Tag Archives: logic

  Have A Reality? This Guy Will Deny It!

Holocaust-Denying Dude Has GREAT Idea: ‘Nuremberg Trials’ For Climate Scientists!

And he was such a nice young man
So here’s something you don’t see every day: A guy who says the Holocaust never happened — or was, you know, “greatly exaggerated” — is now calling for “Nuremberg Trial nastiness” for climate scientists and other criminals who have wrecked the economy and freedom. Let’s Wonksplore what may be the dumbest rightwing stupidity we’ve read all week — although we do need to caution that Erik Rush’s column at WND doesn’t come out until Thursdays. Read more on Holocaust-Denying Dude Has GREAT Idea: ‘Nuremberg Trials’ For Climate Scientists!…
  Authentic sovereign gibberish

Sovereign Citizen Lady Is Citizen … OF OUR HEARTS!

As sovereign as you get
Meet Tamah Jada Clark, a “Floridian-American” sovereign citizen who brought a whole new meaning to “swearing before the court” when she recently filed an obscenity-filled court document titled “Notice: To F*ck This Court and Everything that it Stands For” after a judge dismissed a lawsuit that she’d filed. Clark had claimed that her civil rights were violated five years ago when she was arrested in a failed attempt to break her boyfriend out of prison. Read more on Sovereign Citizen Lady Is Citizen … OF OUR HEARTS!…
  He Lived Long And Prospered

Leonard Nimoy, 1931-2015: We Have Been, And Always Shall Be, Your Fan

Just a couple of pioneers
Leonard Nimoy died today at the age of 83. I was one of those kids who were just a little too young to watch Star Trek during its prime-time run, but the afternoon reruns in the ’70s were my introduction to science fiction (and you could still buy those nifty “phaser” disc shooter guns, too, even though they looked like nothing from the show). And the animated series came along just before I aged out of Saturday morning cartoons. In high school, Trek was a nerd bonding ritual, at least until Dungeons and Dragons came along. And of course, there’s still the adult fun of enjoying every campy moment of Shatner’s scenery-chewing and the studio’s time-travel excuses to dig out props and scenery so the Enterprise crew could play at being gangsters or Nazis or cowboys. Read more on Leonard Nimoy, 1931-2015: We Have Been, And Always Shall Be, Your Fan…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Shoot-Out At The Not-Okay Corral

No, *you're* the most basic of jokes.
Oh, it has been a busy week in Deleted Comments land! Thanks to our switchover to Disqus, the comments are a bit more Wild West-y than they had been — in Olden times, new commenters had to be approved, but now, Yr Moderators have to patrol the dusty streets and clear them of miscreants who shamble into view. Happily, you Wonkers are all deputized to help us keep our comments section a happy Radical Liberal Secularist Leftist Libunatic playground as well, via the “flag” option that appears when you move your mouse over any comment, like so: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Shoot-Out At The Not-Okay Corral…
  It Only Stands To Reason (But He's Sitting)

Tea Party Hero Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gitmo Doesn’t Recruit Terrorists, Because LOGIC

Teabagger Tom Cotton, an actual elected senator from Arkansas, proved this week that, contrary to media reports and the lies of actual terrorists, there is absolutely no way anyone in the Muslim world has ever been moved to take up arms (or suicide vests, or car bombs) against America because of the prison at Guantanamo Bay. Read more on Tea Party Hero Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gitmo Doesn’t Recruit Terrorists, Because LOGIC…
  He Also Shares A Name With A Muppet On Socialist Public TV

Victoria Jackson Will Root Out The Muslim Menace (Grover Norquist)

You just knew this would come out
American Hero and unsuccessful county supervisor candidate Victoria Jackson is very concerned about the Muslim Threat in America, of course, and is especially sad to see that even supposed conservatives like Grover Norquist are secretly helping to help Sharia Law creep into Our America. And so she has published a very thoughtful examination of Grover Norquist’s disloyalty to America, in a two-part series that is Just Asking Questions: Is Republican Grover Norquist Connected to Islamic Terrorists? Also, Who is Grover Norquist? Friend or Foe? Read more on Victoria Jackson Will Root Out The Muslim Menace (Grover Norquist)…
  yet another box of dildos

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why Are You Gun Control Extremest Obsessed With The Penis Size?

