Tag Archives: libertarians

  christine o'donnell will sue for copyright infringement in 3...2...1...

Dark Horse Candidate Gary Johnson Planning To Win On Pagan Vote

We get several hundred emails a week from Gary Johnson’s presidential campaign begging us to go on some “blogger call” or another to hear Gary Johnson discuss his favorite jogging apps or mandatory marijuana for third graders or whatever, but we have largely ignored him because, eh, there can be ONLY ONE TRUE libertarian in the race (according to a rule we just made up), who is Ron Paul. But not everyone ignores Gary Johnson’s calls, as it turns out: Read more on Dark Horse Candidate Gary Johnson Planning To Win On Pagan Vote…
  invisible handjob

Invisible Hands Shuts Off Libertarian Magazine’s Elevator

Koch Brothers slash-fiction pamphlet Reason is sporting this sad-face note on its Washington headquarters today. (And why is Reason in Washington? The same reason the Koch Brothers live in magnificent New York City instead of a piece of dirt with no roads and sewer system in the middle of the Texas panhandle, we guess!) Anyway, it’s healthy to take the stairs, so let’s hope the Invisible Hand never turns this elevator back on. Photo via Wonkette operative “Joshua” on Connecticut Avenue. Read more on Invisible Hands Shuts Off Libertarian Magazine’s Elevator…
  priorities

Secret U.S. ‘Kill List’ Somehow Not In Rand Paul’s Paranoid Spam Forwards

Like everyone else in the nation, we have grown used to the stream of wingnut “gubmint gon’ steal ur gunz” Second Amendment action-alert emails always emanating en masse from the AOL accounts of America’s loony cousins and neighbors, OR, apparently now, from a U.S. Senator! Mother Jones spotted pantsless prick Rand Paul sticking his name on one of these ALL CAPS WITH UNDERLINES spam forwards warning everyone that the United Nations space ninjas are fixin’ to steal their guns, which is of course is totally false panic for several zillion reasons. But the best reason we have read just today is because the U.S. government is not so much interested in stealing guns as it is in forming secret, oversight-free panels to type up “kill lists” for American citizens they do not like.   Read more on Secret U.S. ‘Kill List’ Somehow Not In Rand Paul’s Paranoid Spam Forwards…
  saw it in a nicolas cage movie once

Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement

Ron Paul, currently on his third run for president, is finally “in it to win” this time: he announced he will not seek re-election to his Congressional seat so he can focus on his presidential run. This has led to a massive outpouring of grief from sobbing Paultards, who all want to know WHO NOW POSSIBLY will be that lone person to cast “nay” votes on bills to divest U.S. government interests supporting genocide in Darfur. Cooler heads, however, have correctly figured out that this move is all just part of Ron Paul’s secret plan.  Read more on Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement…
  worse than abu ghraib

Florida Libertarians Demand Gov’t Intervene To Stop TSA Pat-Downs

TSA pat-downs have somehow become libertarian wingnuts’ favorite new “alien anal probe of death” conspiracy cause, which means they will march around and make demands, to the government, libertarians asking their government for things, and tell the dang government to go do something about it. The Florida Libertarian Party spent its July Fourth weekend writing a big frothing stack of letters to every sheriff in Florida demanding that police arrest TSA agents across the state on the grounds that they believe the pat-downs violate the Fourth Amendment, which is hilarious because we thought judges were in charge of declaring laws unconstitutional. Read more on Florida Libertarians Demand Gov’t Intervene To Stop TSA Pat-Downs…
 

Another Koch Brother Who Gets Richer Exploiting America’s Public Lands Buys Trinket For $2.3 Million

The Koch Brothers fund all these libertarian propaganda outlets to ensure they tear even more of the nation’s wealth away from its lands and people, and like all evil dynasties their domestic lives are full of treachery and awfulness. That’s why the Koch Brother known as Bill Koch is permanently at war with his siblings, David and Charles Koch. They’ve all been battling over the family fortune for longer than most people have been alive. They are monsters. Read more on Another Koch Brother Who Gets Richer Exploiting America’s Public Lands Buys Trinket For $2.3 Million…
  psa re: kochsuckers

