Tag Archives: liberals

  muppets vs. muppets

Muppets Kermit & Miss Piggy Respond To Charges By Fox News Muppets

It is important that you watch this crucial Fox News Business report on the evil of the beloved Muppets, even if you already saw this clip in December. Why? Because the Muppets have finally responded to these treasonous charges, at a press conference — Miss Piggy even did a SMACKDOWN on the Fox News idiots. It’s a good thing Fox News viewers are all 67-year-old white trash sitting in their soon-to-be repo’d double-wides, because otherwise they would probably stop buying Muppet toys and movies! Read more on Muppets Kermit & Miss Piggy Respond To Charges By Fox News Muppets…
  forgotten wingnuts

Sam Brownback Insane With Rage After Twitter Insult By High School Girl

Not even Republican primary voters wanted Sam Brownback as a presidential candidate, so the right-wing nobody went back to Kansas, both metaphorically and literally. He’s governor of Kansas, apparently. And he’s still a thin-skinned jerk. We learned these facts from the cautionary tale of Emma Sullivan, an 18-year-old high school senior and member of the Youth In Government program. (The tale is cautionary for state-level wingnut creeps like Brownback.) During a field trip to the state capital, Sullivan was annoyed by Brownback’s dumb comments to the kids. So she wrote a joke on Twitter for her friends: “Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot.” And then Brownback’s goblins found the joke online and tried to destroy this student’s life. Read more on Sam Brownback Insane With Rage After Twitter Insult By High School Girl…
  this guy again

Casey Anthony Trial Coverage Gives Rush Limbaugh Great Abortion Joke

Your Wonkette has been fastidiously trying to ignore anything related to this bizarre, sad Casey Anthony case, not only here but in life, because once upon a time there was such a thing as an “OJ Simpson trial,” which set everyone a very high bar for 24-hour reality crime shows that probably will never be touched. We are purists, sue us. But OKAY, we will weigh in, since bloated maggot Rush Limbaugh is humping America’s face with slime about abortion again. Here is Rush’s advice to the silly liberals who are upset about 2-year-old Caylee Anthony’s death: “When does the death of a child bother them? …just tell yourselves that [Anthony] just waited a couple of years to get an abortion and you’ll feel better.” Aha! Read more on Casey Anthony Trial Coverage Gives Rush Limbaugh Great Abortion Joke…
  and they're all on food stamps

Liberals Eat Fancy Healthy Food, Conservatives Eat Awful Garbage

According to a scientific survey of some people on the Internet somewhere, liberals eat the fanciest of fancy foods — while conservatives literally eat filthy garbage, mostly from fast-food anusburger chains. See if you can tell which meals were far more likely to be enjoyed by left-leaning humanists: coconut curry lamb and rice, fresh fruit, Pan Asian/French Fusion cuisine and organic vegetables. The answer, of course, is “All of them, Katie.” Because only liberals would even know what these foods are, and conservatives are eating another grease glob off their belly in the parking lot behind the Rite-Aid. Read more on Liberals Eat Fancy Healthy Food, Conservatives Eat Awful Garbage…
  america's great artists

Schmaltz Artist Pulls American Jesus Prints From ‘Liberal’ BYU Shop

Did you hear about liberal hate site “Groupon” sponsoring the racist Donald Trump’s racism? Groupon, you’re fired! What’s next? How about those liberals at the Mormon university? Yeah, how about them? A guy who makes prints of Jesus and the GOP Presidents and the Troops has pulled his precious artworks from the Mormon Church-owned Brigham Young University bookstore because … liberals? Yes. They were too liberal. So now you have to get this kind of art the same way everybody else does: by searching “Never Forget” on Google Images. Read more on Schmaltz Artist Pulls American Jesus Prints From ‘Liberal’ BYU Shop…
  wonkette world o' books

