Tag Archives: lies

  But What About Marching Babies To The Oven Door?

Ben Carson Says Racist Obama Genociding All The Blacks

No real reason for including Raptor Jesus here. We just like Raptor Jesus better than Ben Carson.
Ben Carson took his turn to swing the Idiot Stick at that fake story about Planned Parenthood running a Fetus-Parts Thrift Shop. Not only did he repeat the usual nonsense about how terrible it is that Planned Parenthood is forcing women to have a legal surgical procedure they can’t possibly want — what woman could ever want an abortion? — he also added an Extra Bonus Lie: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Planned Parenthood, and for all we know, the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus are all in on a massive conspiracy to “eliminate black people,” just as Margaret Sanger planned from the start. Read more on Ben Carson Says Racist Obama Genociding All The Blacks…
  Ivana Was Thinking Of Some Mexican Probably

Donald Trump Never Raped His Wife And Even If He Did It Was Classy

Not available at any Trump retail locations
Not that it’s likely to cause even the least hiccup in his campaign prospects, but here’s a whole new Donald Trump mess that’s actually old: the Daily Beast reminds us that during his very classy and completely amicable divorce from Ivana, the former Mrs. Trump accused Donald of raping her. This is not entirely unknown, as the incident is discussed in a 1993 book, Lost Tycoon: The Many Lives of Donald J. Trump, by Harry Hurt III, which is really not a porn name at all. The details of the accusation, from a deposition in the divorce case, are sordid and gross, and not only because they involve Donald Trump. Also, the Daily Beast piece informs us that one of Trump’s attorneys, Michael Cohen, is one huge asshole; his epic hissy-fit at Daily Beast reporters Tim Mak and Brandy Zadrozny is a story in itself. Will any of it hurt the Trump campaign? Why would it? Trump supporters love him because he’s a sociopath, and for all we know, a little rape story could actually boost his popularity since the mean liberal media is beating up on him. Read more on Donald Trump Never Raped His Wife And Even If He Did It Was Classy…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Channel Announces Blowout Sale, All Derp Must Go

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
August 1 is quittin’ time for the Sarah Palin Channel, so the gang up in Wasilla is scrambling to move existing inventory. We’ve got three videos for you this week, one on gun rights and scary home invasions, one featuring Ghost Thomas Jefferson, and one exercise in patriotic free-verse over what sounds to Yr Wonket like an old-school Casio synth track. It’s a glorious day here at The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, so let’s dive in. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Channel Announces Blowout Sale, All Derp Must Go…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Barack Obama Loves ISIS More Than Jesus

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel continues to stick with its two-videos-per-week production schedule. Once again, both videos feature Palin in front of the same backdrop, saying things at the camera that are either dumb or lies or both. This week’s feature: How President Barack Hussein Osama Bin Lyin’ Is Helping ISIS Murder Christians, With Words. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Barack Obama Loves ISIS More Than Jesus…
  Just what everyone needs

NRA: Know What Baltimore Needs? More Guns, So Everybody Can Stand Their Ground!

This would fix everything
With all of those people marching and looting and hip-hopping in the streets again, the National Rifle Association’s social media experts have teamed up with Still Dead Andrew Breitbart’s Cyber Tickle Fest For Insecure Neckbeards to tell America the HARD TRUTH about the rampant thuggery in Baltimore: Read more on NRA: Know What Baltimore Needs? More Guns, So Everybody Can Stand Their Ground!…
  When you lie upon a star...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: It Sure Is Tough To Know Whether Or Not You’ve Had Brain Cancer

Extree! Extree! Step right up for your weekly dose of flim-flam and phooey, your beloved Snake Oil Bulletin! For today’s edition, we have a few follow-ups to previous stories we’ve covered. So pull up a seat, pour yourself a heaping cup of coffee for your enema, and let’s dive right into today’s selection with the return of Belle Gibson. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: It Sure Is Tough To Know Whether Or Not You’ve Had Brain Cancer…
  Keep Fucking That Lucky ducky

Bill O’Reilly Knows Who Has It Rough In This Country, And It Is The Rich

Why are you doing class warfare on Bill O'Reilly?
Oh look, Bill O’Reilly is protecting the rich again! You will be very surprised to learn that in a Monday segment that was ostensibly about “income inequality in America,” O’Reilly explained that the real inequality in America is all about how tough the rich have it, while those who aren’t millionaires are just living it up all the time, having a big party at the expense of oppressed rich people. It’s really an impressive bit of bullshitting, and you can bet that a lot of Fox viewers will take a moment out of their second or third jobs to sympathize with the plight of those making 300 times as much as they do. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Knows Who Has It Rough In This Country, And It Is The Rich…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Murder The ATF And Its Jackbooted Thugs

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Emboldened by last week’s victory for the rights of gun-humpers to be able to ALSO be able to hump bullets, Field Marshall Sarah Palin presses forward. She has offered the Kenyan tyrant Obama clear and simple terms: abolish the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF), and we will spare you our screeching. And, instead of listening to her, the Kenyan tyrant sits alone in his empty palace, a place that collaborators and the weak-willed still call the White House, and he does NOTHING. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Murder The ATF And Its Jackbooted Thugs…
  Common Core? Why Not An Exceptional American Core?

