DC’s closed, invitation-only social networking site for rich prostitutes and Southern trust-fund children with gonorrhea, Late Night Shots, has inspired a Hills-type reality show. Are you a famous LNSer? Do you stare at pictures of Georgetown kids peeing on each other all night long? You can apply to be the next Lauren Conrad, right here! [via DCist]

Yeah, yeah, we say we’re done with them every goddamn time we write about them, but this was too appalling to pass up. It is re. the lovely Angela Valdez, City Paper staff writer, with whom we got far, far too drunk last night. MORE »

Yesterday, the Washington City Paper ran a cover story about Late Night Shots, DC’s finest closed social networking site for UNC grads who work hard to maintain that special mix of date rape, shitty beer, and racial homogeneity that is the Georgetown nightlife. The LNSers got mad and left funny comments. Yesterday, we looked at their City Paper comment tirades. Today, we move, once more, to the belly of the beast — the LNS forums themselves.

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Today on The Capitolist — the new anonymous message board only accessible through official congressional computers — we learn what Hill staffers think about beauty and politics:

* I’m just saying that for the most part, Democrats tend to be uglier or ugly people tend to identify more with Democrats. (Classic chicken-egg scenario). Probably because ugly people are usually always pissed off and spiteful of people who are successful and attractive and thus try to destroy them by taxing them to death. They can then define themselves as successful, even though they haven’t done anything worthwhile in their pitiful existence except harp about how much America sucks. And of course they then have even less fortunate people - who they keep in a state of perpetual helplessness - gullibly tell them they are heroes. Ugly heroes, but at least that’s better than nothing.

How true! Come read some more of what makes America so great retarded, after the jump.

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Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — has been such a success that its leaders are forced to divide the LNS crowd between the super-white cretins and the lesser lights of binge-drinking takedown-impregnating conservative youth forced to live amongst the minorities of DC before going back to San Diego and becoming a defense lobbyist.

Yes, there is a Great Schism. The invitation-only special forum will be seductively open for everyone to read, but only the upper crust will be able to opine on Muslims, morning-after pills and the “Ethiopians” who scurry about Adams Morgan. Everybody else is stuck in the “B Forum.” Read the memo, after the jump.

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* LNS Valentine’s Day party at Smith Point. BYODeep-set shame. [why.i.hate.dc]
* Love Sux Party at Wonderland. No Jimmy Eat World allowed. [Brightest Young Things]
* America’s receptacle, the Smithsonian, celebrates Valentine’s Day with David Anthony Durham’s Pride of Carthage, a “sweeping saga of Hannibal’s war against the Roman Empire.” $25 at 6:30PM. [Smithsonian]
* The Lady Eve at AFI. $9.25 at 7PM. [AFI]

Please, DC cabbies, install little video cameras and send us the footage!

Shared a cab…refused to give you my number…. - w4m
Reply to: pers-274090894@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-02-05, 10:50PM EST

So we shared a cab ride back to Rossyln…stopped at a gas station…drank a bottle of wine….I was wasted you were so nice….I feel sooo bad….and I didn’t give you my number…but your really cute….and this is really gay….so I hope you respond
Location: Smithpoint

This is actually the complete opposite of “gay,” but what do you expect from Smith Point regulars? MORE »

* Smithsonian Secretary Lawrence M. Small earned $884,733 in 2006. [City Desk]
* In case you are too clean and wealthy and scheduled and lucky to take the Metro, there was a fire at Farragut North today. [Read Express]
* Best karaoke spots in DC. [The DC Concierge]
* “It borders on criminal that no one in District government is making the case that some of this money [$1.4 billion surplus] should be returned to DC taxpayers.” [Cut DC Taxes]
* The Washington monument is pretty, after all. [Blue Coyote Laughing]
* Some guys on LNS “see college women as little more than cumbuckets. A warm place to put their dicks. And if they’re wearing a low cut shirt at a frat party, it’s not like they’re going to mind, right?” [why.i.hate.dc]

When they’re not accidentally impregnating Tuesday-night Takedowns or vomiting on their own shoes, the members of Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — are busy solving the world’s many problems. After all, they will be lobbyists some day!

One problem recently featured in the news is the problem of Muslims. Why so many kinds of Muslims? And why does it seem we are always invading their countries and killing them? How did some get over here, in Jesusland? We’ll explore the many interesting policy positions from the LNS community, after the jump. But first, an appetizer:

* “It would be easy to just nuke these nuts, but they are spread out over everywhere in different cells and are very crafty. We have seen what they can do around the world…history (the crusades) will show us that Muslims will not back down until they achieve domination…we basically need to string all these whack nuts up and make them Extinct…then we could go back to a peaceful world. Don’t give me what about the Muslims that are good Citizens, you can’t trust these people especially when they groom there children to be killers. I mean look at 24…”

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Secret agent & Wonkette intern Lauren sends this quickie from the Late Night Shots forum, because she loves you people: MORE »

Beloved capitool bar Smith Point is on fire! DCFD is on the scene! Late Night Shots people are blaming, obviously, this website! Here are some comments: MORE »