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Tag: liveblogs

Liveblog Part II: May This Boehner Be Long and Earmarks Be Hard On

The members of the House are now supposed to leave the floor so they can escort John Boenher back in, apparently. They will all lock arms but wear rubber sleeves so they don't get all of his orange tan...

Part V: No Country For Old Feingold: Liveblogging the End of Russmocracy

Oh sheesh, did they have to take Feingold? We aren't upset because the man was a great senator; we are upset because that was Pagels' seat. It still seems like the Democrats will hold onto the Senate at this,...

The Non-Witch Is Dead: Liveblogging the 2010 Midterms, Part III

We have now almost reached the 9 o'clock hour, when you can start to watch these returns on the network teevee channels, so this election is finally official even though we have reached our pivotal THIRD HOUR of this...

Liveblogging the U.S. Economy’s Destruction of the Democratic Party

Tonight the future begins: Change is changing back. For too long, this nation has been PLAGUED by people who want to provide them health care and fix the economy. HEY, DEMOCRATS, WE WANT TO DIE OF HEART ATTACKS AND...

Liveblogging Christine O’Donnell’s Big Witchy Jerk-Off Debate

Did Tolkien ever depict a Senate debate in any of those Lord of the Rings books? Probably not, right? Because every character is too busy being Catholic and feminist? Yeah. So there is literally nothing to guide Christine O'Donnell...

Christine O’Donnell’s Debating Tonight? Sure, We’ll Liveblog That

This should be entertaining: Christine O'Donnell is debating her opponent Chris Coons tonight on national teevee. Why does Chris Coons see the need to debate her? He doesn't. He just knows that his poll numbers get better every time...

Liveblogging the Apotheosis of St. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota (and Other Midterm Primaries), Part III

Coming to you live from Thugtown USA—i.e. "Obama's backyard," or Chicagotown, where there are no races or post-racial relations at the polls to watch today. So let's watch everybody else's races! At this moment we are still awaiting the results...

Liveblogging the Apotheosis Of St. Michele Bachmann Of Minnesota (and Other Midterm Primaries), Part II

Things are fucking HOT AS HELL in tonight's primaries, if you can imagine what a sexy Georgia looks like. Though we called the race for Nathan Deal because his supporters set up a kiddie pool of grits, the GOP...

Liveblogging the Apotheosis Of St. Michele Bachmann Of Minnesota (and Other Midterm Primaries)

There are important elections. And then there are MICHELE BACHMANN elections. Tonight we journey to Minnesota, Connecticut, Colorado, and Georgia: "Gee, I cut onto a mooing nostril accordance" is your prescient anagram of these states. What does it mean?...

We Will Liveblog Tonight Until America Hurts From Too Much Freedom

Important primaries are happening right now in Georgia, Connecticut, Minnesota and Colorado, which are states that have little in common except that their voting robots all decided today was the day to provide sham "primary elections" to their states'...

Liveblogging the Glorious Primary Time of Middle America, America’s America

Tonight Michigan, Missouri, and Kansas decide their futures. Choose one candidate, and everybody gets laid tonight by a hot person. Choose another, and we all drown in a giant America-sized vat of Liquid-Plumr. Which choice will they make? The...

Still Liveblogging Arlen Specter And Joe Sestak’s ‘Lost’ Battle, And The Other One Too, Arkansas

Will the Liberty Bell ring thrice for old Arlen Specter, who illegally became a Democrat last year but is still on the loose? Or will Joe Sestak smash Specter's head in a Dutch Oven and then refuse to clean...

Liveblogging The Postmortem Debate About President Obama’s Completely Lame SOTU Address

WELL THAT SUCKED, with all the jokes and the clapping! Poop all over that! Let's see how horribly this went, by finding out what Wolf Blitzer and Chuck Todd and hmm, maybe Brit Hume think? Oh wait Brit Hume...

Liveblogging The Important Punditry Before ‘America’s Speech,’ The SOTU

Are you DRUNK YET YOU DRUNKS? Your Wonkette is drinking a 40! Oh wait, those are just two "24s"... which means... 32 ounces less beer, total. Hooray! Well let's tune in to CNN and MSNBC and see how long...

Liveblogging Obama’s Latest Super Serious Death Echo!

Barack Obama and people are going to present their report of the underpants bomber, and how funny it was that a guy would do such a thing to his wiener. DON'T LAUGH AT THAT. TERRORISM IS REAL. Supposedly Obama...

Liveblogging Sarah Palin On Oprah

Anyone else feel sick to your stomach? We're going to get this over with, and then blow up the blog. 3:56 -- Shutup. 3:56 -- Oh wait that is just a nice lady on a soap opera doing...