Tag Archives: los angeles

  civic doobies

Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed

Your average American is far too savvy a consumer to just go and do things because it’s a “civic duty” or whatever. These are people who won’t even buy a 12-pack of soda unless it’s on an endcap at the supermarket and is being pushed at 50 percent off, so why should they go to some gross elementary school gymnasium and vote for President, or, worse, “neighborhood council,” which sounds like something out of a terrible reality show, just for the privilege of feeling good about themselves as citizens? Well, the gentle hipsters in Eagle Rock, which is a part of Los Angeles, have figured out a way to lure people to democracy: by giving away $40 worth of medical marijuana to anyone who can bring in proof of voting! Read more on Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed…
  the rally in the valley

Old Bald Liberal Jews Mistake Congressional Debate For WWE Ring (Video)

Brad Sherman and Howard Berman are almost indistinguishable. They are old liberal Jewish Democrats who both voted for the Iraq war (but still try to ding the other for voting for the Iraq war? Come on, guys), and they are both sitting members of Congress representing Los Angeles’s San Fernando Valley. (You remember the Valley from movies like Valley Girl and songs like, um, Valley Girl.) But then a quirk of fate (or the redistricting commission) forced them to run against each other for a newly created seat, and now it is like a comedic Hollywood movie! Yesterday, shortly before Joe Biden raped poor Paul Ryan in his bottom, the two candidates met for some quality get-in-your-facetime, and Brad Sherman basically tried to headlock Howard Berman while shouting at him “YOU WANNA GET IN MY FACE?” and some other stuff, like George W. Bush pretending he was Hud and shouting “You wanna go mano-a-mano old man???” And then an alert copper (we presume he’s a sheriff’s deputy, based on his uniform) was like, you know, I think I will do some keeping of the peace. Gentlemen? Please stop the manhandling. BOO! Read more on Old Bald Liberal Jews Mistake Congressional Debate For WWE Ring (Video)…
  you can never be too bitch or too thin

It’s Okay, You Guys, Sarah Palin Is Just ‘Writing’ A Fitness ‘Book’

It seems like just yesterday we were worried about Sarah Palin! The wraithlike skin-sack of hollow bones clomping around Los Angeles this week was not the GILF you’ve hatefucked in your brainpan so many times throughout the years, but instead gave us a huge anti-boner of sad. (That this led to accusations in the comments that we were “body-shaming” is too bad, since it was by far the nicest thing we’d ever written about Palin, and also since this is not Jezebel. What’s next, accusations of cisgendered heteronormative hegemony?) But it is okay, you guys! People magazine did the hard work of asking Palin, what the fuck is up with your bone-sack? And Palin replied! Read more on It’s Okay, You Guys, Sarah Palin Is Just ‘Writing’ A Fitness ‘Book’…
  stop or lapd will shoot!

LAPD Celebrates City’s Lowest-Crime Ranking By Arresting People For Chalking On Sidewalk, Shooting Them

It is hard sometimes to be the police force for the big city with the lowest crime rate, we guess, which is why the LAPD recently arrested people for drawing on a sidewalk with chalk? But then whoops the #Occupy kids came out to Downtown LA’s monthly Thursday night artwalk to protest that — because it was nonsense — and then the LAPD had no choice but to show up in riot gear, which in turn forced the #Occupy kids to throw bottles at them, which of course led the LAPD to shoot. Read more on LAPD Celebrates City’s Lowest-Crime Ranking By Arresting People For Chalking On Sidewalk, Shooting Them…
  teen moms (not bristol)

Los Angeles Area High School Now Genociding Latinos By Giving Them Birth Control

What’s new in Planned Parenthood genociding? We aggregate Ghost Andrew Breitbart aggregating the Los Angeles Times for answers, and lord do we find them! Did you know Roosevelt High School, in a low-income, heavily Latino area (Boyle Heights, LA peeps), still has lots of teen motherhood? And that in order to do something about this, they are bringing Planned Parenthood on campus? And that the parents simply REFUSE to be SO ANGRY? What fresh horror is this??? Single motherhood rates among teens are down in Los Angeles County for the last several years; for teenagers 15-19, there were 29 births per thousand, vs. 37 per thousand in 2005. But at Roosevelt High School, located in a low-income, heavily Latino area, single motherhood is still out of control. So the school will now host Planned Parenthood on campus. Students do not need parental permission to receive either an abortion or contraceptive care in California. Planned Parenthood provides free contraceptive care, including a patch, a ring, pills, or a shot. “We don’t really experience the traditional narrative of angry parents not wanting access to reproductive care in the schools,” explained Planned Parenthood’s LA executive director, Sue Dunlap. “It’s really the opposite.” Our teeth, they are gnashed to stubs! Our hair, it is torn! Our 18-year-old son, he has not yet knocked anyone up in spite of his best efforts! Read more on Los Angeles Area High School Now Genociding Latinos By Giving Them Birth Control…
  tits or g.t.f.o.

