local news
Dig Your Ground: Shovel-Toting Student Freaks Out Idaho Middle School, Resulting In Lockdown
Staff and parents at a middle school in the Boise suburb of Meridian, Idaho, pretty much lost their shit when a student carrying a folding “military style” short-handled shovel was mistaken for a maniac roaming the halls of the school with an axe on Thursday. The school went into lockdown while police searched the school [...]
Illinois GOP Lawmaker Arrested in Animal Feed Bag-Related Incident
Illinois crazytime state lawmaker update alert newsbreak: GOP state Senator Suzi Schmidt, the curiously thrilled human pictured at left, was arrested for, uh, “damaging” an animal feed bag belonging to the neighbors and was later served with an “emergency stalking no contact order.” This is the same Suzi Schmidt who last year preemptively phoned 911 [...]
Yes, ‘Tax Money Paying For Jailed Illegal Immigrants’ Sex-Change Hormones’
HOUSTON—Coming up tonight on 11 News at 10: Morning Anchor Christine Haas reveals some illegal immigrants are receiving sex change hormones while behind bars, and tax payers are footing the bill. Here it is! The Perfect Storm! Is there any way this tiny statistic could converge with atheism and abortions as well? YOU HAVE TO [...]
Don’t Look Now, But Alvin Greene Is Probably Standing Right Behind You
The candidate flows in and out, like The Way itself. [YouTube]
Jesus Romantic Chris Young Is Your Next Providence Mayor
Chris Young is a perennial mayoral candidate in Providence, Rhode Island. As you can see in the video above, he knows that the most important part of politics is pulling out a music recording and singing along to the psalm you wrote about Jesus. DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING, WONKETEERS? Previously Young was kicked out of [...]
GOOD THING YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW, AND NOT IN A SEX POSITION: A polite congratulations offered from a distance to the city of Washington, D.C. today, which the CDC just named the country’s #1 gross hotspot for highest rate of STDs. D.C. STD rates are three times that of Virginia and four [...]
POLITICO Fat Cat To Start POLITICO-Style Metro News Site
Good news, Washington humans: the rich right-wing owner of the POLITICO, Robert Albritton, is preparing to launch a local news website, with the admirable goal of further destroying the Washington Post. (Although the Washington Post has great local news blogs and reporters!) And just in case you were wondering, yes: “The site will cover D.C [...]
Best Steve Doocy Clip Ever Discovered With Basic YouTube Search
Clip o’ the century, folks, clip o’ the century. Here is our favorite Fox & Friends star Steve Doocy wearing his mother’s finest Christmas sweater in a DC local news segment from 1988. The story is about one “A-peeling Guy” trying to give the Washington Redskins a potato. BUT! BUT! According to the subject of [...]
Reporter Lady In Kerfuffle With Blagojevich, At Disneyworld
Wacky whore & fraud Rod Blagojevich, who was indicted on 16 counts of epic corruption in Chicago yesterday, is currently on vacation at the Florida amusement park Walt Disney World. Oh, and he is with his family. Some local teevee reporter lady got wind of this yesterday and went to his hotel pool area to [...]
ASSHOLES FROM POLITICAL BLOG RUIN JOURNALISM, AMERICA: People go so insane over words, on the Internet. [DCist]
Sinister Chalk Vandal Is Loose In DC Parks
Bathrooms of the Media Elite
McKinney Update: Fisticuffs!
NATIONAL SECURITY OUTRAGE! TRAVEL PLANS IN TRASH!
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