New York. The Big Apple.

Beautiful young Meg McCabe finally had the city at her feet. As the guest host of “The Look,” she’d finally have the chance to deliver some straight talk — to the women of America, and also to the uptown media elites who’d long ago written her off. Uncensored, off the cuff — who knew what could happen on this explosive discussion show anchored by the legendary reporting doyenne Daphne Waters, an aging beauty who had long ago engaged in a passionate affair with Meg’s own father?

Stay tuned, ladies and germs! Your Wonkette will liveblog this crap until it gets boring … say, 15 minutes in? [The View]

Whoops you must keep an eye on this frisky new Preznet of ours, because every time you turn your back on him he’s sneaking off to deliver another speech on the economy. So we come to this one in medias res, because that makes it more exciting and suspenseful. MORE »

This is what it was like in Soviet USSR Russia, we bet! The guy, on the teevee, every night. Five year plans, advancing upon the enemy stronghold, great progress made in the Martian Dirt Wars, etc. We don’t know FOR SURE about this, as we arrived in the USSR about two weeks after it officially ended — this is true! — and by then it was all tits & death metal on the RUBIN black-and-white set. Anyway, is the recession over yet? Has Komrade Obama talked it away, while his douche-bots in the East Room try to act like they understand anything beyond do-nuts and Twitter? MORE »

Hey Obama’s gonna be on the teevee in a few minutes to read Das Kapital from his TELLYPROMTARRS, all 40 of them. We’re commemorating this occasion with some classic racist Internet art from the campaign. What a schmuck, this guy! We’re watching CNN analyze the “goals” with this conference, and it’s already paralyzing. First thing we hear are the words “sell the American people.” Who cares about the American people? They voted already. Anyway… MORE »

LIVEBLOG OF THE DEBATE OR WHATEVER, LATER: Mean old Barack Obama is going on Jay Leno or something at 8:00 ET tonight for another primetime press conference. There’ll be loads of questions about god knows what; anything from the future of currency flows to retarded bowling games to that pop star who beat up his pop star girlfriend. Sam Stein will ask why the Republicans aren’t all in jail. Too exciting for words! So return here a few minutes before 8:00 ET for our liveblogs, and don’t forget beforehand to buy all the liquor ‘n’ guns Prince George’s County has to offer. [ABC News]

The night ‘o liveblogging continues with this, your post-post Obama semi-State of the Union liveblog. And how about that Bobby Jindal? Sunday School will never be the same, right? (GOOD THING ADULTS DON’T GO TO SUNDAY SCHOOL.) What a dork! Anyway, your Liveblogging Part One and Part Two and Part Three and Part Four can be found by clicking those very words, to help the economy. And now let’s watch the lamers talk about whatever they talk about, how Obama failed, etc. MORE »

The best part of this speech (parts one, two, and three) was definitely when Obama started making jokes about Joe Biden, which is how he “deals” with Joe Biden. (”I have no idea who this insane Delaware hustler is, always following me around, ha ha!” etc.) Otherwise we’ve heard a lot about working on green technology, health care, and education, but very little about new Weaponry. How are we to go about the business of Warring? MORE ERIC CANTOR. MORE »

Hey so has Barack Obama bailed out everyone, personally, yet? No? Your editor comes late to this outing because she is (SHHHHH) blogging from her Ladies’ Book Club for Ladies, or as Ken Layne calls it, “The Ladies’ Regional Cooking Book Club.” So if the commentary here is less than enlightened, it’s because your editor is surrounded by drunk ladies who are trying to play the Wonkette drinking game while also talking about literature. MORE »

Hey you squawking dingleberries on the cable teevee news? Are you aware there was a Stock Market Rally today? The S&P shot up 4%, which is … about a 10% “recovery.com” from the October collapse? Still! Anyway, obviously, this presidency is in dire shape, what with a very popular new president and all, so let’s watch this speech CLOSELY for signs of WEAKNESS. If you see any such sign, SELL OFF YOUR INVESTMENTS, and abandon your mortgage. It’s his fault! Let’s liveblog, with the best political liveblogging team in History. MORE »

ANNOUNCEMENT OF INTENT TO LIVEBLOG: Join us at 8:30 p.m. Eastern Time as we begin a long evening of liveblogging Barack Obama’s special money speech to Congress, and Little Bobby Jindal’s special response (Jindal is a minority, too!), and all the usual jabbering dildos on the cable news. REMEMBER TO STOP AT THE LIQUOR STORE AND SPEND ALL YOU HAVE, ON THE LIQUOR. [Tonight's Drinking Game]

Eh, this is not quite as much fun as, say, OBAMA IN A FOOTBALL STADIUM, with Stevie Wonder. But you don’t fight the Depression with the media you want, etc. BUT: How weird to have a president who can discuss things in an intelligent way. Let’s see how that works out, in this goddamned country. We did the pre-game liveblogging, we did the Obama Speech liveblogging, we did the Obama press conference liveblogging. And now? We will do a bit of this post-game analysis, with the Hardball and whatever. MORE »