A Children’s Treasury Of Drunken Wonker Perverts And Weirdos

HELLO PERVERTS AND WEIRDOS, here are your pictures from the first in a series of Wonkette Drinky Things and Meetups, this one in Los Angeles. Bammerz did not drop in, my head hurts. There will be only light posting today, so all of you who complain about how there are too many posts waaah you can not read through every single comment on every single one, today you get a reprieve. Do not get used to it! Tomorrow there will be 37 posts! AND YOU WILL LIKE IT! Pictures of a lady’s breasts after the jump. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Drunken Wonker Perverts And Weirdos…
  11 longhaired friends of jesus in a chartreuse microbus

Obama Campaign: President’s L.A. Travel Will Not Disrupt Wonkette Drinky Thing And Meetup

Your Wonkette was worried when LAObserved noted that yet another Obamajam was expected tomorrow (Thursday), just in time to disrupt traffic to the Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup just so he can go hang out with George Clooney. GODDAMN HIM!!! So we did what any self-respecting #WARBLOG would do, and emailed the nice campaign person who is constantly sending us “opposition research” on whatever dumb thing fell out of Mitt Romney’s mouth last, and asked: Hey! Is Bammerz’ motorcade in Los Angeles tomorrow evening going to disrupt travel to the First Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup, or will he be choppering into the Valley? These are important things that I we need to know! Luckily, we have an answer, and that answer is “negatory”! Breaker breaker! Ten-four! Read more on Obama Campaign: President’s L.A. Travel Will Not Disrupt Wonkette Drinky Thing And Meetup…
  don't drink don't smoke what do you do?

Important Wonkette Party Announcement, About Parties And Your Wonkette

The Wonkette Drinky Meetup Salons begin with a party one week from today in Los Angeles, California. (Next up will be Detroit in early June. You excited, Detroit? When’s the last time someone came to see you? Long time, right? Here, let us wipe your tears and hand you a xanax.) All comers are welcome, and the first 10 pitchers (for everyone, not each, don’t be greedy) are on us. So please join Kirsten Boyd Johnson, Sara Benincasa, and me, your Editrix, for so much fried food (also we will buy you some fried food) and nonsense. Details on the other side. Read more on Important Wonkette Party Announcement, About Parties And Your Wonkette…
  never forget

California Destroyed By Blustery Day

Back when California used to have the nation’s top public schools (instead of the worst) and biggest state park system (instead of locked-gate meth-lab forests) along with lots of good-paying jobs and an entire population of fit, beautiful, tattoo-free people who spent all their time at the uncrowded beaches talking about philosophy or whatever, the “trade off” was that California also had terrible natural disasters. It was the kind of thing that kept a certain demographic (really scared Indiana people, say) from moving out West. “Sounds great,” they’d say, “but I heard there was an earthquake about 10 years ago that killed twenty people, so I’m staying put, where I’ll probably freeze to death in the outhouse tomorrow and never be found.”) Anyway, now the disasters have moved elsewhere. Oklahoma and Virginia get all the earthquakes now, the wildfires went to Texas, New York City attracts all the hurricanes (and asshole mayors), and Californians are reduced to crying about a windy day. Read more on California Destroyed By Blustery Day…
  revolutionary politics

#OccupyLA Wins: LA City Council Offers Downtown Office, Homeless Housing, Farmland!

We don’t hear a whole lot about #OccupyLA because the City Council has been so cool about it. But now, after nearly two months of the City Hall lawn being used as a campground, the city leaders would like to politely move the protest off the grounds while also supporting its continued work. Read more on #OccupyLA Wins: LA City Council Offers Downtown Office, Homeless Housing, Farmland!…
  just build a wall around los angeles and be done with it

Southern California County Supervisor Decides It’s Time to Secede

“Divided we win” or whatever: Riverside County Supervisor Jeff Stone is tired of all of California’s terrible unsolvable debt problems, welfare queens, crappy public schools and those annoying “greenhouse gas regulations” keeping everyone in Los Angeles alive. So he proposes to partition California into Northern and Southern, with LA officially joining Northern California because of all its libruls and poors. Stone wants Riverside, San Diego and Orange County to break off and form their own SoCal state of angry white olds: Read more on Southern California County Supervisor Decides It’s Time to Secede…
  it's morning in america

BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation

An internal investigation conducted by BP has concluded that it can start drilling again immediately, hooray! Oh and also “Team BP” did nothing wrong, at all, and so if you Americans still need someone or something to pay for the stuff in the ocean, sue the oil rig owner Transocean or the chavs at Halliburton, because you can always blame Halliburton. But yes, this investigation exonerates BP, which did nothing wrong and was probably just enjoying a nice cup of tea while Transocean and Halliburton took turns throwing depth charges down Deepwater Horizon’s oil well to “see what would happen.” Whatever. At least Tony Hayward has his life back, sitting on his yacht in Siberia. [CNN] Read more on BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation… Read more on BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation…
  an inconvenient toxic waste dump

Al Gore Academy Built On Toxic Waste Dump, Wingnuts Celebrate 9/11 Early

Have you registered for classes yet at the Carson-Gore Academy of Environmental Sciences, the brand new Los Angeles school named in honor of Al Gore’s pet polar bear, Carson? Well if you haven’t, DON’T! Turns out Al Gore’s Internet college was constructed atop a giant mound of toxic soil. This is funny to wingnut bloggers because they are well aware that Al Gore, like most humans, is not fond of toxic soil. “Oh sweet, sweet irony” or something? Read more on Al Gore Academy Built On Toxic Waste Dump, Wingnuts Celebrate 9/11 Early…
  but it's a charter school!

