandy or in the Pacific. Read more on House Floor Smackdown + Facebook Pics = Quintessential Wonkette Post…