Tag Archives: losers

  Southern Man Better Keep Your Head

Alabama Cops Suspended Just For Being In Neo-Confederate Hate Group. How Is That Fair? (UPDATED)

Thank goodness racism is over
[Update: There have been new developments; please see end of post] Oh, look, it’s more Not Racial Transcendence, in a story that might have been huge if it hadn’t been overshadowed by Wednesday’s massacre in Charleston. Two cops in Anniston, Alabama, have been suspended after being outed as members of the neo-Confederate hate group the League of the South. The Southern Poverty Law Center’s Hatewatch blog identified Lt. Josh Doggrell and Lt. Wayne Brown as members of the white secessionist group Wednesday, and the city wasted little time in getting them off the street and putting them on administrative leave Wednesday afternoon. Not that there’s anything racist about the League of the South — they only want a white homeland, and while they don’t necessarily hate blacks, they don’t consider them actual Southerners. Read more on Alabama Cops Suspended Just For Being In Neo-Confederate Hate Group. How Is That Fair? (UPDATED)…
  Tossing the Lord's apples

Christian College Kids Now Beaning Gay-Lovers With Fruit For Jesus, Are Too Lame, Always Miss

The evangelical Christians are fighting over the gays, everyone! Specifically, they are fighting at ultra-conservative Wheaton College in Illinois, where a simple nice chapel time turned into a fruit-tossing contest. NO THEY DID NOT THROW GAY PEOPLE AT EACH OTHER, you should not be calling gays “fruits,” anyway, you dicks, did you learn nothing at liberal indoctrination camp? Read more on Christian College Kids Now Beaning Gay-Lovers With Fruit For Jesus, Are Too Lame, Always Miss…
  please shut the piehole already

People Continue Enabling Mitt Romney’s Belief That He Is Still Relevant For Some Reason

Ha ha! Hair gel!
Usually when a candidate for president gets crushed in the election like a vat of grapes in an I Love Lucy episode, he has the decency to disappear from public view, maybe take up a cause like building houses for the poor (Jimmy Carter) or global warming (Al Gore) or returning to the Senate to yell at the person who beat him to get off his lawn (John McCain). Read more on People Continue Enabling Mitt Romney’s Belief That He Is Still Relevant For Some Reason…
  Land of the Lost

Handsome Losers Scott Brown, Joe Miller Running For Office Again, But Where Is Christine O’Donnell?

The best man to represent wherever he happens to land
FRIDAY TWOFER OF SHAME! Part I: Scott Brown, that handsome former Senator fellow who once accused Elizabeth Warren of masquerading as a Red Indian, is expected to “launch an exploratory committee for a U.S. Senate bid in New Hampshire,” which is weird because we thought he already did something like that? And he drew a bigger crowd of protesters than supporters? Bqhatevwr, we’re sure he knows what he’s grifting. But who is Part II of your Handsome Loser twin billing, besides a man called “Joe Miller”? IT IS JOE MILLER, that Alaska stubble-faced frontiersman who went to Yale and once (“allegedly”) wrongfully imprisoned a reporter, for asking him a question! Read more on Handsome Losers Scott Brown, Joe Miller Running For Office Again, But Where Is Christine O’Donnell?…
  coffee is for closers

Playing With Your Children Is For Losers, Says Business Insider

Nothing says “winning” like abandoning your loved ones to make money for your corporate overlords, amiright guys? I mean, is the guy in the $6,000 suit going to have a “work-life balance”? COME ON. He is not, because he is a WINNER, because as Business Insider kindly explains at us, work-life balance is for LOSERS (or at least, it’s for people who are not WINNERS). So if you want to make it to the top, you will man up and work 70 hours a week and if you are a winner, you will LIKE it. From the good people at Business Insider, who have magnanimously brought us an article called “Real Winners Don’t Have Work-Life Balance”: Read more on Playing With Your Children Is For Losers, Says Business Insider…
  asphinctersayswhat

Bitter Defeated Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Explains At Americans That They Are Stupid Losers