Here’s How the Koch Bros. Put ‘Raise the Retirement Age’ On TV

Why, exactly, should we raise the retirement age? Who benefits from that? Certainly not people, now being told that they’ll have to toil until death after all, just like the slaves and serfs of the cruel past. And why should the elderly now have to work to the grave? Because the Koch Brothers were born into $300 million fortunes and they’ve exploited hundreds of thousands of laborers and the natural resources of America to make that $300 million into billions, and they don’t want to pay any taxes on that, because they are evil. Here’s a quick video that’s not too lulzy but might be just what your brainwashed grandparents need to receive in their AOL mail. Read more on Here’s How the Koch Bros. Put ‘Raise the Retirement Age’ On TV…
  kochsuckers

Watch ‘The Koch Brothers: Behind the Music’ Tuesday On Bloomberg

We aren’t much for promoting television programs, because all televisions and the people who make television programs should be used to plug the radiation leaks at Fukushima. But, whatever, you probably always watch the teevee anyway, might as well learn something that might make you ANGRY enough to revolt: Read more on Watch ‘The Koch Brothers: Behind the Music’ Tuesday On Bloomberg…
  little old man activities

Fox Hosts First 2012 Debate Between Real Ron Paul and Fake Obama

Fox Business Channel host and former Barbara Walters page boy John Stossel likes Ron Paul, so why not throw the show over to him for a little propaganda? That’s what Fox does best; may as well keep to the formula. Just insert a squirrel-voiced “Obama impersonator” and voila, you’ve got yourself a real live straw man. Read more on Fox Hosts First 2012 Debate Between Real Ron Paul and Fake Obama…
  fire up the blimp

Ron Paul Officially Running For President (of AMERICA!)

Fire up the blimps, Paulites (Paulsters? new campaign, gonna need a new name for them)! Congressman Ron Paul is running for president of the United States once again, even though that is a job he will never have. It’s been a long time since the weird, ponytailed little brothers of America’s girlfriends emerged from their college dorm rooms to lead a mass movement of market nerds and Ayn Rand book clubs and contrarian, reserved Taco Bell employees to elect this man president, and it is time once again for them to rise up in the name of the gold standard. Ron Paul is reportedly going to announce tomorrow in Des Moines, so expect him to criticize ethanol and hear a lot of booing. Fun times! Read more on Ron Paul Officially Running For President (of AMERICA!)…
  at the movies

Battlefield Train: A Review of the ‘Atlas Shrugged’ Movie

We obviously haven’t seen the movie and were never able to get through more than a few pages (even while high) of the doorstop novel, but this web review of Atlas Shrugged was still the most enjoyable thing we read tonight … mostly because it compares the movie to John Travolta’s fantastic adaptation of Ayn Rand’s other great book, Dianetics: Read more on Battlefield Train: A Review of the ‘Atlas Shrugged’ Movie…
  republicans in the news

Maine Governor Broke Law By Removing and Hiding Labor Mural

Teabagger-piglet Paul LePage, who somehow became governor of Maine this year despite winning just 38% of the vote, has been aggressively trying to destroy the public worker unions as per his instructions from the Tea Party (Koch Industries). Just to make sure everyone knew he was going to be an incredible jackass in this attack on the people of Maine, LePage decided the labor history mural in the state’s Department of Labor building was, well, labor oriented. And everybody (Koch Industries) knows that’s a very bad thing, for American workers to be fairly compensated for their labor. So portly wingnut Paul LePage had this 36-foot-long mural ripped out, and then he hid it in an “undisclosed location,” and now it turns out he illegally violated the terms of the contract with the mural’s artist. Read more on Maine Governor Broke Law By Removing and Hiding Labor Mural…
  paultards > 'boners for johnson'

Gary Johnson Running For President So He Can Be Embarrassed By Ron Paul

Gary Johnson will formally announce his candidacy for president in April while stumping in New Hampshire, an adviser told POLITICO. The former New Mexico governor will skip the step of creating an exploratory committee, opting for an immediate start to his bid for the GOP nomination. Read more on Gary Johnson Running For President So He Can Be Embarrassed By Ron Paul…
  2012 will be like 2012

