Tag Archives: letters to the editor

  Here have some news n stuff

Correction: Barack Obama Is Not In Fact The Antichrist

But it says so in the Bible!
Best newspaper correction ever or BEST EVER?Here’s the original letter. It’s quite something: Who and what is Barack Obama? Obama claims nobody can stop him or change anything he’s done. This evil must come to pass before the Lord’s return and the rise of the Antichrist, but you better know what evil you’re dealing with. Nobody is promised another minute of life upon this earth, and judgment comes at the time of your death. Read more on Correction: Barack Obama Is Not In Fact The Antichrist…
  point counterpoint

Wonkette Letters To The Editor

Today’s Wonkette Letter to the Editor comes courtesy of “Luke Pretty,” at luke0606@hotmail.com, in response to Judge Smacked Down Just For Talking Sense About Your ‘Technical’ Violent Rape: I just read your article on your incompetent Judge Derek Johnson, and I wanted you to know you should kill yourself. Or maybe die attempting unsuccessfully to prevent yourself being raped. People like you, Nancy Grace, Judge D. Johnson are the real reasons the world hates your country and backwards people like you don’t deserve the air you breath, you fucking waste of skin. Read more on Wonkette Letters To The Editor…
  kids say the darnedest things

Wise Teen Girl Proves Benefits Of Home-Schooling: Being Gay Turns You Into A Duck

Parents! Have you ever wanted to rip your kids from the dastardly public school system, but worried that your own lack of education (and terrible laziness) would turn your children into raving dolts? Well worry no more, as a website for LGBT people with mental health issues in New Zealand (there really is a home for everyone on the World Wild Web!) points us to the following letter to the editor from 14-year-old Jasmin H., who proves handily that home-schooling your children leads inexorably to wisdom, logic, and insight. Jasmin weaves together a plethora of data points in a tour de force that explains that since the Romans did homo stuff in each other’s butts, evolution proves that being gay makes you compete with ducks, if evolution were a thing which it obviously isn’t. Let us gaze upon it in wonder together, after the jump! Read more on Wise Teen Girl Proves Benefits Of Home-Schooling: Being Gay Turns You Into A Duck…
  blame canada

Why Won’t Canada Let This Michigan Man Just Cold Shoot People All The Time, For Whatever?

Walt Wawra has a problem. He went to Canada with his wife, and while they were there, two gentlemen approached them — in broad daylight! — and asked if they had been to the Stampede yet. When they did not answer, the men asked AGAIN. Why won’t Canada let Mr. Wawra shoot this clearly criminally minded pair? The fuck, CANADA? Read more on Why Won’t Canada Let This Michigan Man Just Cold Shoot People All The Time, For Whatever?…
  jack the ripper and me

Florida Congressman Allen West Pens Platonic Ideal Of Newspaper Letter-To-Editor

Florida Congressman, professional Commie-spotter, and dude who tortured a dude and is-not-sorry-about-it-no-sir Allen West will be the first to tell you (and tell you, and tell you again) that he does not do NUANCE, on a battlefield NUANCE will get an IED up your ASS. So what is the best venue for expression for a man who cannot speak or think in any way that is not rigid, ideological, robotic, and totally blasting past any inconvenient truths? A newspaper letter to the editor, of course! The time-honored route for all old cranks to marshal their thoughts into a streamlined 4,000 words written in their crabbed handwriting on both sides of the page in a six-point font. The favored medium of paranoid schizophrenics, bald racists, and people mewling on about kids these days. The perfect home for the threats and confessions of the Unabomer, the Zodiac Killer, Jack the Ripper, and Florida Rep. Allen West. Read more on Florida Congressman Allen West Pens Platonic Ideal Of Newspaper Letter-To-Editor…
  new media visionaries

Rick Scott Will Ghostwrite Your Letter To The Editor Praising Rick Scott

Currently one of the most unpopular governors in the country, Florida Gov. Rick Scott is struggling to figure out how to convince Florida voters that he is not a total loser (which will fail, because he is). Here is Rick Scott’s super-sophisticated bazillion-dollar genius public relations attack plan: he will ask his few remaining supporters to log onto his website and click the “send” button on a form email a few thousand times in order to spam the state’s newspaper editors with “letters to the editor” declaring eternal love without condoms for Rick Scott. Despite the fact that he has never read a newspaper in his life, Rick Scott is confident that he can at least Win the Op-Ed Section with all these votes.  Read more on Rick Scott Will Ghostwrite Your Letter To The Editor Praising Rick Scott…
  take it to reddit you two

