Tag Archives: levi johnston

  how the fuck is babby formed again?

Looks Like God Knocked Up Bristol Palin Again

They're laughing with me, right Mama?
Oh my stars, it seems America’s most virginal born-again virgin is with child. Again: I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant. Honestly, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my chin up on this one. Read more on Looks Like God Knocked Up Bristol Palin Again…
  my god my god why hast thou forsaken me

Bristol Palin Living In Sin For Third Or Eighteenth Time, For Abstinence

Bristol is definitely not pregnant in this picture
We had nothing but Molotovs when we heard Bristol Palin had betrothed herself to Medal of Honor soldierman Dakota Meyer. We love love! And my God, after watching (parts of) her truly fucking terrible reality show, we genuinely wished for Bristol a relationship with a man (or special lady!) who wasn’t a dumb fucking idiot. Read more on Bristol Palin Living In Sin For Third Or Eighteenth Time, For Abstinence…
  another one bites the dust

Alaska District Court Undermines The Sanctity Of Bristol Palin’s Marriage

Image via Celebrities in Disgrace Another state falls to the scourge of recognizing that gay Americans are just like not-gay Americans and therefore deserve all the same rights, just like regular Americans, because they are regular Americans. This time, the honor goes to up there in Alaska. Read more on Alaska District Court Undermines The Sanctity Of Bristol Palin’s Marriage…
  all the sarah palin news that's fit to ... fuck it

Sarah Palin Tells Someone Who Is Not Sarah Palin To Get A Clue, Plus Like Three Other Things Jesus She Will Not Shut Up

Unfortunately your browser does not support IFrames. Sarah Palin — Levi Johnston is a ‘DEADBEAT DAD!’ – Watch More Celebrity Videos or Subscribe Sweet Jesus there are actually like four separate Sarah Palin items in the news today, and at the rate they are piling up there will be 12 more before this even gets wrote. First! Sarah Palin called the father of her grandson a “deadbeat dad” and snarled at the TMZ reporter to “get a clue.” That does not seem like good grandparenting or in-law-ing, to raise your grandchild with the notion that his daddy is a deadbeat, even when he probly is! Also, Sarah Palin does not have a pretty voice :( Read more on Sarah Palin Tells Someone Who Is Not Sarah Palin To Get A Clue, Plus Like Three Other Things Jesus She Will Not Shut Up…
  ugly vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Oops, We Mentioned Bristol Palin Again!

We don’t know what it is about Bristol Palin, but that girl has got herself some fans. Or one fan who won’t stop writing to us. Our short piece yesterday about the child custody lawsuit filed by Manly Alaskan Sperm-Thrower Levi Johnston only drew about 70 comments, which is about right for a one-paragraph story. But it also filled our comments queue with 20 attempted comments from would-be Levi-n-Bristol defender “Lovefirst21,” whom we’ll assume is a new incarnation of “Livefree601,” who previously defended Bristol as “literally the most amazing and strongest woman out there.” Once more, she (? — perhaps we should not assume?) wants us to know that some things are simply beyond the Palin, and should never be said: Nice slander. Tripp Palin is an amazing little boy with the maturity of a kid twice his age. Way to go Bristol. Top notch! I’ve never seen a 4 yr old who is always happy and so adaptable. Yes. Tripp Palin, a child who is known to Lovefirst21 primarily through the teevee, is a wunderkind, and the only reason he’s not already in 3rd grade is that the government schools simply don’t recognize his brilliance. Why is he not yet on a ballot or a payroll somewhere? Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Oops, We Mentioned Bristol Palin Again!…
  Oh no. Not again

Levi Johnston Has Filed A New Custody Suit Against Bristol Palin, Media Attention Will Likely Be Pretty Low Key

Snowbilly sperm donor Levi Johnston, that paragon of Alaskan manhood, filed a civil custody suit in Alaska against Bristol Palin on October 19. The Alaska judicial website doesn’t provide any details (dumb privacy laws), but presumably the suit will attempt to resolve the custody issues left hanging when the former couple’s previous case was dismissed for “lack of activity” in 2012. We hope that the two estranged/very strange parents can come to a workable agreement that includes a trust fund to cover all the counseling poor Tripp is going to need. As the social workers in Family Court sometimes say, this is one of those cases where you wish there was an option for a court order to have the child raised by wolves. Read more on Levi Johnston Has Filed A New Custody Suit Against Bristol Palin, Media Attention Will Likely Be Pretty Low Key…
  aww shoot

