Tag Archives: los angeles

  A Really Smart Person

Donald Trump Wishes We’d Invaded Mexico For Doing 9/11, Maybe

President Trump will pay for the wall with a 5000% import duty on these things.
The Great American Hairball, Donald Trump, reportedly offered an amusing variation this weekend on his longstanding view that the Iraq War was a huge, not-classy mistake. At a meeting of the conservative Hollywood group “Friends of Abe” (Lincoln, not Vigoda), Trump explained what George W. Bush got wrong in the years after 9/11, according to LA Weekly: Read more on Donald Trump Wishes We’d Invaded Mexico For Doing 9/11, Maybe…
  Won't somebody think of the younglings?

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Anti-Vaxxer Death Squads Will Set Us Free

Welcome back, folks! It’s time again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly guide for all the hottest tips and tricks to feng shui your crystals into an alignment more conducive for your chakral energy surges. Y’know, bullshit. We’ve got a full collection of stories to cover so let’s dive right in. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Anti-Vaxxer Death Squads Will Set Us Free…
  Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

LAPD Probably Fully Justified In Shooting Homeless Guy As He Lay Prone On Ground, Says LAPD

Joe Friday has had enough of this shit.
Sunday was a lovely day in Los Angeles, unless you were the homeless guy on downtown’s Skid Row scuffling with LAPD officers who shot and killed you while holding you down on the sidewalk. Then maybe your day was not so good. Read more on LAPD Probably Fully Justified In Shooting Homeless Guy As He Lay Prone On Ground, Says LAPD…
  motorin'...what's your price for flight?

Motorcade For Imperial High Snotnose Obama Arrogantly Delays Pregnant Lady, INPEACH!

He smiled, KNOWINGLY. Inpeach!!!
The Imperial President King of the Formerly United States, Barack Hussein Marie Antoinette Louis XVI Obama, arrogantly forced a pregnant woman to wait to cross the street to a hospital while his motorcade passed in Los Angeles Wednesday. Needless to say, the Wingnuttosphere was all over the story, because it’s just one more symptom of how THAT MAN thinks he is better than the rest of us. You can bet that the motorcade would have come to a screeching halt if the lady had “looked like Obama’s son.” Read more on Motorcade For Imperial High Snotnose Obama Arrogantly Delays Pregnant Lady, INPEACH!…
  All the Jelly Beans

We May Not Have Donald Sterling to Kick Around Anymore

The legal proceedings surrounding racist jowl monster and Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling just took another weird turn. Apparently, Sterling thought that if he just dissolved the trust that owned the Clippers, then he wouldn’t have to sell the team, because poof, now no one owns the team! The trust’s CFO told him otherwise, but Sterling was having none of it. Ensign Deadspin, set lawsplaining engines to warp factor six! When Donald Sterling dissolved the Sterling Family Trust, the entity that ran the Clippers, he was trying to prevent the sale of the team to Steve Ballmer. It’s pretty simple: if the trust did not exist, it couldn’t sell anything to anyone. Only, it might not be that simple. According to testimony from Darren Schield, the chief financial officer of the Family Trust, the dissolution could cause several banks to find the trust in default on up to $500 million in loans, which Sterling could not repay without selling the team. Oops. Oops indeed, racist and possibly Alzheimer’s-afflicted Donald Sterling! Read more on We May Not Have Donald Sterling to Kick Around Anymore…
  soon he will be invincible

Los Angeles Science Teacher Suspended After Students Design Doomsday Weapons

Please do not adjust your interwebs. There is nothing wrong with your computer. Yr Wonkette is actually going to sound like a wingnut blog for just a moment here, because we have to ask if administrators at the Cortines School of Visual & Performing Arts in downtown Los Angeles are maybe just a little completely crazy for suspending science teacher Greg Schiller after two of his students designed projects that the school deemed “imitation weapons.” One would use compressed air to “propel a small object,” but it wasn’t connected to an air source, so it couldn’t have been used. The other would have used an electric coil, powered by a mighty AA battery, to propel a tiny projectile out of a tube. And so Schiller has been suspended from teaching since February because of these kids’ frightening contributions to the science-project arms race. Read more on Los Angeles Science Teacher Suspended After Students Design Doomsday Weapons…
  episode iv: a new pope

