Tag Archives: libertarians

  going galt

Live, Work And Play In New Development For You And All Your Idaho Militia Friends!

Any second now there will be zombies and tidal waves and brown people climbing up on your roof and eating your virgin daughter’s brains. What should you do? Where should you go? Why not live out these trying times in a castle in Idaho, surrounded by a loving community of like-minded Patriots? The only rules are that you must prove that you can shoot a gun once a year every year after you turn 13. Oh, and you can’t be “a Liberal.” That’s about it — there’s a preamble about respecting other people, and a mention about submitting to arbitration panels, and roughly 10 rules that have to do with when and under what circumstances you must fire a gun. These rules are written in the Patriot Agreement, which is CLEARLY a supplement to, not a substitute for, the Constitution they love so very very much. It is basically the greatest HOA ever! Read more on Live, Work And Play In New Development For You And All Your Idaho Militia Friends!…
  jefferson grew hemp etc

Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed

Does Dr. Professor Congressman Ron Paul count as one of our “pantheon of fallen heroes”? No, because he has chosen to leave Congress voluntarily, which means that he is Undefeated, forever. The fact that he is using his God/Constitution-granted Liberty to walk away from Congress has probably gotten him thinking, though, thinking about how Liberty means you should be able to walk away from anything. You should even be able to walk away from America, if you are a state that hates Barack Obama … or one that loves weed. Oh, did we just blow your mind with that last one? Read more on Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed…
  he's the ayn randiest!

Stupid Hurricane ‘Victims,’ Let Fox News’ John Stossel Explain Why It Is Awesome To Price Gouge You

Now that Chris Christie has dared to show what used to be the standard amount of deference and respect due to the office of the president, the right wing has pounced on him like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker. The latest complaint is that he is not allowing oil companies to take advantage of New Jersey’s misfortune and charge whatever they want in storm-stricken neighborhoods filled with desperate people. There are long lines, you see, ever so long lines of people waiting for gasoline, and Chris Christie could fix these long lines if he just let gas stations charge, say, $20 per gallon. Why is Chris Christie a mean man that hates price gouging and by extension, capitalism? Read more on Stupid Hurricane ‘Victims,’ Let Fox News’ John Stossel Explain Why It Is Awesome To Price Gouge You…
  sex machines

Comment Of The Day: Libertarian Sexts Edition

What is liberty? Where does the freedom to eat your neighbor’s cat intersect with, er, your neighbor’s cat? No one can ever know. It is ineffable and unknowable, like fuckin’ God, man! But we can know about commenter Nesnora’s date with a Libertarian, in response to today’s brilliant and wonderful and insightful and just plain fuckin’ terrific post What We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar, and that is that dating a Libertarian has one side effect. Pure Fear. Read more on Comment Of The Day: Libertarian Sexts Edition…
  gangster's paradise

What We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar

We tricked you! The nice Libertarian fellows in the Detroit hotel bar at 1:30 in the morning were not nice at all! They were stupid fucking idiots! But we learned a lot from them anyway, like so: * Al Gore invented the Internet. * Al Gore lied about being the basis for the main character in Love Story. * If someone calls out both of these statements as the complete lies of fucking idiots and explains succintly why, all of a sudden the conversation will mysteriously turn to the size of Al Gore’s house. Also, he flies on planes. * If you own a business, that is the same as running the National Institutes of Health, therefore ergo and QED of course you know what the National Institutes of Health does. Did you not just say you run a business? Read more on What We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar…
  true stories

This Smug Sex Mannequin Is The Official Libertarian Mascot

Don’t know how, don’t know why, but last night your Wonkette found itself in the bathroom of Reason magazine HQ, during a John Stossel book event, staring down this pantsless mannequin that all libertarians molest all day, maybe. Read more on This Smug Sex Mannequin Is The Official Libertarian Mascot…
  koch on the mind

Koch Brothers Sue Their Own Crown Jewel Think Tank

The Cato Institute, originally conceived as the Charles Koch Foundation in 1974, is the proud upper-crust luxury hotel for all of DC’s most erudite corporate libertarians, as well as Glenn Greenwald. It is a popular vehicle for right-wing economic ideology to sneak its way into conservative legislation. And it is, of course, one of the many Washington fronts for executing the every whim of cartoon billionaire oil tycoons Charles and David Koch, who have decided that they don’t have quite enough control over it and are thus suing Cato, Cato’s president, and a widow for her dead husband’s 25% ownership stake. The “Battle for Cato” is underway! You each have 100 erections over this, don’t you? Read more on Koch Brothers Sue Their Own Crown Jewel Think Tank…
  the evil dead

Happy 107th Birthday, Zombie Ayn Rand!

We were skimming the FoxNews.com website looking for some of those “free Medicare scooter” ads, but got distracted by the important news of terrible writer/awful person Ayn Rand’s 107th birthday. She doesn’t look a day over 106 … objectively. Objectively-ist. Anyway, we hope she’s enjoying being tortured for Eternity in Hell, for not believing in Jesus and denying His one command for all humanity: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must Love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Anyway, how are Ayn Rand’s terrible followers celebrating the day a kind woman selflessly gave birth to a child and then cared for it, instead of feeding Baby Ayn to the cat? Read more on Happy 107th Birthday, Zombie Ayn Rand!…
  christine o'donnell will sue for copyright infringement in 3...2...1...

