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Posts Tagged ‘local’

METRO SECTION

Beltway Boys, We Hardly Know Ye

Friday, May 1st, 2009

The first cases of completely bathetic and overblown panic have been found identified in Virginia. Sad. [WTOP] MORE »


GROSS

DC Is Also Gay-Marriagey, Maybe

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Too bad there are no Gays in Washington D.C. (HEY-O!), because now they can go get gay married in New England or Iowa, come back to Washington D.C., and have that gay marriage legally recognized! (It will be like the Trail of Tears.) Because the D.C. City Council approved a measure “to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states.” Gay joint tax returns? COUNT IT. On the other hand this may go nowhere since Congress approves all D.C. legislation under our system of black chattel slavery. [Washington Post]


...WHY?

Terrifying Teevee Fireball Confuses City

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

Here is an image of the much-anticipated explosion on the Potomac River today that was filmed for some new teevee pilot. It was still confusing to D.C. residents even though they had been alerted beforehand, because why the fuck is a rowboat being blown up? Should be a real winner of a show, although Obama will probably just preempt it every night to read more lies off of his Tellyprompter. [Flickr]


MEH

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

OMG IT’S FOR REAL THIS TIME? Congratulations, Washington D.C., it looks like you’re finally going to get a full vote in Congress! But is it really worth having to make a trip to the DMV to get non-clownish license plates? [NYT]


WE'LL HAVE TO GET NEW LICENSE PLATES

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
  • D.C. VOTING RIGHTS BILL MOVES ALONG: Golly, now look at this, the latest D.C. voting rights bill — which would give one full House seat to Washington, D.C. and another to Utah, to appease Republicans — passed a preliminary Senate vote today, 62-34, opening it to a full floor debate. If it passes a final Senate vote (later this week-ish), then it will easily pass the House and be signed by Barack Obama. John McCain and many other Republicans object to the bill because it “could be the first step toward giving the District two senators,” which is not really a reason to vote against something. [AP]

THE BITCH SET HIM UP WITH ONE OF HER KIDNEYS

Friday, February 20th, 2009

SEND YOUR LOVE & FLOWERS TO MARION BARRY: Former D.C. MAYOR FOR LIFE and current Ward 8 council member Marion Barry was scheduled to undergo his kidney transplant surgery at 2:30 this afternoon, so that’s… well he’s probably under the knife right now! Barry’s body has taken some abuse over his 72 years, so we hope that his new kidney serves him well in prison, where he may soon go for never paying his income taxes. [DCist, Washington Post]


THEY'RE STILL NOT OVER IT

Ex-McCain Reporters Hold Drunk Karaoke Party With Ex-McCain Staff

Monday, January 26th, 2009

We all remember how much fun Holly Bailey had in Sedona!The whole point of covering a John McCain presidential campaign for a major news outlet is to make (potentially sexy) friendships with McCain and his senior staff, so as to, uh, “know your subject better,” as some have described it. And now they never get to see each other anymore! And Obama is an asshole to the reporters! So this is why the former McCain reporters and aides got together over the weekend for drinks, and karaoke, and perhaps some whining about access. MORE »


WONKETTE INAUGURAL BALL

Finally, Sexy Sexy Pictures Of Wonkette’s Inaugural Ball 2009!

Monday, January 19th, 2009

As you all have read various times on this blog, Wonkette, we hosted an Inaugural Ball Friday to commemorate the first president, Barack Obama. Hundreds of people showed up just in time for the bathroom to break completely. Liz Glover even showed up to her party, eventually! No one was killed, but hey, we can’t have ALL the excitement. Now let’s check out some sexytime photos for you losers who didn’t fly in for this one night or were too cold to leave your houses. MORE »


INAUGURAL DESTRUCTION

Spy Museum Plumbing Destroyed By Arctic Weather?

Sunday, January 18th, 2009

As your Wonkette waits for the plumber to fix the burst pipe in its own terrible DC house this Sunday morning, we’re comforted to find that we’re not alone. An anonymous emailer sends in this picture, allegedly of the famous spy museum in D.C., suffering from frozen/busted water pipes. The museum remains open, apparently, and is maybe housing thousands of spy restaurant workers? [Washington Times]


SCARY MONSTERS

Famous Obama Wax Demon Terrifies Children At DC Grocery Store

Tuesday, January 13th, 2009

Your Wonkette associate editor was buying his weekly “groceries” (frozen gravy-flavored bacon sticks and chocolate) at the Safeway on 14th & D sts. SE when suddenly his fellow customers screamed, “OMG IT’S OBAMA.” Then: “I want my picture taken with Obama.” Lastly: “Oh he’s just wax Obama.” Just kidding, your associate editor was the only person to do this. This is the famous Wax Demon, and it will be terrorizing other Safeways in the District tonight, according to the terrorist in charge. This is what feminism looks like!


INAUGURATION HELL PARTIES

LNS To Celebrate 86th Anniversary Of Calvin Coolidge’s Inauguration IN STYLE

Monday, January 12th, 2009

Exclusive social networking site to the Confederacy, Late Night Shots, is participating in this sexy Georgetown Ball OBVS. Maybe Buffett will show up and bring the tunage! And dude we bet our bro Trenholm crushes at least six indie slutz by midnight. Also.