Have you missed Joe Walsh (R-Nothing)? No, of course you haven’t, because he is kind of an asshole. But JUST IN CASE someone misses him he has started a group called the “Freedom Movement” and invited people to a townhall meeting so they could watch him wave his arms around and talk about Freedom for a good two hours. Yes, this video is two hours long, and it consists of him a) talking and b) waving his arms around and once in awhile c) consulting his notes. And as it turns out, you can cram an awful lot of stupid into two hours, although our favorite occurs at around 29:00, when he informs his audience that he routinely ignores the advice of political strategists who tell him not to insult the American people, and then goes ahead and insults the American people. Read more on Bitter Defeated Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Explains At Americans That They Are Stupid Losers…
  pantheon of fallen heroes

Allen West Finally Surrenders, Kills Political Comedy Forever

Let’s “open the kimono” here for a minute: Your Wonkette does not want this great nation of ours to be run by perverts and crazies; but, in another sense, your Wonkette needs this to be the case, because pervert/crazy politicians bring in the pageviews and associated ad moneys. That’s why the endless vote-recounting wackiness in Florida, in which Allen West was always losing but just close enough to demand further recounts, was a best-of-both-worlds situation for us: he wouldn’t be allowed to actually participate in the governing process, but he would stay in the spotlight and be ludicrous for our amusement. We even heard rumors that he was planning on showing up for work at the Capitol every day, and would get into fisticuffs with security guards, which would have been hilarious! But instead he just up and quit, like a little baby. Read more on Allen West Finally Surrenders, Kills Political Comedy Forever…
  don't go away mad just go away

Harry Reid Now Just Being Mean To Scott Brown For Fun

We’ll say this for Mitt Romney: He sure sets a low bar for the behavior of supposedly moderate Massachusetts Republicans! For instance, after Mitt spent a conference call with his big donors whining about how Barack Obama won the election by championing policies that will benefit Americans, Scott Brown’s post-loss press conference, where he (no doubt sullenly) mouthed platitudes about “bipartisanship,” looked positively statesmanlike. But that didn’t stop Harry Reid from just cold talking smack to reporters about what a dick Scott Brown was. Will Harry Reid regret this, when Scott Brown is inevitably re-elected to the Senate, in a month or two? Read more on Harry Reid Now Just Being Mean To Scott Brown For Fun…
  free willard

Romney’s Expensive Computer Get-Out-The-Vote Effort Explodes Miserably, Like Rest Of Romney Campaign

You can find just about anywhere on the Internet right now important stories about how Team Obama used a bunch of high-tech gee-whiz computer business to analyze huge amounts of data on voters and contributors and get them out to the polls, both in 2008 and 2012. Well, the Republican establishment wasn’t about to take that lying down! No, they designed their own high-tech thingie called “Project ORCA,” which did not work, just like all the other aspects of the Romney campaign that didn’t work on election day. Let’s get the secret inside scoop! Read more on Romney’s Expensive Computer Get-Out-The-Vote Effort Explodes Miserably, Like Rest Of Romney Campaign…
  roll 1d20 to save

Fox Nation Super-Stoked On Romney’s Domination Of Pre-Debate Coin-Toss

“Say,” you’re probably thinking. “That’s a good-looking nickel. One of those saucy ones from 2005. You could use it to buy a piece of Double Bubble, or maybe you could put in the ‘take a penny, leave a penny’ tray at the gas station if you want to blow minds with your generosity.” But that’s no ordinary nickel; that’s the most politically important metallic disc in the world, and it has personally ensured the crushing defeat of Barack Hussein Nobama at tonight’s debate. BUT HOW COULD A MERE FIVE-CENT PIECE HAVE SUCH POWER??? Read more on Fox Nation Super-Stoked On Romney’s Domination Of Pre-Debate Coin-Toss…
  greek rage raises its ugly head

