People are finally figuring out the Wonkette — it not only thinks everything is so funny, but it is also cleverly propagating the most vile conspiracy of our Time, that Barack Obama was actually not born at all. He was not born! There, we said it. We don’t care if Robert Gibbs personally milks a gallon of “DNA” from Nobama and shows it on the teevee, there is literally no proof, long form or short term, that Barack Obama was born. Our Constitution says PRESIDENT MUST BE BORN, PERIOD. We think this is the 15th or 2nd amendment. So thank you, “Brian M.,” for figuring out Wonkette is birthers. MORE »

This would be terrifying if it wasn’t about some lamer old wingnuts and their message board: The person who runs FreeRepublic.com is cold gonna overthrow the U.S. government — that means you, blackenstein — and ho ho, no more taxes on the millionaires! Hooray! Anyway, folks, things are getting Seriously Weird with the wingnuts, birthers, paultards and other middle-aged white suckers who bought into that whole Reagan thing 30 years ago and, whoops, are still poor and doomed. MORE »

Do you know who Lou Dobbs, the orange-headed anti-Mexican elitist, hates more than The Illegals? Cotton-pickin’ politicians such as Condoleezza Rice! You see, “cotton-pickin’” refers to people who pick cotton, and is a term of derision used by angry old men of a certain age who prefer arcane insults over nice all-purpose Anglo-Saxon adjectives. Fortunately for Dobbs, he stops himself midway through this terrible slur and avoids touching that tar baby. [YouTube via TPM]

LOU DOBBS IS A REAL CHARACTER, REAL CLASSY GUY: Well glory be, one of the Media Matters press releases has a funny in it! Here’s CNN host Lou Dobbs opening his show on March 21: “Tonight, Senator Obama wins the endorsement of the nation’s only Hispanic governor, Bill Richardson. Is Obama pandering to ethnocentric special interests again? We’ll have complete coverage.” Barack Obama has yet to denounce the Hispanic race, because that would be like denouncing his uncle. [Media Matters]

Various “Draft Lou Dobbs” web sites have been popping up around the Internets for a while. But will the ascendancy of John “Deport All the Americans and Rejoin the Republic of New Spain” McCain drive patriotic citizens into the ochre embrace of the CNN news anchor? We will find out on November 4, when America elects its first Tang-colored president.

Everyone loves orange-headed Space.com founder Lou Dobbs. After all, he has protected you from the Mexican. By hosting a teevee show about how he will stop the Terrible Mexicans, Lou Dobbs truly personifies America: He is a very rich person making millions of additional dollars every year saying things that make certain unemployed people feel angry. And then those angry unemployed people watch the commercials for denture slime or protections against home intruders or time-share offers or over-the-counter solutions to the heartbreak of incontinence. LOU DOBBS IS AMERICA. [Lou Dobbs For President]

We forgot what Lou Dobbs was doing before he became a raving lunatic. We recall his orange hair, with Dobbs beneath it, hosting a show that was about economics or something. Now Dobbs, whose skin has gradually taken on the same light saber-esque glow as his coiffure, has become the of messiah of the anti-Mexican day-laborer movement. Since he’s on teevee and our country is filled with crazy people, Lou Dobbs may just run for president. MORE »

The New York Observer’s Steve Kornacki wrote maybe the best op-ed evarr yesterday slamming CNN’s entire promotion, pre-show, post-show and coverage of the last week’s Democratic debate. Wonkette liveblogged this debate and agrees wholeheartedly with Kornacki’s sentiment: “Once the gold standard for all-news television, the Cable News Network used the night to make a convincing argument that it should never again be entrusted with a presidential debate.” MORE »

Orange-faced populist creepy TV talking head who ooks me out, Lou Dobbs, seems to be hinting that he’s about the enter the race for the Presidency. I guess he feels that the field is sorely lacking in candidates who hate immigrants and want American jobs to stay in America or something. Or else he just has an enormous ego. [CNN, Wall Street Journal]

The “Quick Vote.” Look at the poll. We voted “yes.” MORE »

Lou Dobbs is right! The American people are ill-served by their representatives starting all these caucuses that represent them! MORE »