As promised, here’s part 2 of our Big Dear Shitferbrains Clearance Sale, in which we’ll clean out some of the sludge that has been fermenting in our comments queue. For this one, we’ll scoop out some messages from assorted Gun Fondling Angerbears; next time, we’ll get to the Bergdullards who love the Troops so much that they wish one of them had never come home. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why Are You Gun Control Extremest Obsessed With The Penis Size?…
  a casualty of causality

Virginia Congressional Candidate Pretty Sure God Made Your Baby Disabled Because You Had An Abortion, You Slut

Well here’s an update on a dude we first heard about way back in 2010: Virginia State Delegate Bob Marshall said back then that he believed that God punishes women who have abortions by sending them disabled children when they have later pregnancies. Here’s how it works, he said: “The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion who have handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the firstborn of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children … It’s a special punishment, Christians would suggest.” And here’s the cool thing: Now that he is running for Congress, Bob Marshall is not apologizing, not trying to back away from his remarks, or put them in context, or anything — he’s standing by his 2010 comments. It’s nice to see a politician who’s willing to stand up for his beliefs, especially when those beliefs are patently crazy and really quite mean. Read more on Virginia Congressional Candidate Pretty Sure God Made Your Baby Disabled Because You Had An Abortion, You Slut…
  bang-banghazi

Allen West Explains How Crimea Made Obama Do The Fort Hood Shootings

See if you can follow the logic on this one, kids: On Fox’s Hannity Wednesday night, automated mobile grievance unit Allen West suggested that the Fort Hood shootings were the inevitable result of Barack Obama’s failure to recognize that America has international enemies. Now, by the time the program aired, it was pretty clear that Ivan Lopez wasn’t connected to any terrorist group, but why not drag terrorism into the equation anyway? “If your only tool is a hammer,” and you’re a tool yourself, etc. Hannity asked the disgraced former torturer if Fort Hood resulted from forgetting that there’s evil in this bad old world: Let me go to the big picture about combatting evil in our time and this goes back to “man-caused disasters, overseas contingency operations,” that Major Hasan was “workplace violence.” Have we gotten too far away from 9/11 that we don’t remember the impact of that day? We’re frankly rather surprised he didn’t shoehorn Benghazi in there, too. Read more on Allen West Explains How Crimea Made Obama Do The Fort Hood Shootings…
  seems reasonable

Utah State Rep: We Need More Divorce School Because My Friends Are ‘Surprised’ When Wives Leave Them

What is a divorce? It’s when you mix gin and chocolate milk in a rubber glove. Everyone knows that! But did you know that when you “divorce” your spouse, you aren’t married anymore? You would, if you had gone to divorce school. Your divorce education is so important, in fact, that Utah mandates a divorce class for anyone who wants to obtain the state’s blessing to not be married anymore. But is that really enough? No, says Utah State Rep. Jim Nielson, who thinks that not only should you have to go to divorce school if you want a divorce, but you should have to go, like, right this instant! And pay attention! That will fix the divorces, thinks Jim. He’s also pretty sure that it’s mostly women who are getting these divorces, based on “anecdotal information,” which is defined as “information upon which it is appropriate to base laws in Utah.” Read more on Utah State Rep: We Need More Divorce School Because My Friends Are ‘Surprised’ When Wives Leave Them…
  baby its trolled outside

James Inhofe: Don’t Extend Unemployment Benefits, Because God Is in Charge Of Climate Change (Which Is Fake)

Listen up, heathens. Oklahoma Sen. James Inhofe just needs to explain a thing or two to you people who think we need to extend emergency unemployment benefits that ended December 28. He has just two words that explain why we don’t need to do that: Polar Vortex. It’s easily the best cryptic advice since that one guy told Anne Bancroft’s little boy-toy “Plastics.” For that matter, we bet Inhofe is big on those, too. Read more on James Inhofe: Don’t Extend Unemployment Benefits, Because God Is in Charge Of Climate Change (Which Is Fake)…
  little sisters of st. ann

