Tag Archives: lns

 

‘Aggressively Humping Me … Raping My Cell Phone’

Secret agent & Wonkette intern Lauren sends this quickie from the Late Night Shots forum, because she loves you people: “First date was this past weekend. After dinner and drinks he walks me to my car and kisses me bye. Wowza…it was the kind that leaves you wanting more, but I closed the door like a good girl should and went home. Last night, he invites me to come over and watch a movie. I head over around 9ish. We start a movie and after 10 minutes he starts kissing me. Again, pretty awesome. BUT he starts getting into it more quickly than foreplay normally progresses. The kiss quickly gets uncomfortable as he starts grinding on my leg. Keep in mind I am still sitting up at this point, so he’s side humping me. I begin to pull away and he burries his head in my shoulder and starts aggressively humping me! I have no idea what to do, so I just continue to watch the movie over his shoulder. Finally, he got frustrated and quit. I laughed at him and went home completely turned off. Now, he is raping my cell phone and keeps asking when he’s going to see me again. Someone please explain what the hell just happened to me! hahaha Who seriously does THAT!?” Read more on ‘Aggressively Humping Me … Raping My Cell Phone’…
 

SMITH POINT BURNS; LNS BLAMES WONKETTE

Beloved capitool bar Smith Point is on fire! DCFD is on the scene! Late Night Shots people are blaming, obviously, this website! Here are some comments: * its def. on fire and DCFD is on the scene… * I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I’M FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW. IS SP OKAY? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GO STAND OUTSIDE AND GIVE UPDATES. * I totally left my gf passed out in there. Shit, I hope she’s ok, or dead. I don’t really want to have to date her if she’s covered in burns or shit. Plus I could use that $500 a week I give her for Brutini loafers and ‘skiing’ * that bitch wonkette burned it down. or those two gay dudes that run it now. i’d call them what they are but i dont want to lose my job on grey’s anatomy. Read more on SMITH POINT BURNS; LNS BLAMES WONKETTE…
 

A Very Special Late Night Shots Critique of Jim Webb

It’s not all under-skirt-finger-bangs and young adult men living off mommy’s money. Sometimes, Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — also explores the political establishment which employs them. What do Washington’s best & whitest think about new Virginia Senator Jim Webb? He should go live in Russia, obviously! But a lot of LNSers actually respect Webb. What the hell is going on? Come read the forum goodness, after the jump. Read more on A Very Special Late Night Shots Critique of Jim Webb…
 

Metro Section: The Big Shit on the Block

* Shooting at 6th and N NW. [Life in Mount Vernon Square/ * Jessica Cutler is maybe in a T-Mobile ad. [Read Express and DCist] * E.L Doctorow read at the Folger on Friday night, local blogger calls him “gimmicky.” [A Portable Snack] * Chris Matthews is the big shit on the block. [Fishbowl DC] * According to LNS forums, there’s a secret club at 9th and N NW; “the convention center hood is the new black.” [
 

23-Year-Old Unemployed Hill Tool a Real Gift To White House

There are plenty of laughs in this National Journal article about the thousands of unemployed Republican staffers now begging for Bush Administration jobs, but our favorite is this part — which proves the GOP knew all along that the midterms would be a bloodbath: The White House has told GOP lawmakers and their staffs that it froze many political slots throughout the government before Election Day just so the administration could be ready to absorb furloughed Republicans. “They were prepared,” said one senior House leadership aide, who asked not to be named. And don’t miss the charming tale of the 23-year-old Capitool with all of nine months on the job before his MoC was defeated. We’ve collected a few gems from this turbo, after the jump. Read more on 23-Year-Old Unemployed Hill Tool a Real Gift To White House…
 

Wonkette Party Crash: A Very Chamber of Commerce Christmas

Last Thursday, we crashed one of the biggest, drunkest annual get-togethers of the exhausting holiday party scene — the Chamber of Commerce party. Our report is after the jump, and Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter’s gallery is available here. Chamber Party Gallery Read more on Wonkette Party Crash: A Very Chamber of Commerce Christmas…
 

Only You Can Prevent LNS Kids From Procreating

In an obvious attempt to steal Meth Day’s thunder, today is World AIDS Day. Yay for AIDS! The recent problems with condom procurement and usage we’ve reported make it all too clear that DC needs a lot more of these “Condom Safe Sites” so LNS kids aren’t wasting time looking for a CVS when they could be having terrible sex and then vomiting on each other. Read more on Only You Can Prevent LNS Kids From Procreating…