Tag Archives: liberals

  America saw him first

Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best

And that's how America was made!
Here is some interesting news, as we U.S. Americans begin our annual weekend of getting real drunk and shooting off fireworks, due to something we read in a history book about America but can’t quite remember. (Muskets were involved.) Did you know that, according to 53% of Americans, our country has a “special relationship” with God? Take THAT, 195 other countries in the world, you all are just acquaintances with God, whereas He is taking US to the prom, and is going to ask us to gay marry Him any day now, WE JUST KNOW IT: Read more on Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best…
  Are you doing politics wrong? Maybe!

Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!

Learning is fun!
Here is some science for us to play with, from Verdant Labs, which did science research data analysis collection math stuff, and also has an app to tell you how you should name your baby, which is useful if you have never heard any names before, we guess? Read more on Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Conservatives Aren’t Happier Than Liberals After All, But They Are Liars. It’s Science!

Typical conservative
We all know what the studies say, right? Conservatives get dumber every time they watch Fox News. Liberals get unhappier every time they roll out of bed in their mom’s basement and smoke a bowl for brunch. If conservatives would stop praying for whores outside abortion clinics, they might know some things that are actually true. And if liberals would embrace Ronald Reagan as their personal lord and savior, they’d be all smiley faces and happy dancing. But oh! What is this? It’s another study, and it does not bode well for our conservative “friends,” bless their sad shriveled hearts: Read more on Conservatives Aren’t Happier Than Liberals After All, But They Are Liars. It’s Science!…
  Wonkette heals the sick

Wonkette Commenters Teach Obamacare-Hating Sheriff A Lesson By Paying His Medical Bills

Except this time it is Wonkette being Jesus!
Wonkette is a force for good in the world, it has been proven! On Friday, we had the story of former Arizona sheriff guy Richard Mack, a wingnut Oath Keeper, who has also been a very public opponent of the tyrannical reach-around that is Obamacare. Mack and his wife do not have health insurance, because FREEDOM, but sadly both have suffered major health setbacks in the past several months, which has led them to experience the uniquely American wonders of getting driven into the poor house, due to ain’t got no health insurance. Read more on Wonkette Commenters Teach Obamacare-Hating Sheriff A Lesson By Paying His Medical Bills…
  Did You Ever Notice Liberals Are Stupid? What's Up With That?

Ladies, Sean Hannity Can See Into Your Baby Caves

Suck it, Jon Stewart. Now THIS is comedy.
It turns out that CPAC 2015 was pretty much a Cavalcade of Conservative Comedy. In addition to the sly wit of Rick Santorum’s Birther joke, Sean Hannity did this hilarious routine about how Barack Obama keeps blaming Bush for everything! Talk about a fresh idea! Except it sort of went all cattywampus at the end: Read more on Ladies, Sean Hannity Can See Into Your Baby Caves…
  Enjoy your sexytime while you still can

Wannabe Missouri Gov Lady Wishes Liberals Would Stop Porning The Children

She seems nice
Lucky you, Missouri. If you play your voting cards just right, your new governor in 2016 will be this real nice lady, Catherine Hanaway. She has some neat thoughts on sex and liberals and ladies, and sorry, Missouri, but if you elect her, you will probably never have sexytime fun again because she is REALLY against that: Read more on Wannabe Missouri Gov Lady Wishes Liberals Would Stop Porning The Children…
  Don't believe the lies -- or the snow

Rush Limbaugh: Big Government Nanny State Controlling You Through Weather Warnings

His weather is just fine, thanks
While conservatives usually love a good snowstorm because it proves global warming is a hoax and Al Gore is fat, truth-seeking climatologist Rush Limbaugh is too smart to buy into the lies of such lefty media outlets as AccuWeather and the National Weather Service. He’s heard about this so-called Worst Snow Storm Ever, but he’s got a brilliant question about that, which you know is brilliant because he says his own self that “it is a brilliant question.” Are you ready for some brilliance? Brace yourselves: “How in the hell can a snow storm that hasn’t happened be historic?” Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Big Government Nanny State Controlling You Through Weather Warnings…
  The Democratic Wing Of The Democratic Party Is Back

