What dark human vice was engaged herein, June 12, 2008, among Wonketteers and thine ilk? MORE »

Thanks to commenter “floraway” for ruining all of our fun and linking to an article about Ron Paul’s big announcement tonight, which will be that he is ending his presidential campaign for the 80th time in order to launch a new campaign, for Liberty. As far as we can tell, that Olde English shit is the official logo for Dr. Congressman Paul’s latest gig, which, as per usual, will be a scam to take your Gas Money. You can read his (premature) concession letter at the Campaign for Liberty’s website. It is notable for overtly publicizing his glorious new book, Ron Paul’s Manifesto Pool Party. Anyway, let’s see how our old pals at Ron Paul Forums are taking the news. Is this just another Main Stream Media conspiracy? MORE »

It is April 30, D-Day, and this means that Ron Paul’s book hit Borders and Barnes & Noble and the -3 other book store chains across the globe over 17 hours ago! HOW MANY COPIES DO YOU HAVE ALREADY? We have three (million). It is the #1 bestseller on Amazon.com and out of 106 customer reviews, 104 have given it five stars, one has given it four stars and one fascist has given it three measly stars. The three-star review comes from “J. Davis” in San Diego, California. We assume that he was suspiciously found dead within minutes of posting his nuanced take. But what are the other members of the Ron Paul literati saying about the Manifesto? Let’s run through the best comments from Amazon.com! MORE »

Today your Wonkette visited the grounds of Independence Hall to discover the links between Primary Day, Liberty, Benjamin Franklin and Rock & Roll. In other words, we were looking for Paultards to harass. We didn’t find any for sure, but we found two other things! First, a nice conspiracy theorist who calls Obama a “Martinist.” A Martinist is a Satanist, more or less, because Satan was named after Martin Luther King Junior. This wise fellow is in a Rock and Roll band on MySpace, much like the second figure we ran into: Lee Ranaldo, guitarist for Satanist band Sonic Youth (another member of which we have already harassed). He doesn’t think he is a sell-out, nor does he care which Democrat wins the nomination. But is he a Martinist?

The Paultards, as you can see, are going to post “Liberty articles” to “the entrance to Congress” because “grant” asked them to. Grant has written some Declaration that divides the U.S. into land patents; whatever, we don’t know, and now we will copy-paste five arbitrarily comical paragraphs from it after the jump, because the fucker is burdensome. MORE »

Aptly-named Representative Anthony Weiner, Democrat from Queens, has been bitching and moaning about the Statue of Liberty for years now. The Statue was closed to visitors after 9/11, following fears that terrorists, monsters, intelligent apes representing the folly of man, aliens, supervillains, or rogue political cartoonists would target it for attacks. In 2004, the pedestal, housing the museum, was reopened. The crown, though, remains closed to this day.

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* “At a Tuesday markup of the Taleshia Ford Memorial Amendment Act of 2007, the Committee on Public Works and the Environment voted to strike a section of the bill that would make it a crime for minors to buy alcohol at ABC-licensed establishments.” [WCP]
* Plagiarizing your way to the top isn’t so bad, comparatively. Can you think of anything to fix DC’s shitty schools? [WP]
* House advances Casino Plan recognition for Virginia Indian tribes. [WP]
* “It’s time for a revolution in this country, my friends. We set up a system whereby we’d pick a few people to make sure our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness was protected from foreign invaders and immoral peer-citizens. Our ancestors wanted simply to live in peace, pursuing their own brand of happiness. We’re to the point where, to the contrary, more than anything else outside of terrorism, the government itself — the very institution we set up to protect us — poses the largest threat to our way of life. It’s getting old. If you’ve walked out to your parked car & found a ticket for expired tags, take it in to your jurisdiction and fight to get your money back.” [Big Stupid Guy]
* Bill Richardson is a hilarious cowboy. [YouTube]

Because it’s important to destroy the symbols of liberty, too, the White House will formally remove America’s Magical Bird — the majestic fish-eating Bald Eagle — from the Endangered Species list next month. MORE »