Levi Johnston Broke After Squandering Playgirl Pay On Boats And Guns And Stuff

It’s been a fun few years, but now Levi Johnston, once and future sperm gifter extraordinaire, has joined every other 22-year-old in America and become broke and a tenant in his mother’s home. According to a report in US Weekly, Levi has already (“already”) squandered his $1 million winnings from being Mr. Playgirl Winter 2010 on guns, ATVs and other beacons of manhood. This has caused him to cease paying child support to Bristol Palin for Tripp, allegedly, but has not prevented him from naming his impending second child after a gun. But IS IT ANY WONDER a boy-man with not really that much money, in modern B-list terms, has lost it all years before he even becomes ineligible for his parents’ health insurance plan? One person, at least, is excited about this: HIS MOMMY. Read more on Levi Johnston Broke After Squandering Playgirl Pay On Boats And Guns And Stuff…
  how is babby formed?

Which Randomly Generated Nouns Will Levi Johnston Name His Baby?

Dunno if yall done heard it, Levi Johnston forgot to wrap his pecker ‘gain and done made another baby! But which randomly paired nouns will he and his sweetheart, Sunny Oglesby — of whom he has not yet made an honest woman — pluck from a spittoon and apply directly to the forehead of their precious bundle, once it falls out? A) Spittoon Geranium. B) Rake Punching Bag. C) Marlboro Coffee. D) Brawndo Electrolyte. Just kidding it is none of those, those are just things in our direct line of sight while we type nonsense on our pleasant porch right now! But that seems also to be the Johnston-Oglesbys naming practices as well, probably picked up from Todd because of how he is part Injun. Yes yes yes, you already heard the winner, thanks to the crack team at the Huffington Post, and that is Breeze Beretta. Read more on Which Randomly Generated Nouns Will Levi Johnston Name His Baby?…
  Bristol Bump

Bristol Palin Absolutely Not Sexing Anyone, Says Bristol Palin

Bristol Palin is setting the record straight about ‘putting a ring on it’ vs ‘trial marriage’ (getting dick). Despite her past struggles of tagging hockey players, having a child out of wedlock and pretending to be a Christian, Bristol is super totally not “doing it” with the hot dude your Wonkette said Bristol was totally doing it with. Bristol is a good Christian, but now she wants to show how bad it is for everyone else but her to get it without being married first. Bristol, through her years of experience, has found the only way to have sex and be ok with it is to put a shiny piece of metal on her finger and getting the ‘do it’ from Jesus. Read more on Bristol Palin Absolutely Not Sexing Anyone, Says Bristol Palin…
  how is babby formed?

Bristol Palin On Levi Johnston Baby News: ‘I Said No Way, Shut Up!’

HELLO. Have you heard all the important news that has been going on all week, like Barack Obama personally murdering Ann Romney with his mommyblog, and some guy acting like he is a big Mr. Hero? WELL THERE IS MORE! Levi Johnston is having another baby y’all (you heard that here first-ish) and estranged babymama Bristol Palin has some well-considered thoughts! “I said no way, shut up!” she is reported to have exclaimed, followed by some other stuff. But above all, Bristol’s main fear is that Tripp will be humiliated at school. “I don’t want him to go to elementary school with 10 half-siblings,” she says. “That would really affect him,” [she said, totally projecting]. She adds, “I hope that this child is raised with two parents. He needs to step up to the plate and be there,” she sighs. “I thought he had learned his lesson the first time.” Read more on Bristol Palin On Levi Johnston Baby News: ‘I Said No Way, Shut Up!’…
  you're soaking in it

Idiocracy Posterboy Levi Johnston Will Out-Procreate Us All

What’s Levi Johnston’s superhuman jizz got that chicks crave? It’s got electrolytes. The 21-year-old log of freshly pressed processed meats is now working on baby number at-least-two with his girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby, who is 20 but a teacher? Did she graduate from college at 19 because she is a supergenius, or is that “teacher”? Is she a preschool teacher? Because they could say that. There is nothing wrong with being a preschool teacher. Nope, none of those things! According to Buzzfeed’s screengrab of her no longer searchable Facebook page, she is a high school graduate who worked at “biglake elementry school.” So, lunchlady? Read more on Idiocracy Posterboy Levi Johnston Will Out-Procreate Us All…
  grandma grifter

