Reporters are a lot like common housecats: they laze around until they see some shiny thing, which they toy with for two minutes before going back to vomiting and sleeping on your clean laundry. (Bloggers are a lot like common bums, who cut straight to the vomiting and laundry-soiling.) It’s no surprise that Barack Obama, a shiny bauble if ever there was one, enjoys terrific press coverage this election cycle — the most generous and adoring coverage since John McCain ran for president in 2000. But John McCain can’t stop grumping about it, because he is a sour old bitch who feels betrayed by his former friends. MORE »

Gail Collins is not as boring as Bob Herbert, as abrasive as Maureen Dowd, as loopy as Bill Kristol, as assy as David Brooks, or as 2,000-word ranty as Frank Rich, so she doesn’t command as much attention as many of her fellow New York Times columnists. But she seems like a sensible sort with a subtler sense of humor, and today she has some very reasonable things to say about Barack Obama. Go read it, ye wounded liberals, and meet your new Barry, same as the old Barry. [New York Times]

The town of Kanab, Utah — more or less where Mitt Romney was born — has apparently caught the “Obama bug” and will liberalize its municipal swimming pool regulations by allowing bikinis for the first time in centuries. And tha-at’s not ch-ange we-ee can be-ee-lieve in. MORE »

[Hey comical idiots, we'd never take this post down!]

Yes, we get many nutty e-mails, and sometimes when we open them they link to the best websites in the world. One recent example is Country Above Self, which runs this tag line: “Celebrating Patriots and Exposing Traitors.” You can nominate and rank America’s greatest patriots (still living) and its worst liberal socialist traitors (their souls are always dead). It’s everything the Internet has always wanted. MORE »

John McCain is doing his best to romance The Hollywoods, but he has found few wealthy gay liberals willing to listen to his uplifting message of war without end. As a result, he has only been able to raise a few paltry dollars from the D list’s D list — Ben Stein, Dick Van Patten, and an assortment of other balding losers who were on a TV show once. Why is Hollywood so ageist against physically and mentally deteriorating old warmongers?

McCain is hoping that he’ll be able to snare support from disaffected southern California Clintards once Hillary drops out of the race. Of course, they’ll have to overlook the fact that he hates abortion, healthcare, peace, and other things that your mom cares about. Will McCain’s crazy plan work? Probably not, which is why he’ll waste millions of dollars and months pursuing the Hollywood vote — there’s nothing he loves more than a losing cause.

Here’s what sad old Dick Van Patten (who to his credit makes some top-notch dog food) has to say about being a McCain supporter in Hollywood: “I’m all alone … I feel isolated. Nobody agrees with me.”

Straight Talk Express stalls in Hollywood [Politico]

Karl Rove knows how to win elections, and he would like to share some top-secret election-winning techniques with Barack Obama! Or is this some reverse double Axel bizarro technique coaching guaranteed to make Obama EPIC FAIL come November? Review Karl Rove’s 7 Steps to Electoral Success and decide for yourself! MORE »

Liberals like John McCain have spent their lives spending your money in Washington, so it’s no surprise that McCain’s campaign has given up its pathetic fund-raising attempts and will now go on the Election 2008 dole. Today, the McCain camp admitted it will “accept taxpayer money to finance his general election and share other costs with the Republican National Committee,” the Politico reports. And guess what kind of no-money-having people Americans hate more than anything? MORE »

A Boston area cable news host thinks Bill O’Reilly is such a dangerous “mental case” that he should not be the guest of honor at the Boston/New England Emmys. This brave crusader even offers up evidence that O’Reilly’s crazy loofah rants are signs of an actual personality disorder or something. MORE »

Some kooky Yale gal made an art project where she got knocked up and then made herself miscarry a million times, and then she smeared her gross abortion blood together with Vaseline and put it on a large suspended cube and now everybody hates her. She wants to “inspire some sort of discourse” and “provoke inquiry,” which is liberal Ivy League elitist code for “make everybody want to barf.” Why won’t pro-choice Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton apologize for not aborting this Yale student years ago? [Yale Daily News]

Today is Tax Day, which means a lot of liberals JUST LIKE YOU get to whine about how they are involuntarily funding the War when what they really hate is paying taxes, just like “ordinary Americans.” Join us in our tour of Daily Kos commenters yodelling like Libertarians about how much, and why, they hate taxes. MORE »

Several concerned readers have written to Wonkette pointing out a few errors in our unbiased, information-filled reporting surrounding Debbie Stabenow’s husband’s tragic hooker bust. In bringing this very important information to you, we failed to adequately acquaint ourselves with greater Detroit Metropolitan area roadways, for one, and then there is the little issue of “speaking Mexican.” MORE »

If there’s one thing Democrats have learned from this whole Spitzer mess, it’s that the public has no patience for public figures who overspend on hookers. That’s why Tom Athans, Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow’s husband and the cofounder of a liberal radio station, deserves a hearty pat on the back for spending less on a hooker than he would have spent on a nice dinner with his wife. MORE »

COME BACK, MITT! Mitt Romney has returned from his every-seven-years Mormon Hibernation to announce that he will be proud to join John McCain’s losing ticket in November. Mitt said on teevee tonight that he’d be “honored” to be McCain’s veep candidate, but McCain hates Romney’s guts and has even called him a “pig.” Both are hated by conservatives, patriots and people who worship Real Jesus™. [NYT Caucus]