Tag Archives: liveblogging

  fuck it we'll do it live!

Retroactively Liveblooging The Paul Krugman-Joe Scarborough Steel Cage Death Match Of Death

It was a Meltdown in Metropolis, a Rumble in the Concrete Jungle on Monday night when Charlie Rose hosted Paul Krugman and Joe Scarborough for a battle royale for the crown of World’s Greatest Economics Expert Guy! Who would win? Would it be the avuncular and learned Dr. Krugman, an Ivy League professor who holds an actual Nobel Prize for Economics, or would it be the failed Congressman from America’s Dingus who most people know these days as “that guy on morning TV whose facial expression makes him look like nothing so much as an angry pit bull that was just neutered”? Your Wonket could not watch this death match live last night, so we will retroactively live-bloog it this afternoon because we woke up feeling dangerously optimistic about the world. Read more on Retroactively Liveblooging The Paul Krugman-Joe Scarborough Steel Cage Death Match Of Death…
  two dudes sexting about two dudes debating

Ultimate Lectern Fighting 2012: Liveblogging Mitt & Barack’s First Debate

Good evening, America! There is a slight chill in the air tonight, a vague hint that the roasting forever summer is finally slipping away, that not even the industrialist villains have managed to completely prevent autumn from its tardy arrival. The chill, of course, is the Earth’s response to the cold dead vacuum of Mitt Romney speaking to the nation, via the prime-time television broadcasts known as the First Presidential Debate of 2012. Your old and unfaithful friends Newell and Layne have been brought out of the gun locker for tonight’s festivities, and we are ready to share in this 90-minute national tragedy with all of you. Let us begin … even though the CNN feed isn’t working? Read more on Ultimate Lectern Fighting 2012: Liveblogging Mitt & Barack’s First Debate…
  manual override engaged

Emergency Backup Livebloog!

Haha, we have no idea how Rebecca broke the internet! But here we are! 10:56 OMG Barry is totally doing a clip show here! 10:59 This, fellow students of Rhetoric, is what ya call a “peroration.” And it freakin’ ROCKS. Read more on Emergency Backup Livebloog!…
  Let the Swooning Commence

DNC Night Two: The Professor and Hillary Clinton’s Husband

Welcome, Wonketteers, to the Now-Slightly-More-Godly DNC, Night Two! They are letting the new guy run the liveblog tonight, and the new guy does not even have cable! If there’s any kind of over-the air signal, we will at least have PBS or something, otherwise, it’s an NPR / DNC livestream blog. 9:20 There is someone speaking Spanish! Do we press “1” or panic now? Oh, it is a Spanish Lesson to say “forward” and “backward” in espanol. I feel smarter already. Read more on DNC Night Two: The Professor and Hillary Clinton’s Husband…
  kathleen sebelius wants you pregnant

DNC Night 1: From Abortion To Zabortion, Everything You Want And Need

Welcome, Wonketeers! This is night one of the Democratic National Convention, where principled leaders get together to discuss a bold future for liberali…liber… HAHAHAHAHAHA they’re totally going to pander for independent voters and toss out red meat, but everyone there is a vegan, so it’s dyed tofu. Naturally dyed tofu, none of that Red-5. Monster. Read more on DNC Night 1: From Abortion To Zabortion, Everything You Want And Need…
  in case you were wondering still no building of that by you

Liveblogging Tampa Wednesday: Rand Paul Ryan Rubio Olympians?

I would like to welcome you all to my first ever Wonkette liveblog of anything ever except for those three years that I was secretly running the entire site but pretending I was white people! ARE YOU READY TO HEAR PEOPLE REFERENCE BUILDING THAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN??? I’m sure you are. Tonight, we have Rand Paul, who the RNC mistakenly identified as Ron Paul, and Jeb Bush, the only Bush allowed at the convention, and Marco Rubio, who is Cuban and therefore better than Democratic minorities, and of course P90X dreamboat Paul Ryan, who is neither Ron Paul or Rand Paul but will Fifty Shades of Grey the fuck out of you if you agree to take a Medicare voucher. Drop your drawers, because it’s RNC night two: PANTSLESS PROSPERITY! Complete stupid schedule here. There are Olympians tonight, too. Presumably ones who built that. Without coaches. Read more on Liveblogging Tampa Wednesday: Rand Paul Ryan Rubio Olympians?…
  you didn't build that ronald reagan did

Liveblogging Tampa Tuesday: Ann Romney, Governor Sandwiches, And Other Heroes

Some good news on this, the first real night of the Republican National Convention: The Baltimore Orioles are beating the Chicago White Sox 6-0 in the bottom of the 8th inning, (hopefully) allowing them to maintain the wild card lead for another night. There’s bad news too: It’s the first real night of the Republican National Convention. So far we’ve been tuning in and seen 175,032 different people saying, “DERR DERR, remember when Obama said he built all those small businesses, well, DEERRRRR, SPLAT, he didn’t, now I’m gonna do some copper wiring.” We Built That is the theme! Let’s liveblog these meatballs for an hour and a half or so while we bring the empty beer count to double digits… Read more on Liveblogging Tampa Tuesday: Ann Romney, Governor Sandwiches, And Other Heroes…
  death's last laugh

Your Supreme Court Health Care Liveblog of the Century

The Supreme Court will announce at 10 a.m. whether America is allowed to have health care ever again. Haven’t we gotten spoiled, America? We don’t need health care. What we need is more personal liberty to destroy ourselves and not pay for it. We need more of that. Let’s see what the naked Scalia monster god decides today. Our bet is… uphold 6-3! No… strike down mandate 5-4? Strike down everything 9-0, there we go. Now let’s liveblog a few hours of the teevee, and Twitter. Read more on Your Supreme Court Health Care Liveblog of the Century…
  hey bitches