In Ann Coulter’s New Religious Order, Ladies Will Marry Federal Government For Free Slutbortions

So you know how when nuns take they’re vows, they’re married to Jebus? Ann Coulter has figured out that it’s pretty much the same thing when single women want insurance to cover their Whore Pills, except they’re marrying the federal government. On a special Fox & Friends tribute to the Mad Hatter’s tea party Sunday, Coulter also explained that when Nancy Pelosi said Republicans disrespect women, she was totally wrong because she said it on MSNBC, where all the hosts are committed to force-feeding dookie to Sarah Palin. They then showed a clip of Pelosi saying that Republican policies disrespect women, since R’s have opposed equal pay for equal work, raising the mininmum wage, child care, paid sick leave, and so on. Ah, but Tucker Carlson was too smart for Nancy Pelosi! He translated what all that ooga-booga about “pay equity” and “women in the work place” really means: “So why doesn’t she just say abortion? That’s what she’s talking about. Why doesn’t anybody ever use that word out loud if it’s such a great thing?” Equal pay = Abortion. Logic is fun! (By which we mean “abortion,” really.) Read more on In Ann Coulter’s New Religious Order, Ladies Will Marry Federal Government For Free Slutbortions…
  lives of the scholars

Heavy Metal Preacher Bradlee Dean Warns Of Obama’s Plan to ‘Eradicate The Hispanic and Negro Race’

Longtime Wonkette frenemy and gift to satire Bradlee Dean took to the interwebs Saturday to share some insights on the “Sons of Liberty Radio” podcast, warning that Barack Hussein Obama is no friend of the dusky-hued races, nevermind what the lamestream media has brainwashed people to think: And do tell your black friends and your Hispanic friends, that the Obama Administration, through Planned Parenthood, is looking to eradicate the Hispanic and the Negro race. Hey friends, just saying, just ask Margaret Sanger, do a little homework friends. He probably also thinks that Obama seeks to eliminate the Chinaman, the Hindoo, and the Hottentot, while leaving America helpless in the face of the imminent Mahometan threat. Read more on Heavy Metal Preacher Bradlee Dean Warns Of Obama’s Plan to ‘Eradicate The Hispanic and Negro Race’…
  party of personal responsibility

Ted Cruz Doesn’t See Why Democrats Won’t Accept His Reasonable Plan To Only Kill Obamacare A Little Bit

Sen Ted Cruz (R-Green Eggs) opened a new front in the War On Logic yesterday, Cruzplaining on NBC’s Meet the Press that he has already compromised a whole heck of a lot by only wanting to defund the Affordable Care Act instead or repealing it altogether. And hey, the House GOP has even compromised a second time now — they’re willing to settle for just delaying it for a year! Why can’t the Democrats just bend a little bit and agree to just not let the 2010 law go forward? They’re so darned inflexible! Read more on Ted Cruz Doesn’t See Why Democrats Won’t Accept His Reasonable Plan To Only Kill Obamacare A Little Bit…
  wonksplainer