Wingnuts Furious About … LA Private School Named For Barack Obama

A failed school in the poor-lands of Los Angeles will soon re-open as the privately-run “Barack Obama Global Preparatory School,” and that’s a good thing for Educational Choice and all that, right? No WRONG, it is an excuse for people to leave wingnutty comments on an LA real-estate blog, because what has Barack Obama ever done, anyway? Read more on Wingnuts Furious About … LA Private School Named For Barack Obama…
  haw haw

LADWP To Arizona: ‘Suck It, We Actually Own Your Power Plants’

Los Angeles Department of Water and Power general manager Austin Beutner just delivered a very quick, very brutal public response to some Arizona energy commissioner’s jackass threat to cut the electricity flowing from that racist state to LA. It is terse and kickass, and you must read it, in its entirety. Read more on LADWP To Arizona: ‘Suck It, We Actually Own Your Power Plants’…
  sure whatever

Arizona Jackass Threatens To Cut Off LA’s Power

Some Arizona energy commissioner is threatening to cut off electricity supplies to Los Angeles unless LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa renounces the city’s boycott. “I would be happy to help them to renegotiate the power agreements so they no longer receive power from Arizona,” commissioner Gary Pierce told ABC News. Arizona has a nuke plant plus some filthy coal plants, plus it takes hydropower from the Colorado River, which has been dammed and ruined for this purpose by awful people from Arizona (and the water is from the Rocky Mountains, not Arizona, which doesn’t have water), and some of this electrical power is sold to California — including about a quarter of LA’s electricity. This is what they’re going to do if you complain about them being actual Nazis. It’s going to be fun when Commander in Chief Barack Obama orders a U.S. military invasion of this rogue state, isn’t it? Better complete the danged fence on the northern and western and eastern borders, too! Read more on Arizona Jackass Threatens To Cut Off LA’s Power…
  america's strip-club capitals

After Rager At Club Voyeur, RNC ‘Young Eagles’ Off To Las Vegas & New Orleans

Michael Steele’s exclusive fraternity, the GOP “Young Eagles,” just rolls from strip joint to strip joint, blowing two-grand a pop on Kristol and lap dances. And dumb Republican donors pay for all this, while Socialism is the Law of the Land! What are these Young Republicans typing to each other, anyway? Read more on After Rager At Club Voyeur, RNC ‘Young Eagles’ Off To Las Vegas & New Orleans…
  daily briefing

Dead Michael Jackson Is Finally Placed Underground, With All The Other Deads

FINALLY: Famous dead Jackson, Michael Jackson, was buried in the ground outside Los Angeles last night. [New York Times] Some Obama cabinet members, like America’s Vice President Joe Biden, are hesitant about sending more troops to Afghanistan, while other people are not hesitant at all about doing this. A nation waits for George Will’s “tiebreaker.” [New York Times] Read more on Dead Michael Jackson Is Finally Placed Underground, With All The Other Deads…
  insanity

NEW TIMMY MCVEIGH IN A RED BEETLE, NEGOTIATING WITH A BOMB ROBOT: “WESTWOOD — A man accused of making threats against the White House led officers on a wild freeway chase that ended in a standoff outside the Federal Building.” Nice. Hooray for August. What does this sentence mean?: “The LAPD bomb squad is using its robot as officers try to coax the suspect out of the vehicle.” [KTLA] Read more on …
  in case anybody still cares about this thing

Mysterious Joker Poster Explained For You

Finally, we have an Arts Writer to tell us what that weird “SOCIALISMS & BARACK OBAMA AS HEATH LEDGER’S JOKER” poster means. We would summarize, but the article is nearly 1,000 words long! Read it and find out! Or click the clicky to find out what two of your editors thought of the poster in a secret high-level editorial discussion on Monday. Read more on Mysterious Joker Poster Explained For You…
  lakers vs. magic

Congresswomen Waters And Brown Go Nuts Over Basketball

Hey nerds how much do you love NBA Finals season, hmmm? Feast your eyes on this cute thing, which involves two political ladies trash-talking over their basketball teams. Maxine Waters won’t even shake her friend’s hand, that is how serious she is about this dispute. [The YouTube] Read more on Congresswomen Waters And Brown Go Nuts Over Basketball…