Wonkette

John McCain would very much appreciate it if Democrats quit calling him “confused” and saying he has “lost his bearings.” These are despicable code words used by silver-tongued political operatives who want to make UNFAIR IMPLICATIONS about John McCain. But what are they trying to imply, exactly? MORE »

The worst part about this collection of McCain lies and screwups and mostly lies is that they’re all from the past two years or so — and most are from this campaign. Imagine what’s going to happen when people start digging up quotes and clips from the other seven decades of his famous life. [YouTube]

This saucy minx is Becky Miller, the mayor of Carrollton, Texas, a Dallas suburb with 116,000 wonderful inhabitants. According to herself, she has dated and sung with all sorts of popular musicians from the 1970s, and her brother once died in Vietnam. But perhaps her crowning achievement is that she made all of this stuff up. MORE »

Take that, Obama. You probably didn’t even know you were black yet when Hillary was throwing Rosa Parks under a bus. (PS — Sorry about the Depends commercial before this clip.)

EARLIER: Did Hillary Clinton Really ‘Shake Hands’ With MLK When She Was 14?

Hillary Clinton just gave a speech exploiting the assassination of MLK somberly remembering the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr., and she added a (new to us) detail: Hillary claims she saw the Reverend King speak and even shook his hand, when she was 14 years old. Wonkette operatives “Gary & Marilyn” ask, “Doesn’t her attendance at such an event sound unlikely for a Goldwater Girl? I can’t find my copy of her autobiography, think that would have been a memorable event she would have written about at the time … so I’m putting this in your capable fact-checkers’ hands.” MORE »

This thrilling Hillary-In-Bosnia video is apparently from the same people who make the “Obama Girl” videos, and now we love them because this is awesome. But we don’t see Sinbad anywhere, so it must be a fake. [YouTube]

The liberal communist League of Conservation Voters yesterday gave special-interest lackey John McCain the worst environmental record rating in the entire Congress. This is not surprising. Despite his early support for global warming (fixing it, that is), John McCain is the biggest corporate sell-out since New York City in the Giuliani years. When WALNUTS! isn’t getting his old man dentures flossed by a GE executive vice president, or cheating on his wife with any number of sexy lobbyist whores, he is finding innocent mango trees and chopping them down for bloodsport, while killing Marxist pandas. Then again, he was tortured in the war!! [The Trail]

Everybody knows that when Jesus Christ returns to Missouri to begin His thousand-year reign on Earth — Oh, what’s that? You didn’t know Jesus is returning to Missouri? Well, there’s probably a lot you don’t know about the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints (”The Mormons!”). All religions are filled with strange and crazy things, and Mormonism is no exception. One of the main parts of the faith is that Jesus will return to Earth, but in Missouri — the location of the Garden of Eden, and the site where Jesus will build the New Jerusalem called City Zion, after he gets back. MORE »

We very much appreciate Dan Froomkin paying attention to Bush speeches so we don’t have to. In explaining why he doesn’t care if American troops all die of old age in Iraq, Bush said this to his seven remaining supporters yesterday:

“I talk to a lot of families who have got a loved one in Iraq or Afghanistan, or anywhere else in this global war on terror, and they are in constant communication with their loved one. That’s amazing, isn’t it. You’ve got a kid in Iraq who is emailing mom daily, talking about the realities of what he or she sees. Information is moving — you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it’s also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets.”

Extra not-funny part: This is the same “commander guy” whose Army just “ordered soldiers to stop posting to blogs or sending personal e-mail messages, without first clearing the content with a superior officer.” MORE »

While Alberto Gonzales lisped and lied to the Senate last week, a brave former Marine kept track of each “I don’t recall” that Gonzo squeaked out. And a fallen nation swooned.

Who was that dude with the USMC ink? He’s Marine Corps Sgt. Adam Charles Kokesh, and he came over to Wonkette to tell his story! Let’s catch up with America’s favorite Marine since that guy who smoked the cigarette in that one picture, after the jump.

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