lisa murkowski
“Total Write-In” has defeated Joe Miller in Alaska, 41%-34%, with 98.6% reporting. So are we ready to declare facial hair dead in the Senate once again? Of course not. We have no idea how many of those 81,876 voters counted so far in the write-in column are actually for “Lisa Murkowski” precisely. If even 8,000 [...]
Meg Whitman has finally realized that she can’t buy the Governorship of California on eBay — which really sucks for her, because she has already spent hundreds of millions of her own dollars trying to do exactly that! So on to Plan B: Deport her former housekeeper, the Illegal Mexican Nicky Diaz Santillan! It “breaks [...]
The Alaska Supreme Court carefully inspected your convoluted Lisa Murkowski “visual aids” and — after probably no deliberation — ruled unanimously that those MS Paint atrocities are actually unconstitutional visual impediments and are unfair to Alaska’s already hopeless electorate. So hooray, you’ve forced polling places to provide lists of the write-in candidates. Now Alaskan voters [...]
Joe Miller is not your average Republican Senate nominee from Alaska, because who are the two other people in Alaskan history to receive the Republican nomination? Ted Stevens — who is extremely dead — and Lisa Murkowski, that loser. Joe Miller is alive, he wears flannel and he is a winner. Imagine if Paul Bunyan [...]
A couple of sketchy Connecticut politicians battled by cue cards last night, in hopes of winning an all-expenses-paid six-year vacation with Joe Lieberman. Who were our lucky contestants? There’s Attorney “Four Star” General Richard Blumenthal, who previously got in a bit of trouble for claiming to be Vietnam, which is a blatant exaggeration. And then [...]
Mike Castle won’t run as a write-in candidate for President! (But you already knew this. However, Mike just announced he would not seek the office of “U.S. Senator, from Delaware.”) This is good news for Oxford Sex Demon Christine O’Donnell, since now that Mike Castle won’t split the “sane vote” she is guaranteed to lose. [...]
Whoa, the Anchorage Daily News has picked up the #1 hottest story in America, “People on the Internets made preposterous ‘visual aids’ to help Alaska remember Lisa Murkowski’s name.” And now you are all famous, in Alaska: The political satire website Wonkette asked readers to develop visual aids for Alaska voters intending to write in [...]
Unemployed Americans have been toiling in front of their MS Paint computer screens all day long, trying to think up ways to help Alaska remember Lisa Murkowski’s impossibly difficult-to-remember name. We were not even a little bit surprised to discover you all have way too much time to waste between bong rips, and also that [...]
Alaska is full of morans who don’t know how to spell M-u-r-k-w-s-k-i. Eight letters, two vowels, very easy. This is why MS Paint Patriots are making clever .jpg pictures to help Alaskans remember Lisa’s last name, so that they can “write it in” on their electronic ballot during Joe Miller’s election day. But will Alaska [...]
Lisa Murkowski is the world’s biggest loser/jerk-off for not volunteering to work fifty hours a week as an unpaid intern for Joe Miller’s Senate campaign. And now for some reason Lisa Murkowski gets to keep her seat on her important Energy Committee, even though Jim DeMint said she wasn’t allowed to. Aren’t women supposed to [...]
America’s first-grade teacher, Lisa Murkowski, just wants to teach Alaskans to spell her dumb last name so she can try to beat hair-cheeked teabagger Joe Miller. But it seems her campaign can’t spell Murkowski either, according to the screen shot from one of her teevee commercials. [Ben Smith]
At first this looked like Sarah was retweeting somebody but didn’t understand how to use those buttons. But there is no “Orora” on Twitter that wrote this. So is this Orora person someone who’s allowed to use Palin’s BlackBerry? Is she the ghost-tweeter? And is this implying Joe Miller is a “Mama Grizzly” too? So [...]
We already know Lisa Murkowski will run on a third party Write-In Ticket. What we don’t know (yet) is: Will she defeat man hunk Joe Miller? Nate Silver and his math-numbers say: Sure, why not? Can Ms. Murkowski win? Sure she can. There is plenty of precedent for write-ins being elected to the Congress, although [...]
Alaskan prisoner-of-warblog Bill Scannell took on another dangerous undercover assignment for your Wonkette: the announcement of Senator Lisa Murkowski’s wacky scheme to try to get Alaskans to write something, with a pen! (The usual expression of Alaskan literacy is a sad face “drawn” with urine in the dirty snow behind a tattoo parlor.)
It’s a Republican WAR up in Alaska, where Senator Lisa Murkowski just announced she’s running a write-in campaign against hairy-cheeked weirdo Joe Miller, the Tea Party darling who won the GOP primary. Murkowski, a senator since her dad appointed her in 2002 when he was elected governor, won her 2004 election but last month lost [...]