Hello Beggars, Here Is Your Newt’s Last Chance Liveblog

New York, come on down! Pennsylvania! Connecticut! Rhode Island! DELAWARE! Politico says Scientology founder L. Newton Hubbard has a chance to win in Delaware, but mostly the article is like haha madeyalook! Newt is done. Roasted. On a spit with an apple. Make sure to turn him evenly, to give the skin that lovely crackle. YES WE ARE SAYING NEWT GINGRICH SHOULD BE EATEN. Welcome to liveblog, fellows! 8:05 PM — RIVETING television looking at Alan Colmes’s face, but a bizarro moment from Bill O’Reilly who actually decries the media not illuminating the fact that Obama is not a Muslin? We haz a confused. We will listen to this for a moment. Read more on Hello Beggars, Here Is Your Newt’s Last Chance Liveblog…
  yay

Announcement: Live-Blogging Of Ye Olde Delaware Primarye To Commence Sometime Maybe

Howdy, pardners! Kirsten Boyd Johnston and other special guests (me) will be OCCUPYing THE TELEVISION to relate to you some things what are said thereon, about this, the 412th electoral contest of the Republican primary season! We will be doing this maybe at like 8 p.m. Eastern, WHO EVEN KNOWS? Mitt Romney will probably say something weird and uncomfortable and smack his lips too loud when he talks which is not any more offputting than anything else he does, and Newt Gingrich will definitely ramble on like a jackal with herpes because nobody is allowed to use teleprompterz anymore because they are Of Satan, and probably, like, Chris Matthews will say some shit too. Oh, what a time we shall have, with only each other and sweet healing booze for solace in this, the most boring fucking primary we have ever witnessed. Get your liquor cabinet at the ready, and check back, for larfs and pain! Read more on Announcement: Live-Blogging Of Ye Olde Delaware Primarye To Commence Sometime Maybe…
  the founders are watching porn

Super Tuesday Liveblog Part V: Mitt Visits Yoda, Cloud City, & Ohio

Will Mittens lose Ohio to Weird Rick? We don’t know, is the thing! The two losers are still neck and neck as 65% 85% or so of precincts have been counted. The cable news channels are beginning to talk about important vote mini-clusters in small counties. This usually means we’ll be here until 5 a.m. waiting for some 90-year-old poll volunteer to come out of a cabin in the woods and turn in the 15 decisive votes that had been missing all night. Let’s type about it! (See liveblogs one, two, three, and four, for further trenchant Super Tuesday political commentary.) Read more on Super Tuesday Liveblog Part V: Mitt Visits Yoda, Cloud City, & Ohio…
  suffer with us

Sooper Toosday Liveblog Cuatro: Get It Together Already, Ohio Results

We have been watching Wolf Blitzer check in with all of CNN’s weird “cock-us cams” molesting exit polls workers around the country for a few hours now, and now we are watching Rick Santorum give an incoherent lecture to a group of cheerleaders trying to ignore him as they finish Tuesday night practice in a high school gym in “Stupidville, Ohio.” Isn’t this fun, kids? Boy 2008 was just a warm-up round for this kind of excitement. Rick Santorum reports that freedom has pretty much died in America, which is such old news that we are inclined to rule this statement proof that Rick Santorum is even more stupid than Wolf Blitzer. Let us continue our liveblog of torture and tears! Read more on Sooper Toosday Liveblog Cuatro: Get It Together Already, Ohio Results…
  fap fap fap

Liveblogging The Last Arizona Apocalypse & The End Of All Things

Is it really already the last debate? Have there even been any before tonight? Wait, the intern telling us something… !!!… okay, so there have been about 20 debates! Thanks, intern. (You’re fired.) Well, this process has certainly made us a better nation. So let’s watch tonight’s CNN debate live from the gay Mexican firecracker hellscape of Arizona and type some nonsense about it. Read more on Liveblogging The Last Arizona Apocalypse & The End Of All Things…
  shhh romney won

Liveblogging the Gingrich-Romney Gator-Toilet Bowl (Mittens Won)

“Florida is a microcosm of America,” we just heard one of the Romney and/or Gingrich spin-whores say on the MSNBC just now. Yes, because Florida is a limp dick dangling over a sex-slave resort in the Dominican Republic or whatever. Also, America is truly a symbol of America. Just look at the map, and look at it in profile. What you’ll see is a morbidly obese man with a pinhead and a dangling, useless dongle, with a massive ass to the west and a couple of unloved children from his first or second marriage literally “out to sea.” Anyway, how badly will Mittens beat the jewelry piglet tonight? Or will there be a surprise? Read more on Liveblogging the Gingrich-Romney Gator-Toilet Bowl (Mittens Won)…
  stfu sotu

States and Unions: Why Have Either? Liveblogging the SOTU, Part Deux

Oh hi, how is the State of the Union? Sounds pretty gassy so far, what with the drilling for natural gas in every national park, and the drilling for more Blackwater spills on every U.S. coast, and shale oil extraction to ruin the Earth for a thousand generations, etc. Yay? Why not just, uh, stop having a civilization based on the burning of fossil fuels? Well, that will happen soon enough! ALSO: What is with the Pac-Man Jobs Program? Read more on States and Unions: Why Have Either? Liveblogging the SOTU, Part Deux…