Tag: los angeles

Hello, Los Angeles. Won’t You Buy A Girl And Her Husband And Her Official Wonkette Baby A Drink?

Los Angeles, we are to home to you! Currently? Overnighting in an alley behind Wonker Paula's Burbank craft-soap factory, and life couldn't be sweeter! (Or more clean.) Tonight you will come and sing sweet songs of home with us...

1000 To One Odds Our Vegas Party Sunday Will Be A Rocking Good Time

San Francisco, did you know you've been added to the Wonkette Wonkebago Fall 2015 Itinerant Panhandling Tour and Grifterthon? Las Vegas, join us Sunday (tomorrow? today?), Oct. 25, at the Summerlin, Nevada, home of Wonkers Frances and Don, and...

Wonkette Smearing Its Big Love On Salt Lake City Tomorrow! (Or Tonight!)

Salt Lake City, comin' atcha! We shall invade your Drinking Liberally, as is our wont, and in exchange for letting us annex you, we shall buy you pitchers of your silly low-test beer tomorrow (or tonight?), anyway, Friday. BUT...

A Ridiculous Amount Of Notice For You, So Cal, To Put On Your Drinkin’ And Wonkin’ Shoes

San Diego! Orange County! Los Angeles! Las Vegas! Maybe Utah! We are hereby giving you a dumb amount of notice that we will be buying you beers and/or grilling you tofurkey (you bring the tofurkey), NEXT WEEK AND THEREAFTER....
This screengrab is so mean, but why not?

John Kasich: Don’t Worry, I Leave Mexican Doctors A Little Tip Too!

Republican presidential candidate John "The Moderate One" Kasich raised the ire of yr Wonkette, and also probably all Latino voters who ever lived, by asserting last week that, unlike that Donald Trump character, he cherishes the Mexican Spanishes: “A lot of...
Basically Tim Pawlenty with slightly more experience. Whatever happened to T-Paw anyway?

John Kasich Big Fan Of Hispanic Ladies Who Clean His Hotel Room

Remind us again: Are we supposed to pretend Ohio Gov. John Kasich is one of the cuddly not-so-bad Republican presidential candidates? It's so hard to keep track these days of who the Serious Candidates are. Kasich did reluctantly allow the...
A power bottom for your gay love, and also your dollars.

Help Us Name The World’s First Ted Cruz Hardcore Gay Porn Flick, Starring Ted Cruz!

This thing. You have seen it? It's a real thing, and Ted Cruz is not embarrassed by it! In fact, he's such a fucking know-nothing that he thinks it's COOL. In fact, he thinks it's so cool that he's selling...
Unfair! Ted Cruz is much easier to hit with sticks! So Biased!

Donald Trump Wishes We’d Invaded Mexico For Doing 9/11, Maybe

The Great American Hairball, Donald Trump, reportedly offered an amusing variation this weekend on his longstanding view that the Iraq War was a huge, not-classy mistake. At a meeting of the conservative Hollywood group "Friends of Abe" (Lincoln, not Vigoda),...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Anti-Vaxxer Death Squads Will Set Us Free

Welcome back, folks! It's time again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly guide for all the hottest tips and tricks to feng shui your crystals into an alignment more conducive for your chakral energy surges. Y'know, bullshit. We've...
Joe Friday has had enough of this shit.

LAPD Probably Fully Justified In Shooting Homeless Guy As He Lay Prone On Ground, Says LAPD

Sunday was a lovely day in Los Angeles, unless you were the homeless guy on downtown’s Skid Row scuffling with LAPD officers who shot and killed you while holding you down on the sidewalk. Then maybe your day was...
He smiled, KNOWINGLY. Inpeach!!!

Motorcade For Imperial High Snotnose Obama Arrogantly Delays Pregnant Lady, INPEACH!

The Imperial President King of the Formerly United States, Barack Hussein Marie Antoinette Louis XVI Obama, arrogantly forced a pregnant woman to wait to cross the street to a hospital while his motorcade passed in Los Angeles Wednesday. Needless...

We May Not Have Donald Sterling to Kick Around Anymore

The legal proceedings surrounding racist jowl monster and Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling just took another weird turn. Apparently, Sterling thought that if he just dissolved the trust that owned the Clippers, then he wouldn't have to sell...

Los Angeles Science Teacher Suspended After Students Design Doomsday Weapons

Please do not adjust your interwebs. There is nothing wrong with your computer. Yr Wonkette is actually going to sound like a wingnut blog for just a moment here, because we have to ask if administrators at the Cortines...

New Pope Nice Time: Nifty 10-Year-Old Girl Asks For Help With Immigration Reform

Here is a New Pope story that isn't so much about New Pope as it is about the way people think of New Pope. Depending on your personal ol' softy settings, you may want to have a hanky nearby....

Los Angeles Councilman Jose Huizar Absolutely Did Not Harass That Employee He Boned

Los Angeles City Councilman Jose Huizar (D - duh, we did say "Los Angeles," and also sexual harassment, right?), did you sexually harass that employee you were consensually boning? No? Okay, cool then, nothing to see here bye! Godoy,...

Wingnut Convinces Self That Yr Wonkette Consorts With Demons, Muslims

Remember how Yr Wonkette went to Jim Hoft's Big Rage-a-Palooza over the weekend, to demand that he #PAYUP the moneez what he owes us? And remember how this one guy, Eric, grabbed our clever "Nazi-Themed Sign" sign and tried...