Democrats Trying To Tax Wall Street, Sounding Suspiciously Like Actual Democrats

But why would they work if they can't buy that second Maybach for weekends?
Looks like it’s time for another of those post-election reinvention crazes that political parties are so big on. A bunch of top Democrats, perhaps noticing the rave reviews that Elizabeth Warren has been getting from The Base — that’s why they made her Queen of the Democrats — are mulling over the possibility of rebranding the party with a more overt We Luv Middle Class And Wall Street Sux message. Tell us more, WaPo’s Lori Montgomery and Paul Kane: Read more on Democrats Trying To Tax Wall Street, Sounding Suspiciously Like Actual Democrats…
  soul searching

Stop Wasting Money And Let Conservative Dems Just Go Extinct

With votes.
On Monday, beltway bullshit scorecard POLITICO reported that nominal Democratic senators like Joe Manchin, Claire McCaskill, and Heidi Heitkamp appear eager to help the new Republican majority advance legislation. Manchin even called the idea of not working with Republicans to promote their agenda “bullshit.” They probably think that burnishing their “moderate centrist” credentials in this way will help them keep their jobs when they face the voters in 2018. They are wrong. Read more on Stop Wasting Money And Let Conservative Dems Just Go Extinct…
  #MadAboutAThing

Dear Liberals: Kindly STFU About Ruth Bader Ginsburg Resigning, With A Topping Of STFU Sauce

It is an indisputable FACT, like gravity and global warming and how birth control is not abortion, that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, aka Notorious R.B.G., is THE BEST. She has spent her whole life law-fighting for the super-radical feminazi legal theory that women are people, and when her male colleagues disagree with her because they are men and they think there is some legitimate question as to whether women are in fact people, she will get right up in their faces and scream from the bench (in a civilized tone, of course), “Nuh-uh, fuck you, I DISSENT, women ARE people,” but nicer than that, of course, because she is A Lady, even though you totally know that’s what she’s thinking. She is a gen-u-ine hero, all-around badass, ass-kicker of cancer (TWICE!), judicial fashionista, and hero. (Yes, I said hero twice. Because she’s THAT good.) Read more on Dear Liberals: Kindly STFU About Ruth Bader Ginsburg Resigning, With A Topping Of STFU Sauce…
  reasoned debate

Joe The Plumber Is Human Garbage, Again

Leading conservative intellectual Joe the Failed Politician Not-Plumber has decided that he has not spewed forth enough frothing filth to remind us all of what a horrible shitpile he is. First, he told the parents of dead kids in Isla Vista to STFU and quit whining about their tragedy because he is a classy fellow. But that was just the tip (heh heh) of the iceberg of stupidity that is Samuel Wurzelbacher: “Guns are mostly for hunting down politicians who would actively seek to take your freedoms and liberty away from you,” Wurzelbacher wrote on Thursday in a blog post on his website. Hahaha, that probably gave Gabby Giffords a good chuckle!  Read more on Joe The Plumber Is Human Garbage, Again…
  something nasty in the woodshed

Wingnut Matt Barber Simply Does Not Care For Young Conservatives’ Libertine Bathhouse CPAC Orgy

Poor Matt Barber. He went to the Conservative Political Action Conference hoping to find like-minded moral scolds, but discovered that once the speeches are done for the day, the events at the Gaylord National Hotel are not all-night prayer meetings, but instead the sort of drunken revels you’d expect from dirty liberals. From the atrium-facing balcony of his 12th-floor room, he hears the parties, the nassty parties and the noise of all the Who’s-Whos in Conservative Whoville: A chorus has begun. What is this? Have party-goers launched an impromptu rendering of “America the Beautiful”? No, this is a chant, joined by scores – a hundred or more perhaps – of young conservative bacchanalians on multiple suite balconies and from the open air bar below. What is that they’re chanting? Is that, “Amer-i-ca! Amer-i-ca!”? At first, it’s hard to tell. It’s a booming echo that reverberates throughout the entire hotel. And then it becomes clear. Alas, our next generation of conservative leaders are not chanting, “Amer-i-ca! Amer-i-ca!” They are, instead, chanting, “F**k O-bama! F**k O-bama!” And I hang my head. Oh, Matt, you poor thing. Somehow, you have managed to not notice that young people in large groups, away from home, often become boorish drunks, regardless of ideology? Barber’s CPAC-inspired cri de butthurt really is a thing of beauty, reeking of disappointment and self-righteous rage. It’s like the time Lisa Simpson won an essay contest and discovered that Washington was a cesspool on the Potomac. Read more on Wingnut Matt Barber Simply Does Not Care For Young Conservatives’ Libertine Bathhouse CPAC Orgy…
  new sheriff in town