Heritage Foundation Will Sacrifice Its Own Son, Obamacare, To Appease Angry God

Did you know that Obamacare is the worst thing since the Holocaust and 9/11 made love and gave birth to the BENGHAZI and IRS scandal twins? But rather than keep their promise to replace Obamacare with some other mechanism for providing basic health care to people, the GOP is intent on utterly destroying all hopes of poors and middle class peoples having access to things like mammograms, heart medication, and the chance for a kid with asthma to see a doctor. Because hahaha, sick people are so funny to watch struggle and die from preventable causes. So what new ploy have conservatives come up with now? Rather than trying to actively find a solution to rising health care costs, conservatives are ACTIVELY TRYING TO INCREASE THE COST OF HEALTH CARE. You’re welcome, America. According to Bloomberg: Rather than focusing on repealing the law in Congress and the courts, two avenues that have failed so far, the groups are aiming to prevent the cornerstone of the legislation, the insurance exchanges, from succeeding. Their goal is to limit enrollments, drive up costs, and make it easier to roll back all or part of the law later. If you are thinking to yourself, “God, what kind of heartless, terrible people would try to make it harder for sick people to see the doctor?” you must be an awful librul with a bleeding heart. You don’t get it, do you? Allow us to wonksplain why Obamacare is the worstest, most awfullest thing that the Heritage Foundation helped create and must now destroy. Read more on Heritage Foundation Will Sacrifice Its Own Son, Obamacare, To Appease Angry God…
  occam's duct tape

Glenn Beck Harnesses His Mighty Intellect, Ciphers Out Why No American Could Have Done Boston

We are still in that exciting post-tragedy time when nobody really knows a goddamn thing, but it is very, very important to speculate wildly as to the identity of the Bad Guys! There is a News Hole that needs a-fillin’, after all! Let’s see what Glenn Beck has stuffed into that particular gaping aperture…other than, of course, the obvious fact that Glenn Beck needs you to buy gold from that sketchy outfit he’s a pitchman for. Beyond that, Beck also would like to let you know that he has been doing some Heavy Thinking about who might have been responsible for the bombing. And he is not making any accusations or anything, but he knows it just has to be Middle Easterners, and not some American who’s “all hacked off at the government,” because, you see, it is all a matter of Culture and Psychology: No American citizen blows up random people. That’s a Middle Eastern scene, that’s not an American scene — when our crazies go off, they target the government, not streets that are crowded with people. Read more on Glenn Beck Harnesses His Mighty Intellect, Ciphers Out Why No American Could Have Done Boston…
  la la la I can't hear you!

‘Weather’ On List Of Things GOP Will Not Talk About

Stupid liberals, why must you always be so stupid, introducing LOGIC into discussions that are clearly driven by IDEOLOGY and also: MONEY. See, after the Colorado wildfires burnt up a large portion of Colorado Springs, Democrats thought that it might be a good time to hold a hearing exploring the links between climate change and extreme weather. They were hoping that heatwaves and wildfires and all kinds of other extreme weather would translate into some sort of motivation to DO something about it, but as usual, this rested on the assumption that the GOP would be interested in “doing something” or sensitive to “evidence.” But as we all know, the government just infringes on our freedom to buy lightbulbs when they “do something” and  “evidence” has no place in sober discussions held by the world’s most deliberative legislative body. So the GOP did what any sensible freedom loving political party would do, and refused to hold the hearing: Read more on ‘Weather’ On List Of Things GOP Will Not Talk About…
  'i'm not a witch'

Noted Economist Rick Santorum: Witch Obama Caused Housing Crash

Smegma-lipped poutmonster Rick Santorum, continuing his streak of saying only and at all times sensible and logically sound things, reminded Americans today that it was President B. HUSSEIN Obama who retroactively caused the housing crash because of how he is a Gaia-worshipping lesbian Wiccan dildonic priestess who hates America, and low gas prices, and Jesus. Obama is also a time traveler, because he went back to 2008 before he was even elected and caused the financial collapse. Witches can do this! Read more on Noted Economist Rick Santorum: Witch Obama Caused Housing Crash…
  sounds like we need to get a new america

59% of Americans Don’t Believe Palin Would Be Effective President, In Spite of Obvious Intellectual Capabilities

A 60 Minutes / Vanity Fair media odd-couple (seriously, that is like used condom full of oatmeal) poll conducted earlier this month asked people what they think about freelance talker Sarah Palin, and it turns out most people don’t see her being an “effective” president. WHAT? What part of her half-term governorship of a barren Arctic wasteland and subsequent media baiting doesn’t speak to her serious executive leadership ability? Read more on 59% of Americans Don’t Believe Palin Would Be Effective President, In Spite of Obvious Intellectual Capabilities…