Not even Republican primary voters wanted Sam Brownback as a presidential candidate, so the right-wing nobody went back to Kansas, both metaphorically and literally. He’s governor of Kansas, apparently. And he’s still a thin-skinned jerk. We learned these facts from the cautionary tale of Emma Sullivan, an 18-year-old high school senior and member of the […]

Your Wonkette has been fastidiously trying to ignore anything related to this bizarre, sad Casey Anthony case, not only here but in life, because once upon a time there was such a thing as an “OJ Simpson trial,” which set everyone a very high bar for 24-hour reality crime shows that probably will never be […]

According to a scientific survey of some people on the Internet somewhere, liberals eat the fanciest of fancy foods — while conservatives literally eat filthy garbage, mostly from fast-food anusburger chains. See if you can tell which meals were far more likely to be enjoyed by left-leaning humanists: coconut curry lamb and rice, fresh fruit, […]

Did you hear about liberal hate site “Groupon” sponsoring the racist Donald Trump’s racism? Groupon, you’re fired! What’s next? How about those liberals at the Mormon university? Yeah, how about them? A guy who makes prints of Jesus and the GOP Presidents and the Troops has pulled his precious artworks from the Mormon Church-owned Brigham […]

Anyone who writes or speaks about politics (with very few exceptions) is bound to say something stupid and egregious at some point or another. You’ll definitely say something dumb if you’re one of the ambitious but dull people who actually runs for office here in the United States. The Wonkette Goofiness Machine thrives on this […]

Did you hear Barack Obama is giving a big speech tomorrow? He’s probably going to announce that the Koch Brothers will be managing his re-election campaign, and that the working poor will pay a 35% tax on all grocery and gasoline purchases for the next year, because “we all need to chip in to lower […]

In a study commissioned by Colin Firth “while serving as a guest host of the BBC Radio 4′s Today program in London last year,” so you know it’s good, British researchers found people who describe themselves as liberal have “a larger anterior cingulate cortex–a gray matter of the brain associated with understanding complexity,” whereas people […]

The Heritage Foundation is a place for great thinkers, so it comes as no surprise that one of their geniuses has finally, from his little marble Koch cubicle in D.C., solved why Detroit is losing population: it’s full of liberals. Scary! One would think it would be easier for the people of Detroit to just […]

Heartfelt chuckles and patronizing sighs were enjoyed by all when Michele Bachmann told a New Hampshire crowd on Saturday, “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord.” (New Hampshire is also the state where United States Marines “raised the flag at Iwo Jima.”) It was an honest mistake […]

Keith Olbermann did his last MSNBC teevee show! It was a big deal, probably! Was he fired? Were there contract squabbles? How much of his thirty million dollars does he get to keep? Will it be enough, for whatever? All across America tonight (in New York and Washington and Los Angeles, mostly), people who carry […]

Look out your window: Is there a stampede of wretched liberals flailing their arms and making wild animal sounds? Those liberals are running as fast as they can to the “local municipal court house,” so that they can pick up a copy of the “death roll” and then vote bazillions of times using False Dead […]

Such mystery surrounding the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert comedy rally in Washington this Saturday! One mysterious thing is that people who work for news outlets in DC “can’t go” because it is going to be funny, but perhaps not funny in the way that angry old racist people playing bumper cars with their obesity scooters are […]

What makes people “liberal,” anyway? According to liberal university research scientists at liberal universities somewhere, being liberal means that you are an awesome person with many sexy friends. This is why you are so cool! Also, you probably had a lot of oral/anal with your other liberal friends at college, which is proof of the […]

Remember when George Soros gave a million dollars to Media Matters and bragged about it? Well now he is funneling millions of dollars to California marijuana smokers. How does this man sleep at night? He doesn’t, because he is a Communist Vampire who kidnaps children and then forces them to eat pot brownies: A Sept. […]

We remember it like it was yesterday, but actually it was 9/12: Your part-time morning editor was walking dejectedly through a Tea Bagger field, and then Andrew Breitbart appeared from the mist in a gorgeous Victorian gown and drunkenly groped us for what seemed like “too long.” It was such a special, Charlotte Bronte moment. […]