Tag Archives: libertarians

  Criming While White

Rand Paul: It’s ‘American’ To Be Rude Law-Breaker, As Long As You’re White

Funny strange, not funny ha ha
Were we not, just the other day, rolling our eyes at Sen. Rand Paul for explaining that Black Lives Matters is Taking A Stand all wrong, because those people are NOT fighting the system according to society’s rules of polite behavior, and also, wouldn’t it be so much better if they talked about other lives mattering, actually? Yes, we were! And we hear Black Lives Matters is so ON IT, and changing its name right now and promising to be real nice and only protest the system using tactics pre-approved by the senator. Read more on Rand Paul: It’s ‘American’ To Be Rude Law-Breaker, As Long As You’re White…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!

My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom
My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom Our piece last week on the nice North Carolina dad who was an ardent Open Carry enthusiast (and whose Facebook page was full of pro-gun, anti-Obama, and anti-Muslim messages) who shot his two preschool-aged sons to death drew the usual bunch of Second Amendment defenders who gunsplained to us that the problem isn’t guns — it’s never guns — but it also received complaints from folks with a refreshingly new perspective, if by “refreshingly new” you mean “familiar clichés that we haven’t seen in at least a week or two.” You see, kids, as would-be commenter “Valerie Emmons” informs us, we are actually huge hypocrites for even being the least bit upset about a drunk man who shot his 3- and 4-year-old sons multiple times after assaulting his wife, because we also support a women’s right to choose a legal surgical procedure: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!…
  Another Casualty Of Causality

New Hampshire Rep. Just Asking: Does Medicaid Expansion Make You Shoot Heroin?

Does a large legislature bring more idiots into government?
Here’s some unconventional thinking from New Hampshire state Rep. Dan McGuire: maybe the reason that New Hampshire has so much heroin addiction is that Medicaid has been expanded in the state, and hence more people have access to addiction treatment. So maybe more people are getting hooked on heroin, knowing they can get treatment from Mama Welfare State. It’s nice to see that our state legislators are thinking about the unintended consequences of well-intentioned actions, isn’t it? Read more on New Hampshire Rep. Just Asking: Does Medicaid Expansion Make You Shoot Heroin?…
  Line On The Left; One Cross Each

Idaho Republicans Vote To Ban Judeo-Christian Jesus

Not actually from Idaho; might as well be
In a shocking rejection of the Lord, Idaho’s Kootenai County Republican Central Committee has refused to move forward proposed resolution to declare Idaho a “Christian state.” Tuesday night’s vote greatly disappointed God, His Only Begotten Son, and the members of the committee who had been pushing the nonbinding resolution as a way of telling the world that Idaho was not going to stand for all the vicious attacks on Christianity that have been going on everywhere. Read more on Idaho Republicans Vote To Ban Judeo-Christian Jesus…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: We Were Very Mean To Barack Obama And Those Girl Scouts And We Should Feel Bad

Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...
Beyond all the half-priced candy, one thing we like about going to the store after Christmas is the sudden arrival of pallets of storage supplies — it holds out the hope that if you just buy the right plastic bins, you’ll be free of all the clutter that’s built up during the year. And so we bring you our own efforts at cleaning out the muck: A bunch of detritus from the comments queue, which we now won’t have to think about any more. Let’s start with some people we have upset with our unwarranted cruelty. For some reason, our piece on Barack Obama wearing a tiara while taking a photo with some girl scouts rubbed a few people the wrong way, perhaps because we said wearing a tiara betrayed Barack Hussein Obama’s desire for absolute power. “Thea” took us to task for being so mean to a decent, honorable man: Read more on Deleted Comments: We Were Very Mean To Barack Obama And Those Girl Scouts And We Should Feel Bad…
  I Hear America Derping

Facebook Gun Hero Explains Assassinatin’ Beats Voting Every Time

Other than *that* it's a pretty compelling argument
From the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence Facebook page comes the above screenshot of a cheerful Election Day message from a pro-gun, pro-insurrection Facebook thing. The Facebook group is still up, though they’ve removed the image and the accompanying text, which read: Read more on Facebook Gun Hero Explains Assassinatin’ Beats Voting Every Time…
  Dumb and dumber

Ann Coulter Still Getting On TV Somehow

S-M-R-T
You almost (relax, we said almost) have to pity Ann Coulter, the once semi-relevant “author” and “columnist” whose brand was being The Hot Conservative Chick, with the long blonde hair and little black dresses — oh, and the obnoxious things she’s always willing to say to get her name in the paper. She used to have slightly more pull on the Wingnut Welfare Circuit, before the greatest lady grifter of all time snowdrifted down to the lower 48 to seize The Hot Conservative Chick crown with her Neiman Marcus wardrobe and her starburst-inspiring winking, pretty much permanently putting baby Ann in a corner. (Coulter’s various dalliances with voter fraud — actual voter fraud — certainly didn’t help her reputation.) Read more on Ann Coulter Still Getting On TV Somehow…
  oklahoma not OK

Here Is Your Fun New Oklahoma GOP Candidate Who Would Like To Murder The Gays With Rocks

Have you guys heard about our new favorite — and by “favorite” we mean WHAT THE HELL, DUDE — state legislature candidate? Meet Scott Esk, a Republican running for office in Oklahoma. Scott would be just your run-of-the-mill semi-ginger who is hella mad about his receding hairline except for this one little standout fact: he’s pretty cool with stoning the gays. As in literally stoning the gays. As in to death. How is Scott Esk even possible? Read more on Here Is Your Fun New Oklahoma GOP Candidate Who Would Like To Murder The Gays With Rocks…
  we are all bozos on this bus