Book: Charlie Sheen & Matt Lauer Are Liberals Who Say Dumb Things

Anyone who writes or speaks about politics (with very few exceptions) is bound to say something stupid and egregious at some point or another. You’ll definitely say something dumb if you’re one of the ambitious but dull people who actually runs for office here in the United States. The Wonkette Goofiness Machine thrives on this stuff, as does much of the political media. But Michael S. Montgomery, a former business writer for the Times-Picayune in New Orleans, feels that the constant, hourly phenomenon of Conservatives Saying Dumb Things is over-reported, while the Dumb Things Liberals Say are under-documented and even suppressed by the lamestream media. To correct this natural imbalance, he’s written The Amusing and Annoying Things Liberals Say From A to Z, a sort of Media Matters for the right, in handy book form. Read more on Book: Charlie Sheen & Matt Lauer Are Liberals Who Say Dumb Things…
  manchurian candidates

Slow-Witted Liberals Finally Realizing Obama Is Their Enemy

Did you hear Barack Obama is giving a big speech tomorrow? He’s probably going to announce that the Koch Brothers will be managing his re-election campaign, and that the working poor will pay a 35% tax on all grocery and gasoline purchases for the next year, because “we all need to chip in to lower the budget or whatever” and talent like the Koch Brothers doesn’t come cheap! Can you believe anyone on “The Left” was ever excited about this Obama fraud? We can believe it, because we heard him lie through his phony smile for two years on the campaign trail. Remember how Barry was going to end the wars, rebuild America’s infrastructure, put renewable energy and mass transit all across the country, crack down on industrial polluters, raise taxes on the super-rich, etc., etc. All lies! Everything the guy has ever said was a lie. Back when Obama was blowing Weather Underground hero Bill Ayers in Chicago, that was just part of the elaborate deception, too. Leftist street cred. Same thing with the “Oh I’m down with Jay-Z and Stevie Wonder.” Obama hates “urban music,” and always has. Guy grew up in Hawaii, listening to nothing but Jimmy Buffett and Sammy Hagar. Read more on Slow-Witted Liberals Finally Realizing Obama Is Their Enemy…
  their number-one enemy is making fun of them again

Conservative Brains Fearful, Unable To Understand Complexity, Science Shows

In a study commissioned by Colin Firth “while serving as a guest host of the BBC Radio 4’s Today program in London last year,” so you know it’s good, British researchers found people who describe themselves as liberal have “a larger anterior cingulate cortex–a gray matter of the brain associated with understanding complexity,” whereas people who describe themselves as conservative have “a larger amygdala, an almond-shaped area that is associated with fear and anxiety,” which is a marvel, considering most conservatives probably declined to participate because they were worried they’d be asked to prove their penis size. Read more on Conservative Brains Fearful, Unable To Understand Complexity, Science Shows…
  alert the illitches

Heritage Foundation Guy: People Leaving Detroit Because It’s Liberal

The Heritage Foundation is a place for great thinkers, so it comes as no surprise that one of their geniuses has finally, from his little marble Koch cubicle in D.C., solved why Detroit is losing population: it’s full of liberals. Scary! One would think it would be easier for the people of Detroit to just start electing Teabaggers instead of leaving all their possessions behind and running to borders to escape the sheer terror of living under the rule of Democrats, but apparently that is not the case, according to this man who has never been to Detroit. This is such a brilliant answer to that city’s population loss! We bet if you look at other regions of the country led by Democrats, you will see the same thing. Regions such as the one ruled by Barack Obama. Read more on Heritage Foundation Guy: People Leaving Detroit Because It’s Liberal…
  joe biden is confused

Michele Bachmann: Reporting On Dumb Things I Say Proves Media Bias

Heartfelt chuckles and patronizing sighs were enjoyed by all when Michele Bachmann told a New Hampshire crowd on Saturday, “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord.” (New Hampshire is also the state where United States Marines “raised the flag at Iwo Jima.”) It was an honest mistake — only a fool would believe that someone in China could hear musket shots fired in New Hampshire approximately 1,000 years ago. But alas, the media reported this gaffe anyway, proving once and for all that there is a blatant liberal bias in the media. Michele Bachmann is hardly surprised though, since she’s already well aware that “the 3,400 members of the mainstream media are a part of the Obama press contingent,” whatever that means. This news story is a bias within a bias, which is the plot of Leonardo DiCaprio’s next romcom thriller. Read more on Michele Bachmann: Reporting On Dumb Things I Say Proves Media Bias…
  friday news dump

Keith Olbermann Fired By MSNBC Or Something?

