Tag: liberals

Still up on that cross.

Kim Davis Is In Jail, And Wingnuts Are Jizz-Crapping Their Pull-Ups In RAGE!

CRU-CI-FY! CRU-CI-FY! CRU-CI-FY! Oh, we are just joshing, nobody wants Kim Davis crucified. (OR DO WE?) Wingnuts, though? Remember that time they lost their whole country in the span of a week, because gay marriage was legalized and the Confederate flag...
I laugh at you idiots! So much!

Sass-Mouth Barack Obama Sasses The Republicans, Sassily. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and whew, what a week we had! Your Wonkette got lost (broken because bad server was bad), but then was found (fixed with a shiny new server!), was blind but now it sees! And...
HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.

Rush Limbaugh Mad Teenage Boys Don’t Put Out Like They Used To

Yesterday, Grandma Kaili told you Wonkers about a new CDC study that says Kids These Days are real fuckin' boring, in that they don't go under the bleachers at school and play sex games on each other, and they...

Ben Shapiro Files Charges Against Transgender Lady For Making Him Look Like Total Pussy

You may have seen this SHOCK VIDEO rolling around the internets the past couple days, of Breitbart's never-nude pussy Ben Shapiro arguing with transgender journalist Zoey Tur on the "Dr. Drew On Call" program. It's a long video, not worth...
And that's how America was made!

Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best

Here is some interesting news, as we U.S. Americans begin our annual weekend of getting real drunk and shooting off fireworks, due to something we read in a history book about America but can't quite remember. (Muskets were involved.)...
DJ Pootsalot

Moby Says You Can Eat That Cheeseburger, As Long As You Never Shower Again

It's time for another edition of Adorable Liberals Coming Up With Cute Ways To Fix Real Problems. You see, California ain't got no water, because of a drought, because there are too many people living there for the meager...
Learning is fun!

Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!

Here is some science for us to play with, from Verdant Labs, which did science research data analysis collection math stuff, and also has an app to tell you how you should name your baby, which is useful if...
Typical conservative

Conservatives Aren’t Happier Than Liberals After All, But They Are Liars. It’s Science!

We all know what the studies say, right? Conservatives get dumber every time they watch Fox News. Liberals get unhappier every time they roll out of bed in their mom's basement and smoke a bowl for brunch. If conservatives would stop praying...
Except this time it is Wonkette being Jesus!

Wonkette Commenters Teach Obamacare-Hating Sheriff A Lesson By Paying His Medical Bills

Wonkette is a force for good in the world, it has been proven! On Friday, we had the story of former Arizona sheriff guy Richard Mack, a wingnut Oath Keeper, who has also been a very public opponent of...
Suck it, Jon Stewart. Now THIS is comedy.

Ladies, Sean Hannity Can See Into Your Baby Caves

It turns out that CPAC 2015 was pretty much a Cavalcade of Conservative Comedy. In addition to the sly wit of Rick Santorum's Birther joke, Sean Hannity did this hilarious routine about how Barack Obama keeps blaming Bush for...
She seems nice

Wannabe Missouri Gov Lady Wishes Liberals Would Stop Porning The Children

Lucky you, Missouri. If you play your voting cards just right, your new governor in 2016 will be this real nice lady, Catherine Hanaway. She has some neat thoughts on sex and liberals and ladies, and sorry, Missouri, but...
His weather is just fine, thanks

Rush Limbaugh: Big Government Nanny State Controlling You Through Weather Warnings

While conservatives usually love a good snowstorm because it proves global warming is a hoax and Al Gore is fat, truth-seeking climatologist Rush Limbaugh is too smart to buy into the lies of such lefty media outlets as AccuWeather...
But why would they work if they can't buy that second Maybach for weekends?

Democrats Trying To Tax Wall Street, Sounding Suspiciously Like Actual Democrats

Looks like it's time for another of those post-election reinvention crazes that political parties are so big on. A bunch of top Democrats, perhaps noticing the rave reviews that Elizabeth Warren has been getting from The Base -- that's why...
With votes.

Stop Wasting Money And Let Conservative Dems Just Go Extinct

On Monday, beltway bullshit scorecard POLITICO reported that nominal Democratic senators like Joe Manchin, Claire McCaskill, and Heidi Heitkamp appear eager to help the new Republican majority advance legislation. Manchin even called the idea of not working with Republicans...

Dear Liberals: Kindly STFU About Ruth Bader Ginsburg Resigning, With A Topping Of STFU Sauce

It is an indisputable FACT, like gravity and global warming and how birth control is not abortion, that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, aka Notorious R.B.G., is THE BEST. She has spent her whole life law-fighting for the...

Joe The Plumber Is Human Garbage, Again

Leading conservative intellectual Joe the Failed Politician Not-Plumber has decided that he has not spewed forth enough frothing filth to remind us all of what a horrible shitpile he is. First, he told the parents of dead kids in...