Tag Archives: los angeles

  may i have some more?

Dennis Prager: Kids Should Be More Hungry

Dennis Prager is a family values radio host. He is a religious fellow what loves G_d and morals. He also thinks there are not five homes with hungry children in all of Los Angeles, and that free school breakfast is the actual devil. Here, let us read, together, why feeding children is the worst, dumbest, most eeeeevil thing a school district can do! Read more on Dennis Prager: Kids Should Be More Hungry…
  nice time!

Your Thursday Nice Time: Magic Johnson Loves His Live Gay Son

We first spotted this story on World Nut Daily and thought to ourselves, oh Lord, the nuts already hate Magic for having the gay AIDS and for kicking Larry Bird’s ass up and down the court back in the ’80s (the ring count stands forever at Magic: 5, Larry: 3, bitches). The scare quotes in the headline (Magic Johnson “Very Proud” of “Gay” Son – there, now you do not have to clicky clicky and give WND the traffic) betrayed the writer’s take already. Perhaps Special Jackhole Correspondent Chuck Norris had written the story and offered to roundhouse kick the gay right out of young EJ Johnson in exchange for floor seats for the Lakers’ inevitable first-round playoff flameout. What horrifying swill, what terrifying glimpse into the Dante poem that is the religious wingnut hive mind would reveal itself to us if we clicked this link? But we clicked, because we are weak and had not been outraged by anything for, oh, a good hour or two. Sweet relief! The WND story turned out to just be a link and some comments (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WE WILL NOT READ THE COMMENTS). And the link led to this very nice beat-sweetener over at the Daily Mail: Read more on Your Thursday Nice Time: Magic Johnson Loves His Live Gay Son…
  good guys and bad guys with guns

Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal

We have already read about what made Los Angeles spree-killin’ cop Christopher Dorner go Django on the entire LAPD (and their families). It was LAPD racisms. So we know who (and what) he hates. But who does he love? Just about all your typical libtards, like Hillary Clinton and Larry David and Ellen Degeneres and Anderson Cooper and Joe Scarborough and Chris Christie and Jon Huntsman. What? After the jump, some extensive selections from his manifesto (this one uncensored), which we had kind of stopped reading after we got through the racisms parts, where he espouses best wishes for women in the military, Hillary (or Christie!) 2016, and burning hell for the Westboro Baptist Church and the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre, because nobody (including himself) needs the kind of fucking arsenal with which he is currently terrorizing the country’s second biggest metropolis, and where your Editrix is currently never leaving her apartment again. Read more on Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal…
  dorner unchained

Fired LAPD Officer Going Django On Everyone’s Asses

You may have heard, there is a fired LAPD cop/former sniper going around murdering everyone, from the daughter of the Police League lawyer who didn’t win his case, to all the lesbi-cops and every other “high value target” in the universe. The LAPD, they are responding by shooting anyone in a blue or black truck, including two ladies delivering newspapers. This does not inspire confidence, LAPD! But what you probably have not heard, if you read “everything you need to know” about him on Buzzfeed, is um WHY? Which is easily answered if you read his manifesto. And the answer is LAPD racisms, and he is the Mighty Sword of Anti-Racist Justice. Fuckin’ yikes dude! Can’t you just march with the rest of us, and maybe write blog posts about Tucker Carlson instead? We have found it is an excellent way to release all the feelings that might otherwise have an outlet only in MURDERING PEOPLE’S KIDS. Read more on Fired LAPD Officer Going Django On Everyone’s Asses…
  keeping us safe

Los Angeles Would Like To Get In On This Rape Cop Game Please

Looks like the NYPD rape cops better step up their game because they have some competition! Whereas the NYPD keeps its lady citizens safe by raping them at gunpoint and or alternatively, when they are too drunk to consent, LA rape cops do it the old fashioned way: by threatening to put them in jail. Read more on Los Angeles Would Like To Get In On This Rape Cop Game Please…
  zip it up she's just a slut

Have You Heard The One About The Woman Who Wasn’t Raped ‘Cause She Isn’t Married?

