Anybody who saw the Senate Minority Leader lose his seat in 2004 and then magically reappear in 2008 with a pair of snappy red glasses knows that Tom Daschle is a bit of a jackass. But little did we know he was a tax cheat who would blame his current woes on his accountant. MORE »

This is pretty much like The Empire Strikes Back, in reverse, or maybe the beltway story of Oedipus, with robots: American poet/singer David Berman has announced (on a Drag City message board) that he’s shutting down his Silver Jews musical operation, and will perhaps do “muckraking,” and also is not very happy about the work of his apparent father, Rick Berman, the infamous Food Industry lobbyist. MORE »

Dig through your memory of the 20 trillion mini-scandals that defined the ceaseless 2-hour news cycle we called the “2008 Presidential Election” and you may remember a liberal New York Times story that was structured something like this: (a) [first few grafs] CORPORATE LIAR & ADULTERER JOHN MCCAIN VIOLENTLY BANGS THE HELL OUT OF THIS NON-WIFE CORPORATE LOBBYIST HARLOT, FOR BLOOD MONEY (b) [segue graf] Ha ha just kidding, well maybe, just that some dude told us that (c) [the final 95% of the story] There are a few modest ambiguities in John McCain’s Senate record, the end. The Times was attacked from both the left and the right for this needless, comical story. The lobbyist gal McCain was obviously boning befriending, Vicki Iseman, surely had her life destroyed, so now she’s suing the New York Times for a $27 million cash prize which will almost certainly bankrupt the newspaper. Vicki Iseman, ha ha, holy shit! Blast from the past! [AP]

• K STREET BANK LOOTED: Somebody robbed the PNC Bank at 14th and K. Obviously it was lobbyists driven insane with fear that they will all turn into impoverished destitute train-ridin’ hobos once Barack Nobama comes to town and taxes them for working hard. Either that or, you know, bank robbers, either one. Thanks to Rebecca for bringing this terrible pillage and plunder to our attention. (Update: You are right, whoever pointed out that link was to a different robbery. Banks are getting robbed, everywhere. Who even knows if the PNC at 14th and K actually got robbed? Only “Rebecca.”)

Sweet lord Jesus, Gilbert Genn must love lobbying more than life. This proud lobbyist and former Maryland state delegate was leaving his house in Gaithersburg to go walk his dog and the next thing you know a terrifying deer wandered into his yard and started ramming him in the groin with its Antlers of Doom. And do you know what this valiant Democrat did? He tended to the bloody wound with a frigging BINDER CLIP so that he could go lobby the Maryland House Speaker. (After the meeting he finally dragged his bloody ass to the hospital.) MORE »

Seven months and fifteen billion news cycles after everyone forgot about that New York Times article about John McCain’s torrid sex affair with the gal who looked like his wife, only younger, that alleged gal has now surfaced to deny she ever had sex with John McCain. Whaaaa? MORE »

John McCain has selected someone to head his — get this — “White House transition team,” and of course the person is an old corrupt Washington lobbyist, so basically JOHN MCCAIN IS PAYING THE LOBBYISTS MONEY FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T EXIST. But! More Scandal! This terrible lobbyist is one William Timmons, a famous goat warlock from Narnia. (Or was that Tumnus? Whatever, they are all hobbits from fantasy closets.) He was also best friends with Saddam Hussein forever, until John McCain killed Saddam Hussein on a cellphone video several years ago. MORE »

As we learned in the Bible yesterday, ACORN is a terrible terrorist organization that is trying to help “poor people” (terrorists) and also wants to “register voters” (fly planes into the World Trade Center). MORE »

The best part of this comical ABC “Money Trail” clip about Republican politicians partying with lobbyists during The Hurricane comes early on, when the Republican pol covers his face in a feathery pink boa soaked in the goos and sludges of venereal disease. And all because of a wee wittle camera. [YouTube]

This ad about John McCain’s 26 years servicing Washington has funny olde-tyme flapper music and lots of clips of John McCain debasing himself by hugging people and going on the Jay Leno show. The most shocking part is the outtakes from his sex tape with Paris Hilton: he is not known as the “White Tornado” for nothing. [Ben Smith]

Charles “Chip” Pickering is the only Mississippi Republican left in the House. He is the ultra-conservative son of famous racist/civil rights champion and retired federal judge Charles Pickering. Chip announced in August that he was quitting Congress so he could, of course, spend more time with his family, and get a lucrative lobbying job. The lobbying job will surely come, but on Friday it was announced that Chip is divorcing his wife so he can spend more time with all the various women he’s been connected with over the years. What, a Republican in Congress who commits adultery with the opposite sex? MORE »