Dark Horse Candidate Gary Johnson Planning To Win On Pagan Vote

We get several hundred emails a week from Gary Johnson’s presidential campaign begging us to go on some “blogger call” or another to hear Gary Johnson discuss his favorite jogging apps or mandatory marijuana for third graders or whatever, but we have largely ignored him because, eh, there can be ONLY ONE TRUE libertarian in the race (according to a rule we just made up), who is Ron Paul. But not everyone ignores Gary Johnson’s calls, as it turns out: Read more on Dark Horse Candidate Gary Johnson Planning To Win On Pagan Vote…
  invisible handjob

Invisible Hands Shuts Off Libertarian Magazine’s Elevator

Koch Brothers slash-fiction pamphlet Reason is sporting this sad-face note on its Washington headquarters today. (And why is Reason in Washington? The same reason the Koch Brothers live in magnificent New York City instead of a piece of dirt with no roads and sewer system in the middle of the Texas panhandle, we guess!) Anyway, it’s healthy to take the stairs, so let’s hope the Invisible Hand never turns this elevator back on. Photo via Wonkette operative “Joshua” on Connecticut Avenue. Read more on Invisible Hands Shuts Off Libertarian Magazine’s Elevator…
  priorities

Secret U.S. ‘Kill List’ Somehow Not In Rand Paul’s Paranoid Spam Forwards

Like everyone else in the nation, we have grown used to the stream of wingnut “gubmint gon’ steal ur gunz” Second Amendment action-alert emails always emanating en masse from the AOL accounts of America’s loony cousins and neighbors, OR, apparently now, from a U.S. Senator! Mother Jones spotted pantsless prick Rand Paul sticking his name on one of these ALL CAPS WITH UNDERLINES spam forwards warning everyone that the United Nations space ninjas are fixin’ to steal their guns, which is of course is totally false panic for several zillion reasons. But the best reason we have read just today is because the U.S. government is not so much interested in stealing guns as it is in forming secret, oversight-free panels to type up “kill lists” for American citizens they do not like.   Read more on Secret U.S. ‘Kill List’ Somehow Not In Rand Paul’s Paranoid Spam Forwards…
  saw it in a nicolas cage movie once

Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement

Ron Paul, currently on his third run for president, is finally “in it to win” this time: he announced he will not seek re-election to his Congressional seat so he can focus on his presidential run. This has led to a massive outpouring of grief from sobbing Paultards, who all want to know WHO NOW POSSIBLY will be that lone person to cast “nay” votes on bills to divest U.S. government interests supporting genocide in Darfur. Cooler heads, however, have correctly figured out that this move is all just part of Ron Paul’s secret plan.  Read more on Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement…
  worse than abu ghraib

Florida Libertarians Demand Gov’t Intervene To Stop TSA Pat-Downs

TSA pat-downs have somehow become libertarian wingnuts’ favorite new “alien anal probe of death” conspiracy cause, which means they will march around and make demands, to the government, libertarians asking their government for things, and tell the dang government to go do something about it. The Florida Libertarian Party spent its July Fourth weekend writing a big frothing stack of letters to every sheriff in Florida demanding that police arrest TSA agents across the state on the grounds that they believe the pat-downs violate the Fourth Amendment, which is hilarious because we thought judges were in charge of declaring laws unconstitutional. Read more on Florida Libertarians Demand Gov’t Intervene To Stop TSA Pat-Downs…
 

Another Koch Brother Who Gets Richer Exploiting America’s Public Lands Buys Trinket For $2.3 Million

The Koch Brothers fund all these libertarian propaganda outlets to ensure they tear even more of the nation’s wealth away from its lands and people, and like all evil dynasties their domestic lives are full of treachery and awfulness. That’s why the Koch Brother known as Bill Koch is permanently at war with his siblings, David and Charles Koch. They’ve all been battling over the family fortune for longer than most people have been alive. They are monsters. Read more on Another Koch Brother Who Gets Richer Exploiting America’s Public Lands Buys Trinket For $2.3 Million…
  psa re: kochsuckers

Here’s How the Koch Bros. Put ‘Raise the Retirement Age’ On TV

Why, exactly, should we raise the retirement age? Who benefits from that? Certainly not people, now being told that they’ll have to toil until death after all, just like the slaves and serfs of the cruel past. And why should the elderly now have to work to the grave? Because the Koch Brothers were born into $300 million fortunes and they’ve exploited hundreds of thousands of laborers and the natural resources of America to make that $300 million into billions, and they don’t want to pay any taxes on that, because they are evil. Here’s a quick video that’s not too lulzy but might be just what your brainwashed grandparents need to receive in their AOL mail. Read more on Here’s How the Koch Bros. Put ‘Raise the Retirement Age’ On TV…
  kochsuckers

Watch ‘The Koch Brothers: Behind the Music’ Tuesday On Bloomberg

We aren’t much for promoting television programs, because all televisions and the people who make television programs should be used to plug the radiation leaks at Fukushima. But, whatever, you probably always watch the teevee anyway, might as well learn something that might make you ANGRY enough to revolt: Read more on Watch ‘The Koch Brothers: Behind the Music’ Tuesday On Bloomberg…