OH FUCK OFF & DROP DEAD: “Former CNN anchor Lou Dobbs, pondering a future in politics, is trying to wipe away his image as an enemy of Latino immigrants by positioning himself as a champion of that fast-growing ethnic bloc.” [WSJ]

Orange-headed bulb-nosed Mexican-hating fruitbat Lou Dobbs has really only failed at two things: Being a successful television news anchor, and being a dot-com executive. But the Space.com/CNN loser is now aiming to fail on a truly epic scale: He wants to run for president!!! Oh please, Lou, run for president. You can Mexican-wrestle Sarah Palin for the nomination … whoops, never mind, at least Sarah Palin is *popular* with the wingnuts. [Politico]

Mexican deerhunting gang target and fat dunderhead Lou Dobbs went on Bill O’Reilly’s show last night to discuss, let’s see here, who gives a fuck. But skip ahead to :35 for a comical moment in which O’Reilly asks, dead seriously and out of nowhere, “Is Barack Obama the Devil?” Lou Dobbs doesn’t miss a beat and immediately begins his meandering answer, with utter Seriousness. This is a conversation between two theoretically self-aware adult humans! MORE »

Everyone very politely say “hello” to John King, who will be taking over journalism now that Lou Dobbs is no longer with us. King’s current gig is hosting State of the Union, which exists. According to Michael Calderone, one of “the good ones” at POLITICO: “The move reflects the network’s stated ambitions to be viewed as non-partisan in the evenings, as opposed to MSNBC and Fox, which boasts more outspoken commentators on the left and right.” However, Lou Dobbs will secretly stay on as Legitimate John King. [Michael Calderone]

Check it out! Tonight was his last broadcast, as he announced on his last broadcast. God only knows what he is doing, he just keeps mumbling about how he will be charting a New Course, but it’s got to have something to do with Mexicans. (Or rather, “at Mexicans?”) This is the biggest news since Sarah Palin. All we know is that he delivered this news before an American flag, so maybe he’s going there. UPDATE: New York Times, with the predictable scoop! “Months ago the president of CNN/U.S., Jonathan Klein, spelled out two options for Lou Dobbs, the channel’s most outspoken anchor. Mr. Dobbs could vent his opinions on radio and anchor an objective newscast on television, or he could leave CNN altogether.” [YouTube, NYT]

You may have seen this already, but goodness gracious, marijuana is the devil’s weed and no one on CNN (or Barney Frank) has ever spent a nickel on it! This is very similar to how Washington pundits condemn anyone for ever having sex — including David Letterman, and he’s in New York City! — unless it is fully clothed and for the purpose of procreation. [YouTube]

Racist television goblin Lou Dobbs revealed a very scary story earlier this week on his radio show (he’s on the radio, too?). Three weeks earlier, he claimed, his New Jersey mansion was shot at while his wife was standing outside, and this came after “weeks and weeks of threatening phone calls.” Never one to rush to judgment about anything, Lou Dobbs… immediately started freaking out about Mexicans and Mexican-supporting liberals again, adding, tastelessly, for ratings, “if anybody thinks that we’re not engaged in the battle for the soul of this country right now, you’re sorely mistaken.” We don’t really know how some douche or another hitting Lou Dobbs’ mansion with a bullet is indicative of a “battle for the soul of this country,” but we do know that “battle for the soul of this country” is not very tension-defusing rhetoric. Especially when there are still many, many questions about the nature of the incident! MORE »

OH YES, HERE IS THAT THING YOU ALL SENT TO YOUR WONKETTE: Did you know you can make your own magical Kenyan Birth Certificate, for anybody, by going to a website? Yes You Can! Email your version to CNN racist Lou Dobbs. [Kenyan Birth Certificate Generator]

• High-frequency trading? Goldman Sachs? Ball’s in your court, Taibbi. [Matt Yglesias]
• “You Want Context? Drudge Will Give You Context.” And brain herpes! [Weekly Standard]
• Joe Biden is such a golly liberal fascist, according to liberal fascist experts. [USA Today]
• The best part of RedState’s furry convention was when Liz Cheney gave everyone an enormous boner — as stiff as a starched collar! Who could resist doe-eyed Liz in that delicious panda bear suit? So soft. [RedState]
• Sean Hannity is now a Texas Kentucky Colonel. [Think Progress]
• CNN took one look at the ad Media Matters wanted to air and said, “What is this? You are not selling pills or automobiles? NO. This will not do. Air your facts on Fox.” [TPM]

Media Matters is, according to Lou Dobbs, “some kind of Mexican space alien, from Mexicans.” But the liberal organization best known for sending out emails about how Fox News isn’t liberal has finally done something kind of funny, by purchasing commercial time on orange-headed blubbermouth Lou Dobbs’ afternoon comedy hour, White Supremacy For Angry Dummies. MORE »

• If universal health care doesn’t scare the shit out of you, just imagine if there was a public option for extinguishing fires, and rescuing kittens from tree branches! Are your panties wet with horror? [Matt Yglesias]
• Next time you play a game of Guess Who, ask this winning question: “Is your person a birther?” If your opponent says “no,” you can eliminate 58% of the Republicans, and then the only people left will be the one black lady and that bald guy with the beard. [Think Progress]
• Ancient Turd Blossom Lou Dobbs just can’t shut up about how Barack Obama was never born, so it looks like it’s time for another Bristol Scale classification! Poopy-Lou is probably a Type Two, “Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface.” [AMERICAblog]
• Nothing says “Happy Friday” like a pregnant woman getting Police-tasered at a Baptism celebration. Thanks for the memories, America! And the court-ordered therapy. [Something Awful/YouTube]
• The RedState furry convention begins TONIGHT! And who will be this evening’s keynote speaker? The famous Waterloo hero Jim “The Duke of Wellington” DeMint, who will discuss the tactical uses of dragoons and other topics concerning modern military strategy. [RedState]
• Your preposterous vocab list for the week. Pop quiz on Monday. [Paul Slansky]