New Pope Probably Getting Ready To Announce Vatican III, Mandatory Gay Marriages

Man, we are pretty jealous of the person who got to write the headline for the AP article on the big Pope Francis and His Cardinals Jamboree this week, because they somehow slipped “Pope Opens Big Week With Sex, Divorce On Agenda” past their editors. Believe the hype of the headline, though, because our current fave pope, New Pope, is taking on the many many third rails of the Catholic Church, most of which involve whom you have sex with and when. Meetings this week between Pope Francis and his cardinals will deal with some of the thorniest issues facing the church, including the rejection by most Catholics of some of its core teaching on premarital sex, contraception, gays and divorce. German Cardinal Walter Kasper, who has called for “changes and openings” in the church’s treatment of divorced and remarried Catholics, will give the keynote speech Thursday to the pope and cardinals attending a preparatory meeting for an October summit on family issues. Read more on New Pope Probably Getting Ready To Announce Vatican III, Mandatory Gay Marriages…
  violent love (of freedumb)

Ted Nugent Is Very Concerned About All This Rape. Of the Constitution. By Libruls.

Constitutional scholar, NRA board member, and serial fact assaulter Ted Nugent, miraculously still neither dead nor in jail, would just like America to know that we do not need to fear easy access to guns by ordinary Americans like Adam Lanza (no prior convictions) or James Holmes (no priors) or Jared Loughner (possession of drug paraphernalia and defacing a street sign). No, what Americans really need to fear are the “subhuman maggots” who “belong in cages,” but who Liberals constantly let out of prison alla time because liberals just love letting felons out of prison. So by focusing instead on trying to make deadly weapons just a little bit more difficult to obtain, Liberals are the real criminals who “rape our Constitution and urinate on the vision of our Founding Fathers.” Sounds like a thesis! Liberals are always the ones who want to try reasoning with the slime-drooling alien monsters in science fiction movies, after all. Read more on Ted Nugent Is Very Concerned About All This Rape. Of the Constitution. By Libruls….
  burn him

Idaho Teacher Said ‘Vagina’ During Class On Reproduction But Probably Won’t Get Fired

Sorry, good Christian Wonkers, but it looks like Idaho biology teacher Tim McDaniel, WHO SAID VAGINA DURING A CLASS ON THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM, is not going to get fired for his vagina-saying crime spree. Instead he’ll probably just be reprimanded. Can we at least get a stoning up in this bitch? Tim McDaniel is being investigated after a complaint was filed by a handful of parents who objected to how McDaniel taught the reproductive system, Dietrich Superintendent Neil Hollingshead said. “It is highly unlikely it would end with his dismissal,” Hollingshead said. “Maybe a letter of reprimand from the school board.” According to McDaniel, four parents were offended that he explained the biology of an orgasm and included the word “vagina” during his lesson on the human reproductive system in a tenth-grade biology course. Oh, but that isn’t the only evidence of the indoctrinating he is trying to shove down Idaho schoolchildren’s throats, like a common Chester the Molester. Read the other terrifying allegations, after the jump! (Please remove all children and pregnant women from the room.) Read more on Idaho Teacher Said ‘Vagina’ During Class On Reproduction But Probably Won’t Get Fired…
  good guys and bad guys with guns

Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal

We have already read about what made Los Angeles spree-killin’ cop Christopher Dorner go Django on the entire LAPD (and their families). It was LAPD racisms. So we know who (and what) he hates. But who does he love? Just about all your typical libtards, like Hillary Clinton and Larry David and Ellen Degeneres and Anderson Cooper and Joe Scarborough and Chris Christie and Jon Huntsman. What? After the jump, some extensive selections from his manifesto (this one uncensored), which we had kind of stopped reading after we got through the racisms parts, where he espouses best wishes for women in the military, Hillary (or Christie!) 2016, and burning hell for the Westboro Baptist Church and the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre, because nobody (including himself) needs the kind of fucking arsenal with which he is currently terrorizing the country’s second biggest metropolis, and where your Editrix is currently never leaving her apartment again. Read more on Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal…
  you're welcome

