Leading conservative intellectual Joe the Failed Politician Not-Plumber has decided that he has not spewed forth enough frothing filth to remind us all of what a horrible shitpile he is. First, he told the parents of dead kids in Isla Vista to STFU and quit whining about their tragedy because he is a classy fellow. […]

Poor Matt Barber. He went to the Conservative Political Action Conference hoping to find like-minded moral scolds, but discovered that once the speeches are done for the day, the events at the Gaylord National Hotel are not all-night prayer meetings, but instead the sort of drunken revels you’d expect from dirty liberals. From the atrium-facing […]

Man, we are pretty jealous of the person who got to write the headline for the AP article on the big Pope Francis and His Cardinals Jamboree this week, because they somehow slipped “Pope Opens Big Week With Sex, Divorce On Agenda” past their editors. Believe the hype of the headline, though, because our current […]

Constitutional scholar, NRA board member, and serial fact assaulter Ted Nugent, miraculously still neither dead nor in jail, would just like America to know that we do not need to fear easy access to guns by ordinary Americans like Adam Lanza (no prior convictions) or James Holmes (no priors) or Jared Loughner (possession of drug […]

Sorry, good Christian Wonkers, but it looks like Idaho biology teacher Tim McDaniel, WHO SAID VAGINA DURING A CLASS ON THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM, is not going to get fired for his vagina-saying crime spree. Instead he’ll probably just be reprimanded. Can we at least get a stoning up in this bitch? Tim McDaniel is being […]

We have already read about what made Los Angeles spree-killin’ cop Christopher Dorner go Django on the entire LAPD (and their families). It was LAPD racisms. So we know who (and what) he hates. But who does he love? Just about all your typical libtards, like Hillary Clinton and Larry David and Ellen Degeneres and […]

The fact that shellymicAB’s Youtube rant is unembeddable is a crime against Wonkette. But for those of you who have been begging us to repeat our billion-post Tuesday schedule so as to keep schadening your Freude (unaware that we conducted Election Day, like the Iraq War, “off-budget”), well, here should be the happiest 25 minutes […]

If there is one musical group that we know defends Real American Values, it’s Lynyrd Skynyrd. They bravely stood up for segregation and other forms of awesomeness, and while Jimmy Carter’s CIA managed to kill most of the original members in an “accidental” plane crash, a new version of the band was formed during the […]

Ugh, they spelled the name of this blog wrong again! It’s spelled “Guardian.” Anyway, your Wonkette is here at the 2012 Netroots Nation conference in little-who-cares-whatever state Rhode Island, to watch liberals “pop off” about the issues of the day. We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch and watched a movie about rape in […]

This special Memorial Day evening post comes courtesy of Wonkette Operative Doktor StrangeZoom. That’s right: Doktor StrangeZoom has saved Memorial Day! Just when you had finally figured out who the hell Saul Alinsky was, the right-wing blogosphere has found a brand new boogeyman to be terrified of: Brett Kimberlin, a convicted bomber, maybe murderer, and […]

Conservatives may be the club of the gay-haters, the uterus police, and the militant Islamophobes, but you liberals, you are the club of intolerance. New study proves it! Former press secretary to Laura Bush and Investors’ Business Daily blowhard Andrew Malcolm has the proof: “Not exactly shocking news for those exposed to them for years, […]

In case you were wondering, beloved minstrel show performer Rush Limbaugh is “sincerely” “sorry” about the “two words” he called Sandra Fluke — slut and prostitute — and as anyone who is sincerely sorry does, took full personal responsibility for them by blaming liberals, who forced him to become a disgusting spewer of ad-hominem insults […]

Political pundit people have been enjoying the idea that Mitt Romney has a “John Kerry problem.” After all, both Romney and Kerry are rich white establishment politicians — just like most politicians, on Earth. Political pundits love easy comparisons like that. But John Kerry took a break from whatever he does these days to say […]

Didn’t you sort of feel like Herman Cain said he was just going out for a pack of smokes, and then we never heard from him again and somehow got stuck with his car note and a bunch of boring creepo ‘Washington insiders?’ Well, CAIN’S BACK, BABY. Just goes to show you can’t keep a […]

It is important that you watch this crucial Fox News Business report on the evil of the beloved Muppets, even if you already saw this clip in December. Why? Because the Muppets have finally responded to these treasonous charges, at a press conference — Miss Piggy even did a SMACKDOWN on the Fox News idiots. […]