• FINALLY: Famous dead Jackson, Michael Jackson, was buried in the ground outside Los Angeles last night. [New York Times]
• Some Obama cabinet members, like America’s Vice President Joe Biden, are hesitant about sending more troops to Afghanistan, while other people are not hesitant at all about doing this. A nation waits for George Will’s “tiebreaker.” [New York Times]
• California has officially created “Harvey Milk Day,” which honors Harvey Milk, who starred in last year’s overrated Sean Penn biopic. [Los Angeles Times]
• The terrible wildfire that has enveloped the entirety of northern Los Angeles is the work of an arsonist! And now this arsonist is technically a murderer! [Reuters]
• Congratulations to Ahmad Vahidi, Iran’s first lady defense minister and its first lady defense minister who also worked with Hezbollah. This is a crucial step in the struggle for women’s/alleged terrorists’ rights. [CNN]
• Having enriched a bunch of uranium as enriched as it will go, North Korea is THISCLOSE to making a nuclear bomb. [Washington Post]

NEW TIMMY MCVEIGH IN A RED BEETLE, NEGOTIATING WITH A BOMB ROBOT: “WESTWOOD — A man accused of making threats against the White House led officers on a wild freeway chase that ended in a standoff outside the Federal Building.” Nice. Hooray for August. What does this sentence mean?: “The LAPD bomb squad is using its robot as officers try to coax the suspect out of the vehicle.” [KTLA]

Finally, we have an Arts Writer to tell us what that weird “SOCIALISMS & BARACK OBAMA AS HEATH LEDGER’S JOKER” poster means. We would summarize, but the article is nearly 1,000 words long! Read it and find out! Or click the clicky to find out what two of your editors thought of the poster in a secret high-level editorial discussion on Monday. MORE »

Hey nerds how much do you love NBA Finals season, hmmm? Feast your eyes on this cute thing, which involves two political ladies trash-talking over their basketball teams. Maxine Waters won’t even shake her friend’s hand, that is how serious she is about this dispute. [The YouTube]

Oh god this is too good: “The AP’s Christina Hoag reports that Brenda Lee, a reporter for the Georgia Informer, was dragged kicking and screaming from the press area near Air Force One at Los Angeles International airport (LAX) Thursday morning… KTLA reports that Lee is a self-proclaimed ‘Roman Catholic priestess.’ Lee claims she was attempting to deliver President Obama a letter urging him ‘to take a stand for traditional marriage.’” Ha ha ha WHAA?? There’s no such thing as a Roman Catholic priestess! Only Roman Catholic queens. Jesus. Just look at this insane clown having to be physically carried, by humans. Score another win for traditional marriage! Soon heterosexuals will all be DEAD. [HuffPo]

OH NOEZ, EARTHQUAKE! Yes there was an Earth Quake at Wonkette’s West Coast Headquarters. But as usual, Drudge’s West Coast Headquarters had it posted before we even came back inside. 5.8 magnitude, down in Los Angeles. (This also caused the LA Times to go bankrupt and vanish.) And now there are chickenshit little aftershocks about every 45 seconds. WHY DOES BARACK OBAMA AND HIS GOD, “ISLAMIC,” HATE AMERICA? [USGS]

Back when he was a young pup, Barack Obama went to college. Some of his former classmates remember he was a supernice guy who stood up to menacing bums; others say he was aloof; and still others ask, “Barry who?” Such was the wonderful enigmatic palimpsest of Barack Obama back in the days when he wore “$5 military-surplus khakis and used leather jackets” and roomed with some guy who later became a loser due to his cocaine addiction. MORE »

The glorious Paultard Freedom Train rolls on, but without Bill Johnson, a racist nut who is running for Superior Court judge in Los Angeles. Johnson wrote the (as yet unratified) “Pace Amendment” to the U.S. Constitution, which would’ve limited American citizenship to white people and octoroons. Ron Paul’s people say “Whoopsy, didn’t notice that,” and have now un-endorsed Johnson. MORE »

The accompanying image comes from “Jack” in L.A., who writes:

I live in LA, and I have been noticing the Paultards littering my beautiful city with their Ron Paul “Revolution” campaign signs in peculiar places. Attached is a photo of a Ron Paul campaign sign that has been heavily “tagged” by a member of a local Crip set near the Fairfax Ave. I-10 Freeway off-ramp. Having lived in LA all my life, I possess a decent understanding about tagging/graffiti, and this particular tagger was reclaiming his/her turf from the Paultards. Starting gang wars is not the the intended reaction the Ron Paul street team expected with their urban/guerrilla PR campaign.

The Los Angeles Times endorsed Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination today, as well as John “The Liberal Who Proudly Wants To Occupy Iraq Permanently” McCain for the Republicans. Barack, the editorial board notes, is “a man of African descent, born in the nation’s youngest state, with a childhood spent partly in Asia, among Muslims.” Indeed, his time “among Muslims” is precisely why he’s a fundamentalist Islamic Muslim terrorist today. MORE »

Hey look, Hillary and Barry are minding their manners. Probably at 9, right when Lost starts, they’ll fight like The Others, against The Other Others (blacks)! Eh? Eh? MORE »