live blogging

Hi! Did you know there is a debate tonight between Scott Walker and that other dude, someone Barrett? (Hey, if the DNC doesn’t know Tom Barrett’s name, why should Your Wonkette?) It is so important it will be preempting Book Discussions on CSpan! (It will also be streaming live, here, for you Poors and you […]

Haha, what the hell is going on in Iowa? Ron Paul is winning right now, with 15% of the Iowa Caucus Pie Socials reporting, while the disgustingly frothy Santorum Surge has sprayed all over Mitt Romney’s $25,000 suit. (Don’t worry, Mitt has another dozen $25,000 suits in his limo, and more in the suite, and […]

Hello, and welcome to Hades. It’s time for another “there’s actually a GOP debate every week forever” edition of Tonight’s GOP Debate. Who Will Win? Maybe Michele Bachmann will revive her lagging campaign by making the “Cakes of Light” (you really don’t want to know) and then maybe Chris Christie bursts out of this enormous […]

8:30 PM — We flip on the DirecTeeVee News Mix and there’s the shrunken head of Wolf Blitzer, jabbering dumbly about Michele Bachmann, who has replaced “Parker Spitzer” as America’s Favorite Weirdo To Respond To the State of the Union. What a delightful evening we all have in store! 8:31 PM — Oh, how will […]

Ken has apparently died [IT IS CALLED "LUNCH AFTER WRITING FOR SEVEN HOURS," JACK -- Ed.], so here is a part two, at last, to this boring, meaningless ceremonial affair. Right now John Kerry and Scott Brown are the first “witnesses,” here to introduce Kagan and pretend they know she will be a good judge […]

Are we really going to do this? Elena Kagan just walked in, hugged and kissed some ladies (?!) and some men (?!) and now Patrick Leahy is introducing everybody and explaining what’s happening. What is happening? Well, Senator Byrd died! Everybody’s so sad. Everybody’s so sad that it’s going to be impossible to really pay […]

Everything is settled in the Carolinas and Mississippi or wherever, correct? There is a very detailed liveblog from Secret Jim Newell (Jack Stuef), mentioning baseball and a way to bring Facebook to Haiti. Let’s! Why should Facebook be limited to islands/nations with buildings or electricity? So then, Utah. Remember when Republican icon _____ Bennett (let’s […]

Everything will be different once Henry Waxman and Bart Stupak firmly chide BP CEO Tony Hayward for that terrible mess he made in the Gulf of Mexico. Tony may even get sent to his room for a timeout. And then the oil spill disaster will be over, once the tears dry and forgiveness is given. […]

Hey isn’t he supposed to be plugging the danged hole, America? Each year, at the beginning of shrimp season, Barack Obama blesses the fleet of oil-spill cleanup boats. Why isn’t BP honoring this tradition today? Where are all the windmills! What is he even talking about? At least this isn’t the “last crisis America will […]

Polls are closed everywhere! We see the light at the end of the tunnel. (It is called “tomorrow morning.”) But we’ve already got some very happy news to report: Pig-eyed drunken would-be rapist and serial crook Jim Gibbons has lost the governorship of Nevada! Not that anyone will really notice; he never actually showed up […]

Is it already night-time in the Arkansas-Iowa-Utah portion of Real America? Yes! And thanks to Wonkette veteran Princess Sparkle Pony for posting this blingee he made for Blanche Lincoln, who is now LOSING, with 60% of the vote counted. She’s only got 49%, and that’s apparently “less than 50%” and that means let’s start the […]

What is happening tonight?! As usual, nobody knows anything because the polls have just closed on the East Coast and we are many hours away from polls closing on the West Coast and who knows what’s happening in Arkansas? (We actually know! Polls have closed, and few were even open, the better to beat Blanche […]

Are you feeling nostalgic for Election Night 2008? This is almost exactly like that night, with a few small differences. For one, it’s again illegal to be black in America, so go back to Socialism-land, Rahm! Also, Andrew Sullivan may move back to Canada, he’s so bummed. There’s also a very good chance the beloved […]

Wow it’s morning so that means Barack Obama is giving televised remarks about the latest failed giant business he’s buying us for Ramadan. General Motors! “The collapse of these companies would’ve been devastating to America,” etc., yes we know, “and it would be good for American workers and American manufacturing and good for America’s economy” […]

Are you part of the “broader tapestry of American life,” as Mr. Cool just said? How have you enjoyed Intern Juli as she helmed the HMS Liveblog Ship of State? HA AT EXACTLY THAT MOMENT OBAMA REFERRED TO AMERICA AS “THAT BATTLESHIP,” which is what McCain used to call him, because McCain calls everybody “that […]