Tag: levi johnston

Ted Cruz Wins Paternity Test For Heart Of Bristol Palin’s Second Deadbeat Baby Daddy

While the maggot-infested trash heap that is the Palin family is drunk-brawlin' for Trump, there's one almost-member of the clan who's got a taste for Canadian bacon: Today, the Cruz for President campaign announced the endorsement of Medal of Honor recipient and...
But anybody can make one of these

Bristol’s Baby Daddy Sticked It In Her, He Can Have Palin Cash Now?

We are shocked -- shocked! -- to learn that Bristol Palin's second immaculate inseminator was not God after all. Alas, it was just that dude Dakota Meyer she was abstinently shacking up in sin with, but was totally going to marry, until...

Bristol Palin Must Apologize For Mass Shootings

Unhyphenated fuckhole Gov. Bobby Jindal ranted on his blog Tuesday about who is really at fault for America's epidemic of mass shootings. We were so inspired by his profile in courage and leadership that we decided to consider whom...
They're laughing with me, right Mama?

Looks Like God Knocked Up Bristol Palin Again

Oh my stars, it seems America's most virginal born-again virgin is with child. Again: I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant. Honestly, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my chin up on this...
Bristol is definitely not pregnant in this picture

Bristol Palin Living In Sin For Third Or Eighteenth Time, For Abstinence

We had nothing but Molotovs when we heard Bristol Palin had betrothed herself to Medal of Honor soldierman Dakota Meyer. We love love! And my God, after watching (parts of) her truly fucking terrible reality show, we genuinely wished for...

Alaska District Court Undermines The Sanctity Of Bristol Palin’s Marriage

Another state falls to the scourge of recognizing that gay Americans are just like not-gay Americans and therefore deserve all the same rights, just like regular Americans, because they are regular Americans. This time, the honor goes to up there...

Sarah Palin Tells Someone Who Is Not Sarah Palin To Get A Clue, Plus Like Three Other Things Jesus She Will Not Shut Up

Unfortunately your browser does not support IFrames. Sarah Palin -- Levi Johnston is a 'DEADBEAT DAD!' - Watch More Celebrity Videos or Subscribe Sweet Jesus there are actually like four separate Sarah Palin items in...

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Oops, We Mentioned Bristol Palin Again!

We don't know what it is about Bristol Palin, but that girl has got herself some fans. Or one fan who won't stop writing to us. Our short piece yesterday about the child custody lawsuit filed by Manly Alaskan...

Levi Johnston Has Filed A New Custody Suit Against Bristol Palin, Media Attention Will Likely Be Pretty Low Key

Snowbilly sperm donor Levi Johnston, that paragon of Alaskan manhood, filed a civil custody suit in Alaska against Bristol Palin on October 19. The Alaska judicial website doesn't provide any details (dumb privacy laws), but presumably the suit will...

Levi Johnston Broke After Squandering Playgirl Pay On Boats And Guns And Stuff

It's been a fun few years, but now Levi Johnston, once and future sperm gifter extraordinaire, has joined every other 22-year-old in America and become broke and a tenant in his mother's home. According to a report in US...

Which Randomly Generated Nouns Will Levi Johnston Name His Baby?

Dunno if yall done heard it, Levi Johnston forgot to wrap his pecker 'gain and done made another baby! But which randomly paired nouns will he and his sweetheart, Sunny Oglesby -- of whom he has not yet made...

Bristol Palin Absolutely Not Sexing Anyone, Says Bristol Palin

Bristol Palin is setting the record straight about 'putting a ring on it' vs 'trial marriage' (getting dick). Despite her past struggles of tagging hockey players, having a child out of wedlock and pretending to be a Christian, Bristol...

Bristol Palin On Levi Johnston Baby News: ‘I Said No Way, Shut Up!’

HELLO. Have you heard all the important news that has been going on all week, like Barack Obama personally murdering Ann Romney with his mommyblog, and some guy acting like he is a big Mr. Hero? WELL THERE IS...

Idiocracy Posterboy Levi Johnston Will Out-Procreate Us All

What's Levi Johnston's superhuman jizz got that chicks crave? It's got electrolytes. The 21-year-old log of freshly pressed processed meats is now working on baby number at-least-two with his girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby, who is 20 but a teacher? Did...

Sarah Palin Refused To Be Called ‘Grandma’ After Grandson’s Birth

Is there anything left to add to the dumb saga of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston's eternal(ly profitable) turf war over the banal story of things going in and out of Bristol Palin's uterus? NO,  except for ONE HILARIOUS/DUMB...

Naked Levi Johnston’s Sister Now Also Naked And Yelling At Bristol Palin

What are the bitter, unemployed naked young people in Wasilla doing these days between meth come downs? Still aborting America's collective remaining brain cells one by one with the gale-force toxic winds of their regularly scheduled rants rehashing the...