losers

The Wonkette team made it through two of CPAC’s three days before a combination of disgust and alcohol poisoning finally sent us running, so we’re a little late tonight with the thrilling news (?) that Doctor Ron Paul won the wingnut straw poll! Ron Paul is going to be president again! So awesome. He won […]

It seems like only three months ago that Nevada nutbar Sharron Angle was handily defeated by dull Democrat Harry Reid, but Sharron Angle remembers this moment just like it was last November. She remembers, and she knows America remembers, too. She knows that in her loss, what really happened is that all of America stood […]

Remember Meg Whitman, the poor little rich girl who got savagely trounced when Jerry Brown came out of his meditative trance one day, late in the election year, and said, “Oh yeah, I used to be California’s governor. I will be that again,” and then he destroyed her? Do you also remember that Meg Whitman […]

Bristol Palin is of course planning on showing off her lithe young body for the entertainment of millions of Americans on the hit new TV show Rubbing Yourself Up Against A Total Stranger With The Stars. This seems like it might actually contradict her stated life goal of convincing young girls to refrain from screwing […]

Tom Vilsack has had some not-fun times lately, according to prominent body language experts, due mostly to that one time he fired Shirley Sherrod for being racist because Andrew Breitbart told him to. Like many Washington politicians looking for redemption do, Vilsack gave his side of the story in a long talk with the Politico, […]

Milorad “Rod” Blagojevich, a resident of Illinois, was an employee of the U.S. Federal Government until 2002, when he took a position with the government of the State of Illinois. Part of the compensation he received with this job was an employer-provided residence; however, although Blagojevich signed a new contract with the Illinois government in […]

Direct from Ketchum, Idaho — where Ernest Hemingway shot himself, because the people were such trash — comes this shocking photograph of a dumb redneck’s beat-to-hell 1984 Suburban. Wonkette operative “Sebastian S.” apparently walked right up to this thing to take this picture, or maybe he just leaned out of his car and snapped the […]

Remember, Bob Inglis, the really quite conservative South Carolina Congressman (93 percent rating from the American Conservative Union!) who was absolutely obliterated in his primary this year by some Tea Party loony toon? Remember how he whined afterwards that he lost because he he wasn’t a demagogue? Well, now we have absolute proof, from his […]

Did you know that in San Francisco Republicanism is not (yet) punishable by literal, physical death? Social death, sure, that goes without saying, you will be mocked and derided and nobody will have gay sex with you (or if they do they will make fun of you about it, later). And yet these brave souls […]

Remember this guy, Dale Peterson, with his dumb horse and dumb gun and whatever? Well, he lost. But like every other tween-aged girl on YouTube, this fool equates national derision with sudden local importance. We were laughing at you, Dale. Go ahead and dream of shootin’ people for taking campaign signs promoting the guy who […]

THAT'LL SHOW 'EM  10:03 am May 21, 2010

by Josh Fruhlinger

SOMEONE’S GOT SENIORITIS REAL BAD: Oh, hey, check out who was one of the two Senate Democrats who didn’t bother showing up for last night’s financial reform vote! HA HA VOTING ON THINGS IS FOR PEOPLE WHO GIVE A SHIT (and haven’t had their hearts broken by a fickle electorate, boo hoo). The other Dem […]

Does anyone outside of Nevada remember America’s Worst Governor, drunken idiot slimeball waitress-assaulting Jim Gibbons, a red-faced beady-eyed turd so stupid and crooked that even Nevada’s Republicans have spent the past three rotten years mocking and attacking his incompetent, missing-in-action term as governor?

The derelict city of Detroit is finally “getting serious” about razing thousands of boarded-up abandoned houses, and the worst ghetto crackhouse of all will soon be bulldozed: the childhood mansion of Mitt “Mittens” Romney. The Romneys and their servants once lived a life of Mormon Aristocracy in the five-bedroom two-story 5,500-square-foot estate in the once-grand […]

A pathetic, amoral piece of garbage who is utterly terrified of losing his fat-cat Senate privileges, that’s John McCain: “I believe we must repeal this bill immediately. I am currently working in every way possible on your behalf to accomplish this. However, I am facing a tough reelection campaign. If I am not reelected this […]

You guys, come on! The teabaggers just wanted to dress up like George Washington and have a “virtual slave state constitutional convention” and you meanies went and ruined it all, just because the teabaggers are a bunch of delusional idiots who somehow think a wide-open website won’t be, uh, desecrated if they wish real hard […]