Heroic Koch Brothers Save Nashville From Dystopian Nightmare Of Rapid Transit

Here’s some welcome news! In addition to fighting to keep America safe from the nightmare of health insurance, sending out fishwives to scream at cute-milquetoast MSNBC hosts, and bringing rightwing lunacy to improvisational comedy, it would appear that the nice folks in the Koch Bros. squirrel factory have also managed to sponsor a bill aimed at killing a rapid-transit bus system in Nashville, Tennessee. Actually, the bill would prevent any city in the state from developing a rapid-transit bus system without state approval. You know, because local control is the best form of small government, except when it isn’t. Read more on Heroic Koch Brothers Save Nashville From Dystopian Nightmare Of Rapid Transit…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cornucopia Of Creeps & Crazies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we take a good stiff metaphorical cleaning tool to our browser tabs, collect the stories that are too stupid to ignore altogether but not enough to deserve a full post, and serve them up to you in a metaphorical beverage that we urge you to consume a literal perception-altering agent of your choice before reading. Our Prime Derp this week was pretty much dictated by the mugshot above, which is the bug-eyed visage of one Bernard Marsonek of Tampa, Florida. Yup, Florida Man strikes again. Mr. Marsonek was arrested after neighbors flagged down police to report that he was doing sex to his pit bulldog. In his yard. While the neighbors yelled at him to please for the love of god stop sexing his dog in the yard, if that wouldn’t be too much trouble, please. When the cops interviewed Marsonek inside his house, they also found that he possessed a handgun, which led to another charge since he had a prior felony conviction (we don’t know what prior felony that was, and we don’t think we want to know). Eight pit pulls were seized and taken to Animal Services, and Marsonek was also charged with aggravated animal cruelty and sexual activity involving animals. The one good thing to come out of this story? Wingnuts who worried about the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” can be reassured that dogfucking remains illegal. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cornucopia Of Creeps & Crazies…
  californias here we come

Why Not Six Californias, For Freedom, Laughs?

According to a report by a state legislative analyst, it would be feasible to split California into six smaller states, although the process would be complicated. The news was reportedly received with great excitement by supporters of a proposed “Six Californias” amendment — and there is at least one supporter, a “multimillionaire Silicon Valley venture capitalist” named Tim Draper, who said in an email after the report’s release, “It is obvious that we need a breath of fresh air in California government, and creating six new states allows the refresh we need … California, as it is, is ungovernable. We need our state governments to be local to us.” It’s so inspiring to know that one wealthy douchebag with a pet project that seems doomed to irrelevance can nonetheless move his idea far enough to get the state to spend money on researching it. Seems like an excellent use of state funds in pursuit of a small-government agenda. Read more on Why Not Six Californias, For Freedom, Laughs?…
  the re-love-ution will be televised

World Savior Ron Paul’s Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing

Libertarian yard leprechaun Ron Paul retired from Congress in January after three attempts at the presidency and exactly one bill passed of the 464 he sponsored in the House. Many who noticed his vacancy wondered, how could this void possibly be filled? Not to worry anti-statist-states-righters! Ron Paul has gotten himself an internet channel and for 10 bucks a month he will rub his convictions all up in your intellectual revolution. The Ron Paul Channel launched yesterday and it is clear that the man has some interesting plans for your computer time. Read more on World Savior Ron Paul’s Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing…
  the truth will set you free

Rand Paul Will Work With Jesus To Help You Cling To Your Guns

While the species of libertarian fanboy known as the Paultard will strenuously argue that Paul brand politics are different from those of garden variety wild-eyed Republicans, it is becoming clear that the young prince of Pauldom (Rand Paul) is laughing at the Paultards as much as we do. As part of a campaign to make himself more palatable to mainstream nutjobs, Rand Paul sent out a screamy email written in traditional Teatard warning his followers that Bamz and the New World Order gonna grab all your guns. He has also been on a “Jesus is awesome tour” to convince evangelicals they are allowed to vote for him. Read more on Rand Paul Will Work With Jesus To Help You Cling To Your Guns…
  Titus Andronicus Shrugged

Will Tax-Dodging Shakespeare Become The New Ayn Rand?

New research on William Shakespeare indicates that in addition to writing bloody soap operas, the playwright was also a fairly successful entrepreneur in Stratford-upon-Avon who invested in grain, made loans, and dodged taxes like a boss. While it remains to be seen whether the news will result in Shakespeare’s works gaining new currency with libertarians, it at least continues his status as an academic’s Rorschach test: Since so little is known about him, he can go on being gay, liberal, a woman, Jewish, illiterate, a bastard and now also an evil capitalist or maybe an admirable jerb creator. Read more on Will Tax-Dodging Shakespeare Become The New Ayn Rand?…
  worst galt ever

Go Galt In Detroit’s Centrally Planned Puerto Rico For Rich Jerks

Sitting in the middle of the Detroit River is Belle Isle, one of the nation’s finest urban public parks. It was designed by Frederick Law Olmsted of Central Park fame. Unfortunately, Belle Isle isn’t in the best condition right now because Detroit is super poor. There exists a perfectly reasonable plan to make Belle Isle a state park so Michigan taxpayers can fund maintenance of this beloved landmark in the state’s largest city, as they do for comparable parks across the state. Naturally, this will never happen because Detroit doesn’t end up like Detroit by accident. It takes a lot of incompetence and inaction. Read more on Go Galt In Detroit’s Centrally Planned Puerto Rico For Rich Jerks…