Tag: leviticus

that's the devil in your pants

Let’s Have Dumb Old Kirk Cameron Tell Us How To Romance Our Christian Wives

Let's get one thing out of the way: Kirk Cameron is cute. This is why it such a screaming shame he fell in with the wrong crowd and became a creationist dickweasel fundamentalist Christian. And he dragged his dumb...

Jewishes Not Interested In Your Bathroom Junk, Don’t Care If That Makes Jesus Cry

While we have been made aware that this here is a Christian nation, it says so right in the Bible, and therefore all our laws ought to follow what Jesus said about transhomosexbians, in Leviticus, behold some heathen rebels...
Nope, that is not what martyrs look like. Martyrs have swords or something, we think.

Loser Kentucky Clerk’s 15 Minutes Of Martyrdom Just About Up

At the end of the day Monday, the Supreme Court signed execution papers issued a zero-sentence ruling, denying Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis's emergency appeal to PLEASE, don't make her do marriage licenses for gays. Justice Elena Kagan could...

BREAKING: Televangelist Scamster Pat Robertson Has Never Actually Read The Bible

Gather round, kidlets, time for another edition of What Do The Voices Say In Crazy Uncle Pat's Brain Parts? On a recent episode of Pat Robertson's Jesus Hour, a viewer named "Viewer" -- no, seriously, they didn't even bother to...
My name is Kim and I'm a total dick, how may be of no help to you today?

Dumb Kentucky Clerk Sues For Religious Freedom To Suck At Her Job

Over the last month or so, most holdout county clerks have at least begun to acquiesce to the idea that yes, there gays in America and yes, those gays can get married now (to each other!), and if you...
'Every frame of this movie looks like somebody's last known photo' -- MST3K, Manos, The Hands of Fate

Godly Grifter Jim Bakker Says Iran Deal Means End Times, Please Send Money

We learn all sorts of fascinating things working here at Yr Wonkette, and here is one of them: Jim Bakker, the disgraced '80s televangelist who served time for doing big-time financial fraud for Jesus, is actually still on teevee...
Let us tell you our sex fantasies.

How Not To Counsel Your Daughters When They’ve Been Molested By Josh Duggar

It's okay to feel sorry for Josh Duggar -- we as liberals know teenage boys' brains haven't finished developing yet, which is why we don't like sending them to the electric chair. Liberals also know we are molded by...
Leviticus warns about this

Sundays With The Christianists: Mark Twain Was Really Unfair To Slavery In ‘Huckleberry Finn’

We'll give Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling maven Kevin Swanson some credit: the guy has Big Ideas, and in his ebook Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, he's not afraid to make bold claims. His goal, after...

What If Fundamentalist Christians Cared About Other Things God Hates?

Like most of you, I do find fundamentalist Christians amusing, like clowns. Such merry puppets, spinning around and around!  Sometimes, however, it seems like they've gone into reruns: it's all gays, gays, gays, and fetuses, fetuses, fetuses all the...

Tennessee Church Harshes Nice Time, Shuns Mom For Holding Gay Daughter’s Hand

Wouldn't you know it -- a Tennessee church has gone and thrown a big steaming pile of Godnastiness all over our nice-time story from a couple weeks back. As you may recall, the Chattanooga suburb of Collegedale became the...

Hero Minnesotans Protest General Mills For Hating Straight Marriage, Call For Death To Gays

These nice protesters went to Betty Crocker Drive in Golden Valley, Minnesota, to throw all their Wheaties and Cheerios and Bisquick and Gogurt and Hamburger Helper and Pillsbury Crescent Rolls and Gold Medal flour and La Saltena spaghetti right...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: You’ve Come A Lilongwe, Malawi!

Malawi has come a Lilongwe in a short time. Last month, longtime autocrat Bingu wa Mutharika died at the ripe age of 78, leaving, gasp, a vacuum of leadership! Enter Joyce Banda. She'd been deposed from Mutharika's government, yet...