We heard such a good joke last night, you guys! Some real Absurdist Andy Kaufman-style next-level shit! It goes like this: so this chick is sleeping, and when she wakes up her boyfriend is making sweet love to her, all kissy and lovey with his penis in her vagina. Then she sees that it’s not her boyfriend and she screams and fights him off. Wait, wait, here’s where it gets good! We can’t even … laughing so hard … ok, ok, so … the court says she wasn’t raped because based on an 1872 California law, you can be raped by “fraud” if someone impersonates your “husband” but not your “boyfriend” NEW TRIAL haha lolololol OMG! Can you imagine! What a slut! Read more on Have You Heard The One About The Woman Who Wasn’t Raped ‘Cause She Isn’t Married?…
  important announcements

Oh Right We Have Just Now Decided To Have A Los Angeles Election Night Party

Since we will have a chat cave full of courrespondentes live-blooging tonight’s MADNESS for you, the feverishly page-refreshing Wonkadero, your Editrix has decided to take the night off and treat herself and her fellow Angelenos to Election Night beers and whatnot. THE DETAILS! Let us call it “seven p.m.,” until “11 or something,” at everyone’s favorite sports bar cum Art Deco ballroom, Busby’s East! (5364 Wilshire Blvd., (323) 525-2615.) We do not wish to hear your bitching about “parking” and “driving.” We know we live in Los Angeles. Sack the fuck up! Some beer is on us. (Also, we know there are no NBA playoffs tonight — OR ARE THERE? That is a picture from last time, dummies. GAH.) Read more on Oh Right We Have Just Now Decided To Have A Los Angeles Election Night Party…
  and you go downtown

A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal

Look at this awesome guy! You would think they would have thrown him out of the polling place at Los Angeles’s Union Rescue Mission, on Skid Row, for electioneering. And yet they did not! What is our world even coming to? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal…
  civic doobies

Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed

Your average American is far too savvy a consumer to just go and do things because it’s a “civic duty” or whatever. These are people who won’t even buy a 12-pack of soda unless it’s on an endcap at the supermarket and is being pushed at 50 percent off, so why should they go to some gross elementary school gymnasium and vote for President, or, worse, “neighborhood council,” which sounds like something out of a terrible reality show, just for the privilege of feeling good about themselves as citizens? Well, the gentle hipsters in Eagle Rock, which is a part of Los Angeles, have figured out a way to lure people to democracy: by giving away $40 worth of medical marijuana to anyone who can bring in proof of voting! Read more on Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed…
  the rally in the valley

Old Bald Liberal Jews Mistake Congressional Debate For WWE Ring (Video)

Brad Sherman and Howard Berman are almost indistinguishable. They are old liberal Jewish Democrats who both voted for the Iraq war (but still try to ding the other for voting for the Iraq war? Come on, guys), and they are both sitting members of Congress representing Los Angeles’s San Fernando Valley. (You remember the Valley from movies like Valley Girl and songs like, um, Valley Girl.) But then a quirk of fate (or the redistricting commission) forced them to run against each other for a newly created seat, and now it is like a comedic Hollywood movie! Yesterday, shortly before Joe Biden raped poor Paul Ryan in his bottom, the two candidates met for some quality get-in-your-facetime, and Brad Sherman basically tried to headlock Howard Berman while shouting at him “YOU WANNA GET IN MY FACE?” and some other stuff, like George W. Bush pretending he was Hud and shouting “You wanna go mano-a-mano old man???” And then an alert copper (we presume he’s a sheriff’s deputy, based on his uniform) was like, you know, I think I will do some keeping of the peace. Gentlemen? Please stop the manhandling. BOO! Read more on Old Bald Liberal Jews Mistake Congressional Debate For WWE Ring (Video)…
  you can never be too bitch or too thin

It’s Okay, You Guys, Sarah Palin Is Just ‘Writing’ A Fitness ‘Book’

It seems like just yesterday we were worried about Sarah Palin! The wraithlike skin-sack of hollow bones clomping around Los Angeles this week was not the GILF you’ve hatefucked in your brainpan so many times throughout the years, but instead gave us a huge anti-boner of sad. (That this led to accusations in the comments that we were “body-shaming” is too bad, since it was by far the nicest thing we’d ever written about Palin, and also since this is not Jezebel. What’s next, accusations of cisgendered heteronormative hegemony?) But it is okay, you guys! People magazine did the hard work of asking Palin, what the fuck is up with your bone-sack? And Palin replied! Read more on It’s Okay, You Guys, Sarah Palin Is Just ‘Writing’ A Fitness ‘Book’…
  stop or lapd will shoot!

