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Tag: losers

The 'moderate' one

Donald Trump So Mad Loser John Kasich Won’t Just Quit Already

Man, it is almost impossible to keep track of the things that Donald Trump will bluster over/lie about/deeply misunderstand. We thought about asking Shypixel to build a widget or something to keep track of it, but he retreated to the...
Thank goodness racism is over

Alabama Cops Suspended Just For Being In Neo-Confederate Hate Group. How Is That Fair? (UPDATED)

Oh, look, it's more Not Racial Transcendence, in a story that might have been huge if it hadn't been overshadowed by Wednesday's massacre in Charleston. Two cops in Anniston, Alabama, have been suspended after being outed as members...

Christian College Kids Now Beaning Gay-Lovers With Fruit For Jesus, Are Too Lame, Always Miss

The evangelical Christians are fighting over the gays, everyone! Specifically, they are fighting at ultra-conservative Wheaton College in Illinois, where a simple nice chapel time turned into a fruit-tossing contest. NO THEY DID NOT THROW GAY PEOPLE AT EACH...
Ha ha! Hair gel!

People Continue Enabling Mitt Romney’s Belief That He Is Still Relevant For Some Reason

Usually when a candidate for president gets crushed in the election like a vat of grapes in an I Love Lucy episode, he has the decency to disappear from public view, maybe take up a cause like building houses...
The best man to represent wherever he happens to land

Handsome Losers Scott Brown, Joe Miller Running For Office Again, But Where Is Christine O’Donnell?

FRIDAY TWOFER OF SHAME! Part I: Scott Brown, that handsome former Senator fellow who once accused Elizabeth Warren of masquerading as a Red Indian, is expected to "launch an exploratory committee for a U.S. Senate bid in New Hampshire,"...

Playing With Your Children Is For Losers, Says Business Insider

Nothing says “winning” like abandoning your loved ones to make money for your corporate overlords, amiright guys? I mean, is the guy in the $6,000 suit going to have a “work-life balance”? COME ON. He is not, because he is...

Bitter Defeated Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Explains At Americans That They Are Stupid Losers

Have you missed Joe Walsh (R-Nothing)? No, of course you haven't, because he is kind of an asshole. But JUST IN CASE someone misses him he has started a group called the "Freedom Movement" and invited people to a...

Allen West Finally Surrenders, Kills Political Comedy Forever

Let's "open the kimono" here for a minute: Your Wonkette does not want this great nation of ours to be run by perverts and crazies; but, in another sense, your Wonkette needs this to be the case, because pervert/crazy...

Harry Reid Now Just Being Mean To Scott Brown For Fun

We'll say this for Mitt Romney: He sure sets a low bar for the behavior of supposedly moderate Massachusetts Republicans! For instance, after Mitt spent a conference call with his big donors whining about how Barack Obama won...

Romney’s Expensive Computer Get-Out-The-Vote Effort Explodes Miserably, Like Rest Of Romney Campaign

You can find just about anywhere on the Internet right now important stories about how Team Obama used a bunch of high-tech gee-whiz computer business to analyze huge amounts of data on voters and contributors and get them out...

Fox Nation Super-Stoked On Romney’s Domination Of Pre-Debate Coin-Toss

"Say," you're probably thinking. "That's a good-looking nickel. One of those saucy ones from 2005. You could use it to buy a piece of Double Bubble, or maybe you could put in the 'take a penny, leave...

Michael Dukakis Just Stone Cold Trash-Talking Everybody At The DNC

One of the fun/awkward things about the party conventions is seeing how they deal with loser candidates from years past! Like, Jimmy Carter, an actual former president, was only allowed to address the DNC via video, so that...

Hoosiers To Beat Up Old Man

After 36 years in the Senate, Indiana's Dick Lugar will likely see his political career end tonight for the simple reason that he's talked to President Obama in good faith a couple of times over the past several years....

Each GOP Candidate To Lose Home State, Since They Hate Him There Most

Everyone hates the four big Republican presidential candidates! This is a Historical Fact, which, who knows, may already have made it into recently printed first-grade primers. BUT did you know that the degree to which a given voting individual...

Texas Dummkopf Rick Perry Now Deemed Too Stupid To Give Money To

Rick Perry was going to save the Republicans from having to vote for a liberal Mormon from Taxachusetts, but then Rick Perry actually opened his mouth, and everybody outside of Texas realized for the first time that he’s an...

Sarah Palin Reduced To Hosting Dinners At Disneyworld

Damaged-goods dingbat Sarah Palin is so unpopular and forgotten these days that only Florida's state GOP wants her around, at a trade-show rubber-chicken dinner, at Disneyworld. Palin has apparently accepted an offer to jabber for a few minutes in...