New Pope Nice Time: Nifty 10-Year-Old Girl Asks For Help With Immigration Reform

Here is a New Pope story that isn’t so much about New Pope as it is about the way people think of New Pope. Depending on your personal ol’ softy settings, you may want to have a hanky nearby. So what happened was that on Wednesday, the day before President Obama tried to convert Pope Francis to Kenyan Marxism, a group of immigration activists from several groups traveled to Rome and tried to get close enough to the pontiff to ask him to urge Barry Bamz to push harder for immigration reform, and especially to put a hold on deportations. They ended up nowhere near the area where Francis greets people in St. Peter’s Square. But one girl traveling with the group, 10-year-old Jersey Vargas, managed to squeeze through the crowd (or “throng,” as one is obliged to call it in a story like this), so she could tell the Pope about her own family’s situation (or “plight” — again, obligatory): Jersey was born in the U.S. to undocumented immigrants and lives with her mom in the San Fernando Valley, but her dad was detained for driving without a license and now faces deportation. There was just one small problem with her plan to talk to the Pope: But then, she was so overcome with emotion, she burst into tears when she got up to the pope. All she could do was hand him a napkin her mother had embroidered with two birds and the words, “nido de amor,” or nest of love. “That napkin represented my family — my mom and dad — until they got separated. Their nido was destroyed,” said the girl[.] Yeah, that’s where we got a little weepy, too. So sue us — we can’t always be cynics, OK? Read more on New Pope Nice Time: Nifty 10-Year-Old Girl Asks For Help With Immigration Reform…
  quid pro ew

Los Angeles Councilman Jose Huizar Absolutely Did Not Harass That Employee He Boned

Los Angeles City Councilman Jose Huizar (D – duh, we did say “Los Angeles,” and also sexual harassment, right?), did you sexually harass that employee you were consensually boning? No? Okay, cool then, nothing to see here bye! [Francine] Godoy, 34, said in her lawsuit that Huizar cut back her duties “significantly” and ordered her to work from home after she refused his advances. “Plaintiff would sit at home much of her time with no work to perform since she was being retaliated against by Huizar due to her refusal to have sex with him,” the lawsuit says. Godoy said she ultimately was forced to quit her job and took a position at the city’s Bureau of Sanitation. Los Angeles City Councilman, is Francine Godoy just a malicious witch and woman scorned? She is? Okay, cool then, nothing to … Read more on Los Angeles Councilman Jose Huizar Absolutely Did Not Harass That Employee He Boned…
  this man may not be intellectually honest

Wingnut Convinces Self That Yr Wonkette Consorts With Demons, Muslims

Remember how Yr Wonkette went to Jim Hoft’s Big Rage-a-Palooza over the weekend, to demand that he #PAYUP the moneez what he owes us? And remember how this one guy, Eric, grabbed our clever “Nazi-Themed Sign” sign and tried to rip it up while yelling at us about the Holocaust? And we decided to put our sign away, because it was probably a little too meta for this crowd, and also we felt bad and decided we didn’t need to be dicks? We explained the sign to Eric in our Calm Voice and after we put it away (and after he’d trooped off to yell at attendees with actual Nazi-themed signs), he said “Thank you.” We thought we were all good! On the same “honesty in media and also in not actually carrying Nazi-themed signs” team! Neither of us believed Barack Obama was trying to put him in an oven! Which is what he told the people with the actual Nazi-themed signs! Well it turns out that Eric was Eric Golub, the “comedian” who was on the bill for the Rage Thing, and he has written a blog thing about Yr Wonkette! We bet he will apologize for grabbing our clever sign and missing the point! One of the women carried a sign with the word “NAZI” emblazoned on it. Wonkette’s goal was simple: get their sign on camera and hope people would associate conservatives with Nazis. Perhaps they’d even think that conservatives were holding signs suggesting that people be Nazis. This liberal astroturfing fooled nobody, and more than one attendee demanded that the offensive sign be removed. Oh. We think maybe he missed the point again. Or maybe — and we want to be careful here — he lied like a big lying liar. Read more on Wingnut Convinces Self That Yr Wonkette Consorts With Demons, Muslims…
  I hate los angeles nazis

A Children’s Treasury Of Nazi-Themed Signs At Jim Hoft’s Sad Dumb Los Angeles Teabag Thing

Once upon a time Jim Hoft, “the Gateway Pundit,” said a very stupid thing. Some putz from the DSCC or DCCC or OFA or something, we don’t know, it is lost in the mists of time, sent out an email saying “civility alert or something, teabaggers are waving signs with Nazi symbols on them!” Jim Hoft, “the Stupidest Man on the Internet,” said he would give $3150 to anyone who could provide proof, as, he said, “THIS NEVER HAPPENED.” Well, it took your Wonket a solid 90 seconds of googling to find Washington Post pictures of a rally from that very week where Teabag People were comparing the IRS to the SS, with the clever lightning bolts and everything! We can haz muneez now Jim Hoft? No we cannot Haz! Because Jim Hoft then claimed that the DSCC or whoever guy had CLEARLY intimated that the teabaggers were carrying signs approving of the Nazis, because fuck it why not! Was that what the guy had said? Well, no, but that apparently did not stop Hoft from going back into the post, adding the word “approvingly,” and completely changing the terms of his challenge five seconds after his challenge had been met. Then Jim Hoft claimed we owed him $3150. We are beginning to think Jim Hoft might not be intellectually honest!* So we went to their big dumb “Rage Against the Media” rally at the Los Angeles federal building with a simple message: #PAYTHEFUCKUP. And what do you think we saw there? How about two separate dudes waving Nazi-themed signs! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Nazi-Themed Signs At Jim Hoft’s Sad Dumb Los Angeles Teabag Thing…
  let wonkdom ring