Keith Olbermann did his last MSNBC teevee show! It was a big deal, probably! Was he fired? Were there contract squabbles? How much of his thirty million dollars does he get to keep? Will it be enough, for whatever? All across America tonight (in New York and Washington and Los Angeles, mostly), people who carry dumb electronic mobile media devices “for work” have been looking down as little pop-up things and beeps and alerts tell of the exciting news: Keith Olbermann will no longer do a teevee show he has done for a while now, for this one cable station. Read more on Keith Olbermann Fired By MSNBC Or Something?…
  dead people are the real silent majority

Teabaggers Protect Dead People From Evil Liberal Voter Fraud

Look out your window: Is there a stampede of wretched liberals flailing their arms and making wild animal sounds? Those liberals are running as fast as they can to the “local municipal court house,” so that they can pick up a copy of the “death roll” and then vote bazillions of times using False Dead People Identities. This is manipulative and wrong on so many levels, because most dead people write in their obituaries that they hate Democrats. You awful liberals couldn’t really care less though, huh? Well, the Tea Party Paranormal Society isn’t going to let you get away with this bullshit. Not this time. They made a video that will stop you. Read more on Teabaggers Protect Dead People From Evil Liberal Voter Fraud…
  at least glenn beck won't be there

Government Reveals Comedy Central’s Secret, Boring Rally Plans

Such mystery surrounding the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert comedy rally in Washington this Saturday! One mysterious thing is that people who work for news outlets in DC “can’t go” because it is going to be funny, but perhaps not funny in the way that angry old racist people playing bumper cars with their obesity scooters are funny. ALSO, the Youth! It will be “funny” when America’s old people and Washington’s press corps both learn that the viewers of these Comedy Central current events programs are, in fact, mostly in their early 40s. This is information publicly available through such youth outlets as the Wall Street Journal and the Nielsen audience-measuring conglomerate. But what about the secret liberal-comedy schedule? We have it! Read more on Government Reveals Comedy Central’s Secret, Boring Rally Plans…
  new study proves it

Scientists Discover Sexy ‘Liberal Gene’

What makes people “liberal,” anyway? According to liberal university research scientists at liberal universities somewhere, being liberal means that you are an awesome person with many sexy friends. This is why you are so cool! Also, you probably had a lot of oral/anal with your other liberal friends at college, which is proof of the “novelty gene.” Read more on Scientists Discover Sexy ‘Liberal Gene’…
  freedom haters

Evil Bolshevik Billionaire George Soros Donates Millions To Marijuana Hippies

Remember when George Soros gave a million dollars to Media Matters and bragged about it? Well now he is funneling millions of dollars to California marijuana smokers. How does this man sleep at night? He doesn’t, because he is a Communist Vampire who kidnaps children and then forces them to eat pot brownies: Read more on Evil Bolshevik Billionaire George Soros Donates Millions To Marijuana Hippies…
  star-cross'd lovers

Andrew Breitbart Still Suffers From Serious Boy-Touching Denial

We remember it like it was yesterday, but actually it was 9/12: Your part-time morning editor was walking dejectedly through a Tea Bagger field, and then Andrew Breitbart appeared from the mist in a gorgeous Victorian gown and drunkenly groped us for what seemed like “too long.” It was such a special, Charlotte Bronte moment. Obviously the entire world saw this embrace, on C-SPAN radio, and then the “when is the wedding?” emails started pouring in. But some liberals protesting last month’s Right Nation picnic were asking different questions, questions like “Andrew Breitbart’s gay!” Andrew Breitbart says this is hate speech, and adamantly denies his boy-touching tendencies. And after doing lots of serious journalism, Breitbart has finally identified his accuser! (Hint: She’s a Democrat.) Andrew Breitbart might not be gay, but he’s certainly something. In these modern times there are so many different genders and sexualities. Andrew’s gender is probably “Into Ladies, But When Drunk Likes Touching Boys.” Oh Breitbart, isn’t it time you contacted your local LGBTBBQ (sp?) Pride chapter? Read more on Andrew Breitbart Still Suffers From Serious Boy-Touching Denial…
  whose streets our streets etc.