Ted Cruz Will ‘Repeal’ Common Core ‘Law’ When He Is ‘President’

Ted Cruz will do a faith-healing of America
In his amazing Liberty University speech where he announced that he’s running for President of Jesus, Ted Cruz promised to repeal every single word of an onerous federal law that oppresses America and is designed to promote socialism. Twice. First, he promised to repeal every single word of Obamacare on his “first day in office.” (Never mind that Sen. Cruz will actually spend January 20, 2017 watching someone else take the oath of office.) And then a little later in the speech, he also urged the well-scrubbed young people at Liberty University, Read more on Ted Cruz Will ‘Repeal’ Common Core ‘Law’ When He Is ‘President’…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Help, Help, Sarah Palin Is Being Repressed!

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
In one of her three new videos this week — seven minutes and 34 seconds of total run time, for those keeping score at home — Sarah Palin decided to squawk about Lois Lerner, because apparently that horse is not yet dead and requires further beating. Her screed goes deep, deep into the realm of alternate history, and the whole thing is worth a look. Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Help, Help, Sarah Palin Is Being Repressed!…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Add China To List Of Countries Sarah Palin Can See From Her House

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
If you enjoyed the Inception-inspired editing featured in last week’s Fartknocker Report, you will be a sad panda today, because Sarah Palin’s back to her standard derpsplaining-into-the-camera format. She published five videos this week, which might make it seem like she put in a full work week. On closer inspection, however, Palin’s wearing the same jacket in two videos published two days apart, with a total run time of 10 whole minutes and 24 seconds. Both videos focus on Obama’s foreign policy failures, and we will bet our bottom Bitcoin she shot them both in the same sitting. We are really not joking about Palin running a terrifyingly efficient grift in the game. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Add China To List Of Countries Sarah Palin Can See From Her House…
  fuck it we'll do it live!

Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)

O'Reilly, you magnificent bastard, we'll never read your book
Oh hey guys, some shocking and unfathomable breaking news: Bill O’Reilly repeatedly said he was somewhere and saw something when he was not in fact there and did not in fact see that thing — to the fainting couch, we know! — but it’s you liberal pinheads’ fault for not understanding the utter greatness and unimpeachable veracity of Bill O’Reilly, Hero of the People 17 Octogenarians Who Still Watch Cable News. And what did Bill-O — last seen lying about witnessing a JFK assassination figure’s suicide even though he was, you know, in a completely different city — say this time for you dumb hippies to intentionally misconstrue, because something something character assassination something something Benghazi? Read more on Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)…
  The Glassy-Eyed Knoll

Ace Reporter Bill O’Reilly Killed Lee Harvey Oswald, Ran Area 51, Co-Piloted Amelia Earhart’s Plane

Don't be silly. Everyone knows O'Reilly doesn't know how to play bass
For fans of Bill O’Reilly in full red-faced “I never said what I obviously said” mode, the next couple days should be fun. No, Bill O’Reilly was not at a Kennedy assassination figure’s suicide, Deep Throat’s parking garage, or the moon landing. Read more on Ace Reporter Bill O’Reilly Killed Lee Harvey Oswald, Ran Area 51, Co-Piloted Amelia Earhart’s Plane…
  The Once And Future King Of Derp

Obama Will Force Priests To ‘Bortion Anchor Babies, Says Noted Idiot Jim Hoft

Jim Hoft
Last year, mop-topped pus bubble Jim Hoft lost his coveted Stupidest Man on the Internet title to alpha male newcomer Chuck Johnson. Yr Wonket is pleased to see that Hoft is mounting a determined campaign to regain his tin crown, and if he keeps churning out ledes like this one, he’ll be back on top in no time. True champions use adversity as motivation, and if the right-wing id has a true champion, it’s definitely Jim fuckin’ Hoft. Read more on Obama Will Force Priests To ‘Bortion Anchor Babies, Says Noted Idiot Jim Hoft…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Moves Lips About Abortion, Lies Ensue. Surprise!

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Usually, Yr Wonket has some discretion regarding which Palin-flavored entrees we will shove down your throats each weekend on the Fartknocker Report. Unfortunately, this was one of those weeks when the Tundra Grifter couldn’t be bothered to do more than one take for a single two-minute-long video. So open wide, we guess, because here comes Sarah to misrepresent some facts about the House’s recent abortion bill. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Moves Lips About Abortion, Lies Ensue. Surprise!…
  lies and the lying liars who tell them

BREAKING: George Bush Never Lied About WMDs, Was Gullible Idiot All Along

He looks a little like George Tenet.
Far be it from us to argue with one of the esteemed legal minds responsible for exonerating Oliver North, but this editorial by Judge Laurence Silberman arguing against the proposition that George W. Bush lied the country into war with Iraq is some rank garbage. Plus it puts us on the same side of an issue as human thumb Ron Fournier, which is not the way we want to begin our Monday. Read more on BREAKING: George Bush Never Lied About WMDs, Was Gullible Idiot All Along…