Michael Dukakis Just Stone Cold Trash-Talking Everybody At The DNC

One of the fun/awkward things about the party conventions is seeing how they deal with loser candidates from years past! Like, Jimmy Carter, an actual former president, was only allowed to address the DNC via video, so that they could cut him off if he started chanting “Death To Israel” or whatever. But what about whatshisname, the little guy, lost in 1988, never got to be president in the first place — yeah, Michael Dukakis! Him! Apparently he’s roaming around the convention and was even allowed to give a speech of some sort to … people eating breakfast … or something? The Boston Globe article about it helpfully provides zero context, but that’s OK, because it does report all the mean Dukakis zingers! Mrow! Read more on Michael Dukakis Just Stone Cold Trash-Talking Everybody At The DNC…
  american pastimes

Hoosiers To Beat Up Old Man

After 36 years in the Senate, Indiana’s Dick Lugar will likely see his political career end tonight for the simple reason that he’s talked to President Obama in good faith a couple of times over the past several years. That’s really it! Bob Bennett’s primary loss in 2010 was pretty bad, too, but at least they could point to the fact that he co-authored a health care bill with an individual mandate. (As have most Republicans at some point, so nevermind.) Dick Lugar, though? Here’s a plain conservative white-haired feller who’s put in several decades getting Indianans whatever they want — and, since Republicans will probably win the Senate, is now in line to get them infinitely more with his seniority — but, regrettably, hasn’t punched enough Mexicans in the face over the last six years or called Obama a Farty Hitler yet. Oh, and he has a house in Washington, where he works! Destroy him! Read more on Hoosiers To Beat Up Old Man…
  state of horror

Each GOP Candidate To Lose Home State, Since They Hate Him There Most

Everyone hates the four big Republican presidential candidates! This is a Historical Fact, which, who knows, may already have made it into recently printed first-grade primers. BUT did you know that the degree to which a given voting individual intrinsically hates each GOP monster is mathemagically related to how long that individual has already had to put up with that monster? Meaning: Mitt and the Boys may now be campaigning nationally but they are most not-liked locally, where the populace has suffered the longest direct contact with them. We explore this phenomenon in detail, after the jump! Read more on Each GOP Candidate To Lose Home State, Since They Hate Him There Most…
  former frontrunners

Texas Dummkopf Rick Perry Now Deemed Too Stupid To Give Money To

Rick Perry was going to save the Republicans from having to vote for a liberal Mormon from Taxachusetts, but then Rick Perry actually opened his mouth, and everybody outside of Texas realized for the first time that he’s an imbecile. It seemed Perry had everything it took to become president of America, as he is a dumb Texan governor who will do whatever he’s told by the oil companies, but these days not even his alleged supporters will give him any money. Read more on Texas Dummkopf Rick Perry Now Deemed Too Stupid To Give Money To…
  grifter´s downfall

Sarah Palin Reduced To Hosting Dinners At Disneyworld

Damaged-goods dingbat Sarah Palin is so unpopular and forgotten these days that only Florida’s state GOP wants her around, at a trade-show rubber-chicken dinner, at Disneyworld. Palin has apparently accepted an offer to jabber for a few minutes in exchange for a platter of convention food and a bag of soiled dollar bills. But she’s not even the Star Attraction! According to the event’s flyer, printed out in Microsoft Word by a temp employee, evil cue-ball Rick Scott and one of his fake minions (“chairman Lenny Curry,” sure) are the actual headliners. Read more on Sarah Palin Reduced To Hosting Dinners At Disneyworld…
  new study proves it

Fox News: Americans Overwhelmingly Want Sarah Palin To Disappear

A new Fox News poll says 71% of Republicans don’t want quitter-grifter Sarah Palin in the 2012 race. But why? Isn’t she still fun? No? Apparently not. She is a worn-out old circus hag, and even teabaggers have noticed that the only thing she cares about is getting media attention for Sarah Palin. Could the Wasilla creep’s celebrity gravy train finally be breaking down? We hope so! We also hope the Palins do what every white-trash lotto-winning family always does, which is piss through the whole insane fortune in a couple of years and wind up destitute. That toothless crone selling meth in the bathroom at the Anchorage train station in 2020 is likely to be one-time vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin! Read more on Fox News: Americans Overwhelmingly Want Sarah Palin To Disappear…