‘I Am Aware Of All Internet Traditions’
Thursday, June 19th, 2008
Need a new Internet Slogan now that all your other old, worn-out slogans were used up by Weezer or immigrants? Here is one for you, only a day old and still pretty much used up like Krusty’s porn: I am aware of all Internet Traditions. What the hell? We will tell you, and you’ll feel dumber for it. MORE »
Need a new Internet Slogan now that all your other old, worn-out slogans were used up by Weezer or immigrants? Here is one for you, only a day old and still pretty much used up like Krusty’s porn: I am aware of all Internet Traditions. What the hell? We will tell you, and you’ll feel dumber for it. MORE »
According to a new memoir by Kathleen Willey, an ex-White House aide who claimed President Clinton groped her in 1993 (as if she didn’t know what she was getting into working there!), Hillary Clinton may have ordered some thugs to kill her pwecious kitty in an attempt to intimidate her from speaking out. And then they might have killed her replacement kitty, too! 
David Brooks, in today’s New York Times, finally reveals what we suspected all along: he really doesn’t do any thinking for himself. Brooks unashamedly admits that he listens to songs from The O.C. soundtrack because “I just log on to iTunes and it tells me what I like.” He also drives where his car tells him to drive and doesn’t have a memory any more because Yahoo, Google and Wikipedia hijacked his cerebellum long ago. “I’m no longer clear on where I end and my BlackBerry begins,” he states, and this explains a lot, doesn’t it? It gets worse, though, because then he gets cosmic: “I have relinquished control over my decisions to the universal mind. I have fused with the knowledge of the cybersphere, and entered the bliss of a higher metaphysic.” We look forward to the day when Brooks receives his “lolcats” implant, because he’ll be way more entertaining when he finally does. 
What happens when you combine two of the most annoying things on the internet? Traffic skyrockets! [
Congressman Tim Ryan is SO HUNGRY. The Ohio Democrat took part in this starvation stunt last week to draw attention to an issue of some importance: If you’re one of the 21 million Americans trying to subsist on food stamps, you’re either starving or stuffing yourself with the cheapest high-calorie junk food available, because a sack of generic x-treme trans-fat corn-syrup puzzlewits is a lot cheaper than, say, some nice fresh produce or fish. 
