John King! He is that CNN guy who hosts that thing, and he’s married to whatsername! And now he is departing that thing to host some other thing, leaving behind a bleeding wound in the heart of CNN’s Sunday morning programming. Naturally, this is all the fault of the orange-headed former Mexican-hating space entrepreneur, Lou Dobbs. MORE »

Chuck Schumer has reached out to America’s 101st Senator, Lou Dobbs, to help him write a bill about Mexicans. Now that Health Care is dead, Democrats have to find some other piece of legislation for Republicans to sink with their negative-18 vote supermajority. Immigration reform might do the trick, HENNGGHHH???? Especially with the implicit support of an orange-headed space mummy who was recently dumped by his boyfriend (ALIPAC) for hating Mexicans with newly insufficient zeal! MORE »

West Coast Xmas warrior operative “Katrina” sends this photo from a fancy dollar store in Portland, Oregon, which just so happens to be the epicenter of the entire War on Christmas. Here we have all the greatest gifts for children and adults and robots alike, and all for one dollar: stacks of Lou Dobbs’ book, 48 crayons, and the Bible on CD. (The Bible on CD is just code for “Porn on Blu Ray,” is the key!)

Bloated pigsicle Lou Dobbs left his stupid CNN show (and its 14 viewers) because a Ghost Mexican (New Jersey deer hunter) shot a gun in the vicinity of Dobbs’ acreage, and also because Lou Dobbs had somehow deluded himself into thinking there were people somewhere who gave a shit about him. But it turns out that repeating the jabbering lunacy of, say, a Glenn Beck or Sarah Palin does not make *you* a Glenn Beck or Sarah Palin if you aren’t a) on Fox News, or b) a person with tits. (Okay, that is not fair, Lou Dobbs probably has tits.) Anyway, the anti-Mexican Immigrant group that was Dobbs’ only constituency has dumped him, because now he claims not to hate Mexicans as much as he used to hate Mexicans. MORE »

OH FUCK OFF & DROP DEAD: “Former CNN anchor Lou Dobbs, pondering a future in politics, is trying to wipe away his image as an enemy of Latino immigrants by positioning himself as a champion of that fast-growing ethnic bloc.” [WSJ]

Orange-headed bulb-nosed Mexican-hating fruitbat Lou Dobbs has really only failed at two things: Being a successful television news anchor, and being a dot-com executive. But the Space.com/CNN loser is now aiming to fail on a truly epic scale: He wants to run for president!!! Oh please, Lou, run for president. You can Mexican-wrestle Sarah Palin for the nomination … whoops, never mind, at least Sarah Palin is *popular* with the wingnuts. [Politico]

Mexican deerhunting gang target and fat dunderhead Lou Dobbs went on Bill O’Reilly’s show last night to discuss, let’s see here, who gives a fuck. But skip ahead to :35 for a comical moment in which O’Reilly asks, dead seriously and out of nowhere, “Is Barack Obama the Devil?” Lou Dobbs doesn’t miss a beat and immediately begins his meandering answer, with utter Seriousness. This is a conversation between two theoretically self-aware adult humans! MORE »

Everyone very politely say “hello” to John King, who will be taking over journalism now that Lou Dobbs is no longer with us. King’s current gig is hosting State of the Union, which exists. According to Michael Calderone, one of “the good ones” at POLITICO: “The move reflects the network’s stated ambitions to be viewed as non-partisan in the evenings, as opposed to MSNBC and Fox, which boasts more outspoken commentators on the left and right.” However, Lou Dobbs will secretly stay on as Legitimate John King. [Michael Calderone]

Check it out! Tonight was his last broadcast, as he announced on his last broadcast. God only knows what he is doing, he just keeps mumbling about how he will be charting a New Course, but it’s got to have something to do with Mexicans. (Or rather, “at Mexicans?”) This is the biggest news since Sarah Palin. All we know is that he delivered this news before an American flag, so maybe he’s going there. UPDATE: New York Times, with the predictable scoop! “Months ago the president of CNN/U.S., Jonathan Klein, spelled out two options for Lou Dobbs, the channel’s most outspoken anchor. Mr. Dobbs could vent his opinions on radio and anchor an objective newscast on television, or he could leave CNN altogether.” [YouTube, NYT]

You may have seen this already, but goodness gracious, marijuana is the devil’s weed and no one on CNN (or Barney Frank) has ever spent a nickel on it! This is very similar to how Washington pundits condemn anyone for ever having sex — including David Letterman, and he’s in New York City! — unless it is fully clothed and for the purpose of procreation. [YouTube]

Racist television goblin Lou Dobbs revealed a very scary story earlier this week on his radio show (he’s on the radio, too?). Three weeks earlier, he claimed, his New Jersey mansion was shot at while his wife was standing outside, and this came after “weeks and weeks of threatening phone calls.” Never one to rush to judgment about anything, Lou Dobbs… immediately started freaking out about Mexicans and Mexican-supporting liberals again, adding, tastelessly, for ratings, “if anybody thinks that we’re not engaged in the battle for the soul of this country right now, you’re sorely mistaken.” We don’t really know how some douche or another hitting Lou Dobbs’ mansion with a bullet is indicative of a “battle for the soul of this country,” but we do know that “battle for the soul of this country” is not very tension-defusing rhetoric. Especially when there are still many, many questions about the nature of the incident! MORE »

OH YES, HERE IS THAT THING YOU ALL SENT TO YOUR WONKETTE: Did you know you can make your own magical Kenyan Birth Certificate, for anybody, by going to a website? Yes You Can! Email your version to CNN racist Lou Dobbs. [Kenyan Birth Certificate Generator]

• High-frequency trading? Goldman Sachs? Ball’s in your court, Taibbi. [Matt Yglesias]
• “You Want Context? Drudge Will Give You Context.” And brain herpes! [Weekly Standard]
• Joe Biden is such a golly liberal fascist, according to liberal fascist experts. [USA Today]
• The best part of RedState’s furry convention was when Liz Cheney gave everyone an enormous boner — as stiff as a starched collar! Who could resist doe-eyed Liz in that delicious panda bear suit? So soft. [RedState]
• Sean Hannity is now a Texas Kentucky Colonel. [Think Progress]
• CNN took one look at the ad Media Matters wanted to air and said, “What is this? You are not selling pills or automobiles? NO. This will not do. Air your facts on Fox.” [TPM]