Oh jeez we will have to rewrite this lede to cover the (allegedly!) drunken Democrats who will all be arrested in Hollywood every night until Jesus’ birthday and the New Year are safely behind us: “It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs Hollywood are is going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople elitist Democrats and their drunken wives and rent boys adult children wreak havoc on the icy semen-slick suburban gentrified urban streets.” MORE »

Jesus Christ it’s multiplying! MORE »

How do we know for sure that the secret third half of the Lucianne/Jonah Goldberg conspiracy is not actually K-Lo? Because Joshua actually wrote to Wonkette on Friday night, when we all know perfectly well that Fridays are Jonah and K-Lo’s “Moral Netflix & Fish Sticks Night.” MORE »

Here is your daily White House Healthcare Messaging Update! Having failed at the whole “talk to insured voters about what’s in it for them” approach, various strategists and advisors are now telling the Obama administration to talk about “morals” instead. Good luck with that! MORE »

Ugh SO CONFUSING. So are these healthcare-focused town hall meetings across the nation 1) being constantly disrupted by belligerent, gun-toting angry nutballs or 2) the site of reasoned and civil discussion among people who, for the most part, are acting like grownups? MORE »

Media Matters is, according to Lou Dobbs, “some kind of Mexican space alien, from Mexicans.” But the liberal organization best known for sending out emails about how Fox News isn’t liberal has finally done something kind of funny, by purchasing commercial time on orange-headed blubbermouth Lou Dobbs’ afternoon comedy hour, White Supremacy For Angry Dummies. MORE »

Your Wonkette Intern spent a delightful afternoon this past Tuesday with famed Obama apostle Howard Dean, who preached the Health Care gospel and even cured leprosy with his gentle touch. The sermon was hosted by none other than Kremlin subsidiary Campus Progress — surprise, surprise! MORE »

• WHAT IF SHE LEGISLATES FROM THE BENCH AGAINST AVERAGE EVERYDAY WHITE GUYS, SUCH AS U.S. SENATORS? Lindsay Graham, for serious? We already know he has told Sonia Sotomayor, QUITE FRANKLY, that he has hated her passionately since the dawn of time. But here is another nice detail, from the senator, about why he despises her so much: “he indicated that her past statements raise concerns that, as a Supreme Court justice, she may not treat white males fairly. ‘Being an average, everyday white guy, that doesn’t exactly make me feel good,’ Graham said.” [Roll Call]

Her whole life she’d wondered. How could she, a lively and high-spirited young woman, possibly be the child of a deeply depressed and profoundly lifeless pill addict like her so-called mother? She thought she might have the answer now … MORE »

VAMPIRES ARE A LIBERAL TERRORIST SEX PLOT: Bram Stoker never imagined that his story of a seductive count who necks with young virgins at night might be interpreted as something sexual, but now that dirty-minded liberals have gotten their paws on the vampire story, the terrorists have won. “I’m all for multiculturalism, but this is too much. As Freud is supposed to have said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Likewise, sometimes the Other isn’t a cool countercultural rebel who puts a thrill up your leg, he is a monster who wants to suck your blood or, if he is technologically savvy and has a religious ax to grind, blow up your kids’ school bus.” Dracula: the Western world’s first Islamic jihadist. Discuss. [National Review Online]

That Michael Steele, he really is modernizing the Republican Party! You ladies want an abortion? That’s “hip hop” with him! Gays? Hey, not their fault! Rush Limbaugh? Well he’s an ugly clown, but of course Mike is sorry for saying the truth, whoops! Websites? Let’s make them functional! In other words Michael Steele is another Maryland liberal, just as wishy-washy as any Eastern Seaboard cocktail-party Democrat. Some Republicans seem to be very unhappy about him, on the Internet. They’re even throwing out Woody Allen references! MORE »