Yikes, what is going on at the Census Bureau? Wonkette operative “Jon S.” reports, “An announcement just came over the loudspeaker saying nobody is allowed to enter or leave the U.S. Census Bureau, except security personnel. Oh noes, sinister members of congress are trying to eliminate statistical sampling methods!” And, moments later, he adds: “Rumor has it that helicopters are involved ….” WTF?

We love you guys. We really do. We asked for questions, and they came flooding in by the truckload. It was just like the mailbag scene in Miracle on 34th St., only with filthier language. So our Anonymous Hill Staffer went to work and wrote this week’s installment in like ten drunken minutes.

After the jump: Gunfire! Lockdown! Love! Booze! And family vacations!

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