Well folks, there won’t be any real “news” for hours and hours today, and you keep in sending your nice reports, so we will just cut and paste and get to the drinking early. Here we have EXCLUSIVE ON-THE-GROUND EYEWITNESS REPORTS regarding a sassy lady on the bus in Bed-Stuy, an angry old Irish broad in Bethesda who will move back to the home country for John McCain, and an actor from “Prison Break”! MORE »

A completely anonymous Wonkette operative reports that fake dead people are taking over the city. “At the corner of 15th and K a little while ago, there were 10 or 15 people ‘playing dead’ on the sidewalk outside my office. I also saw a girl get a suit from (I think) Caterpillar Inc. to flip his shit on camera as she asked him why his bulldozers ran over a 23-year-old American trying to protect her home in Palestine. He came off looking like the ‘roid rage douche he probably is, while she was calm, collected and slightly hippie-ish. (Although idk why the US out of Israel group felt the need to protest something other than the war today….)”

Harrowing tales of masked anti-war crusaders and their expensive sandwiches, after the jump! MORE »