Nice Lady Goes On Epic 23-Minute Potty Rant Because Her Friends Didn’t Share Her Romney Posts On Facebook

The fact that shellymicAB’s Youtube rant is unembeddable is a crime against Wonkette. But for those of you who have been begging us to repeat our billion-post Tuesday schedule so as to keep schadening your Freude (unaware that we conducted Election Day, like the Iraq War, “off-budget”), well, here should be the happiest 25 minutes of your life. “Headphones up!” as the people with jobs say! [YouTube] Read more on Nice Lady Goes On Epic 23-Minute Potty Rant Because Her Friends Didn’t Share Her Romney Posts On Facebook…
  this bird you can change it turns out

Lynyrd Skynyrd Latest Victims Of Obama’s Thought Police

If there is one musical group that we know defends Real American Values, it’s Lynyrd Skynyrd. They bravely stood up for segregation and other forms of awesomeness, and while Jimmy Carter’s CIA managed to kill most of the original members in an “accidental” plane crash, a new version of the band was formed during the Reagan administration to spread the message everywhere that the South will rise again and such, often performing in front of a giant Confederate flag. But now even that is being taken away from us, because Obamabot mind-control operatives have brainwashed Lynyrd Skynyrd into a bunch of liberals who don’t want segregation and slavery restored, not even a little. Read more on Lynyrd Skynyrd Latest Victims Of Obama’s Thought Police…
  wonkette has left its couch

Your Wonkette Is At The Big Liberal Blog Conference, Taking Pictures And Such

Ugh, they spelled the name of this blog wrong again! It’s spelled “Guardian.” Anyway, your Wonkette is here at the 2012 Netroots Nation conference in little-who-cares-whatever state Rhode Island, to watch liberals “pop off” about the issues of the day. We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch and watched a movie about rape in the military, at the same time, within half an hour of arriving. Read more on Your Wonkette Is At The Big Liberal Blog Conference, Taking Pictures And Such…
  blog about blog about brett kimberlin day

The New Horrible Thing Liberals Are Responsible For: Some Bomber Dude

This special Memorial Day evening post comes courtesy of Wonkette Operative Doktor StrangeZoom. That’s right: Doktor StrangeZoom has saved Memorial Day! Just when you had finally figured out who the hell Saul Alinsky was, the right-wing blogosphere has found a brand new boogeyman to be terrified of: Brett Kimberlin, a convicted bomber, maybe murderer, and head of a liberal organization that no one’s ever heard of, the Justice Through Music Project, which has received funding from the Tides Foundation (George Soros!) and Barbra Streisand (Yentl!). Apparently, in addition to saving the world through music and lying about having sold pot to Dan Quayle, Kimberlin’s other hobby is destroying Free Speech by suing, harassing, stalking, and maybe trying to kill right-wing bloggers, at least according to several right-wing bloggers, who decided that last Friday would be “Blog About Brett Kimberlin Day,” so that the entire right-wing blogosphere could have a collective freakout about how the Left is threatening America yet again. As part of the festivities, Glenn Beck’s Serious News Operation The Blaze contributed a sober, carefully sourced exposé titled MEET SOROS-FUNDED DOMESTIC TERRORIST BRETT KIMBERLIN WHOSE ‘JOB’ IS TERRORIZING BLOGGERS INTO SILENCE. Read more on The New Horrible Thing Liberals Are Responsible For: Some Bomber Dude…
  intoleration nation

Study: Liberals All So Intolerant, Want Everyone to Die, on Facebook

Conservatives may be the club of the gay-haters, the uterus police, and the militant Islamophobes, but you liberals, you are the club of intolerance. New study proves it! Former press secretary to Laura Bush and Investors’ Business Daily blowhard Andrew Malcolm has the proof: “Not exactly shocking news for those exposed to them for years, but the respected Pew Research Center has determined that political liberals are far less tolerant of opposing views than regular Americans.” And if you are not a regular American, you are not American at all. So how did Pew Research come to this all-too-predictable conclusion? Read more on Study: Liberals All So Intolerant, Want Everyone to Die, on Facebook…