Union-Busting Kochsucker Scott Walker New GOP Favorite For 2012

We won’t know for sure until he double-sucks the withered old peckers of David and Charles Koch on live television while simultaneously pooping on the grave of a 9/11 firefighter and strangling a pre-schooler, but Wisconsin’s Scott Walker is quickly shaping up to be the Republicans’ top choice to run for president in 2012. He’s got the can-do moxie of a real go-getter scrambling up the corporate ladder, and if he can illegally stomp the teachers and police and firemen of Wisconsin (until it’s all overturned in court) then maybe he can push the rest of the American Middle Class into poverty and turn the “frown” of schools and public sewer systems upside down into a new libertarian-kleptocrat utopia (for the Koch Brothers). RUN SCOTT DON’T WALKER! Read more on Union-Busting Kochsucker Scott Walker New GOP Favorite For 2012…
  breaking: airport security sucks

Petulant Libertarian Blogger Refuses TSA Grope, Is Threatened With Suit

Hey, here’s the early winner of America’s “Who Can Be the Most Obnoxious To TSA” contest, a guy calling himself “Johnny Edge.” Cool name! Very libertarian! Very comic book! This guy went into San Diego’s airport with the sole purpose of antagonizing the TSA security guys and catching them on his iPhone’s video thing, and it worked, because when he freaked out and told them he was going to sue them for trying to sexually assault his “junk,” they weren’t quite sure how to handle it. Read more on Petulant Libertarian Blogger Refuses TSA Grope, Is Threatened With Suit…
  from russia with love

Wonkette Ladies On/Making Internet Television!

More institutionalized reverse sexism, with Wonkette ladies getting involved in exciting video internet projects, while the menfolk just sit around in their underwear at home, eating 100 calorie packs of Cheetos and scratching themselves. (This is because Communist Woodrow Wilson gave them the right to vote, probably.) Sara Benincasa got invited back by Alyona Minkovski, who is mad that we called her a Russian spy (to which we say, once you stop spying for Russia, Alyona, we’ll talk). Why is Sara so angry? Is it because of how the babushkas tarted up her hair and makeup? Is it because the right wing is “invading [her] earpiece?” Find out, after the jump. Read more on Wonkette Ladies On/Making Internet Television!…
  invisible handball

Comedy Legend Rand Paul Doesn’t Want Coal Miners Going Soft

A few months ago, Rand Paul said some things that maybe didn’t go over so well vis-a-vis coal miners dying in explosions and black people getting their take-out food from the kitchen entrance. This caused him to go into seclusion, hiding from the press and their “gotcha” questions about policy positions he holds and laws he would attempt to pass if elected. But now he’s emerged from his shell, allowing himself to be tailed by a reporter from Details magazine, which, is that still trying to be the gay Esquire? Anyway, Rand Paul is ignorant of his “home” state’s history, and also would like the Federal government to stop trying to save the lives of his potential constituents. Read more on Comedy Legend Rand Paul Doesn’t Want Coal Miners Going Soft…
  ((8^{>

Libertarians Pointlessly Annoying World’s Muslims

Because nothing serious is going on in the world, and because the new Libertarian Patron Saint is busy in his Time Machine being a 2-year-old Freedom Walker with Dr. King while simultaneously celebrating the First Amendment of not letting coloreds buy lunch because they are coloreds, America’s Libertarians on the Internet are today pointlessly harassing religious Muslim people who for whatever theological dead-end reason cannot abide a South Park cartoon of the Prophet Mahomet dressed as a dildo or whatever. Read more on Libertarians Pointlessly Annoying World’s Muslims…
  rumors on the internets

Van Jones Refuses To Resign From New Position At Center for American Progress

Deeply offensive human being and eternal Red Menace Van Jones is doing something green-related for domestic terrorist organization CAP. [Matt Yglesias] Did you know there are zero Taco Bell outlets in Havana, even though Cuba is so close to Mexico? Not only that, Cuba is without KFC stores or McDonald’s barfburger stands! Why does Castro hate “choice” so much? [Hit & Run] Read more on Van Jones Refuses To Resign From New Position At Center for American Progress…
  rumors on the internets

Will 2010 Be Moist Enough For Jonah Goldberg?

It is now fairly evident that “giving up paint-huffing” was not Erick Erickson’s New Year’s resolution. [RedState] The libertarians seized power while you were foolishly slumbering with visions of sugar-plums dancing in your head. And now there is no sugar-plum tax? [Hit & Run] Read more on Will 2010 Be Moist Enough For Jonah Goldberg?…