Wonkette

Here’s Fox News reporter “Griff” Jenkins trying to infiltrate the “leftist protesters” today in Denver, right where your Wonkette is! The courageous Griffer risks his life by walking into the throngs of rebel protesters who — and this comes as a surprise to Griff — do not all love Obama. Hmm! Then, hilariously, the crowd starts shouting “Fuck Fox News!” Griff can only respond by asking them, “Do you not believe in freedom?” Instant classic. [YouTube]

There is a little bit of fine print in the Gay American Bylaws stating that donors to Republican candidates will be expelled immediately from one or both elite organizations. Thus Jonathan Crutchley, a McCain contributor and chairman of the gay pickup site Manhunt, had to resign his position on the board lest he be forcibly turned heterosexual and spend the rest of his life wearing ill-fitting shirts from LL Bean. Meanwhile, John McCain returned Crutchley’s donation in order to avoid the Gay Taint. [Towleroad/Boston Herald]

Liberals are very upset with John McCain, again, because it appears he has PLAGIARIZED the famous website Wikipedia in his speech about Georgia and Russia. John McCain is using Wikipedia! That’s all we care about and are very happy to learn that he’s discovered this completely awesome and accurate website. But as some of those rascally bloggers have discovered, McCain used such words and dates as “in,” “of,” “economic,” and “1922″ in much the same sequence that Wikipedia used them in a historical laundry list of facts! It’s like he’s writing a college history paper’s “background” section in the post-2005 era — by copy-pasting it from any damn website, because who cares. MORE »

So apparently Dana Milbank used to visit Keith Olbermann’s show every now and again, until he didn’t any more, because he called Barack Obama presumptuous. Now Milbank will be mean to Barack on CNN instead, and maybe grow a creepy Wolf Blitzer beard. We never watched this fellow on Countdown, assuming that if something were important enough, it would be brought to our attention. (Photo via FishbowlDC.) [Politico]

Reporters are a lot like common housecats: they laze around until they see some shiny thing, which they toy with for two minutes before going back to vomiting and sleeping on your clean laundry. (Bloggers are a lot like common bums, who cut straight to the vomiting and laundry-soiling.) It’s no surprise that Barack Obama, a shiny bauble if ever there was one, enjoys terrific press coverage this election cycle — the most generous and adoring coverage since John McCain ran for president in 2000. But John McCain can’t stop grumping about it, because he is a sour old bitch who feels betrayed by his former friends. MORE »

Gail Collins is not as boring as Bob Herbert, as abrasive as Maureen Dowd, as loopy as Bill Kristol, as assy as David Brooks, or as 2,000-word ranty as Frank Rich, so she doesn’t command as much attention as many of her fellow New York Times columnists. But she seems like a sensible sort with a subtler sense of humor, and today she has some very reasonable things to say about Barack Obama. Go read it, ye wounded liberals, and meet your new Barry, same as the old Barry. [New York Times]

The town of Kanab, Utah — more or less where Mitt Romney was born — has apparently caught the “Obama bug” and will liberalize its municipal swimming pool regulations by allowing bikinis for the first time in centuries. And tha-at’s not ch-ange we-ee can be-ee-lieve in. MORE »

[Hey comical idiots, we'd never take this post down!]

Yes, we get many nutty e-mails, and sometimes when we open them they link to the best websites in the world. One recent example is Country Above Self, which runs this tag line: “Celebrating Patriots and Exposing Traitors.” You can nominate and rank America’s greatest patriots (still living) and its worst liberal socialist traitors (their souls are always dead). It’s everything the Internet has always wanted. MORE »

John McCain is doing his best to romance The Hollywoods, but he has found few wealthy gay liberals willing to listen to his uplifting message of war without end. As a result, he has only been able to raise a few paltry dollars from the D list’s D list — Ben Stein, Dick Van Patten, and an assortment of other balding losers who were on a TV show once. Why is Hollywood so ageist against physically and mentally deteriorating old warmongers?

McCain is hoping that he’ll be able to snare support from disaffected southern California Clintards once Hillary drops out of the race. Of course, they’ll have to overlook the fact that he hates abortion, healthcare, peace, and other things that your mom cares about. Will McCain’s crazy plan work? Probably not, which is why he’ll waste millions of dollars and months pursuing the Hollywood vote — there’s nothing he loves more than a losing cause.

Here’s what sad old Dick Van Patten (who to his credit makes some top-notch dog food) has to say about being a McCain supporter in Hollywood: “I’m all alone … I feel isolated. Nobody agrees with me.”

Straight Talk Express stalls in Hollywood [Politico]

Karl Rove knows how to win elections, and he would like to share some top-secret election-winning techniques with Barack Obama! Or is this some reverse double Axel bizarro technique coaching guaranteed to make Obama EPIC FAIL come November? Review Karl Rove’s 7 Steps to Electoral Success and decide for yourself! MORE »