Robert Kennedy Jr. will attest that Ken Blackwell is the literal reincarnation of Beelzebub, who rode a steaming sleigh of entrails from the bowels of Hell to Ohio in order to help George W. Bush steal the election of 2004. This makes him a perfect candidate to run the Republican National Committee as it faces an ever more glorious future. MORE »

Forgotten Florida Republican Senator Mel Martinez announced his retirement today, two years early, and nobody really cares. Martinez is a Cuban alien who somehow got to Florida and became mayor of some town, in Florida, so George Bush Junior made him the HUD secretary, so Martinez caused the housing collapse probably, and then he ran for the Senate and won, we guess, because he’s a senator now, but only for two more years. MORE »

Here is some wingnut PAC that seems real … either that, or somebody out there is a secret master of Political Satire and has a lot of fat/dumb relatives who will do anything for more Hot Cheetos and Truck Nutz. Thank you, Sarah Palin, you fucking idiot! [Our Country PAC]

Are you ready for 2012 polls? Well, too bad. Gallup is already doing 2012 polls. Nate Silver will not even get a break to buy a baseball team or whatever. According to Gallup, of the last losers calling themselves “Republican,” 67% want Alaskan turkey Sarah Palin to run, 62% wish Mormon gay-hater Mitt Romney would have another losing campaign, and 61% hope squirrel-eating socialist and Romney-hater Mike Huckabee will have another go in 2012. MORE »

What is up here? George Bush is not shaking anybody’s hand, nobody’s shaking his hand, it is an international diplomatic crisis! It will be nice to have a President whom the leaders of other nations do not find so physically revolting they can’t stand to touch him briefly. [YouTube]

There were always two of them, at America’s favorite comedy blog, National Review Online. It was the Rule of the Two, as written by Dark Lord Reagan, on Dagoba. “Kathleen” would be a clever writer and kind of funny and attractive, although still a terrible Fascist, and “Kathryn” would be, well, “K-Lo.” Obviously, the smarter of the two would eventually be forced to admit that Sarah Palin is a dumb cretin. And now this one, Kathleen Parker, is touching herself in a tub of Holy Water, while smoking her last cigarette and laughing at the idiot bible-thumpers who ruined the Republican Party, forever. This is all in the Washington Post! MORE »

PATH TO VICTORY: So the Republicans are keeping chain-smoking grandstanding loser John Boehner as their House leader, hooray! And they’ve put some far-right wingnuts in the lesser positions. Things are looking up, if you are not Republican! [CQ Politics]

So these pictures leaked out over the weekend, or Friday, whatever, your editor was still on vacation, in the firestorm, and these pictures of Sarah Palin being a public slob have been all over your Internets. At least one of them, anyway, which apparently caused ejaculations of starbursts in a certain subset of the emotionally crippled boy-wingnut population, because Palin’s ass and XXL logo t-shirt are visible. MORE »

Truly, Virgil Goode was our nation’s finest congressman, because only he stood up for America when a frightening Detroit Muslim, Keith Ellison, won a Minnesota congressional seat in 2006. See, Ellison was sworn in using Thomas Jefferson’s Koran, but Goode wanted to use it, for masturbation, because Goode represented Virginia’s 5th congressional district, which includes Jefferson’s beloved Monticello. MORE »

As the snow-meth icing on the Baked Alaska of Sarah Palin’s hilarious public self-destruction which is also hilariously destroying the the grisly remaining blood-and-gristle bits of the Republican Party, here is how ABC News describes her exit from the McCain Failure Party, where she was not allowed to speak: “And when McCain and Palin split up in Arizona Wednesday, the personal differences were stark. McCain drove himself home in a Toyota sport utility vehicle. Palin’s departure was a grander event. She left with an entourage of 18 family members and friends and a Secret Service detail, heading to the airport in a motorcade stretching more than a dozen vehicles, flanked by a dozen more cops on motorcycles.” [ABC News via Steve Silberman]

Ugh. NADER. He’s been such a dick the last few days. His communications guy has been sending out all of these sarcastic (”pathetic”) e-mails; for example, there was one about how Nader won a mock election in some hippie high school and then decided that they were all more ethical than Obama. And then there was that snippy soundbite press conference. And the shit-flavored hummus. And now this: calling Obama an “Uncle Tom” after his victory and thereby forcing us to side with SHEP F*#$@$ SMITH in the above clip. MORE »