As promised, here’s part 2 of our Big Dear Shitferbrains Clearance Sale, in which we’ll clean out some of the sludge that has been fermenting in our comments queue. For this one, we’ll scoop out some messages from assorted Gun Fondling Angerbears; next time, we’ll get to the Bergdullards who love the Troops so much […]

Well here’s an update on a dude we first heard about way back in 2010: Virginia State Delegate Bob Marshall said back then that he believed that God punishes women who have abortions by sending them disabled children when they have later pregnancies. Here’s how it works, he said: “The number of children who are […]

See if you can follow the logic on this one, kids: On Fox’s Hannity Wednesday night, automated mobile grievance unit Allen West suggested that the Fort Hood shootings were the inevitable result of Barack Obama’s failure to recognize that America has international enemies. Now, by the time the program aired, it was pretty clear that […]

What is a divorce? It’s when you mix gin and chocolate milk in a rubber glove. Everyone knows that! But did you know that when you “divorce” your spouse, you aren’t married anymore? You would, if you had gone to divorce school. Your divorce education is so important, in fact, that Utah mandates a divorce […]

Listen up, heathens. Oklahoma Sen. James Inhofe just needs to explain a thing or two to you people who think we need to extend emergency unemployment benefits that ended December 28. He has just two words that explain why we don’t need to do that: Polar Vortex. It’s easily the best cryptic advice since that […]

So you know how when nuns take they’re vows, they’re married to Jebus? Ann Coulter has figured out that it’s pretty much the same thing when single women want insurance to cover their Whore Pills, except they’re marrying the federal government. On a special Fox & Friends tribute to the Mad Hatter’s tea party Sunday, […]

Longtime Wonkette frenemy and gift to satire Bradlee Dean took to the interwebs Saturday to share some insights on the “Sons of Liberty Radio” podcast, warning that Barack Hussein Obama is no friend of the dusky-hued races, nevermind what the lamestream media has brainwashed people to think: And do tell your black friends and your […]

Sen Ted Cruz (R-Green Eggs) opened a new front in the War On Logic yesterday, Cruzplaining on NBC’s Meet the Press that he has already compromised a whole heck of a lot by only wanting to defund the Affordable Care Act instead or repealing it altogether. And hey, the House GOP has even compromised a […]

Did you know that Obamacare is the worst thing since the Holocaust and 9/11 made love and gave birth to the BENGHAZI and IRS scandal twins? But rather than keep their promise to replace Obamacare with some other mechanism for providing basic health care to people, the GOP is intent on utterly destroying all hopes […]

We are still in that exciting post-tragedy time when nobody really knows a goddamn thing, but it is very, very important to speculate wildly as to the identity of the Bad Guys! There is a News Hole that needs a-fillin’, after all! Let’s see what Glenn Beck has stuffed into that particular gaping aperture…other than, […]

Stupid liberals, why must you always be so stupid, introducing LOGIC into discussions that are clearly driven by IDEOLOGY and also: MONEY. See, after the Colorado wildfires burnt up a large portion of Colorado Springs, Democrats thought that it might be a good time to hold a hearing exploring the links between climate change and […]

Smegma-lipped poutmonster Rick Santorum, continuing his streak of saying only and at all times sensible and logically sound things, reminded Americans today that it was President B. HUSSEIN Obama who retroactively caused the housing crash because of how he is a Gaia-worshipping lesbian Wiccan dildonic priestess who hates America, and low gas prices, and Jesus. […]

A 60 Minutes / Vanity Fair media odd-couple (seriously, that is like used condom full of oatmeal) poll conducted earlier this month asked people what they think about freelance talker Sarah Palin, and it turns out most people don’t see her being an “effective” president. WHAT? What part of her half-term governorship of a barren […]