Remember, Los Angeles Wonkers: Today We Tell The Stupidest Man On the Internet To #Payup

Attention, Los Angeles area Wonkaderos, this is your chance to have a laugh at Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, as he and a bunch of rightwing nutters hold their dopey “Rage Against the Media” event that is sure to change the face of journalism forever. Hoft owes your Wonket money, because he is a lying liar who told lies, and we caught him. But he has not been honorable. Indeed, we wonder if perhaps he is simply not intellectually honest. And so we’re going to show up at his dumb anger party THIS MORNING and let him know, through correctly spelled signs (and possibly an interpretive dance) that it is time for him to #PAYUP. Read more on Remember, Los Angeles Wonkers: Today We Tell The Stupidest Man On the Internet To #Payup…
  journamalism

Whom Is The Daily Caller Casually Libeling Today? (Hint: It Is Former L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa!)

Nice work, Daily Caller “News” “Foundation”! You’ve got a throwaway news item — Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa’s new job as a visiting fellow at Harvard — and used it as the stock for a bouillabaisse of casual lies and pointed misinformation! Young Robby Soave, “reporter,” must be quite proud of him! How are you casually libeling Antonio Villaraigosa today? Read more on Whom Is The Daily Caller Casually Libeling Today? (Hint: It Is Former L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa!)…
  rage against the moron

Los Angeles Wonkers: Here Is Your Golden Opportunity To Get The Stupidest Man On The Internet To #PayUp

Hey, kids, doesn’t a Three Hours’ Hate sound like a fun way to spend a Saturday morning in the Greater Los Angeles Area? Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man On the Internet, will be one of the headliners at this Rage-a-Palooza aimed at telling the Lamestream Media to finally start telling the truth for a change! (You know, Benghazi and the traitor in the White House, that sort of thing.) So the Ragers will be probably be gathering to tell off Big Media at one of the many corporate headquarters in the area, right? Yep, right there at…the Federal Building in Westwood. Oh, we get it — the media are mere mouthpieces for Big Gummint, right, so they’re going to yell at a closed government office building. Message sent! Read more on Los Angeles Wonkers: Here Is Your Golden Opportunity To Get The Stupidest Man On The Internet To #PayUp…
  hounsell will approach the bench

Former Los Angeles GOP Head Tweeted Funny Jokes About Filner & Weiner, Then Got Arrested For Sexting With Teen

Here’s one for the “life’s little ironies” files: On July 27, the former executive director of the Republican Party of Los Angeles County, Scott Hounsell, made a funny joke on the Twitter Machine about the Bob Filner scandal in San Diego. It’s right up there at the top of his Twitter feed, which he hasn’t had a chance to update yet, because a few days later, Hounsell was arrested for sending sexually explicit messages to a 16-year-old girl. Unfortunate timing, that. Read more on Former Los Angeles GOP Head Tweeted Funny Jokes About Filner & Weiner, Then Got Arrested For Sexting With Teen…
  we are all gay for california

Weekend Nice-Time: Here Have Some Gay California Weddings, Pfft, Whatever

Friday afternoon, just hours after the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals lifted the injunction that had been in place while the Prop 8 case went to the Supremes, all four of the plaintiffs in the case got married. The first wedding, for Berkeley couple Sandy Stier and Roger Ebert Kristin Perry, was performed by California Attorney General Kamala Harris at San Francisco City Hall. About an hour later, plaintiffs Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo were married in a ceremony at Los Angeles City Hall presided over by Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. In a disappointment for fans of a vengeful God, seismic activity in the state was no greater than normal. Read more on Weekend Nice-Time: Here Have Some Gay California Weddings, Pfft, Whatever…
  american horror story

Sorry But You Are Going To Need Some Kittens For This One

Are you a social worker? Chances are high, since you are a Wonket libtard. If you are not a social worker, you are either a teacher, a retired spook, or a French pimp. This is just fact. So before we start yelling, just know that if you are a social worker what reads Wonkette, we love you. PRESUMING YOU HAVE NOT BEEN MURDERING ALL THE CHILDREN. What is up, Los Angeles? Has it been too long since a child was murdered by his parents after you’d had six complaints about them? Well set that “days without a murdered child completely ignored by DCFS” back to zero. Read more on Sorry But You Are Going To Need Some Kittens For This One…