Wonkette

This ad about John McCain’s 26 years servicing Washington has funny olde-tyme flapper music and lots of clips of John McCain debasing himself by hugging people and going on the Jay Leno show. The most shocking part is the outtakes from his sex tape with Paris Hilton: he is not known as the “White Tornado” for nothing. [Ben Smith]

Charles “Chip” Pickering is the only Mississippi Republican left in the House. He is the ultra-conservative son of famous racist/civil rights champion and retired federal judge Charles Pickering. Chip announced in August that he was quitting Congress so he could, of course, spend more time with his family, and get a lucrative lobbying job. The lobbying job will surely come, but on Friday it was announced that Chip is divorcing his wife so he can spend more time with all the various women he’s been connected with over the years. What, a Republican in Congress who commits adultery with the opposite sex? MORE »

This is another party of protesting hippie marauders, who met up around noon to march down K Street — home of evil lobbyists like John McCain — and yell at all the corporates in their plush silk-lined oil money offices. For a good half an hour, the group was steadily making its way through D.C. yelling “Down with K Street,” or some such. For this same half an hour, they were on L Street. Oops! Check out this latest Wonkette Film, where the hobbits finally reach K Street, the road they hate. [YouTube]

After months of careful edits, cooperation with the McCain campaign, professional insights of several world-class reporters and editors, the New York Times printed one of the worst, most inadvertently hilarious stories Thursday about John McCain: how he screws sexy lobbyist whores and then steals everyone’s corrupt money. This story was such crap — structurally, thematically, content-wise — that it made Rush Limbaugh defend John McCain and unite the right (the right!). Today, the Times is trying to save its few remaining subscriptions by taking questions online. Executive editor Bill Keller responded in length to the first one, and hopefully he will be fired soon. MORE »

Have you heard of lobbyists? They do very bad things that have destroyed our great nation, according to John McCain, which is why everybody with any involvement in his doomed campaign is required to be a practicing lobbyist. The current “revolving door” batch of lobbyists who run his entire life include lobbyists for Verizon, SBC, AT&T, Alcoa, J.P. Morgan, U.S. Airways, Land O’ Lakes, General Motors, United Technologies, UST Public Affairs, eBay, Goldman Sachs Group, Cablevision, Tenneco, Novartis Pharmaceuticals, Dell, Fannie Mae, Southwest Airlines, Toyota and the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America. [Washington Post]

As if Americans didn’t have enough trouble with The Illegals coming up from Mexico to take all of our high-paying lettuce-picking jobs, there’s a new menace on the horizon. It comes from the lost pirate nation of Australia, which is sending a flood of lobbyists over our borders and depriving many hard-working Americans of the right to bribe Congress for a living. MORE »

Crack reporters at ABC News have uncovered the real evidence that Mike Huckabee set up American hero John McCain for a fall: his continued hints at an upcoming “YouTube moment” of reckoning. That and Huckabee’s continued presence in the Republican primary race, despite there being no statistical chance he could clinch the nomination…unless something terrible were to happen to McCain, of course. MORE »

This forbidden-lobbyist-love scandal is a stroke of good fortune for John McCain. Revelations that he may have landed a sizzling hot blonde half his age have brought a new aura of virility and sex appeal to the Spanish-American war hero’s ancient carcass. He is also being hailed by Christian conservatives for having the good taste to conduct a heterosexual extramarital affair. And now we learn the scandal has brought conservative talk radio’s most lovable personalities flocking to his bosom. According to Politico, “they have a common enemy” now. Meaning, of course, the terrorists. At the New York Times. MORE »

Here’s John McCain’s maybe-mistress/lobbyist Vicki Iseman with another GOP man who always seems to spoil the party for Walnuts. Philadelphia Daily News blogger Will Bunch dug up this pic of the Pennsylvania-edumacated Iseman — part of an exciting “Indiana University of Pennsylvania” alum magazine feature about Iseman that will become important background material for everyone. MORE »

This whole “presumptive nominee” thing must be serious, because the New York Times just dumped a million-word “investigative report” on how John McCain is the sleaziest sack of scum since, uh, all the other Republicans who already dropped out of the race. Also: Did he have a Dirty Sex Affair with some lobbyist broad who looks suspiciously like his current wife? Let’s find out! MORE »