Ron Paul Logo Guy: If Anything, Mitt Romney Stole Our Logo

UH OH, THE 2012 CAMPAIGN IS HEATING UP! On Tuesday, your editor made fun of Ron Paul’s new fleeing eagle logo and alleged that the campaign stole their red-white-and-blue swoosh from Mitt Romney’s campaign, who had, we found earlier, stolen his swoosh from the Aquafresh logo. But according to some 21-year-old with an Etsy named Skylar Hartman, he designed Paul’s logo months ago and presented it to the little old libertarian man in an open letter, and Ron Paul apparently replied, “Sure, I’ll take your free logo, whatever.” Ron Paul did not steal Mitt Romney’s logo; if anything, Romney took Paul’s logo from this Skylar kid. Scandal! What will the voters of New Hampshire think of THIS controversy? Will they now slightly prefer boring utter loser Ron Paul to boring utter loser Mitt Romney?!?!?!?!?! Read more on Ron Paul Logo Guy: If Anything, Mitt Romney Stole Our Logo…
  barrel fish asks to be shot again

Non-Glenn-Beck-Watchers Are Morons, Says Man Who Can’t Spell Own Name

Hey, our friend Dennis with the animated upskirt kiddy cartoon e-mail signature sent us another notice about being pinheads. “Yep, pinheads who don’t watch Glenn Beck really are progressive morons. Mr. Beck constantly tells his vast audience ‘Don’t take my word for it, look-it up for yourself. We have and found his tenets to be factual. Progressive just ‘hate’ the truth.” Is “hate” in quotation marks because he’s being sarcastic? Or is he quoting the very objective scientific research about liberals he “look-ited” up? By the way, the background of the e-mail is a pretty pink this time! And when he signs the message, Dennis spells his own name incorrectly. Read more on Non-Glenn-Beck-Watchers Are Morons, Says Man Who Can’t Spell Own Name…
  spelling bee champs

Glenn Beck Fans Don’t Understand How We Can Possibly Dislike Him

We have no idea why this Glenn Beck notice we threw up the other day has gotten so much traffic, but it has, much of it from Glenn Beck fans, apparently. Did we say something mean about Glenn Beck? That post is probably one of the nicest things this blog has ever said about the irrational chalk muncher. Still, Glenn Beck fans are always hot on the trail of a new conspiracy (because the ones they’re trained to believe never pan out?), and they have discovered your Wonkette is in on the evil conspiracy to make Glenn Beck unlikeable to viewers under the age of 90 and people who purchase television ads. Who is this Wonkette and why is she destroying the poor, defenseless little blind man they love? Read more on Glenn Beck Fans Don’t Understand How We Can Possibly Dislike Him…
  civic duties

LETTER FROM A VIRGINIA POLL WORKER: Katie the Poll Worker writes, “The reason Fairfax County is taking so long is because there are two types of voting machines. People can walk in and decide to vote with a paper ballot (read like a Scantron test from high school) or on the robot machines. Which means that even though voting ended at 7, my polling place did not finish counting votes until 9:45. … And just so you know the thing that almost kept me from volunteering for democracy was not the long hours, but the inability to access Wonkette at all — all day long. Do you have any idea how hard it is to catch up on your website when there are 45,385 live blogs?!” Katie is the best Poll Worker in America. Read more on …
  email of the day

Lies, Garbage, And ‘Enimas': New Wonkette Reader Mail

Wonkette established itself early as the publication of record for all things Sarah Palin, so it’s no surprise that random mouth-breathing yokels emerging from their basement masturbatoriums to eagerly Google “SARAH PALIN NAKED” would end up looking at this site — a weird amalgam of dirty jokes, paeans to Truck Nutz, and actual political news — and find themselves a little baffled. Read more on Lies, Garbage, And ‘Enimas': New Wonkette Reader Mail…
 

What You Need To Know About The Next Few Weeks

If you turn on the Internet and visit any of its websites, you’ll find some guy or gal’s analysis of the Pennsylvania primary results and the future of the election. While there only may be one or two ways to assess the question of “Does an ongoing primary hurt or help the Democrats?”, the Internet’s “Rule of 10 Million” means that there are somehow 10 or 20 million ways to assess it. We’d like to chip into the pot with three of our own, from readers. Read more on What You Need To Know About The Next Few Weeks…