Sorry but this might be a “LOCALS ONLY” post and the rest of you are just going to have to deal with that, okay? Okay. PSST, HUMANS IN WASHINGTON: our local professional sports team, the Redskins, who play in Maryland, is the worst organization on Earth! MORE »

The delights of mid-August in Washington D.C. are innumerable, truly. Now add “America’s most controversial Saul Bellow-enthusiast James Wood,” “Helene Cooper,” and “other things” to this ever-growing list of available pleasantries. MORE »

The first cases of completely bathetic and overblown panic have been found identified in Virginia. Sad. [WTOP] MORE »

Too bad there are no Gays in Washington D.C. (HEY-O!), because now they can go get gay married in New England or Iowa, come back to Washington D.C., and have that gay marriage legally recognized! (It will be like the Trail of Tears.) Because the D.C. City Council approved a measure “to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states.” Gay joint tax returns? COUNT IT. On the other hand this may go nowhere since Congress approves all D.C. legislation under our system of black chattel slavery. [Washington Post]

Here is an image of the much-anticipated explosion on the Potomac River today that was filmed for some new teevee pilot. It was still confusing to D.C. residents even though they had been alerted beforehand, because why the fuck is a rowboat being blown up? Should be a real winner of a show, although Obama will probably just preempt it every night to read more lies off of his Tellyprompter. [Flickr]

OMG IT’S FOR REAL THIS TIME? Congratulations, Washington D.C., it looks like you’re finally going to get a full vote in Congress! But is it really worth having to make a trip to the DMV to get non-clownish license plates? [NYT]

• D.C. VOTING RIGHTS BILL MOVES ALONG: Golly, now look at this, the latest D.C. voting rights bill — which would give one full House seat to Washington, D.C. and another to Utah, to appease Republicans — passed a preliminary Senate vote today, 62-34, opening it to a full floor debate. If it passes a final Senate vote (later this week-ish), then it will easily pass the House and be signed by Barack Obama. John McCain and many other Republicans object to the bill because it “could be the first step toward giving the District two senators,” which is not really a reason to vote against something. [AP]

SEND YOUR LOVE & FLOWERS TO MARION BARRY: Former D.C. MAYOR FOR LIFE and current Ward 8 council member Marion Barry was scheduled to undergo his kidney transplant surgery at 2:30 this afternoon, so that’s… well he’s probably under the knife right now! Barry’s body has taken some abuse over his 72 years, so we hope that his new kidney serves him well in prison, where he may soon go for never paying his income taxes. [DCist, Washington Post]

The whole point of covering a John McCain presidential campaign for a major news outlet is to make (potentially sexy) friendships with McCain and his senior staff, so as to, uh, “know your subject better,” as some have described it. And now they never get to see each other anymore! And Obama is an asshole to the reporters! So this is why the former McCain reporters and aides got together over the weekend for drinks, and karaoke, and perhaps some whining about access. MORE »

As you all have read various times on this blog, Wonkette, we hosted an Inaugural Ball Friday to commemorate the first president, Barack Obama. Hundreds of people showed up just in time for the bathroom to break completely. Liz Glover even showed up to her party, eventually! No one was killed, but hey, we can’t have ALL the excitement. Now let’s check out some sexytime photos for you losers who didn’t fly in for this one night or were too cold to leave your houses. MORE »

As your Wonkette waits for the plumber to fix the burst pipe in its own terrible DC house this Sunday morning, we’re comforted to find that we’re not alone. An anonymous emailer sends in this picture, allegedly of the famous spy museum in D.C., suffering from frozen/busted water pipes. The museum remains open, apparently, and is maybe housing thousands of spy restaurant workers? [Washington Times]