This saucy minx is Becky Miller, the mayor of Carrollton, Texas, a Dallas suburb with 116,000 wonderful inhabitants. According to herself, she has dated and sung with all sorts of popular musicians from the 1970s, and her brother once died in Vietnam. But perhaps her crowning achievement is that she made all of this stuff up.
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This Chelsea Clinton, she's going places. In the 2044 election she will go straight to the third-place finish in the Democratic primary, with Malia Obama in first and Hillary Clinton in second. This is because she has learned to tell hilarious lies, much like her working-class mother and pink father. She has been going on about how a couple of guys in New Hampshire yelled out at her, "Iron my shirt!" and that they were dead serious, and sexist, and you should vote for Hillary Clinton. But the two dudes (who are probably still awful) were New England radio hosts doing it as a complete prank. They love women after all! Why does Chelsea continue to lie about their INTENTIONS?
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Because words and details matter, and all of Barack Obama's words and details are wrong, he cannot be President. You see, he said that he used to be a professor at the University of Chicago Law School when in fact he was a lecturer and then a senior lecturer, which is a kind of professor. Patrick Leahy needs to tell this guy to get out of the race because his lies are just getting embarrassing.
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Now that Hillary has decided to extort the Democratic party, she has officially become less trustworthy than Dick Morris, the Clintons' evil former strategist who now wishes them both dead. This means we can quote Dick Morris' column and assume his claims are true, because why not? On today's agenda: that time Hillary Clinton said Chelsea was hanging out by the Twin Towers on 9/11, and how she wasn't at all.
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In light of the Sinbad-Bosnia scandal, Hillary's entire history of funny Tuff Guy statements is being reexamined. This process alone could endure well past Hillary's lifetime. But here's a fun treat: In 1994, Hillary says she thought about joining the Marines in 1975, but then the recruiter made robotic sexist statements about her, so she decided to become a Monster instead.
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Hey, good news, Democratic voters: Whether your candidate of choice is the lady with 35 years of experience dodging sniper bullets with Sinbad or the freshman senator from Illinois who likes to talk about the "hard work" he devotes to bills he doesn't write, you support a fraud. Yes, that's right! In spite of their tough talk, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are both politicians, which is to say liars, who lie about their records and what important people they are.
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Three British cheers to the Guardian for reading millions of newly released pages of Hillary Clinton's First Lady schedules. They've excavated the first few morsels of hilarity in what's guaranteed to be a goldmine:On the day that dozens of US cruise missiles rained down on Serbia in an attempt to punish Yugoslav president Slobodan Milosevic for the country's onslaught against ethnic Albanian separatists in Kosovo, first lady Hillary Clinton was far from the White House war room: instead she was touring ancient Egyptian ruins, including King Tut's tomb and the temple of Hatshepsut. And on the day before the signing of the Good Friday agreement in Belfast she was at an event called "Hats on for Bella" in Washington.
You know that congressman from Arizona who brought shame on his family of 12 children when he got indicted today in some very complicated scheme that had, unfortunately, nothing to do with attractive lobbyists or underaged congressional pages? Well, there are two things that make his long-anticipated “fall from grace” hilarious even if this scandal is not terribly sexy, gross, or weird.
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Thanks to the Washington Post’s new “Fact Checker” feature, we know that when Fred Thompson claimed that more Americans “have shed more blood for other people’s liberty than any other combination of nations in the history of the world,” he wasn’t making any goddamn sense at all. [WP]
Oh right, so the President’s Iraq talk. We were at a party, we did not actually watch it, but we read the transcript. Or at least the Washington Post’s summary of the transcript. The first couple paragraphs, anyway. It’s all pretty confusing!
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Yesterday Arlen Specter told everyone that he wouldn’t comment on Alberto Gonzales until Tuesday afternoon, when the White House would send him a very special letter explaining that Gonzo didn’t lie about anything. Specter gave the White House until noon to deliver this letter, which would be full of fun surprises and he’d release it to the media for all of us to enjoy. It’s a little after three now, and the funny thing is, there’s no letter!
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Now the Senate wants to go after Gonzo! While the House is trying to find him in Contempt of Congress, Senators are asking the Solicitor General to appoint an independent counsel to figure out if Al perjured himself when he lied, repeatedly, under oath. They’re asking the Solicitor General because all Justice Department officials have recused themselves.
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In the first reported case ever of John Negroponte being vaguely (if inadvertently) involved in something that could, in the long run, maybe be vaguely good for democracy, a letter from him presents yet more proof that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is a liar.
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Mitt Romney, a rich liberal who lives in Massachusetts, has a problem: he wants to be the Republican nominee for President, but he’s barely ever killed anything.
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Quick-witted police officers in Connecticut finally took down the lawless fugitive who’s been operating terrorizing America for the last 6 years. Dick Cheney was spotted driving recklessly through Long Beach Monday night, and once police finally got him to pull over, they were forced to stun him before they could get him into custody. Not even a stun gun can stop Cheney’s pathological lying, though, so the veep continued leading police on even while in their custody.
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The more we learn about the Libby jury, the more we hope we’re never tried by a jury of his peers. From the post-it notes asking “what are the charges again?” to their stupid Valentine’s Day shirts (the one lady with enough sense to avoid that awkward mess was kicked off the jury), it’s been apparent for weeks that Scooter Libby’s fate would be decided by a white-collar DC Apple Dumpling Gang.
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