Sarah Palin Refused To Be Called ‘Grandma’ After Grandson’s Birth

Is there anything left to add to the dumb saga of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston’s eternal(ly profitable) turf war over the banal story of things going in and out of Bristol Palin’s uterus? NO,  except for ONE HILARIOUS/DUMB THING, courtesy of the miserable AP reporter assigned to cull dirt from an advance copy of Levi Johnston’s soon-to-be-released contribution to the cesspool of literary diarrhea filling the “memoirs” book section: “Johnston says he and Sarah Palin were present for the birth [of Bristol and Levi’s son Tripp] but she said he wasn’t there in a later interview, calling it ‘shameful.’ He also says she was adamant about not being called grandma, instead wanting to be called Mommy Sarah.” Ha ha ha, Sarah Palin would rather call herself by some creepy brothel madam-style moniker instead of being called “old.” Read more on Sarah Palin Refused To Be Called ‘Grandma’ After Grandson’s Birth…
  endless grifters

Naked Levi Johnston’s Sister Now Also Naked And Yelling At Bristol Palin

What are the bitter, unemployed naked young people in Wasilla doing these days between meth come downs? Still aborting America’s collective remaining brain cells one by one with the gale-force toxic winds of their regularly scheduled rants rehashing the gross details of Bristol Palin’s achievements in unprotected sex? Yes, is your answer. Secondary Palin family media welfare beneficiary Mercede Johnston did the Johnston family thing and posed nude for the September issue of Playboy to get someone to listen to her “tell her side of the Bristol-Levi tent sex parties” that she was never involved in, again. Has Levi ever thought to himself, “it’s weird my sister is always talking about my penis?” No. Oh well, what’s the shocker this time: “Bristol Palin like totally planned her pregnancy.” Are we even still talking about 2008? Read more on Naked Levi Johnston’s Sister Now Also Naked And Yelling At Bristol Palin…
  america's crucial issues

Levi’s Sister Says Bristol Palin Was Part of Teen Sex Tent Party, With Levi

Are we still talking about the sex lives of former teenagers in Alaska during the Sexy Summer of ’08? Well then, Levi Johnston’s sister, Mercede Johnston, has a hot new blog review of Bristol’s teen vampire fiction, Not Afraid of Publicity. According to Levi’s sister, who knows all about what Bristol did that summer because duh, Levi, there are reasons to question Bristol’s heartbreaking account of being accidentally knocked up in a tent due to Levi being a sketch artist who knew the secret magical powers of Wine Coolers. This is important to American Politics, so let’s see where Mercede is going with it! Read more on Levi’s Sister Says Bristol Palin Was Part of Teen Sex Tent Party, With Levi…
  fans of the old chin

Levi Johnston Has a Humorous Book Cover

Like everything this kid does, this will end up being a boring disappointment. (EXCEPT FOR THE MIRACLE OF LIFE/REALITY SHOWS/PRO-LIFE MONEY HE [GOD] GAVE BRISTOL. THANK YOU, SPERM! EXCEPT DON’T THANK YOU, BECAUSE ABSTINENCE.) But this is slightly amusing. [Amazon] Read more on Levi Johnston Has a Humorous Book Cover…
  À la recherche de taco bell perdu

Levi Johnston Book About Palin Family Coming Soon, In Book Form

Playgirl model and father of at least one “Palin baby” Levi Johnston is about to add another accomplishment to his resume: literary sensation. Levi, who became famous for impregnating one of Sarah Palin’s children, is the author of the forthcoming Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs. C’mon, Levi, those are just surveyor’s marks! The book will have a bunch of crazy stories about Sarah eating Taco Bell and saying that thing about her baby that is a very bad thing to say, unless Sarah or Rush Limbaugh says it. We will buy this book right away! Ha ha, not really, but we will blog about it, when it’s released in the Fall. (We’re saving our Ameros for the Larry Flynt book!) Read more on Levi Johnston Book About Palin Family Coming Soon, In Book Form…