I would like to welcome you all to my first ever Wonkette liveblog of anything ever except for those three years that I was secretly running the entire site but pretending I was white people! ARE YOU READY TO HEAR PEOPLE REFERENCE BUILDING THAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN??? I’m sure you are. Tonight, […]

Some good news on this, the first real night of the Republican National Convention: The Baltimore Orioles are beating the Chicago White Sox 6-0 in the bottom of the 8th inning, (hopefully) allowing them to maintain the wild card lead for another night. There’s bad news too: It’s the first real night of the Republican […]

Two Things: Your Wonkette communist overlord Rebecca Schoenkopf will be hosting a Wonkette Party tonight in Tampa, at “six or seven,” which is basically right now. Go to this place: MacDinton’s, 405 South Howard Avenue Tampa, Florida 33606 (813)251-8999 2) Your Wonkette blogger Jim Newell will liveblog speeches from Ann Romney and Chris Christie starting […]

Hi. Tonight we are reminded that this country has 50 states and even some territories, and each must have her chance to say, “Ahem” regarding positions of power. It’s time for us to tune in to Mississippi and Alabama (and later, after this Wonkette has gone to bed at 8PM PST or so, Hawaii) and […]

Will Mittens lose Ohio to Weird Rick? We don’t know, is the thing! The two losers are still neck and neck as 65% 85% or so of precincts have been counted. The cable news channels are beginning to talk about important vote mini-clusters in small counties. This usually means we’ll be here until 5 a.m. […]

Hey why has Your Wonkette done so many Newt Gingrich posts all day forever? Because we doubt we’ll have Ol’ Newt to kick around anymore, and we miss the mean old bastard already. He’s been in a funk for weeks (years?) now, and without those recharging trips to Greece, he has just been a sour […]

First, a moment of silence for Olympia Snowe, who has delivered a “blow to the GOP” by dying or something. [Takes nap.] Ha ha, Olympia Snowe. Anyway: Michigan! Will hometown football hero Mitt Romney lose it after all the abortionist Democrats show up and vote for their hero, Rick Santorum? Then again, Rick Santorum: Not […]

Is it really already the last debate? Have there even been any before tonight? Wait, the intern telling us something… !!!… okay, so there have been about 20 debates! Thanks, intern. (You’re fired.) Well, this process has certainly made us a better nation. So let’s watch tonight’s CNN debate live from the gay Mexican firecracker […]

Tonight, American history is made: it is the first time there in American history that there is no chance American history will be made. THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE DEBATING. Well, five of them are. And not even any of the “good” ones, who, if you’re keeping score at home, are mediocre at best. And […]

The wat is over. This is reality: Osama bin Laden, killer of people in office buildings, is dead. President Barack Hussein Obama overcame his devotion to Allah and the cause of the terrorists to do what the white idiot who preceeded him could not: our armed forces cornered the bastard in a SUBURBAN MANSION and […]

WAT WAT WAT. Twitter is saying that Osama bin Laden is dead, and President Obama is about to address the nation. Is Bin Laden already dead, or is Obama going to decapitate him live on the air, to stick it to the terrorists who are always doing that to our hostages? You would think he […]

Tonight, the president of the United States addresses the nation on Libya. Have we invaded yet? Is Poland sending three or four guys to help us out? Will Obama have to trade jobs with Gaddafi according to a weird cease-fire settlement the White House took pains to stay out of planning? Though this war has […]

Though Secretaries of War Adventure Robert Gates and Hillary Clinton are “leaving open” exactly how many years in Libya the United States will be fighting a war to remove a despot they say they don’t want to remove, President Obama is continuing on with a scheduled address to the nation tonight on our cute new […]

Turn on the teevee news! Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is delivering a statement about his long conversation with that guy he thought was David Koch. Interestingly, watchdog group Public Campaign Action Fund is calling for a probe into whether he committed ethics violations in saying what he said to the person he thought was the […]

Woah! It is that guy with the money from that Joan Rivers show! Sure, we’ll liveblog this.