Wonkette’s Recovery.info troll “Daniel” informs us of this delightful section on the Obama Moneypage in which you can view scanned .PDFs of the various governors’ letters of certification of stimulus package funds (a.k.a the paper they sign to get their DOUGH.) Most of the states that have already signed their certifications are ruled by liberal Democrats who write simple, professional letters quoting the section of the legislation that requires their signing-off. Texas’ Rick Perry, on the other hand, writes a whiny bitch thing, because why is he even taking this money that he doesn’t want? MORE »

If there’s one thing the Clintons have absolutely zero compunctions about, it’s raising money to fund their Presidential porn collections, nefarious parking-lot murder plots, and cynical seduction of “hard-working white Americans.” So it’s kind of amazing that Hillary Clinton isn’t just sending out her own goddamn fundraising letters and leaving our precious Barry and Joe out of her shameful shillery, but there you have it: Vice President-elect Joe Biden is issuing a fundraising appeal for the Secretary of State-to-be, who needs dollars to pay off the “hard-working individuals and small businesses” (read: Mark Penn and the Bilderberg Group) who helped her tour Florida and Michigan shouting about DISENFRANCHISEMENT long after she’d lost any realistic hope of winning the Democratic nomination. MORE »

Here is a heartwarming story: a little boy- or girl-child writes to Barack Obama to say, “Hey man whatsup I want U 2 B purznit” (that is how children write today, in America). And Barack Obama, a man with infinite time and letter-writing resources, pens a unique personal response to each and every one of these precious children and signs it with a nice blue pen! Barack Obama is a magical patron of youngsters — like Santa, only real! Except that he is a fraud. MORE »

It’s time for more fun emails from the Special People! And who do special people love? Ron Paul! And which “non-patriotic” Wonkette post are they even upset about, this time around? Nobody knows! MORE »

Yesterday Arlen Specter told everyone that he wouldn’t comment on Alberto Gonzales until Tuesday afternoon, when the White House would send him a very special letter explaining that Gonzo didn’t lie about anything. Specter gave the White House until noon to deliver this letter, which would be full of fun surprises and he’d release it to the media for all of us to enjoy. It’s a little after three now, and the funny thing is, there’s no letter!

According to Leahy’s office, the letter hasn’t arrived yet. No one knows yet if this is because the administration is refusing to comply or because they’re just really backed up right now and they’ll get to it later. Probably the first one, though.

Specter hasn’t said what he’s going to do about this yet, but if past performance is any indication, he’ll kinda bitch about it and then he’ll roll right over.

We’ve taken the liberty of writing our own letter, so Arlen doesn’t feel so bad about being ignored.

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In ten minutes or so, we’re going to get a magical letter from the White House that will explain that Gonzales didn’t lie at all about anything and then we can all quit worrying about it and go about our business. [The Hill]

Hillary Rodham is a steely-eyed robot candidate, sure, but she was once a narcissistic Wellesley student — exactly like every other obnoxious Wellesley student ever — writing terrible letters in a pseudo-Salingerian voice to a high school friend. And that friend let the New York Times copy those letters for us to cringe and laugh at! Young Hillary Rodham hated her roommates and her stupid dad and hippies and the bourgeois and the establishment and war and boys, and she loved herself, in that ostensibly self-critical way that liberal arts students tend to love themselves. MORE »

In the first reported case ever of John Negroponte being vaguely (if inadvertently) involved in something that could, in the long run, maybe be vaguely good for democracy, a letter from him presents yet more proof that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is a liar. MORE »

Let’s all LOL at Fred Thompson’s filthy 1995 letter to Bill Clinton. Then let’s all marvel at how far the Republican party has come that a promiscuous Clinton-lover is now their undeclared frontrunner for the presidential nomination. Thanks, W.! You really “put the wood” to your party, huh!

The Fred Thompson Letters [NYM]

“Issuing a stunning rocket” (that is Kate Phillips’ phrase — we have no clue what it means but we like it and may begin all of today’s posts with it), the Pentagon told Hillary Clinton that they were going to sent her to Gitmo if she keeps kinda-sorta planning a withdrawal from Iraq. No, seriously. Her half-assed non-plan is considered “enemy propaganda” and the Pentagon is totally serious about fighting the War on Mild Criticism. MORE »

The Smoking Gun has 30 pages of Scooter Libby mash notes from various Washington bigwigs, from Henry Kissinger to Peter Pace. It’s also something of a rogues gallery of shamed former Bushies who’ve seen better days (Rummy! Feith! Wolfowitz!). Perhaps oddly, there’s no message of support from Dick Cheney. We figured he’d be a shitty boss, but he won’t even write a recommendation? MORE »