Big Liberal Rally Looks Pretty Lame!

Feel the excitement! Maybe it was early? Or late? Or lame? Judging from the number of cell-phone pictures (zero) and tips (zero) we’ve received, it sounds like you’re all as excited about the Big Libtard Rally as we are! Read more on Big Liberal Rally Looks Pretty Lame!…
  then he said 'vote or GTFO'

Joe Biden Tells Libtard Donors To Stop With the Sniveling

Newt Gingrich and the Media (also a Christian ska band) have been promising America that the Democrats will lose everything — even their activist gay judges — come November. This is weird because polls tell us voters still hate Republicans a lot, even more than they hate the Demtards and their socialist medicines. Joe Biden knows this (maybe) and is pretty fed up with all the whiny emo liberals and their negative November juju. If everyone votes twice we will be fine. Read more on Joe Biden Tells Libtard Donors To Stop With the Sniveling…
  national mal

Dumb Libtards To Host Own Glenn Beck Rally This Weekend

The most important thing concerning liberals is no longer getting their party — which actually controls the legislative and executive branches — to pass liberal laws; it is to spend all their time criticizing teevee people who just want to make money off of the stupidity of conservatives. Thus, liberal groups are coming together this weekend to descend on the National Mall to “stick it” to Glenn Beck or something. But of course this will just be disorganized and dumb and sad. Read more on Dumb Libtards To Host Own Glenn Beck Rally This Weekend…
  as seen on teevee

Anthony Weiner Wants To Steal All Of Your Precious Goldline Coins

Anthony Weiner is trying to trick America into believing that teevee investment firm “Goldline” is a bit of a scam. What is with these liberals? Glenn Beck and Fred Thompson get it. They know that FDR issued an Executive Order and can confiscate all of your gold whenever he feels like it. That’s why buying every coin-thing from the Goldline telemarketer person is the last safe investment on earth. It’s painfully obvious that Anthony Weiner is trying to steal all of your commemorative NASCAR gold coins, so that he can melt them into worthless “Ameros.” Luckily you hid your Goldline coins in your XXL underwear drawer, and Anthony Weiner will never be able to locate them, since they will be camouflaged by your enormous underwear. Read more on Anthony Weiner Wants To Steal All Of Your Precious Goldline Coins…
  lindsey graham does not care for your hole

Lindsey Graham: Obama Put America In the Wrong Hole!

The main problem right now, according to Lindsey Graham, is not that America is in a deep depressing hole of sadness. Lindsey Graham has nothing against deep holes — some could argue he even fancies them, if you know what we mean, and we think you do! — what concerns him is the kind of deep hole America is currently in. Not all holes are equal, folks: Read more on Lindsey Graham: Obama Put America In the Wrong Hole!…
  good ways to shore up your base

Robert Gibbs To Order Mandatory Government Drug Testing For Libruls Who Criticize White House

The Obama administration is sick of libruls such as Rachel Maddow who dare CRITICIZE them, the librul political party’s presidential administration, when they fail to do important librul things. “I hear these people saying he’s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested,” Robert Gibbs said. (But he is like George Bush, because he lives in the same house and has the same job and also calls himself “President.”) Why are the “professional left” not in lock-step with their dear leader? Isn’t there a chemical that makes you oppose gay marriage and support Guantanamo Bay that Robert Gibbs can inject people with when he’s checking them for teh drugz? Read more on Robert Gibbs To Order Mandatory Government Drug Testing For Libruls Who Criticize White House…