LAPD Celebrates City’s Lowest-Crime Ranking By Arresting People For Chalking On Sidewalk, Shooting Them

It is hard sometimes to be the police force for the big city with the lowest crime rate, we guess, which is why the LAPD recently arrested people for drawing on a sidewalk with chalk? But then whoops the #Occupy kids came out to Downtown LA’s monthly Thursday night artwalk to protest that — because it was nonsense — and then the LAPD had no choice but to show up in riot gear, which in turn forced the #Occupy kids to throw bottles at them, which of course led the LAPD to shoot. Read more on LAPD Celebrates City’s Lowest-Crime Ranking By Arresting People For Chalking On Sidewalk, Shooting Them…
  teen moms (not bristol)

Los Angeles Area High School Now Genociding Latinos By Giving Them Birth Control

What’s new in Planned Parenthood genociding? We aggregate Ghost Andrew Breitbart aggregating the Los Angeles Times for answers, and lord do we find them! Did you know Roosevelt High School, in a low-income, heavily Latino area (Boyle Heights, LA peeps), still has lots of teen motherhood? And that in order to do something about this, they are bringing Planned Parenthood on campus? And that the parents simply REFUSE to be SO ANGRY? What fresh horror is this??? Single motherhood rates among teens are down in Los Angeles County for the last several years; for teenagers 15-19, there were 29 births per thousand, vs. 37 per thousand in 2005. But at Roosevelt High School, located in a low-income, heavily Latino area, single motherhood is still out of control. So the school will now host Planned Parenthood on campus. Students do not need parental permission to receive either an abortion or contraceptive care in California. Planned Parenthood provides free contraceptive care, including a patch, a ring, pills, or a shot. “We don’t really experience the traditional narrative of angry parents not wanting access to reproductive care in the schools,” explained Planned Parenthood’s LA executive director, Sue Dunlap. “It’s really the opposite.” Our teeth, they are gnashed to stubs! Our hair, it is torn! Our 18-year-old son, he has not yet knocked anyone up in spite of his best efforts! Read more on Los Angeles Area High School Now Genociding Latinos By Giving Them Birth Control…
  tits or g.t.f.o.

A Children’s Treasury Of Drunken Wonker Perverts And Weirdos

HELLO PERVERTS AND WEIRDOS, here are your pictures from the first in a series of Wonkette Drinky Things and Meetups, this one in Los Angeles. Bammerz did not drop in, my head hurts. There will be only light posting today, so all of you who complain about how there are too many posts waaah you can not read through every single comment on every single one, today you get a reprieve. Do not get used to it! Tomorrow there will be 37 posts! AND YOU WILL LIKE IT! Pictures of a lady’s breasts after the jump. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Drunken Wonker Perverts And Weirdos…
  11 longhaired friends of jesus in a chartreuse microbus

Obama Campaign: President’s L.A. Travel Will Not Disrupt Wonkette Drinky Thing And Meetup

Your Wonkette was worried when LAObserved noted that yet another Obamajam was expected tomorrow (Thursday), just in time to disrupt traffic to the Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup just so he can go hang out with George Clooney. GODDAMN HIM!!! So we did what any self-respecting #WARBLOG would do, and emailed the nice campaign person who is constantly sending us “opposition research” on whatever dumb thing fell out of Mitt Romney’s mouth last, and asked: Hey! Is Bammerz’ motorcade in Los Angeles tomorrow evening going to disrupt travel to the First Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup, or will he be choppering into the Valley? These are important things that I we need to know! Luckily, we have an answer, and that answer is “negatory”! Breaker breaker! Ten-four! Read more on Obama Campaign: President’s L.A. Travel Will Not Disrupt Wonkette Drinky Thing And Meetup…
  don't drink don't smoke what do you do?

Important Wonkette Party Announcement, About Parties And Your Wonkette

The Wonkette Drinky Meetup Salons begin with a party one week from today in Los Angeles, California. (Next up will be Detroit in early June. You excited, Detroit? When’s the last time someone came to see you? Long time, right? Here, let us wipe your tears and hand you a xanax.) All comers are welcome, and the first 10 pitchers (for everyone, not each, don’t be greedy) are on us. So please join Kirsten Boyd Johnson, Sara Benincasa, and me, your Editrix, for so much fried food (also we will buy you some fried food) and nonsense. Details on the other side. Read more on Important Wonkette Party Announcement, About Parties And Your Wonkette…