Tag: losers

Fox News: Americans Overwhelmingly Want Sarah Palin To Disappear

A new Fox News poll says 71% of Republicans don't want quitter-grifter Sarah Palin in the 2012 race. But why? Isn't she still fun? No? Apparently not. She is a worn-out old circus hag, and even teabaggers have noticed...

Poll: Republicans Suicidally Depressed With Their Lame Candidates

We are deep into the first year of the 2012 campaign -- haha, only 18 more months to go! -- and already the Republican Base is so depressed and disgusted by their awful slate of candidates that some experts...

Obama Holding Fake ‘Town Hall Meeting’ On Facebook Today

Do you love to combine time-wasting, ineffectual things? Then you won't want to miss today's Barack Obama campaign appearance/"Town Hall Meeting" on Facebook. Wow, that is the Holy American Trinity of useless computer things, right there. Don't forget to...

Ron Paul Is President of CPAC

The Wonkette team made it through two of CPAC's three days before a combination of disgust and alcohol poisoning finally sent us running, so we're a little late tonight with the thrilling news (?) that Doctor Ron Paul won...

Defeated Nutbar Sharron Angle Obviously Considering Presidential Bid

It seems like only three months ago that Nevada nutbar Sharron Angle was handily defeated by dull Democrat Harry Reid, but Sharron Angle remembers this moment just like it was last November. She remembers, and she knows America remembers,...

Meg Whitman Now Hoping To Piss Away $$$ By Losing To Feinstein

Remember Meg Whitman, the poor little rich girl who got savagely trounced when Jerry Brown came out of his meditative trance one day, late in the election year, and said, "Oh yeah, I used to be California's governor. I...

Bristol Palin Won’t Dress Like a Whore On Her TeeVee Show

Bristol Palin is of course planning on showing off her lithe young body for the entertainment of millions of Americans on the hit new TV show Rubbing Yourself Up Against A Total Stranger With The Stars. This...

Vilsack Says He Tried Quitting, And That Immigrants Fondle Your Cheap Food

Tom Vilsack has had some not-fun times lately, according to prominent body language experts, due mostly to that one time he fired Shirley Sherrod for being racist because Andrew Breitbart told him to. Like many Washington politicians looking...

Sad Blago’s Storage Unit Of Broken Dreams Auctioned Off

Milorad "Rod" Blagojevich, a resident of Illinois, was an employee of the U.S. Federal Government until 2002, when he took a position with the government of the State of Illinois. Part of the compensation he received with this...

Obama Will Take This Idaho Slob’s Nonexistent Money

Direct from Ketchum, Idaho -- where Ernest Hemingway shot himself, because the people were such trash -- comes this shocking photograph of a dumb redneck's beat-to-hell 1984 Suburban. Wonkette operative "Sebastian S." apparently walked right up to this thing...

Bob Inglis Totally In On Zionist-Bilderberger-Space Lizard Conspiracy

Remember, Bob Inglis, the really quite conservative South Carolina Congressman (93 percent rating from the American Conservative Union!) who was absolutely obliterated in his primary this year by some Tea Party loony toon? Remember how he whined afterwards...

Michael Steele Quotes Cole Porter To Gay San Franciscans

Did you know that in San Francisco Republicanism is not (yet) punishable by literal, physical death? Social death, sure, that goes without saying, you will be mocked and derided and nobody will have gay sex with you (or...

Alabama Psychopath Lost Election, Will Now Shoot Everyone

Remember this guy, Dale Peterson, with his dumb horse and dumb gun and whatever? Well, he lost. But like every other tween-aged girl on YouTube, this fool equates national derision with sudden local importance. We were laughing at you,...

SOMEONE'S GOT SENIORITIS REAL BAD: Oh, hey, check out who was one of the two Senate Democrats who didn't bother showing up for last night's financial reform vote! HA HA VOTING ON THINGS IS FOR PEOPLE WHO GIVE A...

Jim Gibbons, America’s Worst Governor, Will Lose His Primary

Does anyone outside of Nevada remember America's Worst Governor, drunken idiot slimeball waitress-assaulting Jim Gibbons, a red-faced beady-eyed turd so stupid and crooked that even Nevada's Republicans have spent the past three rotten years mocking and attacking his incompetent,...

Mitt Romney’s Ghetto Home To Be Destroyed

The derelict city of Detroit is finally "getting serious" about razing thousands of boarded-up abandoned houses, and the worst ghetto crackhouse of all will soon be bulldozed: the childhood mansion of Mitt "Mittens" Romney. The Romneys and their servants...